Advice Articles - HomeWord

In your anger do not sin! Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. –Ephesians 4:26-27 I read a humorous story about a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet about which she had cautioned her husband never to open. Over the years, the man forgot about the box until the woman became very sick. While sorting out their affairs, the elderly man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time for him to know the contents of the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000. Curious, the man asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she began, “my grandmother told me the secret to a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.” The man was so moved he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. Apparently, she had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. “Honey,” he said, “that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?” “Oh,” she said, “That’s the money I made from selling all the dolls.” I’ll admit, I got a good chuckle from this story, but in reality, it’s no way to handle conflict in marriage. In the above Scripture, Paul warns us not to end a day angry. Anger is a powerful tool used by the devil who revels in seizing any opportunity to increase division between spouses. Unresolved anger leads to bitterness, a lack of forgiveness, and can cause immeasurable pain in, and damage to your marriage. Today, choose to be a peacemaker and resolve any outstanding conflict you may have with your spouse. FAITH CONVERSATIONS: • How has anger caused problems in our marriage? In what ways do we each find it difficult to deal with anger towards one another? What do we each feel is a personal key to helping us deal with anger more constructively? • What are some ways that working through our anger can serve to strengthen our marriage? • Is there any unresolved anger or conflict between us today? How can work together toward resolving lingering issues? A STEP CLOSER: Set aside a time together in a comfortable spot free from everyday distractions. Together, plan out a practical strategy for not “letting the sun go down on your anger” with one another. Make a commitment to each other to follow the plan. Pray together, asking God to help you to honor Him by the way you choose to resolve conflict with each another.The post Couples Devotional: The Shoebox first appeared on HomeWord.

Parenting a teenager is not easy! If you’re raising an adolescent and having an easy time of it—something’s probably wrong! Though not easy, successfully parenting a teenager is by no means impossible! With God walking along with you every step of the way, raising a teenager can be a wonderful and rewarding experience! Here are some ideas to help you along during the journey: 1. Understand that rules without relationships lead to rebellion. Without maintaining a needed balance between the two, the tension level at home will probably escalate! Kids need limits and boundaries and a supportive, loving relationship with their parents. 2. Choose your battles wisely or you will be battling all of the time. Some things are worth drawing a line in the sand over. Most things are not. One thing is certain, if you choose to battle over everything, even if you win—your home will end up being a miserable environment for everyone who lives there! 3. Break the no-talk rule before it breaks your family. Successful families talk. Communication is vital for maintaining a healthy family. It is true that both parents and kids experience times where they don’t want to talk. Yet, each family member needs to be intentional and responsible to make sure that silence isn’t the rule, but the exception in your home. 4. Use a strategy of teaching to swim rather than sending in the lifeboats! It’s a given that parents don’t want to see their kids experiencing the painful consequences of poor decisions. Yet, too many parents “send in the lifeboats” in order to rescue their kids (and themselves!) from living with the consequences. Unfortunately, when parents rescue, kids don’t learn. Teach your kids to “swim.” It may be more painful in the short term, but in the long run, your kids will learn important lessons that will lead them into successful adulthood. 5. Connect behaviors with appropriate consequences. Inappropriate consequences for bad behavior leads teenagers into frustration and rebellion. Kids own what they help to create, so parents will do well to think through consequences by including their teenagers in considering what appropriate consequences are. 6. Catch teenagers in the act of doing something good. So much of what teenagers hear from the adults in their lives focuses on the negatives: “Why didn’t you do what I asked?” “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” “I can’t believe you would do something so stupid.” An important truth to consider is everyone needs affirmation in order to thrive. Regular, genuine affirmation is one of the true hallmarks of a successful family. 7. Know who your teenager’s friends are. Many parents experience undue anxiety and frustration simply because they don’t know their kids’ friends. Strive to make your home a place where your kids and their friends want to hang out. Don’t “hover” but do engage your teenager’s friends in conversation. Learn their names, and get to know them. It will likely result in learning a lot about your own teenager. 8. Know who your friends are. One way to keep sane as a parent of a teenager is to know who to turn to in a time of difficulty or crisis. Who can you turn to when parenting gets difficult? If you don’t already know, find out and make a list to have on hand if the time comes when you need it. 9. Make your family fun! Never underestimate the power of fun in contributing to the success of your family! The family that plays together, stays together! Keep (and share) your sense of humor! Nothing turns off teenagers more quickly than the adult who has lost his or her sense of humor.The post How to Raise a Teenager Without Losing Your Sanity first appeared on HomeWord.

I ran into a friend who filled me in on some distance/frustration/angst within his family. After his transparent sharing, he went practical asking, “Do you have ideas on what I should do?” Mending wounded relationships is NOT simple and Band-Aids are rarely effective, but there are some simple, practical, and transforming actions that can be taken to change the environment within your home. Try these five actions for a week and see if the temperature in your home doesn’t change a little. Plus, even if your relational temperature is “fine,” these ideas may make it even better. 1. Leave the phone in the car. When you come home from work, it’s too simple to get lost in social media, texting, watching videos, and gaming on your smartphone. Don’t make the mistake of believing you are so critical to the world that you must be accessible at all times. Leave your phone in the car while you need to be focusing on your family. 2. Close your laptop. Computers are wonderful. But, when the computer is on, I’d swear that it calls my name incessantly, “Hey Doug! Yoo hoo! I know you’re there! Pay attention to me!” It’s too easy to come home and get lost in the computer that’s always on and calling your attention (blogs, work, email, Quicken, etc…). Turn it off and see if you can turn on some dialogue with your spouse and kids. 3. Show up on time. If you tell your family that you’ll be home by 6 pm… get home. Not 6:30…not even 6:05. If you make a commitment to your family, honor it. It’s amazing what simple actions will communicate about love and respect. 4. Reduce TV time by half. I’m not asking you to become Amish and ditch all TV. I’m suggesting that you cut your viewing time in half. Many of us eat dinner while watching TV. Instead, try turning it off so that you can engage in a dinner conversation with your family. 5. Write short notes. The emphasis on this is “short”… I’m not suggesting two pages, typed out, double-spaced. What if you left one of your kids a short note every day for a week? Short words of affection and encouragement can be powerful. And, if it’s not a regular practice, these notes will become treasures.The post Five Ways to Change the Environment in Your Home first appeared on HomeWord.

It seems that whether the issue is drugs, alcohol, bullying, risky driving, media consumption, or sex, studies show that parents consistently underestimate their own kid’s interest or participation in these behaviors. As it has been said, denial is not just a river in Egypt. What drives this type of parental denial, the “Not My Kid” Syndrome (NMK),  held by so many? There are several primary factors at play: 1) Some parents have a hard time moving past viewing their kids as innocent children. Parents invest years in protecting their kids, controlling and monitoring activities, and trying to instill values. They want to believe that they’ve done a good job at parenting – and many have! They have a hard time coming to terms with their kids leaving childhood behind and starting to experience new levels of adult-like engagement with the world. 2) Kids mature differently. Because there is no normal when it comes to adolescent development; no fixed template that all kids follow on the pathway to adulthood, parents aren’t always aware of when adolescent changes are taking place. The development process, unique to each adolescent, can make it easier for parents to believe that their kid isn’t “there yet” when it comes to typical adolescent interests and behaviors. 3) Not all kids engage in at-risk behaviors. The simple fact is that not every teen drinks alcohol, takes drugs, vapes, views porn, has sex, and drives like a maniac. These facts make it easy for parents to make a simple assumption that their kids are in the “NMK” category, whether they are or not. But in reality, while not all kids engage in at-risk behaviors, all kids think about them and are susceptible to temptations and peer pressure. 4) Parents are uncomfortable talking about tough issues. Most parents don’t relish discussions with their teenagers on tough issues like dealing with peer pressure, sexuality, or drugs and alcohol. The hesitance to talk about these topics makes it easier for parents to rationalize that their kids aren’t ready or interested in these issues. Rather than being an “NMK” parent, the wise course of action is to prepare kids for the process of adolescence and the pressures, challenges, and temptations that accompany it. Talking to kids about these issues in an atmosphere of acceptance and openness will help kids face challenges when they arise. But parents who live this season of life with a “Not My Kid” attitude actually put their kids at greater risk of being hurt along the way. It’s far better for parents to live with a preventative “Why Not My Kid?” point of view.The post Parenting and Denial first appeared on HomeWord.

Many parents look for the latest parenting fad to help their kids grow into mature adults. Yet one key component for building kids’ lives is right in front of them: investing time, energy, and a commitment to “be there” for their kids. A regular, one-on-one ‘date night’ with each of your kids is a great place to begin intentionally investing in the overall health and growth of your child. Here are five tips for having a great ‘date night’ with your kids. 1) Choose to do something your kids want to do. Sometimes, when parents want to do something together with their kids, they’ll select an activity that they have interest in, but their kids do not. If you really want to create a positive “date night” culture where your kids want to hang out with you, try doing things that the kids are interested in. And remember, “date nights” don’t have to be complicated! They can be as simple as taking your child out to get an ice cream cone or throwing a Frisbee around in the yard. 2) Communicate. Be sure to engage your son or daughter in conversation during your “date night.” Don’t start by talking about your “list” of concerns you have about your child. Instead, talk about anything and everything. Ask your kids about their interests, opinions, and feelings. 3) Listen. Don’t dominate “date night” conversation. Communication is a two way street, so be sure to work at listening. Listening is the language of love. Through listening, you demonstrate that you value your kids. When you take the time to really pay attention, show empathy, and listen—you are taking a key step in connecting with your kids. When kids know that their parents will really listen (instead of immediately “correcting”) they will be more willing to talk. 4) Display affection. If you kids are adolescents, it’s important to remember that while they are in the process of becoming adults and separating from their parents, they still need your affection. In fact, sexual promiscuity in teenage girls can often be traced back to a desire for (and lack of) affection from their fathers. Dads, be sure to offer your kids genuine affection through loving words, affirmation, encouragement, small gifts, and appropriate touch. 5) Never embarrass your kids in front of their peers. A “date night” activity might take you onto your son or daughter’s “territory” – to a place where they may run into some of their peers. Gentle teasing is one thing, but embarrassing your kids in front of their peers can destroy all of the connection you are working to build with your child. Show respect to your kids and they’ll be more willing to hang out with you—and your “date nights” will be much more enjoyable as well.The post Five Tips for Having a Great “Date Night” With Your Kids first appeared on HomeWord.