Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Today’s conversation is a candid, honest look at what it’s really like to parent while navigating ADHD yourself. My guest is Laura Key, Vice President of Content Strategy at Understood.org and the host of the award-winning ADHD Aha! podcast. Laura was diagnosed with ADHD at 30, and she brings both professional insight and lived experience to this conversation as a mom raising two neurodivergent kids. Laura and I talk about the emotional labor so many mothers carry, the unique challenges parents with ADHD face, and why self-compassion is not optional—it’s essential. We dig into shame, burnout (both the quiet, everyday kind and the big, overwhelming kind), communication with partners, and the pressure that can come with framing ADHD as a “superpower.” This episode is an honest exploration of the joys and struggles of parenting with ADHD, and a reminder that you’re not alone in any of it. About Laura Key  Laura Key is Vice President of Content Strategy at Understood.org, a non-profit organization dedicated to empowering the 70 million people with ADHD, dyslexia, and other learning and thinking differences in the United States. She's also the host of the award-winning ADHD Aha! podcast. Things you'll learn from this episode   How adult ADHD is often misread as anxiety at first, and why addressing one can illuminate the other Why late identification can bring both grief and relief after years of self-blame for brain-based differences How shame and invisible executive function demands can quietly dominate family life, especially for moms Why being great in a crisis but overwhelmed by daily details is a common—and misunderstood—ADHD pattern How burnout can show up as both “micro” and “macro” exhaustion, including frenetic busyness that masks collapse Why recovery often starts with basic regulation and more realistic self-expectations, not grand productivity plans Resources mentioned Understood.org Understood on Instagram Understood on LinkedIn ADHD Aha (podcast) Imposter Syndrome After a Lifetime of Hacking Her ADHD (Debbie with Laura on ADHD Aha) Understood’s podcast study on women, podcasts, and ADHD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s episode is all about self-care for autistic people, and joining me is return guest Dr. Megan Anna Neff of Neurodivergent Insights. Megan Anna has just published a new book called Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask! which she wrote to help autistic people accept themselves, destigmatize autism, find community, and take care of physical and mental health. Megan Anna considers self-care to be a collective effort that includes the well-being of the community, a framework that really resonated with me. So we talk about that, along with other ideas from Megan Anna’s book, including how internalized ableism can hinder self-care, considerations for navigating self-care for individuals with PDA, and insights into co-regulation, sensory considerations, and how advocacy and accommodations in the workplace can also be forms of self-care.   ABOUT DR. MEGAN ANNA NEFF Dr. Megan Anna Neff (she/they) is a neurodivergent Clinical Psychologist and founder of Neurodivergent Insights where she creates education and wellness resources for neurodivergent adults. Additionally, she is co-host of the Divergent Conversations podcast. As a late-diagnosed AuDHDer (Autistic ADHD), Dr. Neff applies their lived experiences from a cross-neurotype marriage and parenting neurodivergent children to their professional focus. They are committed to broadening the mental health field’s understanding of autism and ADHD beyond traditional stereotypes. This personal-professional blend enriches their work and advocacy within neurodiversity. Dr. Neff is the author of Self-Care for Autistic People and a forthcoming book on Autistic Burnout. Additionally, she has published in several peer-reviewed journals on topics ranging from neurodivergence, place attachment, relational psychoanalysis, social psychology, and integration of spirituality into psychotherapy.   KEY TAKEAWAYS Why self-care should be approached with self-attunement and an understanding of one’s own needs Why self-care is a collective effort that includes the well-being of the community How internalized ableism can hinder self-care and why it’s important to address it Ideas for navigating self-care for individuals with PDA regarding autonomy, co-regulation, and sensory considerations Ways to practice self-care in the workplace, including self-disclosure, documentation, and setting realistic expectations  ADDITIONAL RESOURCES Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s website Self-Care For Autistic People by Dr. Megan Anna Neff * A special bonus offer for Tilt Parenting community * Divergent Conversations Podcast Neurodivergent Insights on Instagram Neurodivergent Insights on Facebook Dr. Megan Anna Neff on LinkedIn Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s Link in Bio Dr. Megan Anna Neff on Diagnoses and Misdiagnoses (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Sarah Wayland Is This Autism? A Guide for Clinicians and Everyone Else by Dr. Donna Henderson and Dr. Sarah Wayland Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Ross Greene’s work has profoundly shaped how so many of us think about kids’ behavior and what they actually need from the adults in their lives, so I’m thrilled to welcome him back to the show to talk about his brand new book, The Kids Who Aren’t Okay: The Urgent Case for Reimagining Support, Belonging, and Hope in Schools. Together, we explore the urgent need to reimagine how we support children in schools, especially as mental health concerns continue to rise. We dig into the importance of recognizing developmental variability, why meeting kids where they are is non-negotiable, and how current behavior-focused systems miss the real problems underneath. Ross also highlights the role parents and caregivers can play in advocating for meaningful change. About Dr. Ross Greene  Ross W. Greene, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the originator of the innovative, evidence-based approach called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), as described in his influential books The Explosive Child, Lost at School, Lost & Found, and Raising Human Beings. He also developed and executive produced the award-winning documentary film The Kids We Lose, released in 2018. Dr. Greene was on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is now founding director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance. He is also currently adjunct Professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech and adjunct Professor in the Faculty of Science at the University of Technology in Sydney, Australia. Dr. Greene has worked with several thousand kids with concerning behaviors and their caregivers, and he and his colleagues have overseen implementation and evaluation of the CPS model in countless schools, inpatient psychiatric units, and residential and juvenile detention facilities, with dramatic effect: significant reductions in recidivism, discipline referrals, detentions, suspensions, and use of restraint and seclusion. Dr.Greene lectures throughout the world and lives in Freeport, Maine. Things you'll learn from this episode  How kids today are facing unprecedented challenges that require new ways of thinking and responding Why developmental variability matters and why every child needs support tailored to their unique profile How schools can create more supportive ecosystems by using proactive rather than reactive approaches Why behavior is often a late signal of unmet expectations, not the problem itself How managing expectations and understanding root causes can reduce concerning behaviors Why parents’ advocacy and the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model can transform how children are supported in education Resources mentioned The Kids Who Aren’t Okay: The Urgent Case for Reimagining Support, Belonging, and Hope in Schools by Dr. Ross Greene Never Too Early: CPS with Young Kids (documentary) The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Dr. Ross Greene Lives in the Balance (Dr. Greene’s website) The B Team (Facebook group) Lost at School: Why Our Kids With Behavioral Challenges are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them by Dr. Ross Greene Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child by Dr. Ross Greene Lost and Found: Helping Behaviorally Challenge Students (and While You’re At It, All the Others by Dr. Ross Greene The Kids We Lose (documentary) How to Parent Angry and Explosive Children, with Dr. Ross Greene (Tilt Parenting podcast) Ken Wilbur Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Christine Koh joins me for a conversation about vulnerability, boundary setting, leaning into discomfort, and making big, messy, life pivots. Christine is a music and brain scientist turned multimedia creative. She is a fierce believer in the power of humans, small moments and actions, and vulnerable, authentic storytelling. She communicates on these beliefs through her work as a writer (she is a contributor at the Washington Post, Boston Globe Magazine, and CNN; co-author of Minimalist Parenting; and founder of the award-winning blog Boston Mamas), podcaster (Edit Your Life, Hello Relationships), designer (Brave New World Designs), and creative director (Geben Communication). You can find her at @drchristinekoh on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.   KEY TAKEAWAYS The importance of showing up for ourselves, more now than ever Ways we can reduce overwhelm in life, especially when navigating really hard things How the pandemic shifted Christine’s worries and parenting approach How to set boundaries that are clear and that feel good to you Why Christine believes intention requires attention and vulnerability Why now is a great time to consider making a life pivot and change to bring us closer to our true North  RESOURCES Dr. Christine Koh’s website Minimalist Parenting: Enjoy Modern Family Life More by Doing Less by Christine Koh and Asha Dornfest Edit Your Life podcast Hello Relationship podcast Christine on Instagram Christine on Twitter Christine on Facebook Recognizing the Need for Rest — Susan Stiffelman and Debbie Reber (podcast episode) The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey Mercedes Samudio Talks About Shame Proof Parenting (podcast episode) Laura Tremaine Share Your Stuff, I’ll Go First: 10 Questions to Take Your Friendships to the Next Level by Laura Tremaine Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we’re exploring something so many of us wrestle with but don’t always name out loud — the impact of our own fear and anxiety on our kids. I was actually about to record a solo episode when my friend and colleague Sheryl Stoller sent me an email, and the sentiment behind it stayed with me because it put into such simple, clear language the real impact our fears about their future, their potential, their lives, can have on our kids. In this short bite-sized conversation, we’ll talk about how parental anxiety shapes family dynamics, why regulating our own nervous systems is such a powerful gift we can offer our kids, and how empathy, validation, and community support can help us move from fear toward connection.   About Sheryl Sheryl Stoller is a PCI Certified Parent Coach® who has devoted herself to coaching overwrought parents of children whose abilities, sensibilities, and behaviors go beyond expectations (gifted, twice/multi-exceptional) since 2009. This is a personal journey as well as an academic and professional one for Sheryl. She is deeply gratified to serve parents the way she had needed when her children were young. Sheryl integrates many fields of knowledge and training into her coaching. Most recently, she is receiving her Somatic Attachment Therapy Certification; and is a Positive Intelligence (PI) Mental Fitness Coach, through Shirzad Chamine out of Stanford University. Sheryl Co-Leads two communities of practice for PI – Parents and Families, and Neurodiversity; and has received rave reviews for her customization of PI for her “Aligned Parents” and “Get Mental and Emotional Fitness” Group programs for 2E parents. Connect with Sheryl at: [email protected]   Things you’ll learn from this episode: How fear in parents can show up as anxiety — and how children often absorb and mirror that energy Why managing our own fears is one of the most powerful ways we can support our kids How empathy and validation create safety even when anxiety is present Why remembering that everything is impermanent can help parents regain perspective How focusing on past successes builds a child’s confidence and counters fear-based narratives Why community, positive imagination, and ongoing learning remind parents they’re not alone in this journey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices