Born to Be a Badass

Alice Alexandrescu is an options facilitator who helps people identify and protect their mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical boundaries. Currently, she is mentoring under Tony Blauer in his SPEAR System Elite Masterclass. She is an Army veteran, holds a Master of Fine Arts in Behavioral Aesthetics and is a qualified mental health associate skills trainer. In 2020, Alice was awarded third place in the National Veterans' Art Festival for her piece entitled, "888 Paper Cranes", which she gradually completed while hospitalized for PTSD. Saying, "during my treatment, crushing waves of emotions, thought, and sensation were delicately folded into each crane". Alice's work can be viewed in her Instagram where she just lays her studio and research methodology as a public living journal in video and photography.

In this episode, Alice and I discuss:

• Being In tune with your elements - Air, Water, Fire and Earth
• The Three D's - Detect, Defuse, Defend
• Non-violent communication - jackal mindset versus giraffe mindset

Key Takeaways:

• Everybody deserves to live out their dreams but usually conflict and harm gets in the way of that, either coming from other people or from the bully within. Defending yourself from attacks from both fronts will help you live your life the best that you could.
• Have an understanding of what you want to protect and express that with passion. Create a clear system of boundaries. Practice stillness and quietness. Have compassion on your body, be mindful of what you're eating and doing.
• Remember D1, D2, and D3. Detect to avoid, be situationally aware to not be in a threatening place in the first place. Defuse to deescalate, when the first D doesn't work, try to defuse the situation, or get to a place where you can be safe. Defend to protect yourself if the other options are unavailable.
• Step out of violent communication where somebody wins and somebody loses.. Shift into being able to let both sides win together. Use language to heal each other.

"Language is the first technology - effective, clear, language to represent what's going on in our internal world to coordinate, create, and manifest" — Alice Alexandrescu

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Melissa Soalt is a women's self-defense pioneer, a black belt hall of fame recipient, former trauma psychotherapist, and the creator of Fierce & Female Self Defense. She is a forerunner in full-force padded assailant scenario training, her approach is both practical and transformational. She has taught thousands of women how to safeguard their boundaries, protect themselves from danger and resist attack while reconnecting women with deep-seated, primal and emotional powers to live safer, bolder, and fuller lives and to reverse female fear. Melissa is an outspoken advocate for self-defense as physical feminism, she has been featured in national and international media and has also taught in Europe, India, Nepal, and Kenya. She provides customized online training and corporate consulting and is at work on a manifesto for women.

In this episode, Melissa and I discuss:

• Pre-assault indicators, the power of fear, and innate awareness.
• Staying focused and alert for street crimes
• Signs that someone is going to physically attack you
• Seeing the whole person

Key Takeaways:

• Pre-assault indicators go beyond physical cues, manipulation and terror tactics are part of it. Fear is pervasive, it affects every decision you make in your life. We need to have an innate awareness, attuned fully to our intuition. The feeling of unease, or discomfort are important factors. .
• When you feel like a person is trying to distract you, do these things: watch their hands, have a neutral face, see as wide as possible, create a bit of distance, and observe scouting.
• Watch out for signs of when someone's about to attack you. They will often be anxious, build up adrenaline, and so will be shifting from foot to foot, going into a boxer's stance. You may also notice their jaw clenching forward and an unmistakable tension.
• You want to see the whole person if you want to remain safe and prepared from any sudden movements that they may do, watch their shoulders - they'll go back before striking.

"Most of us don't go around punching things, choking people, grabbing people from behind. But we need to learn what that looks like so that if we're out in the street, or a shopping mall, and somebody has this intention, we'll see it faster - if we have that kind of training." — Cynthia Jolicoeur Rood

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Raven Scott is a survivor of an abusing relationship with a narcissist, she's gone from being a people pleaser to a kick-ass author, podcaster, and mentor and she's a certified meditation teacher and a Destiny Coach. She teaches women how to shed negative patterns one step at a time, to find their power and potential through healing so that they can kick ass in their own life. Raven has a terrific podcast called "Unlock Your Destiny" and she recently published a book that's a memoir combined with an empath's healing guide, that book is called "Empath and The Narcissist: A Healing Guide For People Pleasers".

In this episode, Raven and I discuss:

• Spotting a narcissist and examples of manipulation
• When psychological abuse turns physical
• Concept of Safety Nets and keeping safe from cyber-stalking
• Coping with PTSD through breath and EFT

Key Takeaways:

• Often, low self-esteem caused by experiences in one's childhood can make them a perfect target for narcissists' manipulation - it's important to make peace with your past and focus on building back that self-worth in order to raise your defenses against people with no empathy.
• Narcissist don't have any empathy. You'll know one is manipulating you if they're showing no regard or your emotions and are always pinning the blame on you or something you did.
• You often will not get any arguments with a narcissist early on because they will be love-bombing you to gain your trust but when you do argue, you'll find yourself questioning your perception of right and wrong and by the end of the argument, you'll find that the whole problem is you, and it's all up to you to fix it and it's not their problem. Psychological abuse often turns physical, pay attention to the signs and escape.
• Recognize Safety Nets - there's many ways you can do to be safe from an abuser and keep yourself safe. A few avenues you can take is through the law, by filing for a restraining order or changing your name, you can also contact family and close friends to help you through transition, and you can also turn off your phone's GPS tracking.

"The biggest thing that narcissists want is attention… treat them like a stranger, don't feel empathy for them and disengage from conversation… give yourself time for you." — Raven Scott

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M.E. Heald graduated 2006 with a double major in Criminal Justice and Psychology, and in 2010 with a masters in Criminal Justice specific to gangs and youth offenders. She has worked all over the place, including food service, sales, a few years as a promotional and advertising model, a year as a Miller Light Gal, she has also been an advocate at a sexual assault center and has spent the last 7 years as a corrections officer, the last 9 as a case manager. She trains new staff in self-defense, control tactics, crisis intervention, motivational interviewing, scenario-based trainings, conflict management, negotiations and more.

In this episode, M.E. Heald and I discuss:

• Practicing situational awareness
• Understanding the criminal mind
• Crisis intervention and negotiations
• Safety tips to use when travelling

Key Takeaways:

• Be aware and listen to your gut - it will save you from a lot of trouble.
• Understanding the criminal mind will help you keep yourself safe and be one step ahead of predators.
• People are complicated, there are a lot of things that happen that make people who they are - choices they made and choices that were made upon them.
• Give people a way out, if it's an option, when intervening in a crisis and you might get to them more effectively.

"Know your surroundings, know your go-to places, let the people you trust know where you're going, know who you're with" — M.E. Heald

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Wendy Keir has spent her whole life recovering from the traumatic aftereffects of being institutionalized in the United Kingdom's care system. She believes that healing from emotional and traumatic scars is an inside out job. The path to successful ongoing recovery and to breaking the cycle starts with your relationship with yourself and others, how you perceive the world around you and changing your inner world.

In this episode, Wendy and I discuss:

• What is trauma and denial?
• Recognizing how trauma affects your life
• Processing your trauma and rebuilding back your self-esteem
• Finding your identity as a fighter

Key Takeaways:

• A trauma is any event that leaves an emotional imprint within your identity that changes your behavior. Trauma completely changes your personality, body and mind. Trauma can be passed on from parent to child.
• Recognizing trauma starts from diving within yourself, it's a process of healing and that starts with being self-aware. Take the one thing that's affecting your life the most right now and address that right now. Take things one step at a time.
• One of the things that is often lost when going through traumatic events is self-esteem. You can regain your self-esteem by connecting with the part of you that's able to see yourself from a loving, compassionate, forgiving, and more empowering mindset.
• Fear isn't real, it's an illusion of the mind that has been created from what we experienced in the past.

"When you start reconnecting with and connecting with the part that is able to acknowledge, to forgive, to comfort the child or the young woman, or young adult that had that experience, you naturally start to see a different side of your personality. You start to recognize that it wasn't not your fault, it was out of your control. You can start to recognize who it is you are, as an individual." — Wendy Keir

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