Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Kristin Neff, author of "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself," sheds light on the pivotal shift from cultivating self-esteem to fostering self-compassion in our children, especially through the tumultuous teenage years.

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Full Show Notes

Parenting teenagers is an odyssey filled with highs and lows, during which we often focus on bolstering our kids' self-esteem and ensuring they excel. Yet, emerging research pivots our attention towards the essence of self-compassion, a force equally potent yet profoundly different.

We're joined by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the realm of self-compassion. As the author of "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" and a mother to an autistic teenager, Kristin introduces us to self-compassion not just as a concept, but as a transformative practice. Through her own journey and extensive research, she's unearthed how self-compassion can be a beacon of hope and resilience for parents and teens alike.

The Self-Esteem Trap

Often, our parenting journey is underscored by a drive to boost our kids' self-esteem. However, an overemphasis on self-esteem can entangle our teens in a web where their worth is contingent on accomplishments, appearance, and external validation. Kristin sets the stage for a conversation on why shifting our focus from self-esteem to self-compassion can lead to healthier, more fulfilling adolescent years.

How do we cultivate an environment of self-compassion in the midst of teenage turmoil? Kristin delves into the practical applications of self-compassion, from understanding its components—mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness—to embracing exercises and strategies that foster an inner sense of unconditional worth.

The Ripple Effects of Self-Compassion

Drawing from her personal experience with her son, Kristin illustrates the profound impact self-compassion has on parenting. She discusses how embracing our own imperfections as parents and fostering an attitude of kindness and understanding towards ourselves can profoundly influence our children's sense of self-worth, resilience, and overall well-being.

In a world where teens grapple with identity, societal pressures, and the quest for belonging, self-compassion emerges as a compass guiding them towards authenticity. Kristin explores how self-compassion empowers teenagers to navigate these challenges with grace, encourages genuine self-exploration, and cultivates a robust, unwavering sense of self-worth that isn’t tethered to accomplishments or external approval.

In This Episode...

• Understanding the distinction between self-esteem and self-compassion.
• Strategies for integrating self-compassion into daily life and parenting.
• The transformative power of self-compassion on teenagers’ mental health and self-worth.
• Practical exercises to foster a self-compassionate mindset in both parents and teens.

Join us as we unravel the potential of self-compassion to revolutionize how we parent and empower our teens to lead lives marked by kindness, resilience, and unconditional self-acceptance.

Listen to this episode, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into navigating the complexities of raising teenagers with empathy, understanding, and compassion.

Louis Weinstock, author of "How the World is Making Our Children Mad and What to do About It," explores toxic communication patterns, the impact of societal pressures on teen mental health, and strategies for fostering emotional empowerment and resilience.

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! 

Full Show Notes

Today's teenagers are navigating an increasingly complex world. With the rise of social media, economic pressures, and an overabundance of information, it's no wonder that parents are seeing an uptick in mental health issues among their teens. From anxiety and depression to learned helplessness, the challenges are myriad, but understanding their root causes is the key to effective parenting in modern times.

Joining us on this episode is Louis Weinstock, a therapist, co-founder of the charity *A Part of Me*, and author of "How the World is Making Our Children Mad and What to do About It." Louis uses his extensive experience working with troubled kids and teens to discuss the deeper issues affecting our children's mental health and how parents can navigate these challenges to foster resilience, emotional empowerment, and healthier communication.

Understanding the Impact of Modern Society on Teens

Louis kicks off our conversation by delving into how society's ever-increasing demands and pressures have contributed to a rise in mental health issues among teenagers. He explains the importance of looking beyond labels and diagnoses to understand the root causes of our children's struggles. The first step toward change, Louis suggests, is for adults to do the inner work required to support our children through these tumultuous times.

The Power of Emotional Empowerment

One of the key themes in our talk with Louis is the concept of emotional empowerment versus resilience. He challenges the traditional notion that teens should simply "power through" adversity, advocating instead for a balance between acknowledging one's emotions and finding constructive ways to manage them. Louis offers insights into how parents can encourage their teenagers to be emotionally empowered, rather than resigned to their circumstances or overly reliant on parental rescue.

Redefining Success and Navigating Social Media

We also explore the crucial topics of success, social media, and the disconnection from our bodies. Louis presents an alternative view of success that goes beyond competition and material gains, emphasizing the importance of instilling values like kindness and compassion in our children. Additionally, he shares strategies for helping teenagers navigate the complex world of social media and reestablish a healthy connection with their bodies.

Practical Exercises and Insights

Throughout the episode, Louis shares a variety of practical exercises and strategies for parents and their teens. From defining family values to engaging in meaningful conversations about uncomfortable topics, these tools aim to challenge toxic patterns, encourage critical thinking, and promote a healthier, more balanced lifestyle.

In the Episode...

• Exploring the Drama Triangle and its impact on family dynamics
• Strategies for breaking the cycle of learned helplessness
• The importance of unconditional love and slowing down in parenting
• Practical exercises for fostering emotional empowerment and resilience in teens
• Recommendations for navigating social media and redefining success

Join us for an enlightening discussion full of actionable advice on how to support your teenager through the challenges of modern society. Don't forget to share and subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more insightful episodes on the art and science of parenting teenagers.

Tanith Carey, author of What's My Tween Thinking?, returns to discuss the distinct challenges and opportunities of parenting tweens, focusing on identity development, handling changing family dynamics, navigating peer influence, and fostering emotional awareness and introspection in 8 to 12-year-olds.

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! 

Full Show Notes

As parents, witnessing our child morph from a carefree kid into a tween can sometimes feel like navigating uncharted waters. The tween years, traditionally seen as a quiet phase before the storm of the teenage years, are now understood to be a crucial period of identity development and emotional growth. It's a time when children start to question their place in the world, develop deeper peer relationships, and often begin to seek independence from their families.

This week on Talking to Teens, we’re joined by Tanith Carey, a renowned author and educator known for her insightful books on parenting, including the highly-praised What's My Tween Thinking?. Tanith offers her expertise to unravel the complex emotional landscape of tweens and provides practical advice for guiding them through this pivotal stage.

Identity Exploration and Peer Influence

The tween years are marked by a significant exploration of identity. Tanith explains that as children move through this phase, they start to compare themselves to their peers, which can lead to new insecurities and doubts. The establishment of more defined friendship groups also introduces tweens to the complexities of social hierarchies and conflicts. Tanith stresses the importance of preparing tweens for these experiences by discussing the broader picture, helping them understand the nature of social dynamics and encouraging self-reflection and emotional awareness.

Navigating Family Dynamics and Independence

As tweens seek more independence, family dynamics can shift dramatically. Tanith shares how parents can manage these changes, from the tween's desire for private space to their evolving way of relating to family members. She emphasizes respect for the tween's growing need for autonomy while maintaining open lines of communication and connection.

Tackling Tough Topics and Social Media Influence

Tanith and Andy dive into some of the more challenging aspects of parenting tweens, including handling exposure to negative societal messages and navigating the digital landscape. Tanith offers advice on discussing sensitive topics like appearance, peer pressure, and the impact of social media, highlighting the importance of encouraging tweens to critically evaluate the messages they receive and to develop a strong sense of self-awareness.

Encouraging Emotional Awareness and Introspection

One of the key themes throughout the episode is the importance of fostering emotional awareness and introspection in tweens. Tanith shares strategies for helping tweens tune into their feelings and bodily sensations as a way of understanding their emotions, making healthier choices, and developing resilience. This focus on introspection is particularly vital in an age dominated by digital distractions and societal pressures.

In the Episode…

Apart from the topics mentioned above, Tanith and Andy also discuss:  
- The implications of early puberty and the impact on tweens' self-image.  
- Strategies for encouraging open discussions about difficult topics, including misogyny and consent.  
- The importance of modeling healthy emotional regulation and empathy.  
- Ways to support tweens in finding their "spark" or passion.  
- Techniques for balancing screen time with real-world activities and social interactions.

Tanith Carey's work provides invaluable insights into the tween mind, offering practical tips and compassionate guidance for parents navigating these formative years. Her evidence-based approach emphasizes the importance of understanding, communication, and emotional intelligence in fostering healthy development and strong parent-tween relationships.

Don’t miss this enlightening conversation on what it means to parent a tween in today's world. Tune in to learn more about how you can support your tween’s journey of self-discovery and emotional growth. Subscribe to the Talking to Teens podcast for more expert advice on the art and science of parenting teenagers.

Dr. Uma Naidoo, author of "This Is Your Brain on Food" and "Calm Your Brain with Food," discusses how dietary choices can significantly impact anxiety levels and overall mental wellness, highlighting the critical connections between gut health, inflammation, and the brain.

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! 

Full Show Notes

Raising teenagers is no easy feat, especially when dealing with the complexities of their mental health. In today's fast-paced and stress-filled world, an increasing number of teens are facing anxiety. While therapy and coping strategies are essential tools, there's an often overlooked component that could be contributing significantly to your teenager's anxiety: their diet.

Our guest today is Dr. Uma Naidoo, a renowned psychiatrist, nutrition specialist, and author. Dr. Naidoo has made groundbreaking strides in the field of nutritional psychiatry, showcasing the profound effect food has on our mental state, specifically anxiety. Through her work, she uncovers the intricate connections between what we eat, the health of our gut, and how our brain functions.

Understanding the Gut-Brain Connection

Dr. Naidoo takes us through the fascinating gut-brain axis, explaining how these two seemingly disconnected body parts communicate through neurotransmitters and hormones. Foods with high glycemic loads, artificial sweeteners, and certain fats can cause inflammation not only in our bodies but also in our brains, exacerbating anxiety and other mental health issues.

Nourishment for Mental Health

Transitioning to healthier eating habits can seem daunting, but Dr. Naidoo provides practical advice and easy-to-follow steps for gradually making these changes. Focusing on whole, unprocessed foods rich in fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, and magnesium can have a positive impact on mental well-being. She also warns against the overconsumption of caffeine and the importance of avoiding foods that can interfere with medications prescribed for mental health conditions like ADHD.

Nutritional Psychiatry at Home

For parents, implementing Dr. Naidoo's advice means taking a more active role in food choices at home. She offers suggestions for incorporating more nutrient-dense foods into family meals and explains how simple swaps can lead to significant improvements in a teenager's mood and anxiety levels.

In this episode, we also cover additional topics, including:

- The effects of sugar and processed foods on mental health
- Simple dietary adjustments to combat stress and anxiety
- How certain foods can impact sleep quality
- The relationship between diet and cognitive functions

Dr. Naidoo's unique perspective on nutritional psychiatry provides a fresh outlook on managing anxiety through diet. It's a reminder that sometimes, the best medicine comes not from a prescription bottle, but from our own kitchens.

If you're intrigued by the powerful connection between what we eat and how we feel, make sure to subscribe to Talking to Teens and look into Dr. Naidoo's work for more insights into harnessing the power of food to foster better mental health in your family.

Listen to this enlightening conversation and start making those small, yet impactful changes in your and your teenager's diet today.

Tiffany Jewell, author of Everything I Learned About Racism I Learned in School, joins us to expose the myriad ways racism is embedded in the education system. We discuss the opportunity gap, biased disciplinary practices, problematic tracking, predatory military recruitment, and more - and what teens and parents can do about it.

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! 

Full Show Notes

Today's teens are facing unprecedented challenges - from pandemic recovery to economic uncertainty to navigating an increasingly complex digital world. But one of the most pervasive and overlooked issues affecting young people is the systemic racism baked into the very institutions meant to uplift and empower them - our schools.

Students of color are more than twice as likely to be suspended or expelled. They're underrepresented in advanced classes and overrepresented in special education programs. Their schools are more heavily policed and their lockers more frequently searched. The curriculum largely sidelines their histories and the works of authors who look like them.

How can we as parents, educators and advocates ensure that the school system is providing an equitable education and environment for all students? To unpack this crucial question, we're joined by Tiffany Jewell, anti-bias anti-racist educator and author of the new book Everything I Learned About Racism I Learned in School.

In our conversation, Tiffany sheds light on the often subtle ways racism manifests in schools, and provides actionable guidance for teens and parents to question the status quo and advocate for change.

The Opportunity Gap

Rather than an "achievement gap," Tiffany argues what we're really seeing is an opportunity gap. Schools serving predominantly students of color are chronically under-resourced, understaffed, and overcrowded. Low expectations and biased perceptions from teachers limit students' potential. The result is a self-perpetuating cycle of inequity.

Tiffany explains how parents can reframe the conversation around student success and advocate for more equitable allocation of resources and opportunities. She also shares tips for empowering teens to recognize and call out unfairness when they see it.

Discriminatory Discipline

Black students are four times more likely to face suspension than their White peers, often for minor infractions like "disrespect" or "defiance" that go unpunished for other students. Meanwhile, schools with majority students of color are far more likely to employ invasive tactics like suspicionless searches.

Tiffany unpacks the biases and power dynamics driving these disparities, and offers strategies for parents to protect their teens' rights and dignity in disciplinary situations. She also discusses the importance of restorative justice models that address root causes of behavior rather than criminalizing students.

Predatory Recruitment

Military recruiters aggressively target low-income schools and students of color, capitalizing on the lack of opportunity in these communities. Federal law requires "failing" schools to turn over student contact info to recruiters, who use coercive tactics to enlist teens with few other options.

Tiffany shares eye-opening data on the military recruitment machine and its exploitation of the opportunity gap. She advises parents on how to opt out of recruiter contact lists and encourages teens to critically examine the risks and realities of military service.

Curriculum & Representation

From history to literature to STEM fields, the standard curriculum is overwhelmingly White and male. Students of color rarely see themselves reflected, and are implicitly told their stories and contributions are less important.

Tiffany calls on parents and students to demand more representative, culturally-responsive content in every subject. She shares tips for supplementing classroom learning with diverse perspectives at home. Even small acts, like recommending a great book by an author of color to a teacher, can make a difference.

Throughout our discussion, Tiffany emphasizes the power of an individual to question the status quo and gradually shift the system. As she puts it: "School could be a place that is so joyful and empowering...I know we can do better. Let's keep [our children's] amazingness and encourage them to continue being amazing."

From practical advocacy strategies to empowering pep talks, this episode is full of wisdom and inspiration for anyone who believes in building a more just and equitable future for all students. Additional topics include:

• The myth of the "good" school and how it upholds segregation
• Recognizing and rejecting tone-policing and respectability politics
• Modeling allyship and using privilege to uplift others
• Rebuilding a school system that honors all students' brilliance

For more from Tiffany, visit her website tiffanymjewell.com or follow her on Instagram @tiffanymjewell. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week!