Serving Together While Apart

Married in College

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 On our last podcast we introduced ourselves and how we met. The point of this podcast is to bring glory to God’s name through our lives, and we believe we are to be transparent in order to accomplish this mission



We started dating when at the age of was 17 and turned 16. We believe having a pure relationship is vital to the believer. We want to take you through our journey of dating and engagement in this episode. 



 We started dating young. Our personal definition of “dating young” is dating at an age unable to marry.” Let’s kind of explain where we came up with this definition. If we believe in having a pure relationship and we understand that God says sex is for marriage, then sex anywhere outside of the marriage covenant is impure. If dating at an age we are not ready for marriage, we are placing ourselves in a steady growing relationship, and setting ourselves up for destruction. The closer you become to your partner the more attraction you have to each other, leading to the desire of an intimate relationship. Why place yourself in a position leading to destruction? 



 So, why did we date so young? We really have no excuse other than doing what we wanted to do, believing we would be okay. I mean, we were both heavily involved in church, had great Christian leaders we looked up to, friends supporting us. And here’s the thing, all those good things would have been great in the right timing. 



 The first two years of dating went okay. We were pretty guarded; saw each other with trusted accountability. Our accountability wanted the same thing God wanted, and it’s what we wanted as well. Dates were always with another trusted couple, phone time was limited and before 9pm. If we couldn’t say what we had to within 14 hours we were doing something wrong or had incredibly interesting lives, both being very unlikely. 



 Then, phone time got lengthened into later hours, Cynthia had her own car, Todd was home alone a lot… things of course went south. So around 19 and 17-18ish we engaged in impure relations. We went straight to our most trusted accountability and they advised us to call off the relationship for a time, and that honestly would have been best for us. Marriage wasn’t attainable with Cynthia being a part time employee and part time student, and Todd nearing college full time two hours away. So, we tried to remain friends and cutoff the deeper parts of the relationship such as phone time/hangout times. We limited our time to seeing each other at church. 



 Not too long after, maybe six months to one year later we decided we wanted to get back into a relationship, which was still pretty premature for us since marriage wasn’t an option until at least Todd’s last year of college, possibly even his graduating year. But, since that’s what we wanted we had a group of people we were and are still extremely close to hold us accountable to a Godly dating life. 



 Cynthia did live on her own and Todd was able to make his own decisions, so temptation lurched, which is why we say not to date until marriage is a possibility. And we’ll take it a step further and say not to date anyone unless seriously considering marriage. “If you’re not dating to marry then you’re dating to breakup.” 



 Our accountability group agreed to hold us to the guidelines we set along with a couple they would have. We are both leaders of the church (Todd the worship minister and Cynthia a junior ministry co-leader) so we are to be held at a high standard. We actually stepped down from ministry for a short time because we were not in a position to be held at such a standard. We agreed to all guidelines because we knew that’s what was healthy for our relationship with God. 



 This was definitely not a fun time in our relationship, but much needed. We were to be honest with our group, keep in contact regularly, and do as they asked. Another thing to keep in mind is the people in our group truly loved us and handled everything with grace. Nothing was asked of us was to bully us or simply get in our business. If you’re searching for accountability, be sure the people in your group have high godly standards, are trust worthy, love you enough to tell you when you’re wrong, and understand grace is both tender and tough love. (Jude 1:21) 



 We came to them with high notes and low. During this time we engaged in premarital sex and went through a season of hurt followed by repentance. Our accountability group stood beside us the whole time and guided our decision making. See, our decisions would be made through a foggy state of mind. Sin blurs the ability to make godly decisions because your relationship with God has been broken. Scripture tells us that where two or more are gathered there will Christ be in the midst (Matthew 18:20). This scripture is actually referring to a time of confession. Scripture also tells us that in multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). Our accountability was this for us through our dating and into our engagement seasons of life. They shared our burdens and sorrows, but also shared our victories and joys. They stood beside us, walked with us, and battled with us, and are still our very close friends. We come to them for advice and come to them just to share life. 



 So, that’s part 2 of our story. We hope you found encouragement in this episode and we want to leave you with a challenge.



Challenge: “Pray for Communication on Your End.” The challenge is a personal challenge. In this time we challenge you to pray about communicating with your spouse on a deeper level. For instance, Todd doesn’t know this but will now. I struggle with communicating with him on a deep level because I fear what his judgment may be. And it’s not anything he’s done, although I try to blame him. It’s actually on my end. So pray that God will reveal to you what you can do to communicate deeper with your spouse. Marriage is two ways, and so is communication.

<description>On our last podcast we introduced ourselves and how we met. The point of this podcast is to bring glory to God’s name through our lives, and we believe we are to be transparent in order to accomplish this mission We started dating when at the age of was 17 and turned 16. We believe &amp;#8230; &lt;a href="https://forbygrace.home.blog/2019/01/03/our-story-part-2/" class="more-link"&gt;Continue reading &lt;span class="screen-reader-text"&gt;Our Story: Part&amp;#160;2&lt;/span&gt; &lt;span class="meta-nav"&gt;&amp;#8594;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</description>

On our last podcast we introduced ourselves and how we met. The point of this podcast is to bring glory to God’s name through our lives, and we believe we are to be transparent in order to accomplish this mission We started dating when at the age of was 17 and turned 16. We believe … Continue reading Our Story: Part 2 →

Our Story: Part 2

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 So, we will introduce ourselves and in doing so it will kind of explain the title of our podcast. Todd began going to church at the age of 12 because he had a drug problem. Before we go any further let’s explain that Todd’s drug problem was “being drug to church” by his older sister and brother-in-law. Todd was an aggravating little fellow and decided he wanted to be involved in ministry any way he could. He used his aggravation on Preacher. Every afternoon following school he would come to the church to see if there was any work he could do. He did anything from scrubbing toilets, to painting walls, to washing cars with Preacher. He’ll tell you some of his best discipleship time was while washing cars. He was faithful and began getting involved in ministry at a young age. Cynthia also started going to church at 12 years old, but started a little before Todd, as she is about a year older than he. Her family wasn’t involved in church, but thankfully the youth pastor lived about 5 minutes away and would pick Cynthia up to come to church. Now, Cynthia’s intentions weren’t as pure as Todd’s. See, she was a little boy crazy and began going to church because of a boy. Anyways, Cynthia was very shy and Todd never really liked her. He actually perceived her as stuck up. Isn’t that a great way to start a “love story”? Cynthia would later begin hanging around the pastor’s wife as she took Cynthia under her wing. As time went on Cynthia too became involved in serving at a young age. To begin, we weren’t even friends. Cynthia was your typical boy-crazy teen and Todd was your nerdy teenage guy. Todd will try to tell you that he actually hated Cynthia, but his sister says otherwise. So, while the two were at church together and in the same youth group, they had zero attraction to each other. Years later, Cynthia a junior in high school and Todd a freshman, we shared an elective. Todd was literally the only person Cynthia knew in the class and vice versa, so the two learned to be friends. Cynthia actually went through a short time where she wasn’t boy crazy and focused a little more on school and church. When we say short, we mean short. As in her senior year of high school her grades plummeted in math, but luckily for her she shared another elective with Todd and he’s a super genius, especially in math. Todd would go to her pre-calculus teacher during his “free time”, learn what she was learning, and then tutor her during the elective they shared. During this time the two were involved in an Easter drama with the church. At this time Todd realized his attraction to Cynthia and went to Preacher about asking his advice on courting her. He told him if he thought that’s what he needed to do to go on and ask her. He was supposed to ask her at drama practice, but chickened out. Preacher called Todd to ask him how everything went, and he let him know he did not follow through. Preacher told him to call Cynthia and find out how to ask her in person. Todd was involved in the First Impressions ministry at the time, so he came up with a plan. He told Cynthia he had to run to Walmart to pick up some First Impressions needs and wanted to see if she would ride with him. So she asked her dad and told him she could go. Todd then got nervous, but luckily just made a C.D. containing “Eye of the Tiger”. He played that song the entire ride to her house to gain courage before asking her to court him. When she got in the truck he turned down the music… awkwardly… then hurriedly turned it back up as she giggled. He then went on to tell her why he thought the two should court and then asked. Cynthia’s simply response was, “yes” and he shortly stated after, “I hope I never have to do that again.” The two dated around five years, were engaged for seven months, and have been married less than one year. Cynthia is 23 and Todd is 21, so obviously the two aren’t experts on marriage, ministry, or life in general. This podcast will not be about knowing it all, rather giving God glory through our relationship. As the podcast continues you will see how our entire relationship is built upon God’s unchanging grace.



Challenge: “Communication with Your Spouse” 
At the end of every day discuss a high point and a low point of your day with your spouse.

<description>So, we will introduce ourselves and in doing so it will kind of explain the title of our podcast. Todd began going to church at the age of 12 because he had a drug problem. Before we go any further let’s explain that Todd’s drug problem was “being drug to church” by his older sister &amp;#8230; &lt;a href="https://forbygrace.home.blog/2019/01/02/our-story-part-1/" class="more-link"&gt;Continue reading &lt;span class="screen-reader-text"&gt;Our Story: Part&amp;#160;1&lt;/span&gt; &lt;span class="meta-nav"&gt;&amp;#8594;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</description>

So, we will introduce ourselves and in doing so it will kind of explain the title of our podcast. Todd began going to church at the age of 12 because he had a drug problem. Before we go any further let’s explain that Todd’s drug problem was “being drug to church” by his older sister … Continue reading Our Story: Part 1 →

Our Story: Part 1

"For by Grace" is designed to encourage believers to bring glory to God’s name in every aspect of life.  "For by Grace" will be about marriage, dating, ministry, challenges, and anything in between.  We will leave you with a challenge that may be personal, family oriented, or one to do with your spouse.

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