The Greatest Generation

When Captain Archer brings Porthos on an important diplomatic mission, peeing on a sacred tree earns the Kreetassans another elaborate apology. But when the pathogen Porthos picked up turns him into a puppet, Dr. Phlox starts digging into the psychology of Archer’s hot-headed reactions. Does the actor who plays Porthos have a side hustle? Who is a roll-off danger in a biobed? What will make a comeback on iPad 17? It’s the episode that’s dead inside in different ways.

When the Entrepreneur puts out a general distress call, what they get back are coordinates for a repair station nearby. But when they show up to find that nobody’s home, the price might seem too good to be true but the ship’s torpedos finally get to save the day. What’s the best way to mask the smell of fireworks? Where can you still find a Bunn coffee maker? Was it time to kill off Mayweather? It’s the episode that arrives pre-shaved!

When the Entrepreneur wanders into an invisible minefield, a great big bomb blows open the ship before a second mine gets stuck to a sensitive part of the hull. But when Romulans arrive and start making threats, Reed’s near-death experience trying to diffuse the ordinance doesn’t bring him closer to the crew. What makes the A220 a great plane? Where is Reed’s hurt locker? Why do Starfleet spacesuits need a butt zipper? It’s the episode that has made up its mind about Reed.

When Captain Archer and Commander Tucker ask T’Pol for a good dinner story, she tells them about the ancient Vulcans who crashed on Earth before first contact. But when her great-grandmother’s rescue doesn’t arrive for many months, one of the Vulcans learns to love the bomb while the others can’t wait to get off Sputnik-era Earth. What are the two things you can gamble with? Who was the original hawk tuah? Which modern invention is part of the texture of our reality now? It’s the episode that makes everyone feel like a lecherous creep.

When Captain Archer and Agent Daniels are stuck in the future, they scrounge up the raw materials to communicate with the past. But with Suliban in control of the Entrepreneur, Commander Tucker hot wires everyone’s doorbells so that Hoshi can Die Hard through the vents to retake the ship. Which art project is dripping glue? What takes more technique than people give it credit for? Who should have voiced the last time on? It’s the episode with an auto-destruct-shaped hole in its heart.