Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Parenting gets harder when your kids start needing you less. Justin and Kylie talk about the messy reality of raising children who eventually leave home, make their own choices and face hard things without you beside them. They share a beautiful reminder that resilience rarely looks neat, why the struggle matters, and why the goal of parenting is to make yourself redundant. They also talk about Justin’s 50K for 50K Lift the Load challenge, raising money to help Top Blokes support boys with mentors and positive models of masculinity. KEY POINTS Resilient kids don’t always look confident. Sometimes resilience looks messy, uncertain and uncomfortable. Your child’s struggle isn’t always something you need to fix. Some struggles are where growth happens. Kids spell love T-I-M-E. Time with your children still matters when they become adults. The goal of parenting is to make yourself redundant. When children no longer need you, they can choose to come back because they want to. Raising boys well means giving them positive models of masculinity, kindness, respect and healthy relationships. Sometimes doing something meaningful means stepping well outside your comfort zone. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Make yourself redundant. And the great irony is, if you do it well, because they don’t need you, they come back not because they need you, but because they want to be there.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Lift the Load 50K for 50K ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Resist the urge to rescue your child from every uncomfortable experience. Give your kids time, even when they’re older and independent. When your child is struggling, ask yourself whether they need rescuing or simply need you beside them. Look for opportunities to model kindness, respect and healthy relationships. Think about one thing you can do tomorrow that strengthens your relationship with your child. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The more you monitor your kids, the more they might hide. Research on parental monitoring shows that knowing where your kids are matters far less than creating a relationship where they feel safe telling you what is really going on. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what the research says about disclosure, surveillance, rules and trust, and share five practical ways to help your kids keep talking when things go wrong. KEY POINTS Why kids' voluntary disclosure tells parents more than surveillance How negative reactions can lead to more secrecy Why punishment can shut down honesty How to respond when your child tells you something difficult Why clear reasons and autonomy-supportive rules build trust Why covert snooping can make kids sneakier How to stay connected as children become more independent The difference between emotion for your child and emotion at your child QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Location apps will show you where they are, but only the relationship that you have will tell you how they are.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Stattin and Kerr's 2003 research on parental monitoring and disclosure Weinstein and Schabulski's research on autonomy-supportive parenting ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Take a breath before reacting when your child tells you something difficult. Say, “I’m glad you told me,” before jumping into consequences. Focus on solving the problem rather than punishing the disclosure. Explain why your rules exist and give your child choices where you can. Create regular opportunities to talk without turning every conversation into an interrogation. Get curious, not furious. Don't rely on covert snooping to find out what your child is doing. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Australia made global headlines when it introduced a minimum age of 16 for social media. But months on, more than eight in 10 kids are still using age-restricted platforms. Justin Coulson sits down with Federal Communications Minister Anika Wells to ask what is happening, why compliance has been so difficult, and what the new Digital Duty of Care could mean for families. The proposed laws go beyond social media to cover gaming, AI chatbots and other online platforms, with new requirements around harmful content and addictive design features such as endless scrolling and popularity metrics. KEY POINTS Why compliance with the under-16 social media laws has been slower than expected Why the responsibility needs to sit with big tech, not exhausted parents What the proposed Digital Duty of Care could change How AI, gaming, chatbots and other platforms will be covered The harmful content and design features the government wants platforms to address What age verification means for access to pornography Why VPNs and other workarounds make online safety harder The early signs that some young Australians are sleeping better, playing more sport and seeing less online bullying QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “This is about introducing some basic safety standards to an industry that hasn’t had any.” Anika Wells RESOURCES MENTIONED Australia’s under-16 social media legislation The proposed Digital Duty of Care eSafety Commissioner research and long-term studies Australia’s online pornography age-verification laws happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Talk with your kids about why these laws exist rather than making the conversation only about rules. Keep an eye on the platforms, games and AI tools your children are using. Pay attention to sleep, mood, sport, friendships and offline activities, not just screen-time minutes. Use the law as a support when conversations about online safety become difficult. Stay informed as the Digital Duty of Care develops. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you do when your 17-year-old refuses to go to school, skips classes and has no idea what he wants to do instead? Justin and Kylie tackle a tricky question from a parent whose son is struggling with Year 11. They explore vocational schools, apprenticeships, TAFE, distance education and the idea that education doesn’t have to mean sitting in a classroom until Year 12. The goal is to help young people keep learning, contributing and moving forward without forcing them into a path that clearly isn’t working. KEY POINTS: Why school isn’t the only way to get an education Vocational schools and hands-on learning School-based apprenticeships and TAFE Why “earning or learning” is a useful family expectation Helping teenagers build character, reliability and practical skills Why a 17-year-old doesn’t need their whole future figured out Finding purpose through contribution and solving real problems QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “You need to be either full-time earning or full-time learning.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out by Justin Coulson The Industry School School-based apprenticeships TAFE and vocational education Lift the Load 50 for 50 fundraiser for Top Blokes ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Talk to your child’s school about alternative pathways. Look beyond university and traditional Year 12 pathways. Explore apprenticeships, TAFE, vocational schools and practical training. Help your teenager find something that builds skills and a sense of contribution. Take the pressure off having their entire future figured out at 17. Focus on reliability, communication, initiative and integrity. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s Mrs Happy Families’ birthday week, so Justin puts Kylie on the spot with questions she hasn’t seen before. There are childhood confessions, a $2 garage sale bargain, a surprising celebrity crush, competitive board games, laundry, parenting wisdom and one deeply meaningful question about how she hopes her six children will remember her. Kylie also opens up about setting herself a big goal, learning to value the progress rather than just the number, and the moment she realised she could be proud of herself. It’s funny, honest and unexpectedly moving. KEY POINTS: Why Kylie thinks her daughter Abby is most like her The $2 garage sale find that became a handmade baby quilt Why laundry is Kylie’s favourite household job Kylie’s surprising running anthem The competitive streak Justin insists she has The parenting moment that made Kylie most proud What Kylie hopes her children remember about her QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “I would rather be 10 kilos lighter at the end of the year and not reach my goal of 20 kilos than to be sitting where I was at the beginning of the year without any hope or a desire to make the changes necessary.” ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Ask yourself what you hope your children will remember about you when they are adults. Notice the progress you are making instead of focusing only on whether you have reached the goal. Ask your children what they love most about you. Their answers might surprise you. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.