The Virtual Couch

Have you ever wondered why your aging parent suddenly needs to arrive an hour early for everything? Or why, after knowing them your entire life, they suddenly appear to be trying to exert control and order at a level that you’ve never experienced? In today’s episode of The Virtual Couch podcast, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes us on a fascinating journey through the human brain, starting with the incredible story of Phineas Gage - the man who survived an iron rod through his head and lived to tell the tale (though he wasn't quite the same person afterward).From there, he dives into something most all of us are impacted by, either directly or through someone that we care about - anxiety. But not just any anxiety - we're talking about why our caveman's brains are still trying to protect us from tigers in the parking lot and how this shows up differently as we age. Tony breaks down the fundamental differences between normal aging, dementia, and Alzheimer's in a way that finally makes sense.Tony then breaks down a listener's email about their father’s increasingly anxious behaviors. Tony unpacks powerful tools for handling these delicate family situations. Tony introduces the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principle of psychological flexibility (think yoga for your emotions) and shares David Schnarch's “4 Points of Balance” to becoming more differentiated, which helps you maintain your sanity while staying connected to those you love.Tony explains Schnarch’s 'crucible' as the transformative space where relationships grow or crack under pressure. Whether you're dealing with an aging parent, a challenging relationship, or just trying to understand why people do what they do, this episode offers the “why” behind our anxious and controlling behaviors and practical ways to navigate life's complicated relationships without losing yourself.00:00 The Incredible Story of Phineas Gage04:04 Introduction to the Virtual Couch05:38 Listener's Email: Concerns About Aging Parent07:40 Understanding Anxiety and Its Evolution14:57 Distinguishing Dementia and Alzheimer's17:33 Coping with Aging and Anxiety24:50 Practical Advice for Managing Anxiety24:59 Reframing Perspectives25:09 Empathy and Understanding25:25 Intentional Conversations25:55 Meeting Halfway26:12 Choosing Your Battles26:54 Boundaries vs Ultimatums27:12 Psychological Reactance30:22 Differentiation and Emotional Autonomy32:57 Four Points of Balance38:30 Constructing Your Crucible44:43 Final Thoughts and TakeawaysTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.

Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites the audience to share their stories and questions about their own faith and family journeys for future episodes.00:00 Welcome and Introduction01:17 “Not My Job” song by: Riley Hope02:48 The Power of Writing and Poetry05:26 Exploring Allegories06:44 Off the Beaten Path: Ansul's Journey Begins12:14 Ansul's Struggles and Self-Discovery16:17 Meeting Maris: A New Connection17:52 Seeking Guidance: Ansul's Dilemma18:31 Ansul's Realization and Self-Acceptance19:00 Building a Relationship with Maris20:42 Themes of the Allegory: Individuality vs. Conformity22:32 Exploring Faith and Doubt22:53 Coming of Age and Self-Discovery23:30 Truth, Knowledge, and Intergenerational Expectations25:34 Curiosity, Love, and Acceptance26:38 Personal Growth Through Discomfort27:19 Diversity of Thought and Self-Acceptance29:24 Navigating Difficult Journeys of Faith and Family31:00 Encouragement for Personal Growth and Authenticity33:02 Conclusion and Call to ActionTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-coursePlease follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

McKinley “Mackie” Overbay, host of “The Mind, the Mirror, and Me,” and Tony Overbay, LMFT, return after a significant hiatus to discuss numerous life updates, including their recent move to Arizona and Mackie's health journey with Hashimoto's disease. They delve into the struggles and triumphs of losing 55 pounds, the importance of self-love, and the necessity of balancing mind and body health. The conversation touches on the challenges of diet, exercise, meditation, and maintaining consistency. It's a candid look at personal transformation, resilience, and the importance of understanding and caring for oneself amidst life's unpredictable challenges.00:00 Introduction and Opening Banter00:25 Welcome Back and New Beginnings01:18 Social Media and Personal Updates03:21 Discussing Past Episodes and Themes05:25 Weight Loss Journey and Health Challenges07:25 Understanding Hashimoto's Disease11:21 Reflections on Self-Worth and Body Image14:20 Diet Changes and Lifestyle Adjustments24:18 Thyroid Health and Medical Insights27:56 Understanding Perimenopause and Hormonal Changes28:16 Unexpected Balloon Incident28:54 Recognizing and Addressing Health Issues30:39 The Journey to Diagnosis32:13 Lifestyle Changes and Their Impact34:21 The Importance of Consistency and Motivation35:51 Managing Inflammation and Dietary Adjustments37:21 Exercise and Weight Loss Strategies39:37 The Role of Meditation and Mindfulness48:14 Embracing Self-Worth and Positivity53:02 Concluding Thoughts and ReflectionsTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-coursePlease follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop.

Do you find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own? Have you ever wondered if being "too kind" could actually be harmful to your relationships and well-being? In today’s crossover episode - Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explores the complex concept of pathological kindness in relationships. Through a listener's letter from 'Cleo,' Tony delves into the challenges faced by those who prioritize others' needs to their detriment, often rooted in childhood experiences of being the family peacemaker. Cleo's story highlights issues with her emotionally inconsistent partner, Ray, unveiling the struggles of living with someone emotionally immature or narcissistic. Tony discusses recognizing these patterns, including the role of cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding in maintaining unhealthy relationships. He explores how highly sensitive people (HSPs) may be particularly vulnerable to these dynamics. The episode emphasizes the importance of developing a stable core identity, setting boundaries, and balancing kindness with self-care. Tony also touches on the challenges of breaking free from intermittent reinforcement in relationships and recognizing and trusting one's own perceptions. He stresses the role of therapy and self-awareness in breaking free from unhealthy cycles and fostering emotionally mature relationships while also offering hope to those who recognize themselves as the emotionally immature partner and want to change.00:00 Introduction and Podcast Promotion01:19 Introducing Cleo's Story03:16 Cleo's Relationship Struggles10:38 Understanding Pathological Kindness16:28 The Impact of Pathological Kindness21:36 Balancing Kindness and Self-Care25:09 Exploring Self-Reliance and Its Pitfalls25:24 The Dual Nature of Optimism25:40 Understanding Humility and Self-Deprecation26:26 The Complexities of Honesty27:09 Patience vs. Passivity27:24 Competence and Arrogance28:00 Cleo's Relationship with Ray29:04 The Struggle of Highly Sensitive People29:48 The Challenge of Leaving Toxic Relationships33:23 The Cognitive Dissonance and Trauma Bonding45:04 The Importance of Self-Care and Boundaries46:03 Encouragement for Personal GrowthTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Tony talks with musician Ian McConnell. Ian kicks off his “Primary Source” tour this Thursday, August 15th, in Dallas, TX, and will visit 25 more spots around the country (tickets for Ian’s “Primary Source” tour can be purchased through his website https://www.ianmcconnellmusic.com (https://www.ianmcconnellmusic.com/)). Ian opens up about his journey in the music industry, touring experiences, and personal struggles. They discuss everything from car troubles and pandemic life to faith deconstruction and mental health therapy. Ian shares his approach to writing meaningful songs that resonate with listeners, his views on human purpose, and the emotional highs and lows of social media success. The episode offers a deep dive into Ian's creative process and the challenges of maintaining authenticity and self-care in a demanding industry. Tune in for an introspective and engaging conversation on living a good life, mental health, and the power of music. You can find Ian on all popular social media platforms. 00:00 Introduction and Casual Conversation00:38 Desert Life and Moving to Phoenix01:20 Touring Experiences and Plans02:59 Existential Crisis and Songwriting04:09 Faith Deconstruction and Personal Growth06:45 The Pursuit of Happiness and Validation15:41 Nashville and Country Music Journey24:09 Pandemic Challenges and TikTok Success25:35 Diving into Music and Social Media26:30 Navigating Roommate Tensions and Relationships27:26 Exploring Emotional Immaturity and People-Pleasing30:50 The Rush of Social Media Fame31:40 Creating Music Independently34:02 Reflecting on Mental Health and Therapy35:23 Releasing Music Like a TV Show37:34 Analyzing Lyrics and Personal Experiences45:56 The Joy and Nerves of Performing Live46:57 Wrapping Up and Future PlansTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-courseSubscribe to Tony's latest podcast,