Greatest Trek: New Star Trek Reviewed

When Zero’s broken-suit lifestyle leads to a telepathic cold call, the kids agree to a side quest so they can get their Medusan friend all fixed up. But when an impulsive decision to go straight for long green body leads to a thrilling chase through some flowers, Zero ultimately decides to stick with the dance partners that brought them and leave Lobster Fest behind. What’s Star Trek’s version of “are you gonna eat that?” Which mid-market motel chain could ruin Zero’s senses? How did Q convince jacked Wesley to stay in his new body? It’s the episode that previews The Benjamin Ahr Harrison Star Trek Hour!

When Jankom Pog clogs up the Infinity, getting to Chakotay’s nebula faster means flying through a Borg conduit. But when they’re pulled out of the green tunnel by a Kazon Maje, Zero’s heroics lead to a broken suit. Who wouldn’t have a problem on Hot Ones? Which script is the USS Infinity’s registry printed in? When is a foosball table like a starship? It’s the episode that could never ride transit backwards.

When the cadets are on lockdown as the Infinity is being sent to its fiery blue death, programming holo doubles is their only plan for saving the timeline. But when their copies are good enough to cause an identity crisis, the Rok-Tahks work together to figure out who gets to escape on the Infinity. What’s gaining traction in state legislatures? Who is rolling around in her grave? Which movie franchise is not for making sense? It’s the episode that’s uncomfortable with most of the adults on Voyager A. 

When Admiral Janeway puts the cadets through a kid-style tribunal, the senior officers don’t believe their story and Dr. Mark gets assigned as babysitter. But when Admiral Jellico orders Janeway to destroy the time hole, the kids translate Murf-speak and get a new clue about where to find Chakotay. Who is starting to catch strays on the Uxbridge-Shimoda family of shows? What does Murf refuse to wear in the shower? Which ship’s counselor is the most likely to speak up? It’s the episode where some of the letters are backwards.

When Gwyn has critically low hit points at the bottom of the Va’Lu’Rah hole, her young father puts her first while she gets a mysterious message directly from the cosmos. But when the kids on the Infinity get a strange message in calculator font, they decide to time travel to find Gwyn before it’s too late to save her. What does “it’s complicated” actually mean? Why can’t anyone get a ride on this show? Which name-brand director deserves a crack at Star Trek? It’s the episode that imagines Rok-Tahk’s coming of age.