In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Dr Russell Thackeray meets Dr. Laura Copley, a licensed professional counsellor specialising in complex trauma and relationships to discuss the impact of trauma and abuse on relationships.

Dr Laura emphasises the importance of understanding the root causes of problematic behaviours in relationships particularly in the context of past experiences of trauma and abuse.

She also discusses how trauma can lead to a heightened sense of control in relationships as a way of coping with feelings of abandonment or injustice and the impact of trauma on adult relationships with a focus on the concept of attachment theory. Additionally she talks about the importance of resilience in children, particularly in the context of parenting and the potential disruption of a child's resilience when faced with chronic stressors.

Main topics

• The need for a holistic approach to healing and the importance of growth in relationships and post-traumatic growth
• The root causes of mental health and trauma issues, focusing on intergenerational patterns and parenting
• Why despite increased access to therapy and counselling, these issues have continued to worsen, suggesting a problem with traditional approaches
• The importance of addressing the broader family system and the need for all family members to take responsibility for their roles in perpetuating negative patterns
• The significance of understanding the family system as a whole, including the role of animals in reflecting and perpetuating abuse
• Why parents should not be afraid to admit when they are wrong and seek help for their children when needed

You can find out more about Laura at https://lauracopley.com/ or Instagram and TikTok  at  @doccopley

Laura’s book is called ‘Loving You is Hurting Me’ https://www.amazon.com/Loving-You-Hurting-Authentic-Connection/dp/1538741393

You can find out more about our podcasts at qedod.com/podcasts - and you can sen us messages or questions at [email protected]

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In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Tom Shaw, a British-born resident of Kansas City, shares his life story, including his paralysis at 16 due to a car accident and his subsequent resilience and determination to overcome challenges. He also discusses his battle with addiction and trauma and his future plans to spread a message of hope and positivity through podcasts and public speaking.

• Main topics
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• The challenges he faced during his rehabilitation, including the initial shock and fear of being paralysed
• His resilience and determination to overcome his trauma, drawing on his experience as an athlete
• How he regained the use of his left leg about five years later and now has partial use of his right leg
• His gratitude for his three grown children, whom he was told he would never have due to his injury
• The importance of maintaining a positive mindset and resilience in the face of challenges
• Why small victories should be celebrated, especially during times of trauma.
• The usefulness of humour in coping with difficult situations
• The importance of seeking medical help during detox and the challenges of addiction
• The alarming in suicide rates and other concerning trends in society, emphasising the need for a more positive outlook.

In 1985 when Tom Shaw was 16 years old, a car accident left him paralysed from the waist down. Since then, he has gained 100% use of his left leg and 50% of his right. He feels his mindset and attitude is one the strongest reasons for his success in overcoming the results of his accident. In 2018, he also detoxed from a 33 year opioid addiction and in 2018 write his book "The Ride to Victory: Surviving Trauma and Addiction".

You can find out more about our podcasts at qedod.com/podcasts - and you can sen us messages or questions at [email protected]

Aaron Stone – Breaking the silence

TRIGGER WARNING – Themes of Abuse

Keywords Sexual Abuse – Male Vulnerability – Victim Blaming

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled Dr Russell meets Aaron Stone, a retired United States Army Combat Medic, Aaron who completed multiple tours in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Bosnia, talks about the trauma he suffered at age 15 at the hands of a male teacher who methodically groomed and raped him. For almost two decades he became a silent sufferer of depression and PTSD before realising he needed help and, for the first time in his life, tells his story.

Since then, he has spoken to numerous military organisations and universities spreading his message of pain, redemption and hope,  and to reassure survivors that sexual assault is never their fault, that they are never alone, and that help is here.

In this podcast Aaron

discusses the importance of speaking out about personal experiences, recognising the signs of grooming, and seeking help, the challenges of going against societal norms and the influence of group dynamics on individual behaviour.

Main topics

The challenges Aaron faced due to societal stigmas surrounding male vulnerability

Aaron’s struggles with PTSD and the stigma surrounding mental health care during his military service

How Aaron’s initial reluctance to seek help led to a nervous breakdown which eventually prompted him to seek recovery

The impact of self-harm and drug use as a form of power

The significance of sharing one's story as a form of therapy and to break the stigma surrounding mental health issues

The prevalence of abuse of power in positions of authority

The importance of recognising the signs of grooming and seeking help when necessary

The need for individuals to share their stories to change societal perceptions and reduce victim blaming   

The challenges of going against societal norms and the impact of group dynamics on individual behaviour

The importance of seeking help and breaking the silence surrounding such incidents.

We hope you find this episode interesting and useful. You can contact us at [email protected]

This week Russell is joined by Stephen Bell, a renowned conductor and Music Director, who has worked with choirs, bands and orchestras of all ages.

Stephen, who studied music and conducting at university, shares his early experiences with conducting and playing instruments including the bassoon and piano. He also recounts his time as a page turner for a pianist and string quartet, an experience he described as both stressful and rewarding.

He also discusses his journey as a conductor, from his initial involvement in the Light Opera Society to his current roles in various musical ensembles. Furthermore, he discusses his approach to leading and inspiring the musicians, likening it to herding dogs or cats!

Stephen believes in the importance of inspiring musicians to reach their full potential and achieving a collective vision. He talks about the need to find the right balance in the music and how it can be achieved by someone a little remote from the action.

They discuss the intricacies of conducting and the role of the conductor in shaping the music. Stephen shares his realisation of the importance of being open to new methods and adjusting biomechanics to improve performance. He also highlights the significance of understanding the musicians' needs to help them perform at their best. His approach emphasises the importance of humility, learning from mistakes, and focusing on the service of the music rather than personal accolades.

They explore the complexities of balancing the needs of composers, musicians, and audiences, as well as the importance of making classical music more accessible and engaging for wider audiences.

They also discuss the transformative power of music and its impact on mental health. Stephen shares his experience of working with a male choir, highlighting the cognitive benefits and the joy of learning something new. He also recounts his experience of witnessing a gospel choir's performance, noting the intense connection to faith and the transformative power of music.

You can find out more about us at resilienceunravelled.com and you can submit questions and thoughts to [email protected]