The Single Greatest Choice: For Single Women Exploring Solo Motherhood by Choice (SMBC), Fertility, and Having a Baby on Thei

The search for a sperm donor can be overwhelming for anyone, but for Black women, the lack of available Black donors adds a whole new layer of complexity. When Lakia Holmes—senior producer of Bleacher Report’s branded sports content, award-winning journalist, and now a single mom by choice—began exploring her fertility options at 37, she had no idea just how winding the path would be.

What started as an egg-freezing consultation quickly revealed blocked fallopian tubes and a 2% chance of conceiving naturally. Suddenly, the dream she’d been putting off to grow her career became something she could no longer wait on. Choosing IVF meant choosing herself—and stepping into the unknown as a solo Black woman navigating infertility, donor scarcity, and the fear of how this choice might impact her career.

In our conversation, Lakia shares the emotional and logistical realities of that season: long donor waitlists, genetic mismatches, profiles with only a name or two left… and then the moment a miracle phone call changed everything.

“It wasn’t my plan A, but my plan B worked out pretty damn well.” — Lakia

Lakia opens up about the fast-moving year that followed—egg retrievals, her very first embryo transfer, and the shock and gratitude of being pregnant with her daughter, Isla, who arrived in May 2024. She also speaks honestly about postpartum depression, rebuilding her support system, heading back to work in the sports media world, and dipping her toe back into dating as an SMBC.

Most recently featured in Forbes, Lakia is now using her platform to bring fertility awareness to the Black community and to tell the story she once needed to hear.

Her honesty, humor, and courage offer such a powerful reminder: when you decide your dream of becoming a mother can’t wait any longer, so much becomes possible.

In this episode, we explore:

• How an egg-freezing consult revealed blocked fallopian tubes
• Recognizing that waiting for the “right time” or the “right partner” might mean waiting forever
• Why Black sperm donors are so scarce—and how that impacts Black women pursuing donor conception
• Finding a donor when the options feel impossibly limited
• Getting pregnant on her very first embryo transfer
• Lakia’s experiences during pregnancy and birth
• Postpartum depression and learning to ask for help
• Returning to work, navigating childcare, and preparing to travel again
• Reentering the dating world as a solo mom by choice

Do you ever wonder what solo motherhood by choice looks like further down the line? I certainly do, and today's episode with a SMBC of a teen was a fascinating window into that world.

Today’s guest, Elle, became a single mother by choice at 36, using a known sperm donor: someone she briefly dated years before. Today, her son is 13, and her story gives us a rare, honest look at what life can look like after the decision is made and we leave the diaper years behind us. 

I love how open Elle is in sharing the beautiful, the complicated, the surprising, and everything in between. From managing pregnancy and postpartum alone and watching her son’s relationship with his donor evolve, to navigating school choices, identity questions, and early teenage years.

If you’ve ever wondered whether a known sperm donor could work for you, or you’re simply craving a long-term perspective from someone further down the solo motherhood path, Elle’s story offers us a peek into what it can look like.

In this episode on solo parenting a teenager and choosing a known sperm donor, we discuss:

• How Elle decided to pursue solo motherhood at 36;
• Why she chose a known donor over a sperm bank and how she went about it;
• What the donor relationship looked like during pregnancy and postpartum;
• Her son’s evolving understanding of who his “donor” or “dad” is;
• Legal considerations (and misconceptions) around known sperm donors;
• Navigating boundaries, expectations, and emotional complexity over 13 years;
• Identity, gender expression, and raising a compassionate son;
• The challenges and rewards of solo parenting an older child;
• Trusting yourself through big parenting and school decisions;
• And much more.

What would you have to change to make solo motherhood possible? For novelist Tory Henwood Hoen, the answer meant reimagining the structure of her life. She left New York City for Vermont, moved in with her mom during pregnancy, and built a rhythm that allowed her to pursue both her dream of motherhood and her passion for writing. Through it all, she discovered that becoming a single mother by choice isn’t just about making one big decision, but rather about creating space for what truly matters.

In today’s conversation, Tory shares how she built a life that supports solo motherhood: from freezing her eggs at 36, doing IVF at 39, and getting pregnant with her first transfer, to writing her second novel while parenting. Her story is a beautiful reminder that sometimes the path that looks like starting over is actually the one that leads you home to yourself.

In this episode on building a life that supports solo motherhood, we discuss:

• The emotional and practical steps that led Tory to pursue motherhood on her own;
• Moving from New York City to Vermont to prioritize family, finances, and creative space;
• Writing her second novel while parenting a newborn, and how motherhood sharpened her creative focus;
• The importance of community and connection in the SMBC journey;
• Redefining success and identity in midlife;
• Creating space for what matters most;
• And more.

More about Tory

Tory Henwood Hoen is a novelist based in Vermont, where she is a solo mother by choice to her toddler daughter. Her debut novel, THE ARC, was published in 2022, and her second novel, BEFORE I FORGET, comes out December 2, 2025. Before pursuing her dream of writing books, Tory worked as a magazine editor, a brand director, a copywriter, and a content consultant in New York City and Paris.

While some motherhood paths unfold easily, others bring unexpected twists and turns. Dr. Shanelle Bolton’s path to solo motherhood included multiple surgeries to remove fibroids, a chemical pregnancy, and even a near-fatal postpartum hemorrhage. But all of this was part of her journey, and today she’s a proud solo mom by choice to two thriving children. In the midst of it all, she also founded POSH Parenthood, where she helps families move from chaos to calm through purposeful rhythms and executive functioning support for kids.

Shanelle shares how she turned her challenges into a mission: empowering parents to create calmer, more connected homes without chasing perfection. Her story is a reminder that the path isn’t always smooth and straightforward, but that doesn’t mean it won’t get us to where we want to go.

In this episode on Shanelle’s journey to becoming a solo mom of two, you’ll hear:

• Deciding to become a solo mom by choice and building a support system to make it happen;
• Navigating an IVF journey with fibroids and multiple surgeries;
• Coping with a chemical pregnancy and postpartum hemorrhage;
• How Shanelle re-imagined her career after losing her job and founded POSH Parenthood;
• Why flexible parenting rhythms work better than rigid routines;
• Understanding executive functioning for kids and how it helps parents, too;
• The importance of Black maternal health and self-advocacy in motherhood;
• And more!

More about Dr. Shanelle Bolton

After a pregnancy marked by hyperemesis and countless challenges, Mel Anderson returns to share the next chapter of her story. This time, it’s a much brighter one.

The birth of Mel’s daughter didn’t go exactly as planned, but from the very first moment she heard her daughter’s cry, everything shifted. Instead of bracing herself for postpartum depression, Mel was surprised to feel a rush of love and relief.

The weeks that followed became a season of healing and sweetness, allowing herself to recover slowly. She discovered how much she loves the simple rhythms of newborn life, and how motherhood has brought her more presence and joy than she ever imagined.

Now, eight months in, Mel is not only thriving as a mom, but she’s reconnecting with her passion for yoga: dreaming of ways to guide other single mothers by choice through movement, breath, and grounding practices designed especially for this community.

In this episode on Mel’s postpartum experience as a single mother by choice, you’ll hear about:

• Recovering physically and emotionally after a difficult pregnancy and birth
• The unexpected sweetness of newborn life and early motherhood
• Daily rituals of connection and presence with her daughter
• How Mel is dreaming of a platform to support SMBCs through yoga and meditation
• And much more!