My Brain's on High Heat
<p>Grabbed my old Zoom H1 recorder (the one that lets me hear myself talk – crucial!) and went for a walk to escape the apartment and the endless to-do list. Turns out, I had <em>a lot</em> on my mind. This is a pretty unfiltered ramble about feeling overwhelmed by choices, the good and bad of the internet (especially the news… ugh), the weirdness of modern parenting, and why I’m nostalgic for the early days of online life. Also, a brief rant about gimbals I haven't used and why I keep listening to old podcasts. It's chaotic, but it's real.</p><p>Okay, here are timestamps for key topics and transitions in the transcript, along with a list of references (both explicit and implicit).</p><p><strong>Timestamps:</strong></p><p>* <strong>0:00:00 - 0:00:28:</strong> Introduction and explanation of using the Zoom H1 recorder.</p><p>* <strong>0:00:28 - 0:00:55:</strong> Reason for the walk: escaping the overwhelming feeling of unfinished tasks and distractions at home.</p><p>* <strong>0:00:55 - 0:01:17:</strong> Description about new recording approach.</p><p>* <strong>0:01:17 - 0:01:50:</strong> Benefits of recording while listetning.</p><p>* <strong>0:01:50 - 0:02:28:</strong> Description of a walk.</p><p>* <strong>0:02:28 - 0:03:55:</strong> Feeling overwhelmed by choices and the "temptations" of home.</p><p>* <strong>0:03:55 - 0:04:55:</strong> Mentioning the podcast and its new location (sapsdag.com).</p><p>* <strong>0:04:55 - 0:05:13:</strong> Overthinking the podcast name.</p><p>* <strong>0:05:13 - 0:06:07:</strong> The comfort of having a creative outlet, questioning the purpose of his other projects.</p><p>* <strong>0:06:07 - 0:07:07:</strong> The Unreal Engine project dilemma (game or productivity software?).</p><p>* <strong>0:07:07 - 0:07:52:</strong> The satisfaction of publishing vs. the feeling of "semi-productivity tasks."</p><p>* <strong>0:07:52 - 0:08:53:</strong> Talking about "doing" versus talking about "doing" (referencing the prevalence of online tutorials and courses).</p><p>* <strong>0:08:53 - 0:09:09:</strong> The overwhelming nature of tools, options.</p><p>* <strong>0:09:09 - 0:10:19:</strong> The unused gimbal and the feeling of guilt.</p><p>* <strong>0:10:19 - 0:12:45:</strong> Explaining the recent absence due to co-parenting and his daughter's illness.</p><p>* <strong>0:12:45 - 0:13:52:</strong> Thoughts on parents sharing children's lives online (strong disapproval).</p><p>* <strong>0:13:52 - 0:14:17:</strong> Tangent about a vandalized Tesla and Elon Musk.</p><p>* <strong>0:14:17 - 0:14:50:</strong> The polarizing nature of news around the Tesla.</p><p>* <strong>0:14:50 - 0:17:55:</strong> The addictive and negative nature of online news (Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Ukraine conflict).</p><p>* <strong>0:17:55 - 0:18:40:</strong> The desire to disconnect from the news and toxicity.</p><p>* <strong>0:18:40 - 0:19:29:</strong> Questioning how to disconnect while using the internet and smartphones.</p><p>* <strong>0:19:29 - 0:19:58:</strong> Youtube example.</p><p>* <strong>0:19:58 - 0:20:40:</strong> Experimenting with a "dumb phone" (unsuccessful).</p><p>* <strong>0:20:40 - 0:21:46:</strong> The story about the girl on the train sketching in a notebook (analog vs. digital).</p><p>* <strong>0:21:46 - 0:23:43:</strong> Discussion of "artisanal" activities, making yourself purposely bored, being a content creator.</p><p>* <strong>0:23:43 - 0:24:24</strong>: Returning to the issue of consuming vs. creating, constant podcast listening.</p><p>* <strong>0:24:24 - 0:25:37:</strong> Describing his podcast listening habits (multiple headphones, listening while falling asleep).</p><p>* <strong>0:25:37 - 0:26:23:</strong> Recognizing the negative impact of constant listening (anxiety, suppressing own thoughts).</p><p>* <strong>0:26:23 - 0:27:34:</strong> Recording as antidote.</p><p>* <strong>0:27:34 - 0:28:40:</strong> Critiquing the formulaic nature of modern podcasts and the search for "honest media."</p><p>* <strong>0:28:40 - 0:29:36:</strong> Reflection on the change of the podcasting.</p><p>* <strong>0:29:36 - 0:30:25:</strong> Listening to old podcasts and the appeal of the "old internet."</p><p>* <strong>0:30:25 - 0:30:55:</strong> Longing for sharing without commercial interest.</p><p>* <strong>0:30:55 - 0:32:48:</strong> Mentioning Emma Chamberlain's podcast ("Anything Goes") as an example of introspective content, but not fully resonating.</p><p>* <strong>0:32:48 - 0:34:40:</strong> Reflecting on the shift in online purchasing from the early days to now.</p><p>* <strong>0:34:40 - 0:36:23:</strong> Discussion of the decline of physical stores and the dominance of online shopping.</p><p>* <strong>0:36:23 - 0:38:32:</strong> Reflecting on the changing nature of "side hustles" and online income.</p><p>* <strong>0:38:32 - 0:39:17:</strong> Deciding to cut the walk short and take a tram home (due to being overdressed and the weather).</p><p><strong>References (Explicit and Implicit):</strong></p><p>* <strong>Zoom H1 Recorder:</strong> (Explicit) A specific model of portable audio recorder.</p><p>* <strong>sapsdag.com (C-Monk X):</strong> (Explicit) The speaker's website/podcast platform.</p><p>* <strong>Unreal Engine:</strong> (Explicit) A game development engine, implying the speaker's interest in game development or 3D graphics.</p><p>* <strong>"Semi-productivity tasks":</strong> (Implicit) A term used in productivity circles to describe activities that feel productive but don't contribute to meaningful goals.</p><p>* <strong>Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Ukraine conflict, Russian invasion:</strong> (Explicit) Current events and figures that represent the speaker's anxiety about the news and the state of the world.</p><p>* <strong>"Big Brother":</strong> (Explicit) A reality TV show, used as a comparison to the "reality fictional show" of current events.</p><p>* <strong>US Tarrifs:</strong> (Explicit) A reference to trade policies, shows attention to current events.</p><p>* <strong>Pixel 8 Pro:</strong> (Explicit) A specific model of Google smartphone.</p><p>* <strong>YouTube:</strong> (Explicit) The video-sharing platform, used as an example of a source of distraction and algorithm-driven content.</p><p>* <strong>"Dumb phone":</strong> (Implicit) A basic phone with limited features, contrasted with a smartphone.</p><p>* <strong>"Girl on the train" sketching:</strong> (Implicit) Refers to a previous blog post by the speaker, creating a connection between his written and spoken content.</p><p>* <strong>"Artisanal" things:</strong> (Implicit) A reference to a trend of valuing handcrafted, traditional, or non-digital activities.</p><p>* <strong>Podcasts (in general):</strong> (Explicit & Implicit) A major theme, with the speaker discussing his listening habits, the evolution of podcasting, and his search for authentic content.</p><p>* <strong>Apple AirPods:</strong> (Explicit) Mentioned as a type of headphones used.</p><p>* <strong>Emma Chamberlain's "Anything Goes" podcast:</strong> (Explicit) A specific podcast mentioned as an example of introspective content, but not a perfect fit for the speaker.</p><p>* <strong>Instagram:</strong> (Implicit) Mentioned in the context of parents sharing photos of their children.</p><p>* <strong>eBay:</strong> (Explicit) Refered as first online shop.</p><p>* <strong>"Old Internet" vs. "New Internet":</strong> (Implicit) A recurring theme, contrasting the perceived innocence and community of the early internet with the commercialized, algorithm-driven present.Greetings. Or maybe not "greetings." More like… a continuation. A brain-spill, captured on my trusty old Zoom H1 recorder. I love this thing because, unlike my "fancy" microphone, it lets me hear myself as I talk. Sounds weird, I know, but for this kind of rambling self-reflection, it's essential. It's like having a real-time sanity check.</p><p>And sanity was definitely in short supply this morning. I was trapped in my apartment, surrounded by the ghosts of unfinished projects. My website, that game I'm (supposedly) making, the ever-growing list of "shoulds"... it was all closing in. The internet, which is supposed to be this amazing tool, felt more like a digital prison, full of distractions and temptations masquerading as opportunities.</p><p>So, I did the only logical thing: I ran away. Okay, I went for a walk. A rainy, cold Saturday morning walk, to be precise. And I brought the recorder, because sometimes the best way to untangle your thoughts is to just… let them out.</p><p><strong>The Siren Song of the Scroll (and Why It's Drowning Me)</strong></p><p>One of the biggest things I've been wrestling with is the sheer <em>volume</em> of information we're bombarded with daily. I'm an information junkie, I admit it. Podcasts are practically my lifeblood (I have, like, four different pairs of headphones for different listening situations – don't judge). But lately, it feels like I'm drowning in other people's thoughts, leaving no room for my own.</p><p>And the news… oh, the news. It's this addictive, horrifying spectacle. The Elon Musk saga, the political dumpster fires, the global conflicts… I feel compelled to stay informed, but it's also incredibly draining. It's like watching a slow-motion train wreck, and you can't look away, even though you know it's making you miserable.</p><p>I keep finding myself longing for the "old internet" – the days before algorithms and monetization ruled everything. Remember when people blogged just to share their thoughts, not to build a personal brand? When online shopping felt like a risky adventure? There was a certain innocence to it, a sense of genuine connection that feels increasingly rare.</p><p><strong>Parenting in the Age of the Perfectly Curated Feed</strong></p><p>This all ties into my feelings about parenting, too. I'm a co-parent, which means I get these intense weeks with my daughter, followed by weeks of (relative) freedom. It's a rollercoaster, to say the least. And when I'm in "dad mode," there's just <em>no</em> room for anything else. My fancy new gimbal? Still in its box.</p><p>And I'm fiercely protective of my daughter's privacy. I see so many parents using their kids for online clout, and it just feels… wrong. Kids are adorable, fascinating creatures, but that fascination is primarily for <em>their parents</em>. Sharing every moment of their lives online, before they're even old enough to understand the implications, feels exploitative.</p><p><strong>Finding the Signal in the Noise</strong></p><p>So, where does this leave me? Still searching, I guess. Trying to find a balance between staying informed and staying sane. Trying to create more and consume less. Trying to be present, both for my daughter and for myself.</p><p>This recording, this messy, rambling brain dump, is part of that process. It's a way of reclaiming my own thoughts, of finding the signal in the noise. It's not polished, it's not perfect, but it's <em>real</em>. And in a world of curated realities, maybe that's the most valuable thing of all. I still don't really know how do you filter all that negative information. But here it is.</p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://cmonkx.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1">cmonkx.substack.com</a>
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