On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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What drains your energy the most?
How do you deal with toxic behaviors?
Today, Jay tackles a topic we can all relate to – dealing with those challenging family members and coworkers who add a little extra stress to our lives, especially as the holiday season rolls around. If you’re already bracing yourself for gatherings with people who seem to bring more tension than joy, Jay’s got you covered. He dives into why certain people fall into negative or toxic patterns, breaking down types like the pessimist, the complainer, the eternal victim, the energy drainer, and the “just good enough” person. Jay’s perspective sheds light on how these behaviors aren’t really who they are at their core but are often habits born from past hurts or unmet needs.
Jay doesn’t just stop at explaining, though – he shares some really practical, relatable tips on how to navigate these tough dynamics without letting them throw you off balance. He talks about ways to respond with empathy, set emotional boundaries, and even gently redirect conversations when they start to drag you down.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Handle Toxic Family Members at Gatherings
How to Protect Your Peace Around Negative People
How to Set Boundaries with Draining Coworkers
How to Turn Negative Conversations Around
How to Recognize Negative Patterns in Loved Ones
How to Stop Taking Toxic Comments Personally
You can’t always change someone else’s behavior, but you can protect your own joy and keep a positive outlook. So, as you head into those family gatherings or work meetings, just remember to stay grounded and prioritize your well-being – you deserve it!
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:24 How Do You Deal with Toxic People?
03:26 What Makes a Person Negative or Toxic?
04:34 Type 1: The Pessimist
06:06 Type 2: The Complainer
08:05 Type 3: The Eternal Victim
10:19 Type 4: The “Just Good Enough”
13:19 Some Toxic Behavior is Meant to Protect You
15:13 Tips and Strategies to Deal with Toxicity
17:12 Tip 1: Try to Understand Their Story
19:01 Tip 2: The Negativity Begins with Themselves
22:47 Tip 3: Respond with a Reflective Remark
24:05 Tip 4: Create Distance and Boundaries
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Have you ever felt stuck in a negative relationship cycle?
Have you ever struggled with setting boundaries in your relationships?
Today, Jay welcomes back a community favorite, the renowned psychotherapist, bestselling author, and podcast host Lori Gottlieb, for an insightful chat about love, relationships, and emotional growth. Lori, best known for her book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and as co-host of the popular Dear Therapists podcast, brings her deep wisdom and practical advice that really hits home with listeners.
Lori shares how people often step into love with unrealistic expectations, thanks to social media and pop culture. She reminds us that while the spark of initial chemistry is thrilling, true, long-lasting love thrives on a deeper connection and genuine understanding. One of the highlights is Lori’s take on “idiot compassion” versus “wise compassion.” She breaks down how real compassion means looking at ourselves honestly, recognizing our patterns, and owning our part in the relationship. This is essential for anyone feeling trapped in negative cycles.
As the conversation unfolds, Jay and Lori dive into family dynamics, especially around in-laws and blending families. Lori offers practical tips on how to support your relationship while still showing respect for parents, pointing out that these challenges are usually a couple's issues, not just external ones.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations
How to Practice Wise Compassion
How to Break Negative Patterns
How to Handle Pressure to Rush Relationships
How to Prioritize Clear Communication
How to Avoid Pop Culture Relationship Pitfalls
How to Cultivate Emotional Resilience
Remember, true connection flourishes when we commit to growth, communicate openly, and remain empathetic to both ourselves and others. Every step taken toward understanding and compassion brings you closer to creating a life filled with genuine, lasting connections.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
- 00:00 Intro
- 02:29 What is Everyone Doing at My Age?
- 05:08 Why Doing Self Work Matters
- 08:40 Why You Need to Slow Down to Save Time
- 13:03 How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship
- 17:03 First Date Impressions Aren’t Always Accurate
- 21:26 How Do You Define Real Human Connection?
- 24:33 Do You Fully Understand Your Partner?
- 28:24 Learn to Communicate Your Desires
- 31:26 This is What Happens When You Don’t Communicate
- 35:24 Why We’re Unreliable Narrators of Our Story
- 37:52 Be Consistent with Your Boundaries
- 42:36 We All Want to Be Liked
- 45:46 You’re Not Ready to Marry Yet
- 49:51 Practice Being Your True Self All the Time
- 52:36 The Blind Spots of Dating
- 57:08 The Truth About Future Tripping
- 01:00:10 How Do You Feel About the Other Person?
- 01:01:33 The 7-Year Mark of Marriages
- 01:03:50 Can Having Children Save a Marriage?
- 01:07:35 In-Law Issues is a Couple Issue
- 01:12:01 The Concept of Feeling Felt
- 01:16:50 How Long Can You Tolerate Disrespect from Your Partner?
Episode Resources:
- Lori Gottlieb | YouTube
- Lori Gottlieb | Instagram
- Lori Gottlieb | Website
- Dear Therapists Podcast
- Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Do you ever try focusing on just one thing at a time?
What’s one way you avoid distractions?
Today, Jay’s diving into a struggle we all know too well: distraction. If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling on your phone without even thinking about it, you’re definitely not alone. Jay breaks down why it’s so hard to stay focused in a world full of constant notifications and packed schedules. But this episode isn’t about making us feel guilty—instead, it’s about giving us simple, doable strategies to actually make focus easier.
Jay’s packed this episode with practical tips, like creating “no-phone zones” at home and setting tech-free times during the day to really be present. One of the standout strategies he shares is the Pomodoro Technique—working in short, focused bursts with breaks in between to keep your brain sharp and productive. Jay’s main message? Real productivity isn’t about doing more, faster—it’s about doing things better. He even shares some unique Ayurvedic advice, like chewing each bite 32 times (yes, really!) to emphasize how slowing down can improve our lives.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Slow Down for Better Productivity
How to Stay Present in Conversations
How to Find Calm by Unplugging
How to Build Stronger Focus Habits
How to Reclaim Your Attention
By setting intentional boundaries, slowing down, and practicing mindfulness, we can take back our attention in a way that enhances productivity, deepens our relationships, and brings peace to our daily lives.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:46 Have You Been Feeling More Distracted?
04:03 What Research Says About the Decline in Focus
06:12 Majority of Us Can’t Multitask
09:00 Doing Things Slower Makes Better Progress
11:43 #1: The Pomodoro Technique
13:38 #2: No Tech Zones, No Tech Times
15:56 #3: Go For a Walk, Stay Off Your Phone
20:34 #4: Finish What You Start
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
How do you handle negative self-talk?
What helps you overcome self-doubt?
Today, Jay sits down with Grammy Award-winning artist Alicia Keys as she shares her journey of self-discovery, resilience, and holistic living. Alicia founded Keys SoulCare, a skincare line emphasizing holistic well-being, and is a co-founder of the initiative She Is the Music, advocating for gender equality in the music industry. The conversation sheds light into Alicia's evolution from a young girl with dreams to an icon balancing a multifaceted career. Jay and Alicia discuss the highs and lows of fame, navigating self-doubt, and the pressures of public life, providing listeners with valuable insights on managing stress and fostering a positive self-image.
Alicia reflects on her childhood fears and the challenges of finding self-worth, candidly revealing how these experiences shaped her. She emphasizes the importance of staying grounded through practices like affirmations, journaling, and mindful rituals—habits that help her stay true to herself amid a whirlwind career.
Jay and Alicia then talk about the beauty of affirmations and the importance of letting go of perfectionism, a journey that led Alicia to adopt a more holistic approach to life. In her partnership with husband Swizz Beatz, she finds a harmonious balance of "flow" and "design," where they support each other's growth and freedom. This dynamic extends to their parenting style, where they teach their children gratitude and self-acceptance while instilling a sense of humility and grace.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Embrace Your True Self
How to Overcome Self-Doubt and Fear
How to Find Confidence Within Yourself
How to Turn Negative Thoughts into Positivity
How to Discover Your Inner Strength
How to Set Boundaries for Self-Care
How to Be Kind to Yourself
How to Trust Your Own Choices
The journey through self-doubt, fears, and external pressures highlights the importance of staying grounded, trusting intuition, and letting go of the need to seek others' approval.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
- 00:00 Intro
- 03:54 What Would You Say to Your Younger Self?
- 05:34 When You Have the Need to Protect Yourself
- 09:02 From Being Doubtful to Becoming Curious
- 13:43 What Is Your Affirmation Today?
- 15:30 Stop Being Mean to Yourself
- 19:06 Finding the Will to Love Your Own Skin
- 26:49 Spend More Time with Yourself
- 32:14 The Gifts and the Gaps
- 36:19 What Have You Learned From Your Partner?
- 38:06 Having Healthy Conflict in Your Relationship
- 45:53 Finding Balance Between Control and Flow
- 47:51 The Love for Crystals
- 51:32 Losing the Ability to Trust Yourself
- 57:15 What Are Your Go-To Rituals to Feel Better?
- 01:00:08 Teach Your Children to Practice Gratitude
- 01:03:45 Allow Other People to Speak and Just Listen
- 01:05:22 Creating Safe Space for Children
- 01:09:35 Hell’s Kitchen on Broadway
- 01:15:19 Be Clear with Your Vision
- 01:22:12 How Have You Protected Yourself from Fame and Success?
- 01:26:32 Alicia in Final Five
Episode Resources:
- Alicia Keys | Website
- Alicia Keys | YouTube
- Alicia Keys | Instagram
- Alicia Keys | Facebook
- Alicia Keys | TikTok
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Are you open to just being friends with an ex?
Do you think they want the same kind of friendship?
Today, Jay’s diving into a question we've all probably wrestled with at some point: can you really stay friends with an ex? He kicks things off by laying down some ground rules, pointing out that not every ex is friendship material, especially if there was any toxicity or harm in the relationship. For those open to trying a platonic bond post-breakup, he highlights the real-life complexities and the level of emotional maturity it takes to make it work.
Jay also brings in some interesting science, sharing that studies show people stay connected with their exes for reasons like security, convenience, keeping things civil, or even unresolved feelings. But each of these reasons can get messy, and Jay explains that often, the urge to stay friends might have more to do with wanting a sense of safety or familiarity than with genuine friendship.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Decide if an Ex Deserves Friendship
How to Set Boundaries with an Ex
How to Manage Shared Friends Post-Breakup
How to Avoid Using Friendship to Win Them Back
How to Avoid Hurting Your Ex Twice
Sometimes, the boldest and most courageous thing you can do is to walk away, taking the lessons with you and leaving the rest behind. Focus on what makes you feel good and helps you build the life you truly want.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:52 Not Every Ex Deserves Friendship
04:36 Four Core Reasons People Stay Friends with Their Exes
09:30 Four Ways to Know Being Friends with an Ex Won’t Work
13:52 How to Start Being Friends with an Ex?
18:33 Friends and Family Can be Casualties of a Breakup
21:41 Establish New Rules of Engagement
22:50 Consider the Welfare of Children
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.