Dopey: On the Dark Comedy of Drug Addiction

Intro – How Jason got on Dopey A listener tells Dave to get Jason from Sleaford Mods. Dave stalks him on Instagram until he replies. Jason checks in from cold, dark Nottingham. Early life: Grantham, parents, punk, and Top of the Pops Jason grows up in Grantham, a dead-quiet market town. First connection to music: Blondie, ABBA, Adam & The Ants, Dr. Feelgood, Top of the Pops, pop videos and ABBA the Movie. Parents split, he meets his stepbrothers and is introduced to punk at age 10 via the Sex Pistols. Punk trickles slowly to small towns, second-wave bands like The Exploited, GBH, Discharge, English Dogs. Meat factory hell & knowing he didn’t want that life Works 12-hour shifts in a fresh-food / TV dinner factory cutting meat. Describes brutal “initiation” culture—older guys nailing you to the chopping board, wrapping people in pallet wrap, dragging them in front of the women. Realizes, “I did not want to do that for the rest of my life,” but drugs help numb him enough to keep working. Music vs. drugs: Weller, mods, ecstasy and rave/club culture Music comes first: early love of The Jam and Paul Weller; then Stone Roses and the whole late-’80s/early-’90s scene. He resists drinking and weed until around 17, thinking it’s probably not a good idea. Then: booze, weed, speed, LSD and eventually ecstasy. Describes club and rave culture as feeling like infinite possibility—no one wants to fight, football violence fades, it feels like a weird utopia. He gets pulled toward acting and drama school but can’t afford the fees, uses music as the new dream. Public Enemy, electronica, and the birth of Sleaford Mods Sees Public Enemy at Rock City: air-raid sirens, S1W security squad, Chuck D and Flav—“my Sex Pistols moment.” Gets tired of traditional guitar-bass-drums bands and moves into electronic projects. Discovering he can just show up, grab a mic, and someone else handles beats on a computer. Sleaford Mods is born in 2004: he shouts over a looped death-metal sample, has a eureka moment and realizes he’s finally found his own voice and formula. Early Sleaford Mods tracks are built from samples; he later meets Andrew but the core is always Jason’s vocal/lyric style. Cocaine, MCAT, crack, heroin chasing and the porn spiral Tries coke in London but hates how it turns his friends into selfish, dark, quiet arseholes. Coke becomes central later in Nottingham when ecstasy culture fades and bar culture + cocaine take over. He uses speed, then a cheap research-chemical drug MCAT (“like coke, speed and ecstasy mixed”) and occasionally chases heroin; crack never really hits because he’s already full of coke. Describes how addiction and work life feed each other: substances make brutal jobs bearable while killing hope. His real bottom behavior: buying a gram, going home alone, watching pornography all night for days; later doing the same thing isolated in hotel rooms on tour. Porn + coke: “eggs and bacon” and trauma Says cocaine and porn go together for him “like eggs and bacon / cars and diesel.” Explains the appeal: he can’t get an erection anyway, but the visual world and voyeurism are the draw. Builds an insular, secret universe where he controls everything and doesn’t risk being hurt in real-life relationships. Ties it back to not being parented, not being seen, being hurt in relationships, and never being taught how to give or receive love. Talks about PTSD and “euphoric recall” around those binges and how long it takes to emotionally disarm those memories. Childhood trauma: stillbirth, ECT, Valium and the “wife swap” At age two, his mum has a stillbirth; the baby (Nicola) has severe spina bifida. Mum goes into acute depression; treated with electroshock therapy and becomes addicted to Valium. He basically isn’t parented for several years; dad is a womanizer seeking attention elsewhere. Parents end up in a bizarre partner swap: his dad gets with a married woman, his mum gets with that woman’s husband, they literally swap houses on the same estate. He describes his family as stuck in a “misery cycle” that none of them want to break. Nervous breakdowns, Europe, and being “vacant” as a father By the time the band blows up, he’s had multiple nervous breakdowns, lost jobs, and been thrown out of places he rented. His wife Claire is doing both roles, father and mother, while he’s “vacant” and touring. On the road, he mostly isolates in hotel rooms, getting obliterated on drugs and porn instead of partying socially. Success gives him cash—no more dealers texting about debts, merch money in his hands—and everything ramps up. The bottom: wife leaves with the kids & the beer down the drain His wife takes their daughter and newborn son and leaves to a hotel for about a week. Jason comes home after a two- or three-day coke run; the house is empty. A friend stops by with curry and a can of lager. Jason goes outside, looks at the beer, and pours it down the drain. Decides to stop drinking, and because booze was his gateway, he stops cigarettes, weed and cocaine the same day. After a few weeks his wife tells him, “You’ve never been this clean.” He calls it his last chance. Therapy, complex trauma and breaking the cycle Early therapists tell him his main issue is trauma more than pure physical addiction and don’t push 12-step. Meets a trauma psychologist at Nottingham University—after a 10-minute history the guy says, “I’ll see you.” Gets diagnosed with complex trauma: a long chain of circumstantial hits that fed all his erratic, self-destructive behavior. Does years of psychotherapy, then moves to an inner-child therapist who has him talk to himself as a kid. Admits he came to see his first therapist as a father figure. No contact with either parent now; says he wanted to break the family pattern and did, with his wife and kids. Volunteers at a local center that feeds and clothes people, including folks with heavy addiction. Mental health, men, and friendship Talks about how men in particular struggle to talk, keep things solitary, and carry shame. Shares that he doesn’t have many close friends and sometimes beats himself up for not being able to “save” people still using. Believes mental health awareness is here to stay but there’s still a low-level taboo. Nerdy music lightning round Pistols vs. Clash, Iggy vs. Lou, Weller vs. Rod Stewart, Oasis vs. Blur, Stone Roses vs. Blur, Public Enemy vs. Beastie Boys, etc. Lots of British music nerdery and Jason shit-talking his own personal pantheon in a loving way. Ends with Jason promising to hit New York with Sleaford Mods, and Dave offering friendship if he ever needs it.

Tuesday Teaser! Meditation! Cormac Selby

Charlotte McKinney Interview 45 days sober, nervous about committing Comedy as a private escape Heavy past weed use; quitting cold turkey Partying with men as an excuse to use Realizing she was returning to “darkness” from high school Craziest drug moments: taking LSD and going to family dinners / holiday events completely high Codependency, intimacy issues, celibacy experiment Dave shares his own early AA story and obsession with his ex Sponsor talk, boundaries, women’s meetings Rapid-fire game: mushrooms, Prince, heroin vs meth, Pilates vs ketamine

Dave is “bursting with gratitude” after finally removing a rotting opossum from his block and throws it in a dumpster instead of giving it a “noble death.” Riff on opossums as disgusting North American marsupials; asks listeners if there’s a grosser animal or another North American marsupial. Reads an Instagram message from Case/Casey: binged almost all episodes, finally joined Patreon, 23 months sober off booze and stolen meds from nursing jobs, loved Dr. Giles in Ep 550, in a diversion program, big fan of Demerol, only criticism is Dave’s Pearl Jam hate. Dave defends his Pearl Jam disdain but says he’d gladly have Eddie Vedder on and loved the Into the Wild soundtrack. Lays out the “daily Dopey” plan: Monday replay (Charlotte McKinney), Tuesday Patreon teaser/Reddit Roundup, Wednesday Dose of Dopey (possibly Jason Williamson of Sleaford Mods), Thursday retro episode with Chris, asks for Chris-episode requests by email. Spotify reviews, Theo Vaughn bleep & Tim Dillon Reads Spotify comments: Laura Ann DiPiro on Laura Ann DiPiro episode sound being fixed by Howie; gratitude message; Todd Snider and Steve Poltz love. Comment about him bleeping a comic’s name (Theo Vaughn) while mentioning David Spade; listener jokes he’s playing it safe hoping to book Theo. Dave admits wanting Theo on, reads comments about “Many Rivers to Cross,” NA vs AA identity language, and Sober influencers. Clarifies his stance: loves NA but it didn’t work for him; he says “alcoholic” in meetings and admits he misquotes AA literature and breaks traditions. Shoutout to longtime Tim Dillon booking attempts; listener thinks Tim would be a huge guest. Steve Cropper tribute & interracial bands riff Pays tribute to late guitarist/songwriter Steve Cropper (Booker T. & the MG’s, Blues Brothers band, Green Onions, “(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay”) and tells the story of Cropper finishing “Dock of the Bay” after Otis Redding died. Plays short clips of “Green Onions” and “Dock of the Bay.” Riff on “interracial bands”: lists Booker T. and the MG’s, Sly & the Family Stone, The Specials, Love (probably), Black Moon, Benny Goodman, Miles Davis groups, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Thin Lizzy, Hootie & the Blowfish, Dave Matthews Band; jokes that some were better than others. Mountainside & Link Diagnostics ads Mountainside: detox, 28-day, aftercare, origin of Dopey with Chris, locations in CT, NYC, Long Island; shoutout to John Jones with his phone number and mountainside.com/dopey. Link Diagnostics: boutique tox lab for treatment centers, fast accurate results for emerging substances (kratom, mushroom chocolates, designer drugs), motto “stay positive and test negative.” Voicemail: colonoscopy & propofol Miles from California calls about a colonoscopy: anesthesiologist slowly pushes milky propofol while chatting so he “gets a nice feeling for a little while” then knocks out, but prep is brutal “explosive water” diarrhea. Encourages Dave to get his colonoscopy, says propofol is worth it. Dave jokes about wanting to be “milk-ed” with propofol and wonders why he’d get it without a colonoscopy. Orchard on the Brazos & email: using in rehab Orchard on the Brazos ad: Dan and Brandy, family-run Texas facility, private bedrooms, 132 acres, pond, tennis, gym, chef-prepared meals, “recovery that doesn’t feel like punishment.” Email from Dylan in Canada about using fentanyl in treatment: At 120 mg methadone + clonazepam in three-month rehab, gets welfare deposit, cabs to hospital and secretly scores a teener (1.75g) of purple “FETI” (strongest stuff). Smokes on foil before returning; keeps smoking in room and dayroom, nods in front of nurse for 5 minutes. Refuses UA, makes a scene, rehab can’t find dope/foil/straws and lets him stay; he still graduates. Now three years clean, tapering methadone by 5 mg/month from 40 mg. Dave praises Dylan’s story, jokes it restores his faith in Canadians and wonders if Dylan is a Pearl Jam fan, promises stickers/socks. Dave’s own “using in treatment” stories & invitation California detox: convinces Todd to visit with cigarettes, heroin, and a needle; shoots dope in treatment dayroom and later leaves, wasting his dad’s money. Earlier rehab: young woman gave him Elavil (downer) and he got high before discharge. Clarifies: most satisfying thing is actually getting sober, not using in treatment; invites “using in treatment” stories via email and emphasizes he’s not recommending it. Recovery Unplugged ad Music-based treatment centers in FL, TX, VA, TN, SC, NJ. Higher long-term recovery rates, accepts insurance, in-person and online. Collaboration with manager Doc McGhee on the Elsewhere If program for touring musicians and crew. Repeats that you don’t have to be a musician to benefit. Main interview: Darrell Hammond Opening: “I didn’t do as well as I wanted to” Darrell says he feels he didn’t do as well as he wanted in his career despite being one of SNL’s longest-tenured cast members and current announcer, with a book and documentary. Dave frames him as hugely successful; Darrell says feeling “not enough” is just his nature. Comedy Cellar & distractions Both talk about how distracting crowds, blenders, plates, noise, and outdoor shows can wreck sets. Darrell describes doing the “worst show of his life” at an outdoor Hall of Fame gig next to LaGuardia with nonstop planes; he feels betrayed but powers through and emphasizes never letting the crowd feel you hate them. First drinks & baseball curveballs First drink at 14: stolen six-pack of Busch beers in a Southern ditch under magnolias and Australian pines; two beers turn his world from black-and-white to color—suddenly he likes himself, feels good, sees himself as a good ballplayer. Baseball story: two doubles off an “impossibly talented” pitcher called CPR Bro after correctly guessing curveballs, practiced by hitting wiffle-ball curves—parallels between talent and intuition. Feeling outside & impressions as entry pass As a kid and young adult he feels he doesn’t belong and is “anxiously apart from” the world. Impressions (coaches, parents, celebrities) give him instant entry and acceptance—especially making his mother laugh and feeling oxytocin-type relief. Discusses the “antecedents” of alcoholism: didn’t want to face that trauma and parenting played a role, so he preferred to believe it “came from nowhere.” Trauma, flashbacks & the doctor’s psychodrama Describes multiple psych hospital stays and misdiagnoses (psychotic, schizophrenic, borderline, bipolar, sociopathic) before meeting one doctor who uses psycho-theater/“chair work.” Doctor has him play both himself and his mother in a structured dialogue; buried memories come back in pieces, not all at once. He talks about the Jekyll/Hyde element of alcoholism—rage that feels like another person—and Bill W’s line about “seemingly without provocation” while realizing he often did provoke situations. Abuse, self-blame, and the need to protect the parent Revisits abuse memories (hands slammed in doors, being left places) and explains how he blamed himself (“I slammed my own hand in the door”) because admitting his mother didn’t love or protect him felt like a path to insanity. Says the brain won’t let you think something that would send you permanently over the edge, so it chooses self-blame instead. Alcohol as problem solver & limited cocaine/crack Calls alcohol a “problem solver” that showed up to fix terror and unprocessed anger. Clarifies he wasn’t actually a crack addict—did coke heavily for about four months and used crack once—but mostly his addiction was whiskey/John Barleycorn. Dave jokes that Google says “crack addict”; Darrell corrects the record. The crack-house on 137th Street After SNL, drunk on Jäger in Washington Square Park, a huge guy invites him to “hit the pipe.” They go to a real Harlem crack house; the owner thinks Darrell is police, but the big guy defends him: “He ain’t police. That motherfucker’s on TV.” A topless woman across the room recognizes him: “That’s Clinton.” Darrell calls it the happiest he’s ever been. He notices the 11th-Step (St. Francis) prayer written on the wall and has a psychotic-feeling moment that God is speaking to him. Sponsor’s suicide and long slide First big sober run: 5 years and 7 months of strong program in Orlando—radio job, weight loss, gym, colorful clothes, Emmet Fox “Seven Day Mental Diet” every morning. Sponsor is fired for being gay in a conservative Southern environment and later tells Darrell he’s in love with him; Darrell gently rejects him. Sponsor dies by suicide with a .357, closed casket because of injuries; Darrell gets a voicemail from the man’s young daughter saying their dad killed himself. He internalizes blame (“I partially caused this”), spirals into deep guilt, starts dressing in black and stops trying as hard at life, and then relapses; never gets past a few years sober again for a long time. SNL, drinking, and cutting When he gets SNL, he does not drink on “game day” because he respects the danger and stakes of live TV; he drinks during the week and after the show. Cutting first starts at 19, disappears, then comes roaring back in his 30s and early 40s at the height of his career. Explains cutting as: Creating a solvable crisis that temporarily distracts from overwhelming internal panic/flashbacks. A visible sign/billboard saying “I’m hurting; someone notice.” He hides cuts junkie-style (long sleeves, keeping it under wraps); says Lorne doesn’t micromanage behavior as long as “the ball goes over the fence” on Saturday. Therapy, diagnoses & acting work on meds Talks about being misdiagnosed with multiple disorders before that key trauma-focused doctor. Mentions acting work: Damages, Law & Order: SVU, and Criminal Intent; says he did well in some, but on Lamictal he felt emotionally dulled and couldn’t respond properly to intense scene partners like Vincent D’Onofrio. Impressions, Comedy Cellar & finding the “funny” Early on, NYC clubs reject impressionists as “prop acts,” which feeds his imposter syndrome. He eventually reframes impressions as “the way God instructed me to be funny.” Uses Comedy Cellar stage to workshop characters like Al Gore hundreds of times, learning to exaggerate like a Hirschfeld caricature rather than just “match sonar blips” of a voice. Talks about Jim Downey walking in with a fully formed Gore take before the 2000 debates—syrupy, overbearing school-teacher vibe that finally makes Gore funny. For Clinton, he invents the now-iconic thumb-and-lip combo at the Cellar; recognizes Clinton as someone who genuinely loves being Bill Clinton. Shares stories of Bill Clinton’s charisma, work ethic hosting SNL, talking to grips and gardeners, and his view that what’s most personal is most general and funniest. Stroke ward, terror, and surrender Describes the stroke: artery blockage, six specialists working on him, feeling his throat cut open for surgery and later feeling like he’d been thrown onto bricks. In the stroke ward he hears what he thinks are children but learns it’s adults newly told they’ll never speak again, trying to talk; that sound haunts him. Realizes “I did this”—his thinking and drinking drove him into the ambulance and ward. This is the event that finally makes him desperate enough to accept he’s the problem, give up his own ideas, and beg for a new way to live so he never goes back there. Program today, “law of threes” & connection Daily routine: cognitive therapy, exercise, yoga, meditation, meetings, deliberate connection with others. Uses the “law of threes” from Olympic training: one-third of days feel great, one-third are okay, one-third suck—and that’s normal. Believes connection is the antidote to whatever he is. God, Einstein, babies & serenity Shares a long riff on Einstein watching a girl and a train, gravity applying different force, and “God does not play dice with the universe.” For him, whoever can hang planets, spin a water-covered Earth exactly, and create babies being born is, by human definition, “God.” Admits he used to bargain with God for revenge, awards, and an Oscar/Emmy/Tony/Grammy/Drama Desk, but now sees what he really wanted was inner peace. Imaginary God answer: He’s not killing anyone or handing out awards, but He can offer serenity and peace of mind—Darrell accepts that deal. Religion & closing Shares Mary Shelley’s line as his “religion”: “To improve myself and to contribute to the happiness of others.” Dave runs a “This or That” game that Darrell mostly refuses to answer (too much love/respect for many choices), but he does pick: Stones over Beatles, booze over coke, Clinton over Bush, oxy over Percocet, Ativan over Klonopin, Porky over Daffy, New York over New Orleans, Depakote over lithium. They acknowledge imposter syndrome, how impressions are God’s way of instructing him to be funny, and how recovery is built on admitting he can’t run the show. Outro: Patreon, Safe Spot, stickers, mustard, and recovery Dave calls the conversation soulful, sad, and satisfying; invites feedback at [email protected] and reminds listeners about Patreon (ad-free, extra shows, Wednesday recovery Zoom, monthly Patreon Zoom—moving it to Sunday because he and Linda are going to see Andrew Dice Clay). Does a quick Dice impression: “Jack and Jill went up the hill…” into “she needed the money.” Safe Spot plug for people wanting to get high without dying: 1-800-972-0590, Kimber and Steven. Customstickers.com ad: fast, high-quality stickers, 20% off for Dopey fans. Mike’s Amazing mustard and mayo shoutout as “very high quality products.” Rant about hating social media, sucking at it, Instagram being at risk again, and the Trey Anastasio thing; says it’s stressful and not rewarding. Reflects on sleep, Stranger Things putting him to sleep because Linda only allows watching late with lights off and no phone. Ends with a clear statement that recovery is the best thing that ever happened to him, followed by family, Dopey, and Katz’s (order adjusted depending on who’s listening), and a Steve Cropper RIP/Blues Brothers plug.

Replay from June 2022 - Carolyn 'Mountain Girl' Garcia tells her story! From ibogaine in Palo Alto, to LSD with Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters. Going on the road and starting a family with Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead. Ultimately enduring a marriage with a total heroin and cocaine addict as husband and father of her children. This is a very, very special replay of an extra heady episode of the good old Dopey show! Big big shout out to Seth Ferrante for hooking it up!