Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

Hello, Beyond Bitchy listeners! It’s been a long time, and I’m thrilled to have something new to share with you. When I recorded the previous episode of Beyond Bitchy in 2021, I knew two things: it was time to wrap up the show, and there’s...

Last week, I talked about the first two of the four essentials for mastering boundaries: "Who's Got the Power?" and "Stinkin' Thinkin'." (If these don't sound familiar, I recommend going back to listen to Episode 142.) This week, I'll cover the third and fourth essentials: "Live and Let Live," and "Change (So That I Can Feel Better)." But before we begin, I want to share a big announcement: this will be the final episode of the Beyond Bitchy podcast. This has been a productive and fulfilling season of my life, but it's time to bring it to a close and let the next season begin. If you want to keep up with what I'm doing next, please visit and subscribe to my Radiant Threefold Path Blog or follow me on Facebook, Instagram or YouTube. Thank you for being part of this podcast journey! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #143: Others have a right to live the way they want, just as you have a right to live your life in the way you want. If you don't like someone else's choices, your power is in how you choose to respond. The fourth essential probably addresses most of the problems you have with boundaries. If you want someone to change to make you feel better, you're in one of the biggest pitfalls of creating effective boundaries. When you find yourself wanting someone to change, go back to essential #1: "Who's Got the Power?" In short, you can take action around protecting yourself, or make a request of the other person. The biggest challenge you will probably face is the practice of returning to you, staying with your reality, and knowing what you want. Highlights from Episode #143: Welcome to episode #143! Vicki quickly recaps the first two essentials for mastering boundaries, which she discussed in detail in the previous episode. [00:39] The third of Vicki's four essentials is "Live and Let Live." She talks about this in more depth, explaining what is (and isn't) under your control. [04:56] Vicki shares an example of "Live and Let Live." [08:17] How somebody dresses is another example of the third essential point. [11:27] The fourth essential encompasses most problems you likely have with boundaries. [12:50] Vicki digs into what the problem is with believing that someone should change to make you feel better. [15:40] What should you do when you find yourself wanting someone to change? Vicki answers, then recaps the four essentials that she has covered. [17:58] Vicki gives an example to illustrate the difference between what you could record and what you made up. [20:14] Vicki makes a big announcement about the podcast: this will be the final episode. [24:24] Are you wondering what to do about your future boundaries challenges? Vicki promises that the answer is somewhere in the previous episodes of the podcast. She then invites you to sit down with a 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier, do the quiet inner work to discover your reality, your vision, where your power lies, and what action to take. [29:11] Links and Resources: Vicki Tidwell Palmer Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Facebook Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram Beyond Bitchy on Spotify The Radiant Threefold Path The Radiant Threefold Path Blog Vicki Tidwell Palmer on YouTube Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 142: 4 Essentials for Mastering Boundaries (Part I) Carolyn Myss

I'm lucky enough to have been able to give myself the gift of a 27-day sabbatical, which gave me so much clarity into both my personal and professional life. And now that I'm back, I'm inspired to offer some insight about the four common challenges I see across all sorts of boundary questions in various situations. I'll cover the first two challenges today, and the third and fourth next week. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #142: Even if it's only a few minutes a day, please carve out a few minutes a day for yourself. It's important to give yourself the gift of time even if your life is incredibly full and busy. Most questions about boundaries, regardless of the specific details, center around four specific challenges: Who's Got the Power? Stinkin' Thinkin' Live and Let Live Change, So That I Can Feel Better There are essentially two kinds of power: "Power Over" and "Authentic Personal Power." The first type is based in control and fear; we all need to strive for the second type. Stinkin' Thinkin' is thinking that's distorted. You may think that how someone treats you determines how you treat them, or that you need to be on the same page and think the same way as other people. Highlights from Episode #142: Vicki welcomes listeners to the episode and talks about the value of carving out some time for yourself. [00:39] The next Boundaries Clarifier Workshop will take place on July 27, 2021. [04:10] After receiving hundreds of questions, Vicki has noticed that the majority center around four specific challenges. She will cover the first two today. [05:26] Vicki talks about the first of the four challenges: Who's Got the Power? [10:58] We hear a list of qualities that describe acting from a place of authentic personal power. She also talks about the difference between personal power and ultimatums. [15:25] What does it look like when you think you don't have power? [20:43] Vicki moves on to talking about the second challenge: Stinkin' Thinkin'. [26:12] Being unconscious of what's going on with us is another kind of distorted thinking. Vicki shares an example from her own life. [31:53] Vicki explains why Stinkin' Thinkin' is such a problem. [36:48] Links and Resources: Vicki's monthly Boundaries Clarifier Workshops Vicki Tidwell Palmer Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Facebook Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram The Radiant Threefold Path Beyond Bitchy on Spotify Pia Mellody

People have a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. You may hear people say that boundaries are harsh, rigid, a punishment, or even selfish. Some people even believe that sharing boundaries is a way to control others or tell them what to do. Recently, I've heard another misconception: setting a boundary with someone is a sign that you disapprove of them. Tune in to learn why this isn't the case, and how your boundaries are all about you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #141: Whether you disapprove of someone isn't the focus or the issue when you set a boundary. To focus on approval or disapproval is a deflection away from your limits. If someone's first reaction to your choice to set a boundary is to accuse you of disapproving of them, they are simply expressing their opinion, and the may be acting without accountability. Your limits are about you and you alone. Boundaries are a form of self-care. They're about taking care of yourself, not disapproving of someone else. Highlights from Episode #141: Welcome to the episode! Vicki chats about the reasons she started this podcast. [00:39] We hear about some common misconceptions about boundaries. [02:15] Vicki adds a new misconception to the list: if you set a boundary with another person, it means that you don't approve of them. [05:57] Does setting a boundary mean that you disapprove of someone or their behavior? [09:40] Vicki talks about boundaries as a form of self-care, and explains with an example. [11:35] If you set a limit and someone calls you rigid, harsh, or disapproving, they're changing the subject from you to them. [14:52] Remember that your boundaries are about you and your self-care! [17:06] Links and Resources: Vicki's monthly Boundaries Clarifier Workshops Vicki Tidwell Palmer Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Facebook Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram The Radiant Threefold Path Beyond Bitchy on Spotify

Lately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there's not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what's the point? If this resonates with you, it may be time for you to take a rest. Tune in to learn what this may look like for you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #113: At this time, it's normal to feel exhausted or depleted. When you feel like quitting something that has brought you joy or will bring you joy in the future, take the time to find ways to rest rather than quit. Quitting may look like anything from not putting up a tree or holiday decorations this year, dropping out of school, or leaving a relationship. What's causing you to want to quit? That may be the thing that you need to take a rest from. This may be watching the news—or even spending too much time thinking about things that put you in a state of fear. It can be valuable to let yourself consider quitting, or envision what quitting would look like, because this may help point you to how you can rest instead of quit. Highlights from Episode #113: Vicki welcomes listeners to the show and introduces today's topic, which was inspired by a workshop she attended last week. She then offers some valuable advice about Zoom meetings. [00:39] We hear about Vicki's sense of witnessing collective exhaustion and impatience, and how that relates to this episode. [05:45] Vicki offers some examples of what it looks like to rest rather than quit, ranging from quitting school to leaving a relationship. [10:55] We often keep relationships going in our minds even after they're over. Vicki gives a recommendation about getting in alignment with what you truly want. [19:12] The most tragic example of choosing quitting over resting is the decision to take one's own life. If you're feeling this way, please find someone to talk to right now. At a minimum, figure out how to take a rest to see if there's another option for you. [22:49] Vicki shares some final words of advice on why it's so important to find ways to rest. [27:40] Links and Resources: Vicki Tidwell Palmer Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Facebook Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram The Radiant Threefold Path Beyond Bitchy on Spotify Byron Katie's The Work