Real Men Feel with Andy Grant

From Burnout to Boundaries: Clarity, Values, and Life RebootHost Andy Grant interviews coach Loren Silverman, who helps overwhelmed high performers set healthier boundaries, clarify values, and rebuild steadier lives, including through his gamified 12-week “Life Reboot Nerd Edition” (a Dungeons & Dragons-style framework where clients “level up” real-life skills like boundaries and energy mastery). Silverman shares his own burnout and how the 2022 Ukraine invasion—impacting his Ukrainian dev team—prompted him to travel to Poland to transport refugees, reshaping how he wanted to serve people. Loren emphasizes pausing for self-awareness, naming emotions (using tools like a feelings wheel), and choosing clarity over trying harder when misaligned with values: “Are you just not satisfied, or are you despondent?” He defines boundaries as protecting time and energy, warns against reflexive yeses, describes “cleaner conversations” via clear requests, and uses pinball’s “dead bounce” as a metaphor for patience and measured response. He encourages men to embrace vulnerability and intimacy with male friends.00:00 Name Your Feelings00:18 Meet Loren Silverman00:57 Burnout to Coaching01:36 Ukraine Turning Point05:20 What Burnout Felt Like07:25 Values Before Action08:27 Pause Reboot Grow09:01 Clarity Beats Effort11:15 Life Reboot Nerd Edition14:03 Boundaries That Protect17:25 Clean Conversations19:44 Feelings Wheel Basics20:58 Tracking Real Progress22:04 Pinball Life Lessons24:56 Connect and Final WisdomConnect with LorenLoren Silverman — https://www.silvermancoach.com/LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/lorensilverman/Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/lorensilvermancoach/Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61578400050255Connect with Andy:Join other like-minded men in theAuthentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group⁠Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrantAndy Grant | https://theandygrant.com⁠⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!Real Men Feel | http://⁠⁠realmenfeel.org⁠⁠YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel⁠⁠⁠⁠#RealMenFeel ep 401

Episode 400: The Invisible ScorecardHost Andy Grant marks Real Men Feel’s 400th episode and 10-year anniversary with returning guest Vanessa Cardenas, a relationship reset expert, to examine how men constantly measure themselves through an “invisible scorecard” of success, money, status, age, and relationship milestones. They discuss how comparison “pulls a man out of his life and puts him onto someone else’s timeline,” eroding confidence and intimacy, especially when men fill gaps with imagined stories about past partners. Cardenas emphasizes authenticity, dropping the mask, reducing destructive scorekeeping, and using milestones in healthy ways, noting that clarity builds confidence, which in turn supports intimacy. She shares coaching approaches that focus on the here-and-now, appreciation and recognition in relationships, and practical communication shifts. They also explore how significant transformation can happen in 400 minutes, hours, days, or months, and close by urging men to stop measuring by others’ standards and focus on who they are becoming.00:00 Episode 400 Milestone01:24 Vanessa Returns03:35 Why We Measure04:50 Men Internal Scorecard08:27 Comparison Social Media12:17 Mythic Man Programming14:06 Find Your People17:19 Comparison Kills Intimacy20:20 Clarity Builds Confidence22:22 Say It Differently25:03 Relationship Reset Work26:32 Coaching Not Therapy27:49 Starting Sessions With Praise29:30 Drop Comparisons And Scorecards31:06 Milestones Versus Keeping Score32:14 Transform In 40036:29 Men Need Appreciation39:03 Compliments And Being Noticed42:41 Invest In The Work43:39 Authenticity And Connection46:24 Metallica Quote And Joy47:51 Final Takeaways And ThanksConnect with VanessaUnderstanding Ear — https://understandingear.com LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/vanessa-cardenas-relationship-reset/Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/vanessa_understandingear/YouTube — https://www.youtube.com/@Vanessa-CardenasResourcesPrior appearances of Vanessa Cardenas — https://www.realmenfeel.org/guests/vanessa-cardenas/Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:Join other like-minded men in theAuthentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/groupInstagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrantAndy Grant | https://theandygrant.com⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!Real Men Feel | http://⁠⁠realmenfeel.org⁠YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel⁠⁠#RealMenFeel ep 400

Betrayal, Shame & Rebuilding Trust: The Therapy Brothers on Real RecoveryOn Real Men Feel, host Andy Grant talks with licensed clinicians Brannon Patrick and Tyler Patrick (the Therapy Brothers) about betrayal, shame, trust, and recovery after relationship rupture. They share what drew them into trauma, addiction, infidelity, and betrayal work, why men often seek help only after disclosure or rock bottom, and how fear of rejection and “unlovability” drives hiding, overperforming, and defensiveness. They describe betrayal trauma as complex trauma with PTSD-like symptoms and explain that healing requires safety, validation, and time rather than pressure to “just get over it.” They unpack “Mr. Nice Guy” patterns as fear-based manipulation, distinguish apology from accountability rooted in personal integrity, and emphasize rebuilding trust through authenticity, empathy, and consistent action. They outline shame resilience—awareness, self-compassion, and courageous disclosure—and discuss surrendering performance-based spirituality. 00:00 Shame and Hiding00:32 Show Intro and Guests01:29 Why They Became Therapists05:33 Men and Rock Bottom09:29 Betrayal Trauma Explained11:53 Why Just Get Over It Fails13:27 Mr Nice Guy Pattern18:07 Authenticity and Self Trust21:03 Roots of Betrayal and Addiction22:12 Apology Versus Accountability23:32 Integrity Apologies24:18 Building Safety Trust25:29 Shame Hiding Cycle28:38 Shame Resilience Tools30:03 Surrender Not Performance33:05 Tyler Rock Bottom Story36:40 Reclaim Your Heart39:19 Connect With Brothers40:16 What Men Need Know42:36 Final TakeawaysConnect with Brannon and TylerReclaim Your Heart — https://reclaimyourheart.orgTherapy Brothers — https://therapybrothers.org/Instagram — https://instagram.com/therapy.brothersYouTube — https://youtube.com/@therapy.brothersConnect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:Join other like-minded men in theAuthentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/groupInstagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrantAndy Grant | https://theandygrant.com⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!Real Men Feel | http://⁠⁠realmenfeel.org⁠YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel⁠⁠#RealMenFeel ep 399

Success, Intuition, and Purpose: Paul Davis on Unlocking Your GeniusHost Andy Grant interviews business growth consultant and intuitive advisor Paul Davis about aligning business success with purpose, meaning, and self-care. Davis explains that financial turnarounds don’t last if the owner’s mindset, beliefs, and unresolved childhood trauma aren’t addressed, citing ACE scores and how fear, shame, and guilt can escalate depression and suicidal ideation. He shares his own lifelong suicidal thoughts, why he hid them to avoid appearing weak or risky in senior roles, and how his brother Eugene’s death prompted him to speak openly and develop a methodology for purpose. Davis outlines “genius” as an innate spirit and describes four purpose elements: a life quest/mission, divine inspiration, three “genius drivers” for fulfillment, and a “genius role” archetype. He emphasizes giving “from the saucer, not from the cup,” building intuition, and living with an “open hand” rather than a constant focus on productivity.00:00 Why Leaders Stay Silent00:27 Meet Paul Davis01:29 Business Meets Mindset03:22 Sunrise Wake Up Call05:15 Dark Questions Early06:29 Research And New Method08:35 Service And Mission09:57 Why Success Feels Empty10:38 Trauma Triggers Self Care15:04 Why He Hid It18:17 Loss Changed Everything20:19 Defining Genius21:02 Divine Inspiration Explained21:32 Why Finding Your Why Fails22:10 Genius Drivers And Fulfillment22:49 Genius Roles And Alignment24:27 Success Without Purpose26:23 Intuition And Seventh Son29:19 What Leaders Need Most31:24 Find Your Lifelong Quest35:00 Meaningful Life And Legacy37:04 Open Hand Living Advice38:59 Final Wrap And ResourcesConnect with PaulPaul Davis — https://davisbusinessconsultants.com/LinkedIn — linkedin.com/in/pauldavisdublinYouTube — https://www.youtube.com/davisconsultantsResourcesGenius Unlocked: Discover Your Life Purpose & Innate Genius by Paul Davis — https://amzn.to/4tq8JNcAll of Paul’s books — https://amzn.to/4tq8JNcConnect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:Join me and connect with other like-minded men in theAuthentic AF Community | https://realmenfeel.org/group⁠Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrantAndy Grant | https://theandygrant.com⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!Real Men Feel | https://www.realmenfeel.org/YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel⁠⁠#RealMenFeel ep 398

Rebuilding After Betrayal, Divorce, and the Dead Bedroom: Ralph Brewer on Men, Shame, and SupportHost Andy Grant interviews men’s coach Ralph Brewer about rebuilding after infidelity, divorce, and relationship collapse. Ralph shares his own experience of being divorced within 60 days after his spouse’s infidelity and becoming a single father of three, including how he blamed himself for years and later learned he couldn’t control another person’s choices. He explains how therapy and connecting with other men led him to create the “Dad Starting Over” platform, write five books—starting with the breakout “The Dead Bedroom Fix”—and build HelpForMen.com and the paid Brotherhood community with frequent Zoom meetings, forums, conferences, and coaching. They discuss common patterns among anxious, codependent “Mr. Nice Guy” men paired with avoidant partners, how “man up” emotional suppression causes flatness and mental health issues, the risks of bitterness and rapid rebound dating, and why peer support and asking for help are essential.00:00 Shame and Masculinity00:19 Show Intro and Guest01:28 Ralph's Divorce Story02:34 Owning Too Much Blame03:58 Therapy and Brotherhood05:10 From Blog to Brand07:32 Identity After Breakup10:29 Man Up Culture Costs12:15 Anxious Avoidant Trap15:48 Rewiring Shame and Self-Worth18:07 Dead Bedroom Explained19:58 First Step Honest Inventory21:11 Why Men Choose Wrong21:51 Pragmatic Partner Vetting22:55 Divorce Patterns Repeat23:56 Avoiding Bitter Blame25:36 Rebound Relationship Trap26:53 Neurodivergence And Dating29:27 Rock Bottom And Coping32:04 Brotherhood And Community36:52 How To Find Ralph38:31 Ask For Help40:01 Final TakeawaysConnect with RalphRalph Brewer — https://helpformen.com/Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/dadstartingoverInstagram — https://instagram.com/dadstartingoverResourcesThe Dead Bedroom Fix by Ralph Brewer — https://amzn.to/4tgMJ7nAll of Ralph’s books — https://amzn.to/4s85KYMJoin other like-minded men in theAuthentic AF Community | http://realmenfeel.org/groupInstagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrantAndy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!Real Men Feel | http://realmenfeel.orgYouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel#RealMenFeel ep 397