Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

This audio was recorded in 2006, long before Hijackals became Dr. Shaler's focus.

Rethinking Selfishness: "What if I told you that I now value selfishness? Would that be shocking? Not only do I value it, but I encourage others to value it and practice it."

In this first of our upcoming Legacy Files, Dr. Shaler explores the often misunderstood concept of selfishness and redefines it as a positive force. Throughout our lives, many of us have been taught that being selfish is wrong. However, Dr. Shaler encourages us to reconsider this notion, advocating for a type of selfishness that empowers us to better care for ourselves and, in turn, more genuinely care for others.

She delves into how practicing what she terms "positive selfishness" can actually increase our self-esteem, improve our personal freedom, and enhance our abilities to contribute to the world. In this discussion, we'll unpack the differences between detrimental selfishness and beneficial self-focus, explore the importance of setting boundaries, and debunk the myth that loving oneself is an act of neglect towards others. Join us as we lean into learning how to be positively selfish, and why it is crucial not just for personal happiness, but also for fostering healthier relationships.

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We are deeply saddened to share that Dr. Shaler passed away unexpectedly on April 3, 2024.

She left peacefully and without any further discomfort, full of grace. Rhoberta worked hard to maintain her energy to continue offering time and wisdom to clients, members, and strangers alike, who found her voice and demeanor comforting and strengthening as you each faced difficult and overwhelming experiences. 

We know it was very hard for her to let go enough to leave her clients and fans behind, and that serving you all was her greatest joy. 

If you need some time with her, please visit her youtube channel (youtube.com/@forrelationshiphelp) or listen to other episodes in this podcast. There is a wealth more information among all her body of work, that has not yet made it into the world. We will continue to surface this additional material and content from her deep archive to allow her voice and strength to continue helping you all.

SOOO frustrating! You hoped for a partner, parent, sibling, or adult child with whom you could communicate, collaborate, and co-operate, but no. You live most of the time with q tiresome toddler or miserable middle schooler, right?

Learn more about recognizing the patterns and altering your expectations now.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• #Hijackals are emotionally immature.
• Check your expectations when you approach a narcissist. Expecting equality? Oops!
• Often feel you're talking to a tiresome toddler or demanding teenager when you try to reason with a Hijackal?
• Why you need to do your own work to make good decisions about what to do about the Hijackal

Narcissists ask for too much...and they expect to get it. It's essential to hear that a question is outrageous so you can respond differently. If you've been with a Hijackal for too long, you may have stopped hearing their questions as outrageous;

This episode will sharpen your listening skills and increase your sensitivity to questions that are intrusive, violating, and need a solid NO answer.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Listen for outrageous questions. You may have become used to them,
• Narcissists want power over you.
• Meaning of 'coercive control"
• Learn to diffuse the outrageous question,

Being with a narcissistic person is scary, right? You are usually wrong...even when you're right!. You never know what mood they'll be in. They lie, gaslight, rage, and fall silent.

They are intimidating! They keep you on edge! What can you do to reduce the intimidation? Listen to this episode.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Narcissistic people are likely to engage in several kinds of abuse: verbal, physical, sexual, financial, emotional or spiritual
• Hijackals use intimidation as a quick way to win, or silence someone
• Change your perspective and stop allowing yourself to be les than equal.
• Use the Personal Weather Report to your advantage