Horror Movie Night

There’s a Friday the 13th in December, so grab your Santa hat and hockey mask because we’re celebrating the holiday with one of the few remaining films from the franchise that hasn’t been covered yet, the 1984 classic FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER! Spoiler alert, it was not the actual final chapter, nor does it occur on a Friday - this is actually Sunday the 15th but really who’s counting? Time for some gratuitous “teen” nudity, Crispin Glover dancing, and some sweet, sweet Savini gore. Who’s ready to go skinny dipping in Crystal Lake?

December is an month chock FULL of kindertrauma, so what better way to kick it off than get lost in the fever dream Disney classic THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS (1980)? The trailer seemed to pop up on every 80s-era live action Disney VHS and scarred an entire generation of kids who are now all grown up and doing podcasts… Plus it’s got Bette Davis in it! Kyle even went the extra mile and got the original sci-fi ending over to Matt and Scott so they could also enjoy how wild this film’s first cut was before the studio wimped out. Name a stray dog after a missing girl’s name backwards, it’s Horror Movie Night!

Imagine a new take on Frankenstein’s Monster, but instead of it being a human… it’s a dog. And instead of it being horror, it’s almost pure comedy. Congrats, you’ve successfully pitched MAN’S BEST FRIEND (1993) to a cigar-smoking movie exec hopped up on enough nose candy to greenlight it! This is a very strange movie, and could only have been created in that golden age of horror between the end of second-wave slashers in the early 90s before SCREAM revitalized the genre. They were really scraping for ideas, so a Cujo-meets-Robocop was just the ticket apparently. That said, this movie is an absolute blast… as long as you’ve got your rabies shot.

Why Full Moon didn’t do a compilation called Short Movies For Short Monsters, we may never know, but if Chucky Band wants to get in on that IP, he has our number. And if he does come to his senses, we just know he’ll kick off his comp with 1993’s DOLLMAN VS. DEMONIC TOYS. Coming in at a diminutive 64 minute runtime, with at least half of the scenes pulled from DOLLMAN (1991), DEMONIC TOYS (1992) and BAD CHANNELS (1992), this is barely a feature film, but at least it doesn’t overstay its welcome. Get down on our level and see what a foot-high alien cop does when a foul-mouthed baby doll tries to have its way with his girlfriend (also one foot tall). It’s all very confusing.

When it comes to deciding on titles, no killer yeti movie has ever gone quite as hard as 1974’s SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED. Come on, that’s bad ass, though the badassery more or less starts and ends at the title, leaving little imagination left for the actual movie it precedes. What follows is a lot of bad acting, a little bit of plot involving college students tracking down a yeti with their professor, and a final scene with more outdated racial stereotypes than you’ve seen all year (hopefully). This one is pure 70s schlock with a surprisingly famous song about popcorn tossed in for good measure. What else would you expect from us at this point?