NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT JOY FROM YOU.
There’s a song that says, “If you receive and you believe, testify.” I don’t really like to talk about myself, but I think it’s important to do so when we go through certain things in life and experience certain things, and whenever God’s presence is in someone’s life, it’s encouraging to share with others.
My name is Nives, and I grew up in Croatia. I was born in Yugoslavia, and I was a child from a mixed marriage between a Croatian and a Serb. This didn’t really matter when we had Yugoslavia, but when the civil war in Croatia started in 1991, that seemed to be all that mattered. On top of being from a mixed marriage, I had the last name of a Serbian president so I couldn’t hide. I belonged nowhere on either side. I’m from a town that had a lot of military presence and my town was a border town. Those were the unlucky ones in the war because for four years, there was always some kind of a fighting and shooting and bombing until the war ended in 1995.
The first year was the worst. I never knew when it was going to happen. I could be playing tennis and suddenly there’s an alarm. I’m running home and there are bombs flying, falling down, and planes are above my head. And I’d think, “All right, I’m almost home, maybe I’ll make it, maybe not.” And that’s where faith comes in, when you have no influence, no power, no control. That’s when we can say, “Okay, God, come on, step in. I just can’t do this on my own. If I make it through, if I survive, just show me the way. What’s my purpose? Why am I doing this? Why am I the lucky one? What do I do with this experience? It can’t be for nothing.”
In high school, I was an okay tennis player, and I was invited to play tennis in Germany. I told my parents, “I’m 17. I want to go. I don’t want to be here in the middle of the war. I’m done with this.” I was young and didn’t know how hard it was going to be. That was the first time in my life when I really felt like I couldn’t do this. It was just too hard. I was so attached to my mom. My life goal was to get a job in the same building with her, but it just felt like a wind behind my back. Like, you’ve got to go do this, you’ve got to go do this. Have faith that it’s going to be okay. It wasn’t even so much that I was adventurous or brave. Not at all. It was just how the whole thing happened. Even how they invited me out of nowhere, even though they never saw me play. So I went to Germany, and played one year for them. Then I came home to finish high school and while I was preparing to finish and graduate, I got an offer to come to Chicago and play tennis for DePaul University. I was 18.
I had taken a little English in school, but you can’t compare that to the college level. I didn’t even know what the SAT exam was. I got a book, studied for a month, and took the exam. Now that I have kids living here in the US, I realize what a process it is and how important it is. I didn’t know then, which was a blessing at the time. I passed the exam by five points to get in. But that’s when the real work began for me. I had to play tennis every day, travel to tournaments every weekend, along with studying and going to school as well. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about what I’m capable of doing and also just the culture here. I didn’t know much about America. I did not have an American Dream.
It just happened. When I came here, it was very different from what I was used to, and it took me many years to assimilate. I was very fortunate that I was always around people who were loving and supportive, who didn’t care that my English was broken, that I spoke funny and was missing a lot of words. I was surrounded by student athletes and over time, I got better, and the professors understood and supported me.
But of course there are people who assume that if you don’t speak perfect English, that means that you are not smart because the way you speak is a reflection of your intelligence. When we went to tournaments, we were hosted by families in the towns we played in. One time, my teammate, who was also from Croatia, and I were at the dinner table with our host family. In front of us, they discussed how scholarships shouldn’t be given to international students because that takes away from the American taxpayers. I understood her point of view, but to have that discussion at the dinner table, in front of us, that was too much.
But there are all kinds of people, and you just have to not let that influence and impact you. You just do your thing and do the best you can. In Europe, we’re surrounded by so many countries and inevitably you will travel to another country. Or if you live in a tourist country like Croatia with the coast, you will be exposed to other languages, cultures, the way they talk and even behave. And in America, even though it’s a melting pot of cultures, it’s still separated and shielded from the rest of the world. For people who are born and raised in small towns, they’re not exposed to that. New things tend to feel scary for a lot of people, but they’re not. If you look at it as exciting, you never know what you’re going to find out and learn.
After college, I was planning on going back to Croatia, which was always my plan. But I ended up falling in love, getting married, and staying here. I told my family, “Sorry, guys, I’m going to be living here from now on.” So I got married. I worked for Jewel-Osco for nine years as a procurement manager in the main office. Then, I got pregnant with twins. I lost one baby at 10 weeks and the other one at 30 weeks. It was a very unusual circumstance. But the interesting thing that happened is when I was 30 weeks pregnant, I had a placenta rupture and ended up in the hospital and the baby died. I ended up getting a bad pulmonary embolism. As I laid in my hospital bed, I heard a whisper and had a whole conversation. I believe this so firmly even though my husband and the nurses said that I didn’t say a word. That whispered conversation was God’s blessing to me, proof that I’ve got to keep believing, being faithful, and trusting God.
This might sound like a crazy story, but like I said, if it happens, you have to testify. I heard a whisper say to me that this baby was not meant to be, but the one next year would be. That made me very angry. The whisper kept saying, “You don’t need to know why. That’s just how it’s going to be.”
But the next year, I had a baby girl. And the voice had told me it would be a girl. I don’t know how to explain it, but when you live through something like that, your faith is unshakeable.
I think that prepared me for when, seven years later, my husband passed away. It was very sudden and unexpected. He left for work and never came back. He was 38, and it was just a shock. I was a widow with children ages 5 and 7, with no family to help. When I look back on my life and the tragedies that happened, I think they slowly prepared me. You can’t be fully prepared for this, but I always believe that things will be better. Without that belief and faith, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here. It’s been a long road, and there were a lot of tears and good people around me. A lot of people helped me, even helped me keep my faith. And I would always wonder, why would all these things be happening to me?
I’ve realized that all my experiences are really just a way for me to be ready and prepared to help and serve people in my life who are going through similar things. I can reach out to others and say, “Hey, I’m here to hold your hand. I’m here to talk to you. I’m here for you.” When I was in need, others saved me. One time, I was shoveling my driveway. My neighbor was also clearing his driveway. He had a snow blower and I had an old fashioned shovel. He never said a word. The next time I had to shovel, I was so tired. I couldn’t do it anymore and laid the shovel on the ground. I was done. God, Jesus, come on I need something. And as I said that, I was looking at the snow falling and how beautiful it was in the middle of my nervous breakdown, and here comes my neighbor and he says, “Hey, how about I shovel for you today?” I’m like, “Oh my God, thank you so much.” That was a small miracle. I like to think I’m strong and tough, but sometimes I’m not. I always feel that when I surrender, when I’m done controlling and doing things on my own, that’s when God says, “Okay, now you can listen. Now you can hear me.”
It’s difficult to be happy or satisfied with everything in your life. And most of the time, if we’re honest, we’re not. But if you can find joy in your life, no matter what’s going on around you, as powerless as you may feel, remember that you are God’s beloved child, no matter what. No one can take that joy from you.
There’s always hope. There is God’s grace and God’s love. And sometimes our prayers are unanswered, but it’s not because God is busy or doesn’t care or doesn’t love us. Sometimes we just have to be patient. We might not get the answers to why things are unanswered, but some things are blessings really. We just don’t know it at the time. So always keep the faith and find people in your life who support you and love you and who can be there for you and never give up.
