Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore how we can reparent ourselves, recover from emotionally immature parenting, and develop greater emotional maturity. They discuss what emotional maturity actually is, the "good enough" parent, the voices we internalize, and how adults can begin to give themselves the internal security and emotional attunement they missed in childhood. Other topics include why feeling misunderstood is so painful, the lifelong dance between connection and autonomy, and the hidden costs of authoritarian parenting.  About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro & what emotional maturity looks like 7:45: Why our culture undervalues emotional maturity  12:56: The “good enough” parent 20:05: What happens to children with emotionally immature parents 27:15: Repair in adulthood 36:22: The importance of feeling understood 43:40: Mirroring: why it’s important and how to get better at it 49:07: Balancing connection and autonomy 53:39: The appropriate level of parental authority 1:04:34: Parenting mistakes to avoid 1:15:29: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  For a limited time, your gift will be matched, to help students and teachers who need our support. Go to DonorsChoose.org/BEINGWELL to find a classroom near you and have your gift matched today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can become securely attached to ourselves: building an internal foundation that lets us connect with others, regulate our emotions, and explore the world from that secure base. They talk about how this is supposed to develop in childhood, why it doesn't for many people, and what we can actually do about it as adults. Topics include the research on early attachment, why so many of us arrive at adulthood with a strong inner critic and weak inner support, and four practical paths forward: creating a coherent narrative about your past, reparenting yourself, rescaling your sense of self in relation to others, and building self-trust through healthy exploration.  Rick’s Attachment Course: Join Rick for a 5-week online course on using the research-backed HEAL method to heal insecure attachment and create new neural pathways for interacting and connecting securely. You can learn more at RickHanson.com/attachment and get 25% off with coupon code BeingWell25. Key Topics  0:00: Introduction 2:00: The research on becoming a “secure base” 8:17: How we internalize early sources of regulation and recognition 15:43: What happens when love is contingent 18:44: Forming a coherent narrative 29:14: Reparenting yourself 42:07: Rebuilding your sense of self 57:40: Using your secure base to explore, try, and fail 1:09:18: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Go to https://DonorsChoose.org/BEINGWELL to find a classroom near you and have your gift matched today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by the options in your life, you’re not alone. Today, Forrest is joined by best-selling author David Epstein to discuss how constraints can lead to greater creativity, generativity, and, paradoxically, freedom. They trace how intentional constraints have led to some of the most influential contributions to the world, including Mendeleev’s periodic table, Viriginia Woolf’s groundbreaking novels, and Kyrie Irving’s (potential) hall of fame career. Throughout, they focus on how we can go from seeing constraints as an obstacle to appreciating them as an asset, and then apply this principle to building more meaningful and satisfying lives.  About our guest: David Epstein is a renowned science journalist and the best selling author of The Sports Gene and Range. His new book, Inside the Box: How Constraints Make Us Better, comes out May 5th. Key Topics:  0:00: Why focus on constraints? 5:21: Why constraints are good for us 13:50: Time and attention as (productive) bottlenecks 17:10: Why ‘flashes of genius’ are often exaggerated 25:02: What Virginia Woolf teaches us about constraints and creativity 29:35: How unlimited freedom undermines the scientific process 38:29 Constraints make for better sports training 40:23: Applying constraints to our work and relationships 46:02: Satisficers vs maximizers, and how to become a satisficer 48:50: Expanding our notion of constraints 55:14: Death and impermanence; the ultimate constraints 57:45: Will constraints help the Celtics win the NBA Championship? 1:05:49: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had a friend not text you back, and you’re certain that they’re mad at you? This is often a disruption in the process of mentalization: the ability to recognize that our thoughts and feelings might not be facts. Mentalization is a process we can all struggle with, but it’s particularly important for people who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). In this episode, Forrest is joined by psychotherapist and author Robert Drozek to discuss mentalization-based treatment (MBT) and the tools that can help us develop more flexibility and curiosity around our assumptions. Bob outlines the three common modes of mentalizing, explains how childhood experiences shape mentalization, and offers a map for building healthier ways of relating to our thoughts and feelings.  About our Guest: Robert Drozak is a clinical social worker, the clinical director of the Mentalization-Based Treatment Clinic at McLean Hospital, and a teaching associate in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. His new book, Mentalization: Utilizing Reflection to Heal from Borderline Personality Disorder, is the first book about Mentalization-Based Treatment aimed at a general audience.  Key Topics:  0:00: Intro: what is mentalization? 5:12: Ways mentalization can go wrong 13:25: Borderline Personality Disorder as a deficit in mentalization 22:13: How mentalization is shaped in childhood 28:54: The alien self 32:23: Developing an MBT formulation 42:03: MBT in the therapy room 54:40: Challenging your beliefs and assumptions 1:11:21: How to get out of pretend mode 1:21:37: Addressing problems with interoception 1:30:00: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sleep Reset is offering a free 7-day trial, available only at thesleepreset.com/podcast. Start your first week of real, clinician-designed insomnia treatment tonight. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why does knowing we overthink not help us stop? Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss why rumination becomes a self-reinforcing habit,  and why insight alone rarely helps. They distinguish between rumination and reflection, and talk about how balancing acceptance and agency can help us go from one to the other. Forrest talks about the relationship between overthinking and feelings of disappointment and failure, and Rick shares practical ways to interrupt the cycle, shift into more concrete forms of problem-solving, and finally stop ruminating. Rick's Rumination Course: If rumination is a persistent issue for you, check out Rick’s five-week online course focused on practical tools for letting go of these negative thought loops. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Previous episodes on rumination and overthinking: Breaking the Self-Awareness Trap: How to Stop Overthinking | Being Well Rumination: How to Disrupt Obsessive Thoughts Key Topics:  0:00: Intro: what is rumination 5:35: Why we ruminate 21:06: Why rumination doesn't help us 25:24: Moving from rumination to reflection 31:35: Rumination as a habit 38:40: Interrupting the rumination habit 46:44: Radical helplessness and radical resourcefulness 53:43: More ways to move from abstract to concrete thinking  1:07:23: The role of mindfulness 1:13:32: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.  Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices