On this week’s show we open with a discussion of the sexualization of animals, and the various forms such sexualization can take (zoophilia, bestiality, zoosadism). Guest host Klik Wolf joins us to discuss our main topic, toxic popularity — we talk about how the desire to become popular can turn some well-meaning furs into people they don’t want to be. We close with advice about becoming more dominant in bed.Viro: Welcome back to Feral Attraction! Joining me as a guest host this week is Klik Wolf. Klik, why don’t you take a moment to introduce yourself?Klik: Hello, I'm klik Wolf. I'm an aspiring indie game dev and adult performer and I've been in the furry fandom for over 8 years but have just recently started getting involved in the community.Introduction topicWhat forms can sexualization of animals take?ZoophiliaTaking a sexual interest in animalsFantasizing about animals or animal parts in a sexual wayMay include feral art / roleplayBestialityHaving sexual contact with an animalZoosadismTorturing an animal for the purpose of sexual gratificationWhat are the ethics of having a sexual interest in animals?Should we be tolerant of non-offending zoophiles?What are the ethics of thought crimes?What is the legality?Sexual contact with animals is illegal in many jurisdictions, including most of the United StatesHawaii, Kentucky, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Vermont, West Virginia and Wyoming are the only states that lack explicit anti-bestiality lawsToxic PopularityWhat is the purpose of fandom?The furry fandom was created to be a place where anyone could be accepted and supported, a fandom where people could forget about shallow ideas like popularity and enjoy the company of others without worrying about social pretenses. Unfortunately, many furs don't feel like this is the case.How does popularity in the fandom actually work?What tends to get social media attentionOften, things that are quite impersonalPositivityMemesRelatable sentimentsFursuit picsHumor/PunsSmutPornWhat tends to make people avoid youOften, things that are quite personalDramaNegativityContrarianism(unless you’re popular specifically for being a troll)NeedinessDesperationAwkwardnessInappropriatenessCliquesMany groups of friends in the fandom are essentially by invitation onlyIt can be frustrating to attempt to befriend someone who is part of a cliqueThe value of a clique lies in there being an “outgroup” of people who supposedly “aren’t worthy” of being inYou do not need to internalize the message that you “aren’t worthy” just because a particular clique seems closed off to youWhat are the downsides of popularity?HatersSome people will be envious of you and will take a dislike to you, or even work to sabotage youExtra scrutinyLots of eyes and ears on you means people notice your mistakes (microaggressions, moments of weakness/anger, etc.)Tone policingCan feel like you need to wear a mask, not be “human”PrejudicePeople who know you by reputation can form first impressions of you without you ever actually meeting themCan create a sense of paranoiaEmotional bandwidthFan interactions / fan service can become extremely draining and allow little time/energy for personal/intimate relationshipsHow do you want to show up in the fandom?Why do you want to be popular?Attention?Sexual partner selection?Influence?Legacy?Power?What would popularity actually bring you?Weigh pros/consHow much of your “true self” are you willing to lose?How can you show up in a likable but authentic way?How else can you create the emotions you’re after?Who do you really want to be well liked by?Feedback “I just found your podcasts the other day through Culturally F’d. You guys do a wonderful service for humanity and the anthro community. Life’s been fucking dark so I look forward to the new episodes and I’m speechless for how this fandom is matured. Without a doubt, thank you for everything you do, seriously. In just about 6 months I returned to being a furry after like 10 years, and everywhere I look I see so much to fucking love in this community. Especially resistance regaining ground against empire. Seems so unreal.” - DaisyQuestion(s)What is the first step to going from being a submissive to becoming a dominant in bed? After five years, my boyfriend wants to have me dominate and take control. I’m a little nervous and really unsure of how to start to ease into the role without becoming overwhelmed.Received via Contact Form (name withheld)FA 023 BDSM Roles Demystified: <a href="https://www.feralattraction.com/shownotes/fa023">https://www.feralattraction.com/shownotes/fa023</a>Learning to be more dominant in bed advice column: <a href="https://www.feralattraction.com/advice/learning-to-be-more-dominant-in-bed">https://www.feralattraction.com/advice/learning-to-be-more-dominant-in-bed</a>CloserContact infoContact Viro:Telegram: <a href="http://t.me/viroscicollie">t.me/viroscicollie</a>Twitter: <a href="http://twitter.com/viroscicollie">twitter.com/viroscicollie</a>Contact Klik:Telegram: <a href="http://t.me/Klik2097">t.me/Klik2097</a>Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/klik2097">https://twitter.com/klik2097</a> (warning: 18+ NSFW)Feral Attraction Twitter:<a href="http://twitter.com/feralattractfm">twitter.com/feralattractfm</a>Feral Attraction Contact Page:<a href="http://feralattraction.com/contact">feralattraction.com/contact</a>Coaching Services now available!As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!For more information, visit: <a href="http://feralattraction.com/coaching">feralattraction.com/coaching</a>Other businessPatreonJoel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at <a href="https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/">https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/</a>

<description>&lt;p&gt;On this week’s show we open with a discussion of the sexualization of animals, and the various forms such sexualization can take (zoophilia, bestiality, zoosadism). Guest host Klik Wolf joins us to discuss our main topic, toxic popularity — we talk about how the desire to become popular can turn some well-meaning furs into people they don’t want to be. We close with advice about becoming more dominant in bed.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Viro: Welcome back to Feral Attraction! Joining me as a guest host this week is Klik Wolf. Klik, why don’t you take a moment to introduce yourself?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Klik: Hello, I'm klik Wolf. I'm an aspiring indie game dev and adult performer and I've been in the furry fandom for over 8 years but have just recently started getting involved in the community.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Introduction topic&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What forms can sexualization of animals take?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Zoophilia&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Taking a sexual interest in animals&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Fantasizing about animals or animal parts in a sexual way&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;May include feral art / roleplay&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Bestiality&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Having sexual contact with an animal&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Zoosadism&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Torturing an animal for the purpose of sexual gratification&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What are the ethics of having a sexual interest in animals?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Should we be tolerant of non-offending zoophiles?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What are the ethics of thought crimes?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What is the legality?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Sexual contact with animals is illegal in many jurisdictions, including most of the United States&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Hawaii, Kentucky, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Vermont, West Virginia and Wyoming are the only states that lack explicit anti-bestiality laws&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Toxic Popularity&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;What is the purpose of fandom?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The furry fandom was created to be a place where anyone could be accepted and supported, a fandom where people could forget about shallow ideas like popularity and enjoy the company of others without worrying about social pretenses. Unfortunately, many furs don't feel like this is the case.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;How does popularity in the fandom actually work?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What tends to get social media attention&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Often, things that are quite impersonal&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Positivity&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Memes&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Relatable sentiments&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Fursuit pics&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Humor/Puns&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Smut&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Porn&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What tends to make people avoid you&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Often, things that are quite personal&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Drama&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Negativity&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contrarianism&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;(unless you’re popular specifically for being a troll)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Neediness&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Desperation&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Awkwardness&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Inappropriateness&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Cliques&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Many groups of friends in the fandom are essentially by invitation only&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It can be frustrating to attempt to befriend someone who is part of a clique&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The value of a clique lies in there being an “outgroup” of people who supposedly “aren’t worthy” of being in&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;You do not need to internalize the message that you “aren’t worthy” just because a particular clique seems closed off to you&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;What are the downsides of popularity?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Haters&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Some people will be envious of you and will take a dislike to you, or even work to sabotage you&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Extra scrutiny&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Lots of eyes and ears on you means people notice your mistakes (microaggressions, moments of weakness/anger, etc.)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Tone policing&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Can feel like you need to wear a mask, not be “human”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Prejudice&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;People who know you by reputation can form first impressions of you without you ever actually meeting them&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Can create a sense of paranoia&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Emotional bandwidth&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Fan interactions / fan service can become extremely draining and allow little time/energy for personal/intimate relationships&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;How do you want to show up in the fandom?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Why do you want to be popular?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Attention?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Sexual partner selection?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Influence?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Legacy?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Power?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What would popularity actually bring you?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Weigh pros/cons&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;How much of your “true self” are you willing to lose?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;How can you show up in a likable but authentic way?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;How else can you create the emotions you’re after?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Who do you &lt;em&gt;really&lt;/em&gt; want to be well liked by?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feedback&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“I just found your podcasts the other day through Culturally F’d. You guys do a wonderful service for humanity and the anthro community. Life’s been fucking dark so I look forward to the new episodes and I’m speechless for how this fandom is matured. Without a doubt, thank you for everything you do, seriously. In just about 6 months I returned to being a furry after like 10 years, and everywhere I look I see so much to fucking love in this community. Especially resistance regaining ground against empire. Seems so unreal.” - Daisy&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Question(s)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What is the first step to going from being a submissive to becoming a dominant in bed? After five years, my boyfriend wants to have me dominate and take control. I’m a little nervous and really unsure of how to start to ease into the role without becoming overwhelmed.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Received via Contact Form (name withheld)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;FA 023 BDSM Roles Demystified: &lt;a href="https://www.feralattraction.com/shownotes/fa023"&gt;https://www.feralattraction.com/shownotes/fa023&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Learning to be more dominant in bed advice column:&lt;br&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.feralattraction.com/advice/learning-to-be-more-dominant-in-bed"&gt;https://www.feralattraction.com/advice/learning-to-be-more-dominant-in-bed&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Closer&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact info&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact Viro:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Telegram: &lt;a href="http://t.me/viroscicollie"&gt;t.me/viroscicollie&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Twitter: &lt;a href="http://twitter.com/viroscicollie"&gt;twitter.com/viroscicollie&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Contact Klik:&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Telegram: &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a href="http://t.me/Klik2097"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;t.me/Klik2097&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Twitter: &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a href="https://twitter.com/klik2097"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;https://twitter.com/klik2097&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;strong&gt; (warning: 18+ NSFW)&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Twitter:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://twitter.com/feralattractfm"&gt;twitter.com/feralattractfm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Contact Page:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://feralattraction.com/contact"&gt;feralattraction.com/contact&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Coaching Services now available!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;For more information, visit: &lt;a href="http://feralattraction.com/coaching"&gt;feralattraction.com/coaching&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Other business&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Patreon&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Joel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at &lt;a href="https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/"&gt;https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</description>

We discuss the ethics of zoophilia, toxic popularity, and becoming more dominant in bed.

On this week’s show we open with a discussion of the sexualization of animals, and the various forms such sexualization can take (zoophilia, bestiality, zoosadism). Guest host Klik Wolf joins us to discuss our main topic, toxic popularity — we talk about how the desire to become popular can turn some well-meaning furs into people they don’t want to be. We close with advice about becoming more dominant in bed.

FA 108 Toxic Popularity

Feral Attraction Episode 107 - Friendship 9/14/18IntroOn this week’s show we open with a discussion of the history of happiness, and why happiness may be elusive. Soatok Dhole joins us to discuss our main topic, friendship — what is a good friendship, when is the right time to distance yourself from a friend, and how do you revive a fading friendship worth saving? We close with a question about how to handle developing feelings for a straight roommate.Introduction topicA history of happiness explains why capitalism makes us feel empty insideSean Illing - Vox<a href="https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/9/4/17759590/happiness-fantasy-capitalism-culture-carl-cederstrom">https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/9/4/17759590/happiness-fantasy-capitalism-culture-carl-cederstrom</a>TopicWhat is friendship?“Essential and fundamental to friendship is that it is a natural, spontaneous, freely given and entered into relationship promised as much on subliminal cues that prompt liking as on anything that the parties could specify as a reason for engaging in it” – philosopher AC GraylingFriend vs. friendly acquaintanceCommon to both:People who make you a better personPeople who you enjoy spending time withPeople who you have a history of shared experience withPeople who share your values, your hobbies, your interests, and/or your kinksUnique to friends:People you can trustPeople you can confide inPeople you can be yourself aroundLoyaltyProblems arise when you expect loyalty from someone you considered a friend, but who views you as a friendly acquaintanceWhat is a bad friendship?“Our friends aren’t toxic — they’re just human”Ephrat Livni - Quartz<a href="https://qz.com/1352437/our-friends-arent-toxic-theyre-just-human/">https://qz.com/1352437/our-friends-arent-toxic-theyre-just-human/</a>Many people argue a “bad friend” is one who consistently brings you down or holds you back“The current cultural discourse suggests that friends are people who we use to improve ourselves, and get rid of when the going gets tough or if we’re not having enough fun. … It’s friendship as a capitalistic exchange, instead of relationships involving people who care about each other, hanging out, and helping each other through life’s ups and downs.”This philosophy leads many people to treat their friends as disposable, and to abandon them when they need support and are not contributing to the friendship — right when they need a friend the mostIt is important to remember the golden rule in friendship, and to treat others as we’d like to be treatedYou wouldn’t want to be abandoned during a time of hardship when you couldn’t be there for your friends as much as you’d like to beAbandoning a friend at the first sign of conflict or distress in the relationship will leave you with very few friendsIt is often worth it to attempt to reconcile or ignore certain conflicts for the sake of maintaining an otherwise valuable friendshipFriends who consistently do not support you, who do not share your values, and who have a history of being unreliable may be less worthy of continued or increased investment of time and other resourcesIn some circumstances, it can be worthwhile to invest in old friendships even when values and goals have drifted apart, for the sake of having someone who can “ground you” in your own historyIt is difficult for new friends to offer the same level of insight that old friends can provide to youIf you have many old friends, and a particular friendship is no longer offering benefit to either of you, it is okay to let a friendship turn back into a friendly acquaintanceshipKeep in mind: people change over time (and that’s ok!)What is a good friendship?In general, it is wise to invest in friends who:Share your valuesSupport you as you pursue your goalsPoint out your weaknesses and mistakes in a loving wayIt can be tempting to seek friends who tell you everything you do is awesome, but it’s wise to have a few close friends who can call you on your mistakesAssume good faith: When your close friends suggest you’ve done something wrong, it is generally because they care about your success, and not because they want to put you downHave a history of being trustworthy and reliableIt isn’t all about you“Real friendship is a kind of love, writes philosopher Bennet Helm. As such, it must ‘involve a concern for your friend for his sake and not for your own.’”It isn’t a great idea to be friends only with people who tell you everything you do is good“A true friend didn’t just flatter and please. Quite the contrary, their value lie in the fact that they sometimes corrected or fought with their pals, to whom they’d give their all.”Criticism that comes from a place of loyalty and respect, with the intent of making you a more authentic version of yourself, is very different from someone tearing you downWhen you’re around a good friend, you should feel liberated to act with authenticity.How do you revive a friendship?How to Revive a FriendshipAnna Goldfarb — The New York Times<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/smarter-living/how-to-revive-a-friendship.html">https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/smarter-living/how-to-revive-a-friendship.html</a>Start by “identifying what variables, if any, have changed since your falling out.”“Maybe you’re in a more stable place in life and are confident you can be a better, more attentive friend this time around.”“Thinking about the reasons you grew apart and how things might be different now can help you take the steps needed to rebuild a closer and longer lasting friendship.”Make the first move!If neither of you reach out, you won’t talkBeing vulnerable and honest about missing your former friend can help you reconnect if they’re feeling the same wayBe prepared for rejectionGame out what you’d say and what you’d do to feel better if you are rejectedAssume good faithIt’s possible your friend would love to talk to you, but the thought just hasn’t occurred to them, because many other things are on their mindIt’s harmless to remind them you exist and would like to talkEstablish interest in re-establishing the friendship before jumping into emotionally difficult topicsGo in as if this were a new friendshipStart small with light topics and catching up on what is new with each of youGood topics for conversation are anecdotes and requests for advice that focus on what is shared between you right nowSimilar life experiencesPlaces you’ve both been toWhere you are in lifeLocationCareerLifestyle/Living SituationTry socializing at first in a group settingGame nightMovie nightDinner partyOuting to a park for a hike or picnicTry to present your best selfThis will remind your former friend what they liked about you to begin withIt isn’t always possible to get back to the same level of friendship you had beforeBe willing to accept a less intimate relationship, at least at firstFeedbackNone for this weekQuestion(s)I live with my best friend, who is a straight male. I am a gay male furry, and I am crushing hard on the the friend that I live with. How can I continue to be friends with him given the feelings I cannot share?Received via Telegram (name withheld)CloserContact infoContact Viro:<a href="http://t.me/viroscicollie" target="_blank">t.me/viroscicollie</a><a href="http://twitter.com/viroscicollie" target="_blank">twitter.com/viroscicollie</a>Contact Soatok:<a href="https://twitter.com/SoatokDhole">https://twitter.com/SoatokDhole</a><a href="https://soatok.com">https://soatok.com</a>Feral Attraction Twitter:<a href="http://twitter.com/feralattractfm" target="_blank">twitter.com/feralattractfm</a>Feral Attraction Contact Page:<a href="http://feralattraction.com/contact" target="_blank">feralattraction.com/contact</a>Coaching Services now available!As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!For more information, visit: <a href="http://feralattraction.com/coaching" target="_blank">feralattraction.com/coaching</a>Other businessPatreonJoel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at <a href="https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/</a>

<description>&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction&lt;br&gt;Episode 107 - Friendship 9/14/18&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Intro&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;On this week’s show we open with a discussion of the history of happiness, and why happiness may be elusive. Soatok Dhole joins us to discuss our main topic, friendship — what is a good friendship, when is the right time to distance yourself from a friend, and how do you revive a fading friendship worth saving? We close with a question about how to handle developing feelings for a straight roommate.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Introduction topic&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;A history of happiness explains why capitalism makes us feel empty inside&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Sean Illing - Vox&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/9/4/17759590/happiness-fantasy-capitalism-culture-carl-cederstrom"&gt;https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/9/4/17759590/happiness-fantasy-capitalism-culture-carl-cederstrom&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Topic&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;What is friendship?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Essential and fundamental to friendship is that it is a natural, spontaneous, freely given and entered into relationship promised as much on subliminal cues that prompt liking as on anything that the parties could specify as a reason for engaging in it” – philosopher AC Grayling&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Friend vs. friendly acquaintance&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Common to both:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;People who make you a better person&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;People who you enjoy spending time with&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;People who you have a history of shared experience with&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;People who share your values, your hobbies, your interests, and/or your kinks&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Unique to friends:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;People you can trust&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;People you can confide in&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;People you can be yourself around&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Loyalty&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Problems arise when you expect loyalty from someone you considered a friend, but who views you as a friendly acquaintance&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;What is a bad friendship?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Our friends aren’t toxic — they’re just human”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Ephrat Livni - Quartz&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="https://qz.com/1352437/our-friends-arent-toxic-theyre-just-human/"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;https://qz.com/1352437/our-friends-arent-toxic-theyre-just-human/&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Many people argue a “bad friend” is one who consistently brings you down or holds you back&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“The current cultural discourse suggests that friends are people who we use to improve ourselves, and get rid of when the going gets tough or if we’re not having enough fun. … It’s friendship as a capitalistic exchange, instead of relationships involving people who care about each other, hanging out, and helping each other through life’s ups and downs.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;This philosophy leads many people to treat their friends as disposable, and to abandon them when they need support and are not contributing to the friendship — right when they need a friend the most&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It is important to remember the golden rule in friendship, and to treat others as we’d like to be treated&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;You wouldn’t want to be abandoned during a time of hardship when you couldn’t be there for your friends as much as you’d like to be&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Abandoning a friend at the first sign of conflict or distress in the relationship will leave you with very few friends&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It is often worth it to attempt to reconcile or ignore certain conflicts for the sake of maintaining an otherwise valuable friendship&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Friends who consistently do not support you, who do not share your values, and who have a history of being unreliable may be less worthy of continued or increased investment of time and other resources&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;In some circumstances, it can be worthwhile to invest in old friendships even when values and goals have drifted apart, for the sake of having someone who can “ground you” in your own history&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It is difficult for new friends to offer the same level of insight that old friends can provide to you&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;If you have many old friends, and a particular friendship is no longer offering benefit to either of you, it is okay to let a friendship turn back into a friendly acquaintanceship&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Keep in mind: people change over time (and that’s ok!)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;What is a good friendship?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;In general, it is wise to invest in friends who:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Share your values&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Support you as you pursue your goals&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Point out your weaknesses and mistakes in a loving way&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It can be tempting to seek friends who tell you everything you do is awesome, but it’s wise to have a few close friends who can call you on your mistakes&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Assume good faith: When your close friends suggest you’ve done something wrong, it is generally because they care about your success, and not because they want to put you down&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Have a history of being trustworthy and reliable&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It isn’t all about you&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Real friendship is a kind of love, writes philosopher Bennet Helm. As such, it must ‘involve a concern for your friend for his sake and not for your own.’”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It isn’t a great idea to be friends only with people who tell you everything you do is good&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“A true friend didn’t just flatter and please. Quite the contrary, their value lie in the fact that they sometimes corrected or fought with their pals, to whom they’d give their all.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Criticism that comes from a place of loyalty and respect, with the intent of making you a more authentic version of yourself, is very different from someone tearing you down&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;When you’re around a good friend, you should feel liberated to act with authenticity.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;How do you revive a friendship?&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;How to Revive a Friendship&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Anna Goldfarb — The New York Times&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/smarter-living/how-to-revive-a-friendship.html"&gt;https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/smarter-living/how-to-revive-a-friendship.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Start by “identifying what variables, if any, have changed since your falling out.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Maybe you’re in a more stable place in life and are confident you can be a better, more attentive friend this time around.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Thinking about the reasons you grew apart and how things might be different now can help you take the steps needed to rebuild a closer and longer lasting friendship.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Make the first move!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;If neither of you reach out, you won’t talk&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Being vulnerable and honest about missing your former friend can help you reconnect if they’re feeling the same way&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Be prepared for rejection&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Game out what you’d say and what you’d do to feel better if you are rejected&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Assume good faith&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It’s possible your friend would love to talk to you, but the thought just hasn’t occurred to them, because many other things are on their mind&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It’s harmless to remind them you exist and would like to talk&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Establish interest in re-establishing the friendship before jumping into emotionally difficult topics&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Go in as if this were a new friendship&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Start small with light topics and catching up on what is new with each of you&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Good topics for conversation are anecdotes and requests for advice that focus on what is shared between you right now&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Similar life experiences&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Places you’ve both been to&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Where you are in life&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Location&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Career&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Lifestyle/Living Situation&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Try socializing at first in a group setting&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Game night&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Movie night&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Dinner party&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Outing to a park for a hike or picnic&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Try to present your best self&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;This will remind your former friend what they liked about you to begin with&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It isn’t always possible to get back to the same level of friendship you had before&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Be willing to accept a less intimate relationship, at least at first&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feedback&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;None for this week&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Question(s)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I live with my best friend, who is a straight male. I am a gay male furry, and I am crushing hard on the the friend that I live with. How can I continue to be friends with him given the feelings I cannot share?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Received via Telegram (name withheld)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Closer&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact info&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact Viro:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://t.me/viroscicollie" target="_blank"&gt;t.me/viroscicollie&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://twitter.com/viroscicollie" target="_blank"&gt;twitter.com/viroscicollie&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Contact Soatok:&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="https://twitter.com/SoatokDhole"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;https://twitter.com/SoatokDhole&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="https://soatok.com"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;https://soatok.com&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Twitter:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://twitter.com/feralattractfm" target="_blank"&gt;twitter.com/feralattractfm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Contact Page:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://feralattraction.com/contact" target="_blank"&gt;feralattraction.com/contact&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Coaching Services now available!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;For more information, visit: &lt;a href="http://feralattraction.com/coaching" target="_blank"&gt;feralattraction.com/coaching&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Other business&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Patreon&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Joel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at &lt;a href="https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"&gt;https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</description>

What is a good friendship, when is the right time to distance yourself from a friend, and how do you revive a fading friendship worth saving?

On this week’s show we open with a discussion of the history of happiness, and why happiness may be elusive. Soatok Dhole joins us to discuss our main topic, friendship — what is a good friendship, when is the right time to distance yourself from a friend, and how do you revive a fading friendship worth saving? We close with a question about how to handle developing feelings for a straight roommate.

FA 107 Friendship

Introduction topicTHE MOST RELAXING VACATION YOU CAN TAKE IS GOING NOWHERE AT ALLEphrat Livni - Quartzy<a href="https://qz.com/quartzy/1342058/the-most-relaxing-vacation-you-can-take-is-going-nowhere-at-all/">https://qz.com/quartzy/1342058/the-most-relaxing-vacation-you-can-take-is-going-nowhere-at-all/</a>Importance of unstructured time“Dolce far niente” - the sweet joy of doing nothing“Remaining close to home—or just in it, hanging out—leaves you refreshed and provides perspective. And it may be the key to your next great idea.”Become comfortable with being alone with yourself; wherever you go, your self comes with!Take time to be present and enjoy wherever you areavoid having a completionist mindset of ticking boxes just to say you’ve been somewhereTopicWhen is it a good idea to step away from family?Toxic behaviorEmotional blackmail/coercionAbusive/threatening behaviorLack of acceptanceNeed to create space to establish own values/prioritiesWhy reconnect with family?Source of stability/constancy in your lifeReconnecting with unconditional love underlying family bondsGreater understanding of self (family of origin)If they loved you before, they can love you againSupport StructureWhen is the right time to reconnect with family?Financial independenceStable, independent living situationno risk, nothing to lose if your family chooses to reject you.After time to heal / develop “new normal”“Most parents prefer having a gay son to no son at all” - Dan SavageTimes of crisis (family member ill/dying)How to reconnect with familyNon-violent communicationProvide “first-aid” empathySeek to understand before seeking to be understoodExpress your feelings and needs without placing blame or judgement on your family membersLook for a “win-win”“My lifestyle is not the same as your lifestyle, but both are okay, and we can choose to live the life that we want”Look for ways to spend time together that will meet everyone’s needsDon’t rush it, go at your own paceReconnection isn’t going to happen overnightFeedbackNone for this weekQuestion(s)What are some of the best techniques you could offer to help get over a toxic relationship? Doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or friends.Self-empathySelf-careChoosing to control what you can (your actions/perceptions/interpretations) and release control of what you cannot (your abuser’s past actions, what your abuser does now)Forgive your abuser (even if you don’t let them know)Empathy and understanding can lessen painForgiveness does not absolve someone of being responsible for their actions or of being held accountableForgive yourself for allowing the abuse to happen as long as it didYou are only capable of doing your best at any given moment, given the information you haveIt is impossible to make a mistake; mistake is a judgement applied to an action after it has occurredFigure out what you were getting from the toxic relationshipTry to figure out how you can get these needs met in a healthier wayBe mindful not to enter into a relationship with someone very like your previous partnerWe are often attracted to what feels familiar, not what feels goodCloserContact infoContact Viro:t.me/viroscicollietwitter.com/viroscicollieContact Rhythm:twitter.com/Rhythm_Foxt.me/RhythmFoxFeral Attraction Twitter:twitter.com/feralattractfmFeral Attraction Contact Page:feralattraction.com/contactCoaching Services now available!As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!For more information, visit: feralattraction.com/coachingOther businessPatreonJoel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/

<description>&lt;p&gt;Introduction topic&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;THE MOST RELAXING VACATION YOU CAN TAKE IS GOING NOWHERE AT ALL&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Ephrat Livni - Quartzy&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="https://qz.com/quartzy/1342058/the-most-relaxing-vacation-you-can-take-is-going-nowhere-at-all/"&gt;https://qz.com/quartzy/1342058/the-most-relaxing-vacation-you-can-take-is-going-nowhere-at-all/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Importance of unstructured time&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Dolce far niente” - the sweet joy of doing nothing&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Remaining close to home—or just in it, hanging out—leaves you refreshed and provides perspective. And it may be the key to your next great idea.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Become comfortable with being alone with yourself; wherever you go, your self comes with!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Take time to be present and enjoy wherever you are&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;avoid having a completionist mindset of ticking boxes just to say you’ve been somewhere&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Topic&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When is it a good idea to step away from family?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Toxic behavior&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Emotional blackmail/coercion&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Abusive/threatening behavior&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Lack of acceptance&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Need to create space to establish own values/priorities&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Why reconnect with family?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Source of stability/constancy in your life&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Reconnecting with unconditional love underlying family bonds&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Greater understanding of self (family of origin)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;If they loved you before, they can love you again&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Support Structure&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When is the right time to reconnect with family?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Financial independence&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Stable, independent living situation&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;no risk, nothing to lose if your family chooses to reject you.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;After time to heal / develop “new normal”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Most parents prefer having a gay son to no son at all”&lt;br&gt;- Dan Savage&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Times of crisis (family member ill/dying)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;How to reconnect with family&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Non-violent communication&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Provide “first-aid” empathy&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Seek to understand before seeking to be understood&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Express your feelings and needs without placing blame or judgement on your family members&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Look for a “win-win”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“My lifestyle is not the same as your lifestyle, but both are okay, and we can choose to live the life that we want”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Look for ways to spend time together that will meet everyone’s needs&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Don’t rush it, go at your own pace&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Reconnection isn’t going to happen overnight&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feedback&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;None for this week&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Question(s)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What are some of the best techniques you could offer to help get over a toxic relationship? Doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or friends.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Self-empathy&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Self-care&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Choosing to control what you can (your actions/perceptions/interpretations) and release control of what you cannot (your abuser’s past actions, what your abuser does now)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Forgive your abuser (even if you don’t let them know)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Empathy and understanding can lessen pain&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Forgiveness does not absolve someone of being responsible for their actions or of being held accountable&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Forgive yourself for allowing the abuse to happen as long as it did&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;You are only capable of doing your best at any given moment, given the information you have&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;It is impossible to make a mistake; mistake is a judgement applied to an action after it has occurred&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Figure out what you were getting from the toxic relationship&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Try to figure out how you can get these needs met in a healthier way&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Be mindful not to enter into a relationship with someone very like your previous partner&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;We are often attracted to what feels familiar, not what feels good&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Closer&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact info&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact Viro:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;t.me/viroscicollie&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;twitter.com/viroscicollie&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Contact Rhythm:&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;twitter.com/Rhythm_Fox&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;t.me/RhythmFox&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Twitter:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;twitter.com/feralattractfm&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Contact Page:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;feralattraction.com/contact&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Coaching Services now available!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;For more information, visit: feralattraction.com/coaching&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Other business&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Patreon&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Joel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/&lt;/p&gt;</description>

How do you reconnect with family after being estranged, and why would you even want to?

On this week’s show we open with a discussion of how the most relaxing vacation may be going nowhere at all. Rhythm fox joins us to discuss our main topic, which is reconnecting with family after a falling out. We close with a question about recovering from a toxic relationship.

FA 106 Reconnecting With Family

Introduction topicRebooting the showUpdate on what’s been happening during the hiatusExplaining the new formatTopicWhat Are Values?“a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life” - Google DictionaryWe use our values to make judgements, particularly judgements of good and bad or right and wrongChase’s perspective on valuesPersonal constitution or bill of rightsValues (In Combination with Morals and Ethics) form a personal doctrine by which to liveAffects all decisions in LifeMuch like Laws, can be changed but it is a difficult processWhere Do Our Values Come From?ParentsPeersFriendsRelationship partnersSocietySociety at largeSubcultures we participate inTypes of ValuesFear-based valuesValues based on fear are those that cause you to take action in order to avoid somethingThink “have to”Common fear-based valuesSafety / SecurityAbsence of painAvoidance of conflict/confrontationPhysical appearancePower/ControlPrivacyReligousity (fear of hell)Recognition / RespectKnowledge (based in fear of the unknown)Consciousness-based valuesWhat do we mean by consciousness?Consciousness is your awareness of who you *really* are, as opposed to the “you” that you believe yourself to be, or the you that you were taught you were supposed to beConsciousness-based values are those that cause you to take action to bring something desirable into your worldThink “want to”Common consciousness-based values:Pleasure/sensuality (as opposed to absence of pain)Freedom (as opposed to security)“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” - Ben FranklinAchievementVs recognition (internal to self)LeadershipVs. control/management (lead self before leading others)Adventure/noveltyAutonomySpirituality (vs. religiousity, internal/external)Chase Wolf: Notes on his experiences growing up in a religious household and finding spirituality outside of that setting.Personal growthIntimacy (vs privacy)CommunityA metavalue; valuing others who share your valuesImportant to know what your values are and what those of your community are to know whether it’s a good fitIf a conflict in values are present:Accept paying the “price of admission” to be part of the community and tolerate the differenceExamine your values, and decide whether yours should changeChoose not to be a part of the community, and find a community that is a better fit for youChase Wolf: Notes on changes in the Gamer Community values and the impacts thereof.Self-expressionFulfillmentTruthJusticeKnowledge (based in curiosity, as opposed to fear of the unknown)Chase Wolf: Notes on his curiosity in understanding the ABDL/Baby-Fur community allowing a shift in opinionHaving fear-based values is not necessarily a bad thing, but as a general rule, happier people tend to hold more consciousness-based values than fear-based valuesChase Wolf: Often, fear-based values are those instilled in us by friends, family, and society.Choosing Your ValuesThink of each new moment as a fresh opportunity to decide who you want to be; the greatest freedom is the freedom of choice“It is better to follow the voice inside and be at war with the whole world, than to follow the ways of the world and be at war with your deepest self” - Counselor and educator Michael PastoreWhat are your values?What situations or conflicts make you highly emotional, either positively or negatively?Think about what value was respected in the situations that made you feel positivelyThink about what value was not respected in the situations that made you feel negativelyEmpowering questions to ask yourself:What am I unwilling to tolerate?What am I unwilling to give up?What recharges my batteries?What really makes me feel excited?What experiences or activities have the most meaning for me?Why do I “need” the things I tell myself I need?When do I compromise my values? Why?What keeps me going when times get tough?Where is there a gap between who I am and who I really know myself to be?Why choose new values?When different values conflict with one anotherReconciling values with a relationship partner or a communityWhen acting according to a certain value just doesn’t feel rightWhen you realize a value is coming from outside, and isn’t something you really care aboutWhen a particular value is constantly transgressed, to the point that it is draining your energy and emotional bandwidthWhen failing to live up to a value is causing you great deals of shame, guilt, anger, anxiety, or fearHow Chase changed his values to serve him betterHow changes in Chase’s values allowed him to overcome issues in his lifeValues Assessment Tool<a href="https://www.dropbox.com/s/qg8hegtswsullwk/Values%20Assessment.doc?dl=0">https://www.dropbox.com/s/qg8hegtswsullwk/Values%20Assessment.doc?dl=0</a>FeedbackNone for this weekQuestion(s)Subject: Mates now metamoursMy two mates recently broke up with each other leaving me in the middle. One mate is desperately clinging to me and the other is constantly offering advice on how to keep my other relationship healthy. How do I just let things happen without the other thinking they had a hand in it?Received via contact form (anonymous)CloserContact infoContact Viro:t.me/viroscicollietwitter.com/viroscicollieContact Chase:twitter.com/Chase_WolfBTGwolf4life.bandcamp.comFeral Attraction Twitter:twitter.com/feralattractfmFeral Attraction Facebook:facebook.com/feralattractfmFeral Attraction Contact Page:feralattraction.com/contactCoaching Services now available!As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro or Metriko in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!For more information, visit feralattraction.com/coaching.Other businessPatreonJoel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/

<description>&lt;p&gt;Introduction topic&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Rebooting the show&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Update on what’s been happening during the hiatus&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Explaining the new format&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Topic&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What Are Values?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life” - Google Dictionary&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;We use our values to make judgements, particularly judgements of good and bad or right and wrong&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Chase’s perspective on values&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Personal constitution or bill of rights&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Values (In Combination with Morals and Ethics) form a personal doctrine by which to live&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Affects all decisions in Life&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Much like Laws, can be changed but it is a difficult process&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Where Do Our Values Come From?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Parents&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Peers&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Friends&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Relationship partners&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Society&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Society at large&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Subcultures we participate in&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Types of Values&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Fear-based values&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Values based on fear are those that cause you to take action in order to avoid something&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Think “have to”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Common fear-based values&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Safety / Security&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Absence of pain&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Avoidance of conflict/confrontation&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Physical appearance&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Power/Control&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Privacy&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Religousity (fear of hell)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Recognition / Respect&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Knowledge (based in fear of the unknown)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Consciousness-based values&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What do we mean by consciousness?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Consciousness is your awareness of who you *really* are, as opposed to the “you” that you believe yourself to be, or the you that you were taught you were supposed to be&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Consciousness-based values are those that cause you to take action to bring something desirable into your world&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Think “want to”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Common consciousness-based values:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Pleasure/sensuality (as opposed to absence of pain)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Freedom (as opposed to security)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” - Ben Franklin&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Achievement&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Vs recognition (internal to self)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Leadership&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Vs. control/management&lt;br&gt;(lead self before leading others)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Adventure/novelty&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Autonomy&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Spirituality (vs. religiousity, internal/external)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Chase Wolf: Notes on his experiences growing up in a religious household and finding spirituality outside of that setting.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Personal growth&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Intimacy (vs privacy)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Community&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;A metavalue; valuing others who share your values&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Important to know what your values are and what those of your community are to know whether it’s a good fit&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;If a conflict in values are present:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Accept paying the “price of admission” to be part of the community and tolerate the difference&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Examine your values, and decide whether yours should change&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Choose not to be a part of the community, and find a community that is a better fit for you&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Chase Wolf: Notes on changes in the Gamer Community values and the impacts thereof.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Self-expression&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Fulfillment&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Truth&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Justice&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Knowledge (based in curiosity, as opposed to fear of the unknown)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Chase Wolf: Notes on his curiosity in understanding the ABDL/Baby-Fur community allowing a shift in opinion&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Having fear-based values is not necessarily a bad thing, but as a general rule, happier people tend to hold more consciousness-based values than fear-based values&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Chase Wolf: Often, fear-based values are those instilled in us by friends, family, and society.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Choosing Your Values&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Think of each new moment as a fresh opportunity to decide who you want to be; the greatest freedom is the freedom of choice&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;“It is better to follow the voice inside and be at war with the whole world, than to follow the ways of the world and be at war with your deepest self” - Counselor and educator Michael Pastore&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What are your values?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What situations or conflicts make you highly emotional, either positively or negatively?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Think about what value was respected in the situations that made you feel positively&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Think about what value was not respected in the situations that made you feel negatively&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Empowering questions to ask yourself:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What am I unwilling to tolerate?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What am I unwilling to give up?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What recharges my batteries?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What really makes me feel excited?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What experiences or activities have the most meaning for me?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Why do I “need” the things I tell myself I need?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When do I compromise my values? Why?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What keeps me going when times get tough?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Where is there a gap between who I am and who I really know myself to be?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Why choose new values?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When different values conflict with one another&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Reconciling values with a relationship partner or a community&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When acting according to a certain value just doesn’t feel right&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When you realize a value is coming from outside, and isn’t something you really care about&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When a particular value is constantly transgressed, to the point that it is draining your energy and emotional bandwidth&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When failing to live up to a value is causing you great deals of shame, guilt, anger, anxiety, or fear&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;How Chase changed his values to serve him better&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;How changes in Chase’s values allowed him to overcome issues in his life&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Values Assessment Tool&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.dropbox.com/s/qg8hegtswsullwk/Values%20Assessment.doc?dl=0"&gt;https://www.dropbox.com/s/qg8hegtswsullwk/Values%20Assessment.doc?dl=0&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feedback&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;None for this week&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Question(s)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Subject: Mates now metamours&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;My two mates recently broke up with each other leaving me in the middle. One mate is desperately clinging to me and the other is constantly offering advice on how to keep my other relationship healthy. How do I just let things happen without the other thinking they had a hand in it?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Received via contact form (anonymous)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Closer&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact info&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact Viro:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;t.me/viroscicollie&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;twitter.com/viroscicollie&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Contact Chase:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;twitter.com/Chase_WolfBTG&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;wolf4life.bandcamp.com&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Twitter:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;twitter.com/feralattractfm&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Facebook:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;facebook.com/feralattractfm&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Feral Attraction Contact Page:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;feralattraction.com/contact&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Coaching Services now available!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro or Metriko in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;For more information, visit feralattraction.com/coaching.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Other business&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Patreon&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Joel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/&lt;/p&gt;</description>

Choosing your values; what are values, where do they come from, and how do we choose the values that will support what we most want to experience in life? 

On this week’s show we open with an explanation of where Feral Attraction has been for the last few months. Our main topic is choosing your values; what are values, where do they come from, and how do we choose the values that will support what we most want to experience in life? We close with a question about handling communication between mates when a poly triad becomes a vee.

FA 105 Choosing Your Values

Hello Everyone!We open this week with a discussion on FOSTA. This is an American bill that is soon to become law that is having a chilling effect on how we use the internet, and the impacts are being felt worldwide. We discuss what the bill is, why it's ten types of awful, and how this impacts the furry fandom. We at Feral Attraction would encourage those who feel so inclined to visit the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.eff.org/">Electronic Frontier Foundation</a>&nbsp;to learn even more and find ways you can resist this awful legislation.&nbsp;Our main topic is on sexual roles. We go over the different axes that are present when it comes to sexual determination and how everything is fluid and in motion. We talk about how the persona you portray becomes your truth and the beacon by which you attract people in your life, how pretense is prologue and determines the lifestyle that you lead, and why it's not a bad idea to experiment with your sexual roles.&nbsp;We close out this episode with a question on poly and friendship. Our questioner is interested in a poly relationship with one of his friend's husband, but his friend doesn't want that. How can he keep his new romantic attachment and his friend? Spoiler alert: he probably can't.&nbsp;For more information, including a list of topics, see our <a target="_blank" href="http://www.feralattraction.com/shownotes/fa102">Show Notes</a>&nbsp;for this episode.Thanks for everything everyone and, as always, be well!

<description>&lt;p&gt;Hello Everyone!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;We open this week with a discussion on FOSTA. This is an American bill that is soon to become law that is having a chilling effect on how we use the internet, and the impacts are being felt worldwide. We discuss what the bill is, why it's ten types of awful, and how this impacts the furry fandom. We at Feral Attraction would encourage those who feel so inclined to visit the &lt;a target="_blank" href="https://www.eff.org/"&gt;Electronic Frontier Foundation&lt;/a&gt;&amp;nbsp;to learn even more and find ways you can resist this awful legislation.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Our main topic is on sexual roles. We go over the different axes that are present when it comes to sexual determination and how everything is fluid and in motion. We talk about how the persona you portray becomes your truth and the beacon by which you attract people in your life, how pretense is prologue and determines the lifestyle that you lead, and why it's not a bad idea to experiment with your sexual roles.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;We close out this episode with a question on poly and friendship. Our questioner is interested in a poly relationship with one of his friend's husband, but his friend doesn't want that. How can he keep his new romantic attachment and his friend? Spoiler alert: he probably can't.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;For more information, including a list of topics, see our &lt;a target="_blank" href="http://www.feralattraction.com/shownotes/fa102"&gt;Show Notes&lt;/a&gt;&amp;nbsp;for this episode.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Thanks for everything everyone and, as always, be well!&lt;/p&gt;</description>

Is FOSTA good? Are sexual roles dynamic? Can you have your cake and eat it too? Can Metriko make it through his last episode without messing up the Patreon shoutouts? All this, and more, on this week's Feral Attraction!

Hello Everyone!

We open this week with a discussion on FOSTA. This is an American bill that is soon to become law that is having a chilling effect on how we use the internet, and the impacts are being felt worldwide. We discuss what the bill is, why it's ten types of awful, and how this impacts the furry fandom. We at Feral Attraction would encourage those who feel so inclined to visit the Electronic Frontier Foundation to learn even more and find ways you can resist this awful legislation. 

Our main topic is on sexual roles. We go over the different axes that are present when it comes to sexual determination and how everything is fluid and in motion. We talk about how the persona you portray becomes your truth and the beacon by which you attract people in your life, how pretense is prologue and determines the lifestyle that you lead, and why it's not a bad idea to experiment with your sexual roles. 

We close out this episode with a question on poly and friendship. Our questioner is interested in a poly relationship with one of his friend's husband, but his friend doesn't want that. How can he keep his new romantic attachment and his friend? Spoiler alert: he probably can't. 
For more information, including a list of topics, see our Show Notes for this episode.

Thanks for everything everyone and, as always, be well!

FA 104 Sexual Roles

Feral Attraction is a relationship and sex advice podcast serving as a resource to the furry community. Visit us at www.feralattraction.com to view our show notes, read our advice column, or ask us a question for us to use on the show.

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