From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer

Recovery can look convincing on the outside and still be deeply dishonest underneath. The meetings are attended. The books are read. The language sounds right. And yet, something does not feel settled or safe. In this episode of From Crisis to Connection, Geoff and Jody talk about what happens when recovery turns into performance rather than integrity. They discuss how recovery language and behaviors can be used to manage perception, control the story, and keep a betrayed partner doubting their own reality. This conversation speaks directly to betrayed partners who feel something is off but cannot prove it, and to recovering partners who may be performing while avoiding deeper accountability. In this episode, we talk about: How recovery behaviors can be used to gaslight instead of heal Why betrayed partners often sense something's off even when everything looks right The cost of making a betrayed partner explain or justify why something feels off What real integrity looks like Why honesty about inner experience matters as much as external behavior ______________________________ Download the Free Resource: You, Me, Us - A Way Forward After Betrayal When betrayal has shaken your relationship, it can feel impossible to know where to begin. This free 15-minute video and companion worksheet will help you steady yourself, support your partner, and begin caring for the relationship between you. Get your copy here. ______________________________ Join the Courageous Together™ Program Courageous Together™ isn’t just another course, it’s a trauma-informed roadmap that holds both of you in the healing process. If you’ve ever wondered “Where do we even start?” After betrayal, this program gives you the clarity and structure you need. It meets the betrayed partner’s need for safety while guiding the recovering partner toward real accountability, creating a path forward that neither of you has to figure out on your own. Healing from betrayal is overwhelming in isolation, which is why Courageous Together™ brings you expert guidance, practical tools, and a supportive community of couples walking the same road. Inside, you’ll find a step-by-step framework, live support opportunities, and the reassurance that you’re not alone as you rebuild safety, restore trust, and move toward genuine connection. You’ll have access to: A structured healing framework with step-by-step guidance Video lessons and worksheets to build safety, accountability, and connection The option to join live group circles and support calls with me A private, secure community of others walking the same path Learn more and join us inside Courageous Together: www.geoffsteurer.com/courageous-together ______________________________ Stay Connected Website YouTube Instagram Facebook If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to leave a review! We’d love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey. ______________________________ Watch on YouTube Prefer video? You can watch full episodes of From Crisis to Connection on our YouTube channel: youtube.com/@FromCrisistoConnectionPocast. ______________________________About Geoff Steurer I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS) with 25+ years of experience helping individuals and couples heal from the devastation of sexual betrayal and broken trust. I am the founder of the Courageous Together program, co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, and co-author of Love You, Hate the Porn. My work integrates trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and practical tools for creating lasting safety and connection. I’ve been married to my wife, Jody, since 1996 and we are the parents of four children. About Jody SteurerJody is the co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, where she brings her thoughtful, common-sense perspective to conversations about healing, trust, and connection. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA-certified coach. Jody has years of experience in corporate training, small business leadership, and family life, and raising four children (two of them neurodivergent). She loves watercolor painting, landscape design, spending time outdoors, and snow skiing.

When betrayal enters a relationship, one of the first questions people ask is, How bad was it really? Was it pornography, emotional connection, secret messages, a one time physical event, or something ongoing? Many hope that identifying the category will tell them how much pain is reasonable or how much empathy is warranted. But as we explore in this episode, perspective around the type of betrayal often becomes a trap. It can be used to manage shame, minimize pain, or judge how someone should feel. Instead of helping partners heal, it can widen the distance between them. In this conversation we look at how perspective impacts betrayed partners, recovering partners, and the couple as a whole. We talk about why facts alone never explain the full impact of betrayal and what needs to happen before perspective can be useful. ______________________________ Download the Free Resource: You, Me, Us - A Way Forward After Betrayal When betrayal has shaken your relationship, it can feel impossible to know where to begin. This free 15-minute video and companion worksheet will help you steady yourself, support your partner, and begin caring for the relationship between you. Get your copy here. ______________________________ Join the Courageous Together™ Program Courageous Together™ isn’t just another course, it’s a trauma-informed roadmap that holds both of you in the healing process. If you’ve ever wondered “Where do we even start?” After betrayal, this program gives you the clarity and structure you need. It meets the betrayed partner’s need for safety while guiding the recovering partner toward real accountability, creating a path forward that neither of you has to figure out on your own. Healing from betrayal is overwhelming in isolation, which is why Courageous Together™ brings you expert guidance, practical tools, and a supportive community of couples walking the same road. Inside, you’ll find a step-by-step framework, live support opportunities, and the reassurance that you’re not alone as you rebuild safety, restore trust, and move toward genuine connection. You’ll have access to: A structured healing framework with step-by-step guidance Video lessons and worksheets to build safety, accountability, and connection The option to join live group circles and support calls with me A private, secure community of others walking the same path Learn more and join us inside Courageous Together: www.geoffsteurer.com/courageous-together ______________________________ Stay Connected Website YouTube Instagram Facebook If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to leave a review! We’d love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey. ______________________________ Watch on YouTube Prefer video? You can watch full episodes of From Crisis to Connection on our YouTube channel: youtube.com/@FromCrisistoConnectionPocast. ______________________________About Geoff Steurer I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS) with 25+ years of experience helping individuals and couples heal from the devastation of sexual betrayal and broken trust. I am the founder of the Courageous Together program, co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, and co-author of Love You, Hate the Porn. My work integrates trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and practical tools for creating lasting safety and connection. I’ve been married to my wife, Jody, since 1996 and we are the parents of four children. About Jody SteurerJody is the co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, where she brings her thoughtful, common-sense perspective to conversations about healing, trust, and connection. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA-certified coach. Jody has years of experience in corporate training, small business leadership, and family life, and raising four children (two of them neurodivergent). She loves watercolor painting, landscape design, spending time outdoors, and snow skiing.

Avoidance is one of the most common reactions to emotional pain. It shows up as silence, staying busy, withdrawing, shutting down, or convincing yourself that “things will sort themselves out.” At first it feels protective. Over time, it becomes its own form of suffering and keeps couples stuck in the very patterns they’re trying to escape. In this episode, Geoff and Jody explore how avoidance operates in both partners after betrayal and how safely facing difficult truths creates genuine movement in the relationship. What We Cover: For the Betrayed Partner Why avoidance often becomes a survival response How overwhelm, exhaustion, and cultural pressure to “keep the peace” silence your real needs The difference between consciously pausing and unconsciously shutting down For the Recovering Partner How shame and fear fuel hiding, minimizing, and delaying accountability Why avoidance blocks repair and prolongs fear The honest question every recovering partner must answer For the Couple How both partners can slip into a shared pattern of avoidance Why comfort, silence, and homeostasis can feel safer than truth How one partner naming avoidance begins to shift the entire dynamic Remember...avoidance feels safe in the moment, but it interrupts healing. ______________________________ Download the Free Resource: You, Me, Us - A Way Forward After Betrayal When betrayal has shaken your relationship, it can feel impossible to know where to begin. This free 15-minute video and companion worksheet will help you steady yourself, support your partner, and begin caring for the relationship between you. Get your copy here. ______________________________ Join the Courageous Together™ Program Courageous Together™ isn’t just another course, it’s a trauma-informed roadmap that holds both of you in the healing process. If you’ve ever wondered “Where do we even start?” After betrayal, this program gives you the clarity and structure you need. It meets the betrayed partner’s need for safety while guiding the recovering partner toward real accountability, creating a path forward that neither of you has to figure out on your own. Healing from betrayal is overwhelming in isolation, which is why Courageous Together™ brings you expert guidance, practical tools, and a supportive community of couples walking the same road. Inside, you’ll find a step-by-step framework, live support opportunities, and the reassurance that you’re not alone as you rebuild safety, restore trust, and move toward genuine connection. You’ll have access to: A structured healing framework with step-by-step guidance Video lessons and worksheets to build safety, accountability, and connection The option to join live group circles and support calls with me A private, secure community of others walking the same path Learn more and join us inside Courageous Together: www.geoffsteurer.com/courageous-together ______________________________ Stay Connected Website YouTube Instagram Facebook If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to leave a review! We’d love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey. ______________________________ Watch on YouTube Prefer video? You can watch full episodes of From Crisis to Connection on our YouTube channel: youtube.com/@FromCrisistoConnectionPocast. ______________________________About Geoff Steurer I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS) with 25+ years of experience helping individuals and couples heal from the devastation of sexual betrayal and broken trust. I am the founder of the Courageous Together program, co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, and co-author of Love You, Hate the Porn. My work integrates trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and practical tools for creating lasting safety and connection. I’ve been married to my wife, Jody, since 1996 and we are the parents of four children. About Jody SteurerJody is the co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, where she brings her thoughtful, common-sense perspective to conversations about healing, trust, and connection. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA-certified coach. Jody has years of experience in corporate training, small business leadership, and family life, and raising four children (two of them neurodivergent). She loves watercolor painting, landscape design, spending time outdoors, and snow skiing.

The holidays can stir up a full range of emotions, especially when you are carrying the weight of relational pain or the uncertainty of the healing process. In this episode, we step away from our usual structure and simply sit with you, offering a personal message of support for the weeks ahead. We talk about giving yourself permission to be where you are, without pressure to feel a certain way or perform a picture perfect holiday season. We explore the importance of honoring your yes and your no, creating space for relief, grief, joy, overwhelm, and everything in between. We also speak directly to those walking through separation, fresh discovery, or ongoing tension during a time that is supposed to feel warm and connected. Our hope is that this conversation feels like sitting at our kitchen table with us. You get to be honest about what you are holding this year, and you get to build the holiday you can manage, not the one you think you should create. You will hear us talk about:  Giving yourself permission to be exactly where you are this season Why pressure to be okay makes the holidays harder How to identify a strong yes and a strong no Ways couples can coordinate and protect their relational needs Support for those not spending the holidays in familiar or expected ways The unpredictability of grief and how naming emotions brings relief Allowing joy without guilt, even while doing deep work Why small moments of peace matter when you are carrying a lot Explore Courageous Together If you are looking for steadier footing through the holidays and beyond, our Courageous Together program can hold both of you through this process. It is a trauma informed roadmap designed to help couples understand where they are, where they are going, and how to work together while protecting the betrayed partner and supporting the recovering partner’s accountability. Inside the program you will find Weekly group circles for betrayed partners, recovering partners, and couples A full video course that walks you through every stage of healing Anonymous Q and A support with Geoff Tools, worksheets, and a guided path you can follow at your own pace A community that stays with you for as long as you need help   You can learn more and join us at https://www.courageoustogetherprogram.com/ 

After betrayal, even small mistakes can feel enormous. A forgotten detail, a defensive tone, or a moment of old behavior can land like a major setback. In this episode, Geoff and Jody talk about why these moments feel so threatening and what actually determines whether healing moves forward or shuts down. What We Cover: For the Betrayed Partner Why even small slips feel like confirmation nothing has changed How fear and past harm amplify the moment What she’s really looking for For the Recovering Partner What creates defensiveness or hiding Why the response matters more than the mistake The choice points that build or break trust For the Couple How repeated patterns shape safety What actually reveals more than behavior What real progress looks like in moments of rupture ______________________________ Download the Free Resource: You, Me, Us - A Way Forward After Betrayal When betrayal has shaken your relationship, it can feel impossible to know where to begin. This free 15-minute video and companion worksheet will help you steady yourself, support your partner, and begin caring for the relationship between you. Get your copy here. ______________________________ Join the Courageous Together™ Program Courageous Together™ isn’t just another course, it’s a trauma-informed roadmap that holds both of you in the healing process. If you’ve ever wondered “Where do we even start?” After betrayal, this program gives you the clarity and structure you need. It meets the betrayed partner’s need for safety while guiding the recovering partner toward real accountability, creating a path forward that neither of you has to figure out on your own. Healing from betrayal is overwhelming in isolation, which is why Courageous Together™ brings you expert guidance, practical tools, and a supportive community of couples walking the same road. Inside, you’ll find a step-by-step framework, live support opportunities, and the reassurance that you’re not alone as you rebuild safety, restore trust, and move toward genuine connection. You’ll have access to: A structured healing framework with step-by-step guidance Video lessons and worksheets to build safety, accountability, and connection The option to join live group circles and support calls with me A private, secure community of others walking the same path Learn more and join us inside Courageous Together: www.geoffsteurer.com/courageous-together ______________________________ Stay Connected Website YouTube Instagram Facebook If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to leave a review! We’d love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey. ______________________________ Watch on YouTube Prefer video? You can watch full episodes of From Crisis to Connection on our YouTube channel: youtube.com/@FromCrisistoConnectionPocast. ______________________________About Geoff Steurer I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS) with 25+ years of experience helping individuals and couples heal from the devastation of sexual betrayal and broken trust. I am the founder of the Courageous Together program, co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, and co-author of Love You, Hate the Porn. My work integrates trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and practical tools for creating lasting safety and connection. I’ve been married to my wife, Jody, since 1996 and we are the parents of four children. About Jody SteurerJody is the co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, where she brings her thoughtful, common-sense perspective to conversations about healing, trust, and connection. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA-certified coach. Jody has years of experience in corporate training, small business leadership, and family life, and raising four children (two of them neurodivergent). She loves watercolor painting, landscape design, spending time outdoors, and snow skiing.