Sign In
Sign In![<description><div data-type="rootblock" data-pm-slice= "2 2 ["aiblock",{"prompt":"","preview":false,"block":{"id":"blk_01JHRE3R0BF41N3T4162KHMTJD","status":"succeeded","type":"detailed_synopsis","selected_variation":0,"variations":["The word \"should\" carries significant weight in our lives, often representing obligation and criticism. In this podcast episode, Tanya Lee explores the profound impact that this single word can have on our mental and emotional well-being. When we use \"should,\" it typically conveys a sense of duty or correctness, suggesting that there is a right way to do things. This inherent judgment can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, ultimately hindering our personal growth and fulfillment.\n\n### The Burden of Obligation\n\nWhen we say we \"should\" do something, we often impose an obligation upon ourselves. This obligation can stem from societal expectations, familial pressures, or even self-imposed standards. For instance, Tanya mentions how people frequently feel they \"should be further along\" in their lives or careers. This mindset creates a heavy emotional burden, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism. Instead of focusing on what we genuinely desire, we become trapped in a cycle of obligation, measuring our worth against impossible standards.\n\n### The Cycle of Shame and Guilt\n\nThe episode highlights how the word \"should\" can trigger shame and guilt. When we internalize these feelings, they become our compass, guiding our decisions based on what we believe we ought to do rather than what we truly want. Tanya shares her personal experience of feeling shame when someone suggested she \"should be further along\" in her business. This moment of criticism caused her to question her journey, despite her pride in her accomplishments. Such experiences illustrate how external judgments can seep into our self-perception, leading to a negative internal dialogue.\n\n### The Impact on Personal Growth\n\nLiving in a \"should season\" can stifle personal growth. Tanya emphasizes that when our actions are driven by obligation rather than desire, we often find ourselves in a state of preparation rather than presence. This mindset can prevent us from taking meaningful steps toward our goals and aspirations. Instead of exploring our true desires, we become fixated on meeting expectations, which can lead to stagnation and dissatisfaction.\n\n### Reframing the Narrative\n\nTo break free from the constraints of \"should,\" Tanya encourages listeners to reframe their internal dialogue. Instead of saying, \"I should be a better mom,\" she suggests shifting to \"I want to be a better mom.\" This subtle change in language transforms the focus from obligation to genuine desire, fostering a more positive and empowering mindset. By recognizing the difference between external \"shoulds\" and our true desires, we can begin to align our actions with what truly lights us up.\n\n### Conclusion\n\nIn conclusion, the word \"should\" often represents a barrier to personal growth and fulfillment. It embodies obligation and criticism, leading to feelings of shame and guilt that can hinder our progress. By becoming aware of the impact of \"should\" in our lives and reframing our internal narratives, we can cultivate a more authentic and fulfilling path forward. Embracing our true desires and letting go of the weight of obligation allows us to live more freely and joyfully, ultimately guiding us toward a life that resonates with who we truly are.\n\n## Breaking Free from the \"Should\" Mentality\n\nIn the latest episode of the podcast, Tanya Lee delves into the pervasive influence of the word \"should\" in our lives and how it can act as a significant barrier to achieving our true desires. The discussion highlights the emotional weight that comes with \"shoulds,\" which often stem from societal expectations, personal judgments, and external pressures.\n\n### Understanding \"Should Season\"\n\nTanya introduces the concept of \"should season,\" a time when our actions are dictated by obligation rather than genuine desire. This season is characterized by feelings of guilt, shame, and self-criticism, where individuals measure their lives against unrealistic standards. The episode emphasizes that this mindset can lead to a cycle of negative emotions, ultimately hindering personal growth and fulfillment.\n\n### The Definition of \"Should\"\n\nAccording to the Oxford English Dictionary, \"should\" indicates obligation, duty, or correctness, often used in a critical context. This definition reveals why the word feels heavy and triggers feelings of shame. Tanya points out that even well-meaning advice can carry an underlying message of judgment, reinforcing the idea that we are not doing things \"right.\"\n\n### External vs. Internal Shoulds\n\nTanya distinguishes between external and internal \"shoulds.\" External \"shoulds\" come from societal expectations or the opinions of others, while internal \"shoulds\" are self-imposed beliefs about what we ought to be doing. Both types can create a sense of obligation that detracts from our authentic desires.\n\n### The Impact of \"Shoulds\" on Self-Image\n\nThe episode discusses how internal \"shoulds\" can lead to a negative self-image. For instance, thoughts like \"I should be further along in my career\" or \"I should be a better parent\" can create feelings of inadequacy. Tanya encourages listeners to reframe these thoughts into positive affirmations, such as \"I want to grow in my career\" or \"I aspire to be a more present parent.\" This shift in language can foster a more empowering mindset.\n\n### Identifying True Desires\n\nTanya offers practical exercises to help listeners differentiate between true desires and \"shoulds.\" One method is the **body test**, where individuals assess how a potential desire feels in their body—whether it feels expansive or contracting. Another technique is the **source test**, which prompts individuals to consider if they would still want something if no one else knew about it. This helps uncover desires that are genuinely personal rather than influenced by external expectations.\n\n### The Language of Desire\n\nThe episode also highlights the importance of language in shaping our mindset. True desires are often expressed through phrases like \"I want to explore\" or \"I'm excited about,\" while \"shoulds\" are framed in terms of obligation and fear. By paying attention to our inner dialogue, we can better align our actions with our authentic selves.\n\n### Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity\n\nTanya concludes the episode by encouraging listeners to shed the heavy backpack of \"shoulds\" and embrace their true desires. She emphasizes that life should be about what lights us up and feels expansive, rather than what we think we ought to do. By recognizing and releasing the grip of \"shoulds,\" individuals can step into a new season of authenticity, where they define success on their own terms.\n\nIn summary, breaking free from the \"should\" mentality is essential for personal growth and fulfillment. By understanding the impact of \"shoulds,\" identifying true desires, and shifting our language, we can create a life that resonates with our authentic selves.\n\n## Distinguishing True Desires from Expectations\n\nIn our journey of personal development, one of the most crucial skills we can cultivate is the ability to differentiate between our true desires and the expectations imposed by society or ourselves. This distinction is vital because pursuing goals that stem from external pressures can lead to feelings of heaviness, dissatisfaction, and a sense of obligation rather than joy and fulfillment. To navigate this complex landscape, we can employ several techniques: the body test, the source test, and the language test.\n\n### The Body Test\n\nThe body test involves tuning into our physical sensations when we contemplate a potential desire or goal. By holding the thought of a desire in our minds and observing how it feels in our bodies, we can gain insight into whether it is truly aligned with our authentic selves.\n\n- **Expansive vs. Contracting**: When we think about a true desire, it often feels expansive and uplifting, filling us with excitement and energy. Conversely, if the thought of a goal feels contracting or heavy, it may indicate that it is rooted in obligation or societal expectation rather than genuine desire.\n\nFor example, if someone considers losing weight but feels a sense of dread or pressure when thinking about it, this could signal that the motivation is not coming from a place of self-love or health, but rather from societal standards or self-criticism.\n\n### The Source Test\n\nThe source test encourages us to reflect on the origins of our desires. We can ask ourselves: \"If no one knew about this choice, or if I couldn't share it with anyone, would I still want it?\"\n\n- **Authenticity Check**: This test helps us identify whether our motivations are influenced by external validation or societal norms. If the answer is yes, and we still desire it regardless of others' opinions, it is likely a true desire. For instance, someone might feel pressured to buy a house because it's what society expects, but upon reflection, they might realize they would prefer to rent and travel instead.\n\n### The Language Test\n\nThe language test focuses on the internal dialogue we use when considering our goals. By paying attention to the words we choose, we can discern whether our motivations stem from true desire or from fear and obligation.\n\n- **Desire vs. Obligation**: True desires are often expressed in positive, exploratory language, such as \"I want to explore,\" \"I'm curious about,\" or \"I'd love to try.\" In contrast, self-imposed expectations often manifest as \"I need to prove,\" \"I have to show them,\" or \"What will they think if I don't?\"\n\nFor example, if someone thinks, \"I should lose weight,\" this language indicates a sense of obligation and criticism. However, if they reframe it to \"I want to take care of my body,\" it reflects a genuine desire for health and well-being.\n\n### Conclusion\n\nBy utilizing these techniques—the body test, source test, and language test—we can better understand our motivations and ensure that we are pursuing goals that resonate with our true selves. This process not only helps us shed the weight of societal and self-imposed expectations but also empowers us to live authentically and joyfully. As we navigate our desires, it's essential to remember that our true desires are never wrong; they guide us back to ourselves and illuminate the path to a fulfilling life.\n\n## Breaking Free from the \"Should\" Mentality\n\nIn today's fast-paced world, the word \"should\" often looms over us like a shadow, dictating our actions and decisions. It serves as a constant reminder of what we believe we ought to be doing, often leading to feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy. This episode of the podcast delves into the concept of \"should season,\" a time when our lives are driven by obligation rather than genuine desire.\n\n### Understanding \"Should Season\"\n\n\"Should season\" is characterized by actions motivated by external expectations rather than internal desires. During this time, every decision feels heavy with obligation, and we find ourselves measuring our lives against unrealistic standards. The inner dialogue becomes filled with self-criticism, leading to a cycle of shame and guilt. The podcast emphasizes that this season is marked by a focus on fixing oneself rather than expressing one's true self.\n\n### The Weight of \"Should\"\n\nThe Oxford English Dictionary defines \"should\" as a term indicating obligation, duty, or correctness, often used in a critical context. This inherent judgment makes the word feel heavy and burdensome. When we tell ourselves, \"I should be better at this,\" or \"I should have achieved that,\" we are essentially turning that criticism inward, becoming our own worst critics. The podcast highlights the importance of recognizing both external and internal \"shoulds\" and the impact they have on our mental well-being.\n\n### The Impact of External \"Shoulds\"\n\nExternal \"shoulds\" come from societal expectations, family pressures, or even well-meaning friends. The podcast shares a personal anecdote where the host was told she \"should be further along in her business.\" This statement triggered feelings of shame, despite her satisfaction with her progress. It serves as a reminder that we must be mindful of how we communicate with others and the potential impact of our words.\n\n### Internal \"Shoulds\" and Their Consequences\n\nInternal \"shoulds\" are often more insidious, as they stem from our own beliefs about what we ought to be doing. Common examples include thoughts like \"I should lose weight,\" \"I should be married by now,\" or \"I should be more organized.\" These thoughts create a sense of heaviness and can lead to negative emotions such as regret and disappointment. The podcast encourages listeners to reframe these thoughts into positive desires, such as \"I want to be healthier\" or \"I want to enjoy my life.\"\n\n### Distinguishing True Desires from \"Shoulds\"\n\nTo break free from the \"should\" mentality, the podcast offers several exercises to help identify true desires:\n\n1. **The Body Test**: Hold a potential desire in your mind and notice how it feels in your body. Does it feel expansive and exciting, or does it feel contracting and heavy? The body often holds wisdom that our minds may overlook.\n\n2. **The Source Test**: Ask yourself if you would still want this desire if no one knew about it or if you couldn't share it. This helps to determine if the desire is genuine or influenced by external expectations.\n\n3. **The Language Test**: Pay attention to your inner dialogue. True desires are often framed in positive, exploratory language, while \"shoulds\" are rooted in fear and obligation.\n\n### Embracing Your True Desires\n\nThe podcast concludes with a powerful message: your desires are waiting on the other side of your \"shoulds.\" By shedding the weight of expectations and obligations, you can discover what truly lights you up. The host encourages listeners to pause when they hear themselves say \"I should\" and to ask whether it reflects a true desire or an attempt to meet someone else's expectations.\n\n### Conclusion\n\nBreaking free from the \"should\" mentality is essential for living a fulfilling and authentic life. By recognizing the impact of \"shoulds\" and embracing our true desires, we can create a life that feels aligned with who we truly are. Remember, there is nothing you \"should\" be doing—only what you choose to do. This choice is your power, and it can lead you to a more joyful and authentic existence.\n\n# Letting Go of the \"Shoulds\" for a Lighter, More Authentic Life\n\nIn this podcast episode, Tanya Lee delves into the pervasive influence of the word \"should\" in our lives and how it can act as a significant barrier to achieving our true desires. The concept of \"shoulds\" often manifests as external pressures or internal judgments that dictate how we ought to live, behave, or achieve certain milestones. By letting go of these \"shoulds,\" we can create a lighter, more authentic life that aligns with our personal desires rather than succumbing to societal expectations or self-imposed criticisms.\n\n## Understanding the Weight of \"Shoulds\"\n\nThe episode highlights that \"should\" is often associated with obligation, duty, and correctness, which can lead to feelings of shame and guilt. When we tell ourselves we \"should\" be doing something, we are essentially criticizing our current state and creating a heavy emotional burden. Tanya emphasizes that this internal dialogue can lead to a cycle of self-criticism, where we measure our lives against impossible standards and feel inadequate for not meeting them.\n\nFor instance, thoughts like \"I should be further along in my career\" or \"I should be married by now\" can create a sense of urgency and pressure that detracts from our ability to enjoy the present moment. These thoughts not only weigh us down but also keep us trapped in a cycle of negative emotions, such as disappointment and frustration.\n\n## The Freedom of Authentic Choices\n\nWhen we begin to recognize and release the \"shoulds,\" we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. Tanya encourages listeners to differentiate between true desires and societal expectations. By doing so, we can start making choices that genuinely resonate with who we are, rather than what we think we should be doing.\n\nTanya introduces several exercises to help identify true desires, such as the **body test**, where we assess how a potential desire feels in our body—whether it feels expansive or contracting. This practice allows us to tune into our intuition and recognize what truly excites us. Additionally, the **source test** prompts us to consider whether we would still want something if no one else knew about it, helping us to discern if our desires are authentic or influenced by external validation.\n\n## Embracing a New Season\n\nThe podcast emphasizes that letting go of \"shoulds\" marks the beginning of a new season in life—one where we prioritize our desires and trust our intuition. Tanya invites listeners to imagine dropping the heavy backpack of \"shoulds\" and experiencing the lightness that comes with releasing expectations and obligations. This shift allows for a more joyful and fulfilling life, where choices are made based on personal desires rather than external pressures or judgments.\n\nIn conclusion, by shedding the \"shoulds,\" we can cultivate a life that is not only lighter but also more aligned with our true selves. We are empowered to define our own success and make choices that reflect our authentic desires. As Tanya beautifully states, \"Your desires are never wrong. They're simply showing you the way home to yourself.\" Embracing this mindset can lead to a more fulfilling and liberated existence, free from the constraints of societal expectations."],"configuration":null,"prosemirror":[{"type":"rootblock","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The word \"should\" carries significant weight in our lives, often representing obligation and criticism. In this podcast episode, Tanya Lee explores the profound impact that this single word can have on our mental and emotional well-being. When we use \"should,\" it typically conveys a sense of duty or correctness, suggesting that there is a right way to do things. This inherent judgment can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, ultimately hindering our personal growth and fulfillment."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Burden of Obligation"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"When we say we \"should\" do something, we often impose an obligation upon ourselves. This obligation can stem from societal expectations, familial pressures, or even self-imposed standards. For instance, Tanya mentions how people frequently feel they \"should be further along\" in their lives or careers. This mindset creates a heavy emotional burden, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism. Instead of focusing on what we genuinely desire, we become trapped in a cycle of obligation, measuring our worth against impossible standards."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Cycle of Shame and Guilt"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The episode highlights how the word \"should\" can trigger shame and guilt. When we internalize these feelings, they become our compass, guiding our decisions based on what we believe we ought to do rather than what we truly want. Tanya shares her personal experience of feeling shame when someone suggested she \"should be further along\" in her business. This moment of criticism caused her to question her journey, despite her pride in her accomplishments. Such experiences illustrate how external judgments can seep into our self-perception, leading to a negative internal dialogue."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Impact on Personal Growth"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"Living in a \"should season\" can stifle personal growth. Tanya emphasizes that when our actions are driven by obligation rather than desire, we often find ourselves in a state of preparation rather than presence. This mindset can prevent us from taking meaningful steps toward our goals and aspirations. Instead of exploring our true desires, we become fixated on meeting expectations, which can lead to stagnation and dissatisfaction."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Reframing the Narrative"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"To break free from the constraints of \"should,\" Tanya encourages listeners to reframe their internal dialogue. Instead of saying, \"I should be a better mom,\" she suggests shifting to \"I want to be a better mom.\" This subtle change in language transforms the focus from obligation to genuine desire, fostering a more positive and empowering mindset. By recognizing the difference between external \"shoulds\" and our true desires, we can begin to align our actions with what truly lights us up."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Conclusion"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In conclusion, the word \"should\" often represents a barrier to personal growth and fulfillment. It embodies obligation and criticism, leading to feelings of shame and guilt that can hinder our progress. By becoming aware of the impact of \"should\" in our lives and reframing our internal narratives, we can cultivate a more authentic and fulfilling path forward. Embracing our true desires and letting go of the weight of obligation allows us to live more freely and joyfully, ultimately guiding us toward a life that resonates with who we truly are."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":2},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Breaking Free from the \"Should\" Mentality"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In the latest episode of the podcast, Tanya Lee delves into the pervasive influence of the word \"should\" in our lives and how it can act as a significant barrier to achieving our true desires. The discussion highlights the emotional weight that comes with \"shoulds,\" which often stem from societal expectations, personal judgments, and external pressures."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Understanding \"Should Season\""}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"Tanya introduces the concept of \"should season,\" a time when our actions are dictated by obligation rather than genuine desire. This season is characterized by feelings of guilt, shame, and self-criticism, where individuals measure their lives against unrealistic standards. The episode emphasizes that this mindset can lead to a cycle of negative emotions, ultimately hindering personal growth and fulfillment."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Definition of \"Should\""}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"According to the Oxford English Dictionary, \"should\" indicates obligation, duty, or correctness, often used in a critical context. This definition reveals why the word feels heavy and triggers feelings of shame. Tanya points out that even well-meaning advice can carry an underlying message of judgment, reinforcing the idea that we are not doing things \"right.\""}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"External vs. Internal Shoulds"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"Tanya distinguishes between external and internal \"shoulds.\" External \"shoulds\" come from societal expectations or the opinions of others, while internal \"shoulds\" are self-imposed beliefs about what we ought to be doing. Both types can create a sense of obligation that detracts from our authentic desires."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Impact of \"Shoulds\" on Self-Image"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The episode discusses how internal \"shoulds\" can lead to a negative self-image. For instance, thoughts like \"I should be further along in my career\" or \"I should be a better parent\" can create feelings of inadequacy. Tanya encourages listeners to reframe these thoughts into positive affirmations, such as \"I want to grow in my career\" or \"I aspire to be a more present parent.\" This shift in language can foster a more empowering mindset."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Identifying True Desires"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"Tanya offers practical exercises to help listeners differentiate between true desires and \"shoulds.\" One method is the "},{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"body test"},{"type":"text","text":", where individuals assess how a potential desire feels in their body—whether it feels expansive or contracting. Another technique is the "},{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"source test"},{"type":"text","text":", which prompts individuals to consider if they would still want something if no one else knew about it. This helps uncover desires that are genuinely personal rather than influenced by external expectations."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Language of Desire"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The episode also highlights the importance of language in shaping our mindset. True desires are often expressed through phrases like \"I want to explore\" or \"I'm excited about,\" while \"shoulds\" are framed in terms of obligation and fear. By paying attention to our inner dialogue, we can better align our actions with our authentic selves."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"Tanya concludes the episode by encouraging listeners to shed the heavy backpack of \"shoulds\" and embrace their true desires. She emphasizes that life should be about what lights us up and feels expansive, rather than what we think we ought to do. By recognizing and releasing the grip of \"shoulds,\" individuals can step into a new season of authenticity, where they define success on their own terms."}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In summary, breaking free from the \"should\" mentality is essential for personal growth and fulfillment. By understanding the impact of \"shoulds,\" identifying true desires, and shifting our language, we can create a life that resonates with our authentic selves."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":2},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Distinguishing True Desires from Expectations"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In our journey of personal development, one of the most crucial skills we can cultivate is the ability to differentiate between our true desires and the expectations imposed by society or ourselves. This distinction is vital because pursuing goals that stem from external pressures can lead to feelings of heaviness, dissatisfaction, and a sense of obligation rather than joy and fulfillment. To navigate this complex landscape, we can employ several techniques: the body test, the source test, and the language test."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Body Test"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The body test involves tuning into our physical sensations when we contemplate a potential desire or goal. By holding the thought of a desire in our minds and observing how it feels in our bodies, we can gain insight into whether it is truly aligned with our authentic selves."}]},{"type":"bulletList","content":[{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"Expansive vs. Contracting"},{"type":"text","text":": When we think about a true desire, it often feels expansive and uplifting, filling us with excitement and energy. Conversely, if the thought of a goal feels contracting or heavy, it may indicate that it is rooted in obligation or societal expectation rather than genuine desire."}]}]}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"For example, if someone considers losing weight but feels a sense of dread or pressure when thinking about it, this could signal that the motivation is not coming from a place of self-love or health, but rather from societal standards or self-criticism."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Source Test"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The source test encourages us to reflect on the origins of our desires. We can ask ourselves: \"If no one knew about this choice, or if I couldn't share it with anyone, would I still want it?\""}]},{"type":"bulletList","content":[{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"Authenticity Check"},{"type":"text","text":": This test helps us identify whether our motivations are influenced by external validation or societal norms. If the answer is yes, and we still desire it regardless of others' opinions, it is likely a true desire. For instance, someone might feel pressured to buy a house because it's what society expects, but upon reflection, they might realize they would prefer to rent and travel instead."}]}]}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Language Test"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The language test focuses on the internal dialogue we use when considering our goals. By paying attention to the words we choose, we can discern whether our motivations stem from true desire or from fear and obligation."}]},{"type":"bulletList","content":[{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"Desire vs. Obligation"},{"type":"text","text":": True desires are often expressed in positive, exploratory language, such as \"I want to explore,\" \"I'm curious about,\" or \"I'd love to try.\" In contrast, self-imposed expectations often manifest as \"I need to prove,\" \"I have to show them,\" or \"What will they think if I don't?\""}]}]}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"For example, if someone thinks, \"I should lose weight,\" this language indicates a sense of obligation and criticism. However, if they reframe it to \"I want to take care of my body,\" it reflects a genuine desire for health and well-being."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Conclusion"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"By utilizing these techniques—the body test, source test, and language test—we can better understand our motivations and ensure that we are pursuing goals that resonate with our true selves. This process not only helps us shed the weight of societal and self-imposed expectations but also empowers us to live authentically and joyfully. As we navigate our desires, it's essential to remember that our true desires are never wrong; they guide us back to ourselves and illuminate the path to a fulfilling life."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":2},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Breaking Free from the \"Should\" Mentality"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In today's fast-paced world, the word \"should\" often looms over us like a shadow, dictating our actions and decisions. It serves as a constant reminder of what we believe we ought to be doing, often leading to feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy. This episode of the podcast delves into the concept of \"should season,\" a time when our lives are driven by obligation rather than genuine desire."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Understanding \"Should Season\""}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"\"Should season\" is characterized by actions motivated by external expectations rather than internal desires. During this time, every decision feels heavy with obligation, and we find ourselves measuring our lives against unrealistic standards. The inner dialogue becomes filled with self-criticism, leading to a cycle of shame and guilt. The podcast emphasizes that this season is marked by a focus on fixing oneself rather than expressing one's true self."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Weight of \"Should\""}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Oxford English Dictionary defines \"should\" as a term indicating obligation, duty, or correctness, often used in a critical context. This inherent judgment makes the word feel heavy and burdensome. When we tell ourselves, \"I should be better at this,\" or \"I should have achieved that,\" we are essentially turning that criticism inward, becoming our own worst critics. The podcast highlights the importance of recognizing both external and internal \"shoulds\" and the impact they have on our mental well-being."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Impact of External \"Shoulds\""}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"External \"shoulds\" come from societal expectations, family pressures, or even well-meaning friends. The podcast shares a personal anecdote where the host was told she \"should be further along in her business.\" This statement triggered feelings of shame, despite her satisfaction with her progress. It serves as a reminder that we must be mindful of how we communicate with others and the potential impact of our words."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Internal \"Shoulds\" and Their Consequences"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"Internal \"shoulds\" are often more insidious, as they stem from our own beliefs about what we ought to be doing. Common examples include thoughts like \"I should lose weight,\" \"I should be married by now,\" or \"I should be more organized.\" These thoughts create a sense of heaviness and can lead to negative emotions such as regret and disappointment. The podcast encourages listeners to reframe these thoughts into positive desires, such as \"I want to be healthier\" or \"I want to enjoy my life.\""}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Distinguishing True Desires from \"Shoulds\""}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"To break free from the \"should\" mentality, the podcast offers several exercises to help identify true desires:"}]},{"type":"orderedList","attrs":{"start":1},"content":[{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"The Body Test"},{"type":"text","text":": Hold a potential desire in your mind and notice how it feels in your body. Does it feel expansive and exciting, or does it feel contracting and heavy? The body often holds wisdom that our minds may overlook."}]}]},{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"The Source Test"},{"type":"text","text":": Ask yourself if you would still want this desire if no one knew about it or if you couldn't share it. This helps to determine if the desire is genuine or influenced by external expectations."}]}]},{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"The Language Test"},{"type":"text","text":": Pay attention to your inner dialogue. True desires are often framed in positive, exploratory language, while \"shoulds\" are rooted in fear and obligation."}]}]}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Embracing Your True Desires"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The podcast concludes with a powerful message: your desires are waiting on the other side of your \"shoulds.\" By shedding the weight of expectations and obligations, you can discover what truly lights you up. The host encourages listeners to pause when they hear themselves say \"I should\" and to ask whether it reflects a true desire or an attempt to meet someone else's expectations."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":3},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Conclusion"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"Breaking free from the \"should\" mentality is essential for living a fulfilling and authentic life. By recognizing the impact of \"shoulds\" and embracing our true desires, we can create a life that feels aligned with who we truly are. Remember, there is nothing you \"should\" be doing—only what you choose to do. This choice is your power, and it can lead you to a more joyful and authentic existence."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":1},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Letting Go of the \"Shoulds\" for a Lighter, More Authentic Life"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In this podcast episode, Tanya Lee delves into the pervasive influence of the word \"should\" in our lives and how it can act as a significant barrier to achieving our true desires. The concept of \"shoulds\" often manifests as external pressures or internal judgments that dictate how we ought to live, behave, or achieve certain milestones. By letting go of these \"shoulds,\" we can create a lighter, more authentic life that aligns with our personal desires rather than succumbing to societal expectations or self-imposed criticisms."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":2},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Understanding the Weight of \"Shoulds\""}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The episode highlights that \"should\" is often associated with obligation, duty, and correctness, which can lead to feelings of shame and guilt. When we tell ourselves we \"should\" be doing something, we are essentially criticizing our current state and creating a heavy emotional burden. Tanya emphasizes that this internal dialogue can lead to a cycle of self-criticism, where we measure our lives against impossible standards and feel inadequate for not meeting them."}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"For instance, thoughts like \"I should be further along in my career\" or \"I should be married by now\" can create a sense of urgency and pressure that detracts from our ability to enjoy the present moment. These thoughts not only weigh us down but also keep us trapped in a cycle of negative emotions, such as disappointment and frustration."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":2},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"The Freedom of Authentic Choices"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"When we begin to recognize and release the \"shoulds,\" we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. Tanya encourages listeners to differentiate between true desires and societal expectations. By doing so, we can start making choices that genuinely resonate with who we are, rather than what we think we should be doing."}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"Tanya introduces several exercises to help identify true desires, such as the "},{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"body test"},{"type":"text","text":", where we assess how a potential desire feels in our body—whether it feels expansive or contracting. This practice allows us to tune into our intuition and recognize what truly excites us. Additionally, the "},{"type":"text","marks":[{"type":"bold","attrs":{}}],"text":"source test"},{"type":"text","text":" prompts us to consider whether we would still want something if no one else knew about it, helping us to discern if our desires are authentic or influenced by external validation."}]},{"type":"heading","attrs":{"level":2},"content":[{"type":"text","text":"Embracing a New Season"}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"The podcast emphasizes that letting go of \"shoulds\" marks the beginning of a new season in life—one where we prioritize our desires and trust our intuition. Tanya invites listeners to imagine dropping the heavy backpack of \"shoulds\" and experiencing the lightness that comes with releasing expectations and obligations. This shift allows for a more joyful and fulfilling life, where choices are made based on personal desires rather than external pressures or judgments."}]},{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In conclusion, by shedding the \"shoulds,\" we can cultivate a life that is not only lighter but also more aligned with our true selves. We are empowered to define our own success and make choices that reflect our authentic desires. As Tanya beautifully states, \"Your desires are never wrong. They're simply showing you the way home to yourself.\" Embracing this mindset can lead to a more fulfilling and liberated existence, free from the constraints of societal expectations."}]}]}],"previous_block":null,"next_block":null,"error_code":null,"feedback":null},"template":{"type":"detailed_synopsis"}}]"> <p data-pm-slice= "1 1 ["aiblock",{"prompt":"","preview":false,"block":{"id":"blk_01JHRE3QYZFSABZ7WSFFPBD0EX","status":"succeeded","type":"five_titles","selected_variation":0,"variations":["1. \"Breaking Free from the Burden of 'Should': Embracing Your True Desires\"\n2. \"The Heavy Weight of 'Should': How to Reclaim Your Life and Choices\"\n3. \"From Obligation to Authenticity: Navigating the 'Should Season'\"\n4. \"Shedding the 'Shoulds': Discovering What You Truly Want in Life\"\n5. \"Transforming 'Should' into 'Desire': A Journey to Self-Discovery\""],"configuration":null,"prosemirror":[{"type":"rootblock","content":[{"type":"orderedList","attrs":{"start":1},"content":[{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"\"Breaking Free from the Burden of 'Should': Embracing Your True Desires\""}]}]},{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"\"The Heavy Weight of 'Should': How to Reclaim Your Life and Choices\""}]}]},{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"\"From Obligation to Authenticity: Navigating the 'Should Season'\""}]}]},{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"\"Shedding the 'Shoulds': Discovering What You Truly Want in Life\""}]}]},{"type":"listItem","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"\"Transforming 'Should' into 'Desire': A Journey to Self-Discovery\""}]}]}]}]}],"previous_block":null,"next_block":null,"error_code":null,"feedback":null},"template":{"type":"five_titles"}},"rootblock",null,"orderedList",{"start":1},"listItem",null]"> Transforming 'Should' into 'Desire': A Journey to Self-Discovery</p> <p>The word "should" carries significant weight in our lives, often representing obligation and criticism. In this podcast episode, Tonya Leigh explores the profound impact that this single word can have on our mental and emotional well-being. When we use "should," it typically conveys a sense of duty or correctness, suggesting that there is a right way to do things. This inherent judgment can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, ultimately hindering our personal growth and fulfillment.</p> <p data-pm-slice= "1 1 ["aiblock",{"prompt":"","preview":false,"block":{"id":"blk_01JHRE3QZHE2P34ZVWR9ARPFAH","status":"succeeded","type":"summary","selected_variation":0,"variations":["In this episode of the School of Self-Image, host Tanya Lee explores the impact of the word \"should\" and how it can hinder personal growth and fulfillment. She shares a relatable story about a listener named Jeanette, who eagerly anticipates Tanya's annual Live Like an Editor workshop as a tool for success. Tanya emphasizes the importance of breaking free from the cycle of \"shoulds\" that keep us playing small and reflects on her decision to take January for deep reflection before diving into the new year. Tune in to discover strategies for overcoming the pressure of expectations and embracing your true desires."],"configuration":null,"prosemirror":[{"type":"rootblock","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In this episode of the School of Self-Image, host Tanya Lee explores the impact of the word \"should\" and how it can hinder personal growth and fulfillment. She shares a relatable story about a listener named Jeanette, who eagerly anticipates Tanya's annual Live Like an Editor workshop as a tool for success. Tanya emphasizes the importance of breaking free from the cycle of \"shoulds\" that keep us playing small and reflects on her decision to take January for deep reflection before diving into the new year. Tune in to discover strategies for overcoming the pressure of expectations and embracing your true desires."}]}]}],"previous_block":null,"next_block":null,"error_code":null,"feedback":null},"template":{"type":"summary"}},"rootblock",null]"> She shares a relatable story about a listener named Jeanette, who eagerly anticipates Tonya's annual Live Like an Editor workshop as a tool for success. Tonya emphasizes the importance of breaking free from the cycle of "shoulds" that keep us playing small and reflects on her decision to take January for deep reflection before diving into the new year.</p> <p data-pm-slice= "1 1 ["aiblock",{"prompt":"","preview":false,"block":{"id":"blk_01JHRE3QZHE2P34ZVWR9ARPFAH","status":"succeeded","type":"summary","selected_variation":0,"variations":["In this episode of the School of Self-Image, host Tanya Lee explores the impact of the word \"should\" and how it can hinder personal growth and fulfillment. She shares a relatable story about a listener named Jeanette, who eagerly anticipates Tanya's annual Live Like an Editor workshop as a tool for success. Tanya emphasizes the importance of breaking free from the cycle of \"shoulds\" that keep us playing small and reflects on her decision to take January for deep reflection before diving into the new year. Tune in to discover strategies for overcoming the pressure of expectations and embracing your true desires."],"configuration":null,"prosemirror":[{"type":"rootblock","content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"In this episode of the School of Self-Image, host Tanya Lee explores the impact of the word \"should\" and how it can hinder personal growth and fulfillment. She shares a relatable story about a listener named Jeanette, who eagerly anticipates Tanya's annual Live Like an Editor workshop as a tool for success. Tanya emphasizes the importance of breaking free from the cycle of \"shoulds\" that keep us playing small and reflects on her decision to take January for deep reflection before diving into the new year. Tune in to discover strategies for overcoming the pressure of expectations and embracing your true desires."}]}]}],"previous_block":null,"next_block":null,"error_code":null,"feedback":null},"template":{"type":"summary"}},"rootblock",null]"> Tune in to discover strategies for overcoming the pressure of expectations and embracing your true desires.</p> <p>Talking Points: </p> <p><br /> 00:32 - Breaking Free from "Shoulds"<br /> 01:56 - Reflecting on the New Year<br /> 03:31 - The Concept of "Should Season"<br /> 05:09 - Definition of "Should" and Its Implications<br /> 08:00 - The Harm of "Should" in Personal Growth<br /> 10:24 - Internal "Shoulds" and Self-Criticism<br /> 13:31 - The Pressure of Societal Expectations<br /> 16:14 - The Paradox of Self-Acceptance<br /> 19:25 - The Body Test for True Desires<br /> 23:32 - Building a Life Based on True Desires<br /> 24:56 - Conclusion: Embracing True Desires<br /> <br /></p> <p>Quotes:</p> <p>"It's when shame and guilt becomes your compass instead of desire being your guide."</p> <p>"To argue with reality is to argue with God and you only lose 100% of the time."</p> <p>"The curious paradox is when I accept myself as I am, then I can change."</p> <p>"It's only when I've gotten in touch with my true desires and made those the goals that I have had years where I felt excited, where I felt aligned, where I felt like I was moving towards my own North Star."</p> <p>"If you are building a life off of fear and shame shoulds, you are going to be building a prison for yourself."</p> <p>"Your desires are never wrong. They're simply showing you the way home to yourself."</p> <p dir="ltr">Useful Resources:</p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "http://schoolofselfimage.com/art">HERE</a> for Five Essential Quesions</p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "http://schoolofselfimage.com/shakeup">HERE</a> for the FREE Shake-Up List</p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "https://schoolofselfimage.com/join">HERE</a> to join the Membership </p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "https://schoolofselfimage.com/self-image-manifesto/">HERE</a> for a FREE download </p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "http://schoolofselfimage.com/edit">HERE</a> to sign up for our newsletter, The Edit</p> <p dir="ltr"> </p> <p dir="ltr">Connect with Self-Image Coach Tonya Leigh:</p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "https://www.instagram.com/schoolofselfimage/">HERE</a> to follow our Instagram</p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "https://schoolofselfimage.com/">HERE</a> to visit our website</p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "https://www.facebook.com/TonyaLeighOfficial">HERE</a> to visit our Facebook group</p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "https://www.tiktok.com/@thetonyaleigh">HERE</a> to follow our TikTok</p> <p dir="ltr">Click <a href= "https://www.youtube.com/@TonyaLeighOfficial">HERE</a> to subscribe to our YouTube channel</p> <p dir="ltr"> </p> <p> </p> <h3> </h3> </div></description>](https://us-central1-podcastguru-217d6.cloudfunctions.net/gcf_get_image?image_url=https://is1-ssl.mzstatic.com/image/thumb/Podcasts124/v4/80/ae/1d/80ae1de3-d468-82fb-b726-a43f390a0364/mza_5029297064724068442.jpg/600x600bb.jpg&width=300&height=300&api_key=xqFmUFX5BHLBTA)
School of Self-Image
Tonya Leigh
425: “Should” Season is Out
425: “Should” Season is Out
Description
Transforming 'Should' into 'Desire': A Journey to Self-Discovery
The word "should" carries significant weight in our lives, often representing obligation and criticism. In this podcast episode, Tonya Leigh explores the profound impact that this single word can have on our mental and emotional well-being. When we use "should," it typically conveys a sense of duty or correctness, suggesting that there is a right way to do things. This inherent judgment can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, ultimately hindering our personal growth and fulfillment.
She shares a relatable story about a listener named Jeanette, who eagerly anticipates Tonya's annual Live Like an Editor workshop as a tool for success. Tonya emphasizes the importance of breaking free from the cycle of "shoulds" that keep us playing small and reflects on her decision to take January for deep reflection before diving into the new year.
Tune in to discover strategies for overcoming the pressure of expectations and embracing your true desires.
Talking Points:
00:32 - Breaking Free from "Shoulds" 01:56 - Reflecting on the New Year 03:31 - The Concept of "Should Season" 05:09 - Definition of "Should" and Its Implications 08:00 - The Harm of "Should" in Personal Growth 10:24 - Internal "Shoulds" and Self-Criticism 13:31 - The Pressure of Societal Expectations 16:14 - The Paradox of Self-Acceptance 19:25 - The Body Test for True Desires 23:32 - Building a Life Based on True Desires 24:56 - Conclusion: Embracing True Desires
Quotes:
"It's when shame and guilt becomes your compass instead of desire being your guide."
"To argue with reality is to argue with God and you only lose 100% of the time."
"The curious paradox is when I accept myself as I am, then I can change."
"It's only when I've gotten in touch with my true desires and made those the goals that I have had years where I felt excited, where I felt aligned, where I felt like I was moving towards my own North Star."
"If you are building a life off of fear and shame shoulds, you are going to be building a prison for yourself."
"Your desires are never wrong. They're simply showing you the way home to yourself."
Useful Resources:
Click HERE for Five Essential Quesions
Click HERE for the FREE Shake-Up List
Click HERE to join the Membership
Click HERE for a FREE download
Click HERE to sign up for our newsletter, The Edit
Connect with Self-Image Coach Tonya Leigh:
Click HERE to follow our Instagram
Click HERE to visit our website
Click HERE to visit our Facebook group
Click HERE to follow our TikTok
Click HERE to subscribe to our YouTube channel