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What if your cowboy hat wasn’t just a fashion flex but a gateway to your final form? This week, The Funky Panther goes full identity crisis, morphing from smooth-talking Charlie Crockett to full-throttle Tiger King insanity. It’s less "saddle up" and more "unhinge completely." We also crack open the cursed tomb of The Guy Game (yes, that sleazy relic) and roast the depravity of the “Girls Gone Wild” era. Spoiler: Some ‘90s nostalgia should stay buried.

Then it’s off to Texas, where THC gummies are legal (kinda), booze ads are everywhere, and Kratom’s about to get whacked by Big Brother. We’re pulling back the curtain on the lawmakers and holy-rollers trying to legislate your vices like they’ve never sinned before. Spoiler alert: They have. If you’re wondering why weed is still a felony but you can buy tequila at Target, congrats, you’ve cracked the American paradox.

But wait—it gets darker. Somewhere out there, an insurance CEO is very dead under some very suspicious circumstances, and we’re side-eyeing capitalism harder than ever. Corporate America has a body count, and we’re connecting the dots. Greed, power, and “unexplained deaths” tend to walk hand-in-hand, don’t they? Throw in some dental nightmare fuel and a debate on whether to scalp your Texas A&M tickets, and you’ve got a perfect storm of chaos, crime, and capitalism’s rotting core.

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