<p>Where does self-confidence come from ? Some children are bursting with it while an absence of it holds others back. Katy Gosset finds confidence is a learned behaviour that any of us can tap into.</p><p>Everyone wants it for their kids but where does self-confidence actually come from? Some children seem to be bursting with it while an absence of it holds others back. Katy Gosset finds confidence is a learned behaviour that any of us - parents included- can tap into.</p><p>Subscribe free to Are We There Yet? on iTunes, RadioPublic, Spotify, RadioPublic or Stitcher.</p><p>Sally&#x27;s* son James* has always been one of the best runners in his year. In fact, he usually wins most races.</p><p>But lately, he hasn&#x27;t wanted to try.</p><p>Sally thinks a sense of expectation from others that he would win has sapped his confidence.</p><p>&quot;I tried lots of encouragement, reminding him that it didn&#x27;t really matter if he won the race or not. It was just, kind of, doing your best.&quot;</p><p>&quot;But I just felt it got to the point where he thought it was more fun to just run with his friends and not have that expectation on him.&quot; </p><p>Her other two children went through similar phases.</p><p>&quot;Definitely, I think all three of them had confidence issues.&quot;</p><p>The quest for confidence</p><p>Confidence in children can seem like the holy grail for concerned parents.</p><p>So why do some kids lack this elusive quality while others appear bulletproof?</p><p>Clinical psychologist, Catherine Gallagher, said many parents believed confidence was innate.</p><p>&quot;We often hear people described as either confident or not confident as if it&#x27;s a thing we&#x27;re born with.&quot;</p><p>Instead, it was a learned behaviour and could fluctuate throughout a person&#x27;s life.</p><p>&quot;Some might seem like they were born with an in-built Teflon shield to repel the opinions of others and the difficulties life might throw at them.&quot;</p><p>However, rather than having an excess of some quality, it was more likely that they simply lacked anxiety &#x27;which is often the thing that holds us back or saps our energy.&#x27;</p><p>Most people had a kind of internal alarm system that went off in the presence of danger but that same alarm could be triggered by normal life challenges, Gallagher explained.</p><p>&#x27;&#x27;The frustration we feel when we&#x27;re struggling with a problem or which we visibly see when we see a baby struggling to roll over or pull themselves up, it actually serves a purpose.&#x27;&#x27;</p><p>When a person faced any kind of challenge, their brain tried to draw upon a similar experience to model what to do next, Gallagher said&#8230;</p><p><a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/podcast/are-we-there-yet?share=elf_audio_2018765070">Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details</a></p>