Peter Alsop‘s SONGS TO CHEW

DEC 1, 2025

This true story was made into a song by an old friend, The Reverend <a target="_blank" href="https://www.revfredsmall.com">Fred Small</a>. He’s a wonderful singer-songwriter, performer; an activist and pastor dedicated to healing the earth, seeking justice, and tending our wounded spirits. His song’s about a therapist named Dan Murrow, who was fired for hugging his patients. He was convinced that hugging between consenting adults was therapeutically helpful, contrary to the hospital’s policy. The story made the papers in Boston back in the late ‘70’s. I actually met Dan Murrow at one of the National Conferences on the Healing Power of Laughter and Play. Of course, we hugged each other when we met.THE HUGDan Murrow is a mighty friendly man CBig and round like a bear F-CAnd he hugs his friends and his friends hug him C–D7Anytime, anywhere G-G7When his patients would come for therapy CTo drive their blues away FSooner or later, they’d feel a lot better C-F‘Cause this is what he’d say, G-G7Cho: I want a hug when we say “Hello”, CI want a hug when it’s time to go, FI want a hug, ‘cause I want you to know GThat I’m awfully fond of you! G7-CI want a hug, now if you please CI want a hug, I want to feel you squeeze FI want a hug, well it certainly seems G-G7Like the natural thing to do! G7-CNow when the Head of the hospital heard about itHe got all annoyedBecause hugging is ‘sexual sublimation’According to Dr. Freud!You can beat ‘em down, you can hide ‘em away,You can keep ‘em quiet with drugsYou can strap ‘em and zap ‘em with electroshockBut you better not give ‘em a hug!ChorusSo the boss said “Dan, clear out your desk!Your conduct is lax and lewd.Any deviation from standard medicalPractice can get us sued!”Now Dan don’t feel so bad for himselfIn fact, he’s kind of proudBut he’s sorry for the folks who are locked awayWhere hugging ain’t allowed!ChorusWritten by Fred Small, ©Copyright 1981, Pine Barrens Music (BMI)On Fan Club Favorites and <a target="_blank" href="https://vimeo.com/1100889785">Ebenezer’s Make Over</a> (full length feature!) <a target="_blank" href="https://www.peteralsop.com">peteralsop.com</a>Human feelings are often discounted in our places of work, our institutions, our churches, mosques and temples, our hospitals, schools and universities. Our society has a very limited understanding about the powerful part that our ‘feelings’ have, as they affect our own health and sense of wellness, which in turn, impact the health and the day-to-day functioning of our organizations.Many of us who work on recovery in our personal lives, regularly see positive changes in ourselves and our families when we pay attention to what’s going on for us in the feelings department. Unfortunately, trying to live up to the many expectations we face daily, can threaten our personal sobriety! We are asked to work harder and longer than is healthy. We’re asked to be dishonest, or at least to keep our mouths shut if we see something going on that may be unjust or unfair. We’re expected to triangulate; go around certain people who might not approve of what we’re doing, so we actually practice avoiding them. In order to be accepted, we find ourselves being manipulative or overly critical of others, and we ‘smoosh down’ our more sensitive selves and our caring feelings, so we ‘don’t get accused of ‘making waves’.People like Dan Murrow say, “If I must choose between working here and being healthy, I choose health.” But when we commit to making ‘healthy choices’, we’re often the ones who get replaced, canned, fired! When we draw a line, and stop enabling, accepting and ignoring other people’s unhealthy behaviors, we create problems for an organization, because when we do that, other people feel uncomfortable. They don’t want to change their old addictive behaviors and patterns. Dan Murrow got fired because some people in the organization were uncomfortable with his behavior.Guidelines about ‘not hugging’ our patients are set up because some people with authority learn that ‘touching’ is a very potent physical practice that instantly defines and delineates who has ‘power’ to touch another person in the organization without first asking permission. And they don’t want to give that up.<a target="_blank" href="https://www.ellenbass.com">Ellen Bass</a>, the co-author of ‘The Courage To Heal’ suggests that there are many needy therapists who actually do ask for inappropriate hugs from their already vulnerable patients or clients. Many people have been physically or sexually abused by someone in a more powerful position. Therapists need to take care of our own hugging needs outside of our practice.I understand that Dr. Dan Murrow would always ask patients if they would like a hug before he’d hug someone. He was interested in working to break down some of the stigma associated with ‘caring touch’ as a therapeutic aid in a trusting relationship. For those of us who lived through the 60’s and 70’s, it’s clear that the practice of hugging others has moved light years beyond where we were back then.We have also gone through having Co-Vid run rampant in our midst. There’s been a whole lot less hugging since we learned that the virus is spread through the air and through touch. Even with our heightened awareness of how Co-Vid and other infectious diseases spread, we still see people with power who touch others physically in ways that clearly demonstrate the inequities that exist between the ‘touch-ers’ and the ‘touch-ees’.It was difficult for my Dad and the men in his generation to hug other men because of the stigma of homophobia, and not wanting to appear ‘gay’. I was in my twenties and in college, and I remember knowing my Dad was uncomfortable when I hugged him, especially in public. I sort of enjoyed his ‘discomfort’ while I was holding him. He’d pat my back and try to break away, but I wouldn’t let him go. I’d say, “Dad, … that was a very short hug. Were those ‘pats on my back’ your signal that the hug was over for you?” He’d laugh, and struggle, but of course, I still wouldn’t let him go. I’d start discussing things with him. “Dad, … do you think a hug should only last a required amount of time? Or are you having homophobic concerns that one or both of us might be gay? And why are you ‘the one’ who gets to determine when we stop hugging!” He’d try to pull away, still protesting that he wasn’t homophobic, … and he’d stop, and give me a big sloppy kiss, and we’d both have a good laugh.I notice young Dads today spend lots more time holding and hugging their kids than our parents did. It’s slow, but we’re definitely moving in the right direction!Thanks for stopping by. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful for someone you know.Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. <a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/podcast">Peter Alsop’s ‘SONGS TO CHEW’ audio podcasts!</a>Thanks for reading Peter’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Thanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. <a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.bandcamp.com"> Click HERE to purchase Peter’s albums: cds-dvds-movies-and-songbooks</a>To send me a comment, sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, or you can always email me at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at <a href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4">peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe</a>

4 MIN

NOV 29, 2025

I Believe You

I BELIEVE YOUWhen you tell me you are scared A-F#mI will listen ‘cause I care F#m-AI remember bein’ scared too Bm-F#mSo when you tell me, I believe you E-AWhen you’re angry or you’re sadEven if you’re feeling badI remember feelin’ bad tooSo when you tell me, I believe youMaybe I can help you with an idea D-C#mMaybe I know something that’ll make things clear Bm-AMaybe I won’t know what to do D-C#mBut I can be a safe place, and I believe you E-AWhen I was a kid, I criedHad a secret deep insideBut the grown-ups could not seeI thought “Something must be wrong with me”(whistling instrumental)So when you tell me you are scaredI will listen ‘cause I careI remember bein’ scared tooSo when you tell me, I believe you.When you tell me, I believe you.When you tell me, ... I believe you.Written by Peter Alsop, ©1992, Moose School Music (BMI)On Wake-Up! dvd, Chris Moose Holidays, and Songs On Recovery & Addiction<a target="_blank" href="http://www.peteralsop.com/">www.peteralsop.com</a>Did you know that feelings are contagious? When someone around us feels sad, do you ever notice that you kind of feel sad too? So, we say things like, “What’s wrong?” or “Don’t feel sad!” or “Let’s go get something to eat!”. We hope to distract them, or fix their problem or cheer them up. Our goal seems to be that we want to help them, … but often, it’s because we don’t want to feel sad ourselves!Many of us grew up in families and cultures where it wasn’t okay to show or express our painful feelings in any way, so now, when we feel angry, sad or scared, it also feels embarrassing, … like we’re doing something wrong! And to avoid that, we say things like: “Cheer up!” ~ “Don’t be scared!” ~ “It’s okay, … calm down!” ~ or as a last resort, “Oh c’mon! I don’t believe THAT!”It would be great, if the next time we feel sad, scared or angry, someone would come up to us and gently say, “Wow, … you look really sad, (or scared or angry). I feel really sad too sometimes. I’ll just sit here with you if you want.” And then they don’t try to cheer us up, or calm us down or tell us what to do or that they don’t believe us. People who can do that, are people who know how to create ‘a safe space’ for others.Illustration by Terri AsherI’ve learned that in order to be a ‘safe place’ for others, we need to have our own ‘healthy feelings vocabulary’. When we actually pay attention to our feelings and become familiar with our own sadness and fears and angers, then we can be around those upset ‘contagious’ feelings from others. Building a ‘healthy feelings vocabulary’ means we learn to manage our own painful feelings, so we don’t have to ‘stop’ others or ‘shut them down’ to avoid having our own feelings triggered. We know what our sadness, anger and fear feels like, so we don’t have to be afraid if they surface in response to our empathy with other people’s strong feelings.The hardest part of learning how to be a ‘safe place’ for me, was to just ‘be present and listen’. I always want to jump in and solve their problems, instead of helping them figure out what might be best for them to do. When I can be quiet and listen, and allow them to talk, it helps them figure out their own best ways to proceed. I know that when I’m frightened, sad or angry, and I tell someone else about my strong feelings, ... it doesn’t help much when they jump in and tell me what to do, or how to feel! All it does is convince me that I don’t want to tell them about my deep feelings anymore, because they just showed me that they aren’t really a very ‘safe person’ to tell!Thanks for stopping by. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful for someone you know.<a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/podcast">Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcasts</a>Thanks for reading Peter’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Thanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.<a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.bandcamp.com/">Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!</a>To send me a comment, sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, or you can always email me at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at <a href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4">peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe</a>

2 MIN

NOV 9, 2025

Lifeline

LIFELINEYou carried me, home in your arms G-C-D,G-C-DYou loved me so much, and you kept me from harmYou washed me and fed me, the years how they flewAnd now you need my help, and I’ll care for you!There’s a lifeline that ties me to you, Am-C-GLife rolls like a wheel through whatever we doThrough all of the hard times and anger we feel G-D9-C-GThe love that we have, well it helps us to heal, G-D9-Am-DLove’s a lifeline that pulls us all through! D-D7-G-C-D,G-C-DYou’ve nowhere to go, and you don’t like to leanAt the old people’s home, they’re packed in like sardines,So the baby can sleep in the crib one more yearPut the kids in together, there’s room for you here!There’s a lifeline that ties me to youOvernight power runs out the holes in our shoesWhen the looking glass flips, there’s no wrong or rightDo the best we can and hold hands in the fightLove’s a lifeline that pulls us all through!Most of the time now, you’re clear as a bellBut the body you’re using’s not working so wellAnd I know we get crazy when our patience is goneHey, ain’t it amazing, how we hold on,To that lifeline that ties me to youLife rolls like a wheel through whatever we doThrough all of the hard times and anger we feelThe love that we have, well it helps us to healLove’s a lifeline that pulls us all through!Love’s a lifeline that pulls us all through!Written by Peter Alsop, ©1983, Moose School Music (BMI)On Fan Club Favorites and Songs On Loss & Grief<a target="_blank" href="http://www.peteralsop.com/">www.peteralsop.com</a>Practicing the art of loving, ... can get us through some of the hardest times we have while we care for our parents. We all have losses to deal with in our lives, but older people often experience losses more frequently. Besides losing family members and friends who have died, there’s the loss of good health and vigor to deal with, ... and loss of time to accomplish dreams that were never realized.As our own children grow up and begin to go out into the world on their own, many of our parents or older relatives become needful of our help. We then face tough decisions about bringing them back into our own busy lives and home, perhaps acting as their principal caregiver.My grandmother actually did come to live with us, and it was both difficult and rewarding, as we learned how to get along with each other. In our culture older family members often live by themselves, or in a community of other older people, separate from the younger members of their own families. Many of us Americans grew up in our core nuclear family, without our grandparents in the same house. We didn’t get many real experiences or a clear understanding of how we will age ourselves later in our own lives. So, it was wonderful for my kids to have an older person in our immediate family home.My dear friend and teacher, Dr. Joseph Cruse talks about a ‘de-cathexis’, ... a letting go that happens within our families. As we children grow up, we need to let go of the expectations that our parents will continue to ‘parent’ us forever. They will always be our parents, but as we become adults and take our own power in the world, their ‘parenting’ behaviors need to transform into a more equal ‘friendship’ type of relationship between equal adults, without the power inequities that happen when children are little and parents are big. We can help to create a healthy balanced relationship with our own aging parents, when we are neither crutches nor burdens to each other.1980 photo by Ellen Geer of Grandmother, Dad, me, Megan & WillowI hugged my grandmother often, but I realized one day, ... that it was the only touching that she received. As she depended on us more and more, I was reminded of how like a child she had become, and that little babies get a sense of themselves that is related to how, and how often other people touch them. So I started a program of fifteen-minute foot-rubs for my grandmother, and with her permission, I would turn on a recorder, massage her feet, and ask her pointed questions about her life and our family. We compiled quite an oral history, punctuated with little moans and comments about how good it felt to have some spot on her foot rubbed! She’s say, “Ooooh! That feels sooo good! Are you married?” I’d say“Grandmother! Cut that out!” I have it on tape.I know she enjoyed the foot-rubs, but she also enjoyed ‘being listened to’ and having someone take time with her, so she felt that she was loved and valued, even though she was unable to help much with the maintenance of our bustling, rushing around young family. It was fulfilling for both of us when she was able to pass on some of her life experiences to me, an interested younger relative. And I got to see some of the family patterns that had echoed down through the generations, and to understand that I was not just a man alone in the world, but also a link in the family chain.I had the privilege of working with Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She is best known for her work with patients with catastrophic illnesses who were dying. She would say that, “When we can’t increase the quantity of someone’s life, we can increase the quality of it.”She told me about one patient she was working with, and Elisabeth came into her room and said, “Is there anything I can do for you today?” And the patient said, “Yes Elisabeth, there is.” And Elisabeth said “Oh! What?” And the woman said, “Go away!”Elisabeth said she went out in the other room, and she felt crushed. She had only wanted to ‘help’ this person. And she said, “Wait a minute! What’s going on here? I asked, and this woman gave me a perfectly ‘okay’ request. Why am I feeling so upset!?” And she thought for a moment and said, “I think I just learned that when I have hurt feelings like this, a little red flag goes up and says to me, ‘Elisabeth, you have some unfinished business to take care of! This person just helped you see that it’s in this area, and you need to take a look at it!”Like Elisabeth, I think there are lots of those little red flags that come up for us, … especially working in human services, or actually just working with other people who we want to help. Knowing what’s ‘my stuff’, and what’s ‘their stuff’, … is very helpful and important.Those little red flags come up all the time in our relationships, and that’s where our commitment to self-growth comes in. It helps when we are aware of the opportunities those flags provide for us, so we can say, “I’m gonna take a look at what’s going on here! Even if I have to wait until later today, I want to figure out what’s going on inside of me, because when I do, … I’m better able to be more clear with the people I’m trying to help. I can’t teach what I don’t know!”Thanks for stopping by. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know.<a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/podcast">Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcasts</a>Thanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.<a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.bandcamp.com">Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!</a>To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but you can always email me at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at <a href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4">peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe</a>

6 MIN

NOV 3, 2025

You Get A Little Extra When You Watch TV

While we think we’re just watching, we’re also being shaped by the stories and images we see. We watch how others live their lives and we see the values they hold. Our brains notice everything, even if we’re not paying much attention, and we compare what we do, with what ‘they’ do. Here’s a live concert video from 1990 when Pete Seeger invited me to join him on stage at the Theatricum Botanicum in Topanga.YOU GET A LITTLE EXTRA WHEN YOU WATCH TV.Cho: You get a little extra when you watch TV CAin’t that ducky! Well you’re lucky if you see, that G7You get a little extra when you watch TV! C-G7-CYou sit too close and you get a big surpriseLots of radiation in your body and your eyesYour eardrums hum when someone turns it up too high,When you watch TV!We learn lots about our bodies and our aches and pains,Headaches, hemorrhoids, heartburn, diarrhea, denture stainsGotta buy more drugs t’stop your stresses and your strainsWhen you watch TV !ChorusWhen someone in an advertisement tells me liesI jump up and switch the channels, so I get some exerciseAnd my body’s getting healthy and my mind is getting wiseWhen I watch TV!Daddies only love the Mommies when the dirt’s all goneFrom their shirts and shiny floors, the coffee has t’be right on,I’m so glad my Dad’s not fussy, cause he’d leave my Mom,If he watched TV!ChorusIn real life it never works when people goAnd hit and kick and punch and smash each other’s heads and toesBut it always solves the problems on the cartoon showsWhen you watch TV!Last night on the highway when our car got stalledWe saw a bloody accident with bodies that were mauledThough my folks got sick, it didn’t bother me at all.Cause I watch TV!ChorusNow you may think that I am lazy, don’t you call me namesI’ve learned important skills from playing video gamesIf a spaceship should attack us I could shoot ‘em down in flames,Cause I watch TV!And a big TV can really give you quite a restIf you get one near your bed, you’ve got no reason to get dressedYou never have to talk to anyone, your life is a successWhen you watch TV!ChorusWritten by Peter Alsop, ©1983, Moose School Music (BMI)On Wha’D’Ya Wanna Do?, Songs On Recovery & Addiction, & Pie In The Skyhttps://<a target="_blank" href="http://www.peteralsop.com/">www.peteralsop.com</a>(Illustration by @TerriAsher)I wrote this song in 1983 about all the little hidden messages we get when watching television. It’s helped thousands of kids and families build awareness about how we are subtly influenced every day through our ‘media screens’. I think it’s even more relevant now than it was back then, because when we go into our ‘screen-time focus’, we check out of our ‘real-time awareness’, and we miss many of the interactions we could be having with real people and real things that are actually right there in front of us. Our ‘real time’ life-minutes tick by without us picking up on the nuances of the world around us. And, of course most of us have our own portable private screens now! When screen time becomes ‘normal’, we don’t even question that maybe we’re getting unhealthy radiation from our device. Everyone else is doing it!If taking a pill is the ‘normal’ way we stop our pain, we may embrace the message, that everything problematic in our live can be ‘fixed’ with some elusive simple answer.If I believe that I’m getting sufficient exercise simply by getting up to change channels, (although everyone nowadays has remote channel changers!), I’m unlikely to put the ‘screen’ away and go outside for a walk or a jog. You get the point.It’s very human and normal to focus on our entertainment or on how many ‘friends’ we have listed on the internet, but as we become more aware of the powerful, subtle, nowadays dishonest and manipulative cultural messages we are exposed to, … the less likely it is that we will believe those stories and take them to heart. We will tell ourselves more uplifting, hopeful stories about how we can support each other in our communities and our work places, and find courage to speak truth to power when we need to do that. That’s how we can build a better future that leaves space for love and kind-hearted caring, for ourselves, others and for all life on our planet.Thanks for stopping by, … I’m Peter Alsop. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know.<a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/podcast">Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcasts</a>Thanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.<a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.bandcamp.com">Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!</a>To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but you can always email me at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Peter Alsop’s Substack at <a href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4">peteralsop.substack.com/subscribe</a>

5 MIN

OCT 31, 2025

Costume Party

It’s the end of October again, and I’ve noticed scatterings of children test-driving their Halloween costumes in the super-market aisles, making sure they work! Hidden inside their new identity, they are no longer just a ‘child-in-a-supermarket’! They’ve been transformed by their costume and they want to be sure that they’re all set for the big night. It’s delicious fun to become someone or something else, isn’t it?! Costumes enable us to explore completely different realms than those we ordinarily inhabit.COSTUME PARTYCho:It’s a costume party, and everyone is here! D-A7, D-A7-DIt’s a costume party, and everyone is here! D-A7, D-A7-DYou wear a blue dress, you, red sneakers A7-DYou wear a suit and tie A7-DYou wear flowers, you wear stripes A7-DYou put make-up on your eyes! E-A7ChorusYou wear brown skin, you wear whiteYour head is clean and bareYou poked holes through your earlobesYou’ve got a wart, I bet, somewhere!Or maybe you dye your hair!?ChorusWe may be blind, or we wear glassesWe st-stutter when we talkSometimes our ears just do not hearOr we use wheels when we walk!ChorusOur disguises could win prizesEach one’s qualifiedBut the only thing that really mattersIs who we are inside!Chorus (2x)Written by Peter Alsop, ©1987 Moose School Music (BMI)On Pluggin’ Away & Costume Party DVD<a target="_blank" href="http://www.peteralsop.com/">https://www.peteralsop.com</a><a target="_blank" href="http://www.peteralsop.com/"> </a>We all wear costumes. Every day, the clothing we put on is essentially our costume for the day. And when we wear different costumes, we get to see the world through different glasses, which is great! We learn so much by exploring other diverse ways to go through our lives. We build new skills and stories for ourselves when we’re exposed to new and different ideas from simply rubbing shoulders with others who are not like us.It’s true that most of what we learn comes from people around us, and the people with whom we are most familiar are, … our own families! But some of the family lessons we absorb can be very difficult to ‘change’ later on. As we get older, we discover that we need to shed some of the beliefs and behaviors we grew up with, ... in order to continue to grow.Our costumes provide us with an ‘outward appearance’ that might not fit us exactly, but that’s okay, because we need to ‘try on new things’ to see how they fit us.It’s interesting to see how our ‘costumes’ affect other people, and how they respond to what they see. The very same ‘costume’ can generate a bunch of different responses from different people. Have you noticed that when we see someone who is ‘unfamiliar’ or different than we are, most of us are very ‘curious’ about this ‘new’ person. Some of us become extra cautious, and even suspicious or fearful of other folks who look strange to us.I’m mostly curious about people who look different than I do. I have friends who pay close attention to how others look, and some of those friends constantly worry about themselves, wondering if they ‘fit in’ or are ‘approved of’ by others. They seem preoccupied with making sure that they don’t stand out as ‘different’. I have other friends who seem to feel ashamed of their appearance. They kind of hide themselves, and try to stay out of the limelight.It’s easy to forget that beneath our elaborate costumes and disguises, our covers and masks, that all of us humans feel very similar feelings; happy, sad, scared and angry. These are where we connect. These are what we have in common and where we share our vulnerabilities. And when we understand this, our external costumes become fascinating and delicious, and a cause more for curiosity than fear.Some costume features we get to choose, like our clothing, hairdo, hats, make-up or earrings. Others factors of our appearance, we’re born with, or we acquire as we live; such as our skin, scars, our hair color, our gender, our baldness, our age or any of our other visible physical differences. We usually feel more comfortable being in a group of people who look like us because we feel familiar with them. We all need to feel like we belong, so gathering ourselves into these homogeneous groups is usually fine, unless we begin to avoid other groups of people who ‘don’t look like us’. Because when we spend time with people who are different than we are, we get to know them, and our nervousness about their differences drops away, and it becomes easier for us to notice and appreciate our similarities.For those of us whose family of origin, our ‘birth family’, didn’t feel like a safe place, our fear of being rejected may be a big part of how we costume ourselves as we relate to others. I learned that we can actually choose to make our own safe place by asking some of the friends we hang with, who feel comfortable and who support us to be part of our own ‘family of choice’!Overcoming our own fear of rejection is necessary for us to break out of our isolation and start new friendships. That’s why having a Costume Party is a good idea. Especially as we learn how to be a ‘safe place’ for others, where we don’t immediately judge them. When we feel like we are in a safe place, we can all reveal ourselves to each other, instead of trying to strip away each other’s masks!Thanks for stopping by, … I’m Peter Alsop. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know.<a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.substack.com/podcast">Peter Alsop’s SONGS TO CHEW Audio podcasts</a>Thanks for reading Peter Alsop’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.<a target="_blank" href="https://peteralsop.bandcamp.com">Click here to see All of Peter’s albums!</a>To send me a comment, you can sign in as a Substack member by clicking the button above. It’s free, but you can always email me at [email protected]. I’d love to hear from you! You don’t have to be a ‘paid’ subscriber to get my posts. Everyone gets ‘em, … some folks send in money to support my work. In either case, glad you’re here! Thanks for spreading the word!Peter Alsop’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. 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Peter Alsop‘s SONGS TO CHEW

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