S2 E1 episode00036: the episode that was supposed to be the first of the year but I need to learn how to change dates for anchor drafts. Biggest takeaways: 🌸I had ugly feelings regarding a friend (sort of), but I was brave enough to to tell him about them. 🌸I leaned on some friends who gave perspective. 🌸An ex was peaved, but said your feelings are ok to feel. 🌸No bridges were burned. 🌸I didn't lose a friendship. 🌸The person I am seeing knows a little more about the things I have been worrying about. (Ps he knows about the excursion; #transparency.) 🌸I am glad I am able to label and itemize (someone else's word, not mine) my feelings. I was experiencing envy after an excursion with a friend. I have been exploring alt structured relationship models with friends in such relationships. The last friend We got to know each other more intimately emotionally and physically, but I ended up feeling envious of the connection he has with his partner and moreover that I do not have that connection with him. Not to say that I don't value our friendship. I was experiencing feelings I didn't expect and also felt pretty horrible having. The past few weeks (I am bad at math, I think it's been two ish weeks) have been physically exhausting. Dad's birthday lunch is exhausting because I physically feel drained after family events. After the lunch is when I realized my feelings. Also, before my cycle lands everything is emotionally intensified. I knew logically this wasn't that bad but it FELT VERY INTENSE. I am mid cycle now and, even though I was crying a lot yesterday not necessarily about this envy feeling, I feel much better and wanted to do this episode with the feelings still fresh but with me mostly OUTSIDE of them. I felt horrid. The emotions were ugly. Even though I didn't exactly find a strategy. I found a limit/boundary. I wish I was mature enough to watch their cute couple stuff in an ig story but yea no I can't and I acknowledge that is pretty shitty. But I discovered a limit. And we all have different limits and what we can handle. I can control what media I chose to consume. Pps I was about to delete a bunch of apps and decided not to. Have been adjusting notifications for a while (discord is always busy. Not mine but others' lol) and that likely added to my anxiousness. I guess for all of us going through something Maybe there is no real strategy And you have to wait For the feelings to pass Or flow through you Like a breeze Or a storm. I think that's ok too. But reaching out and asking for help For perspective Suggestions Advice We are all more similar than we seem to think. Thanks for listening to me reflect on this (for me) horribly emotionally and physically draining experience. I am glad I can see my feelings better now. Maybe it made you feel better? Have a good day Try a soundbath!