The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You feel like your ex knows things they shouldn't You suspect you're being tracked, monitored, or watched You're going through separation and worried about digital safety Your ex had access to your devices, passwords, or accounts You want to protect yourself and your children from tech-based abuse What if your ex knew where you were… who you were talking to… and what you were saying — without you ever telling them? In this episode, we're joined by Catherine Plunkett, Director of Safety Net Australia at WESNET, to unpack the growing reality of technology-facilitated abuse in relationships and after separation. Because abuse doesn't always leave bruises. Sometimes it looks like: your ex showing up where you are unexpectedly knowing things you never told them accessing your messages, accounts, or location And increasingly, this is becoming one of the most common forms of domestic and family violence. We break down what tech abuse actually is, how it happens, the warning signs to look for, and most importantly what you can do to protect yourself and your children. If something doesn't feel right, this episode will help you understand what might be happening and what steps you can take next. ⏱️ Episode Timeline - Is Your Ex Watching You? Tech Abuse in Divorce Explained 00:00 – Is Your Ex Spying on You? Hidden Tech Abuse Signs 01:35 – What Is Tech Abuse? How It Works in Relationships 05:10 – How Common Is Digital Abuse After Separation? 06:52 – Tracking Apps, Spyware & How People Monitor You 12:06 – Warning Signs Your Phone or Accounts Are Compromised 16:20 – What NOT to Do If You Suspect You're Being Watched 18:00 – Digital Safety Checks & Getting the Right Support 20:33 – Safe Phones, New Devices & Protecting Your Accounts 23:12 – That "Alarm Feeling": Trusting Your Instincts 24:11 – Smart Homes & Hidden Tracking Risks You Didn't Expect 26:31 – Cars, GPS & How Vehicles Can Track You 27:45 – Digital Safety Checklist: Steps You Can Take Today 30:47 – How Kids Can Be Used in Tech Monitoring 35:20 – AI, Deepfakes & The Future of Digital Abuse 38:39 – Where to Get Help for Tech Abuse 41:17 – Your Right to Privacy and Safe Communication 42:27 – What Safety Net Australia Does for Victims 44:19 – Final Thoughts, Support & Next Steps 🔗 Links & Resources Safety Net Australia – https://techsafety.org.au eSafety Commissioner – https://www.esafety.gov.au 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 ⚠️ Family Violence Disclaimer This episode contains discussion of family violence and may be distressing for some listeners. If you are experiencing domestic or family violence, support is available: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000 ⚖️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is for educational purposes only and discusses general concepts. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You've been told to attend mediation but feel unsafe agreeing to child care arrangements Your ex is pushing for 50/50 care and you don't believe it's appropriate for the kids You're dealing with substance abuse, family violence, or safety concerns and your child's safety You feel pressured to compromise at mediation when you don't want to You want to understand your options without giving in on safety Have you been told you need to go to mediation, but you're worried about the outcome because you simply cannot budge when it comes to your child's safety? Has your ex demanded 50/50 care, but deep down you know that arrangement isn't in your child's best interests right now? We talk about how to approach mediation when you feel stuck, how to clearly communicate your concerns, and the practical options that may be discussed including supervised time, stepped arrangements, and drug and alcohol testing. If you're feeling pressured, overwhelmed, or unsure how to stand your ground, this episode will help you navigate mediation with clarity and confidence. ⏱️ Episode Timeline -Refusing 50/50 Care? What to Do in Mediation When Your Child's Safety Comes First [00:00] – Mediation With Safety Fears [02:33] – What Mediation Really Is [05:40] – Holding The Safety Line Why you don't have to agree to unsafe arrangements just to reach an outcome. [06:37] – Define The Real Risks How to clearly identify and communicate your specific safety concerns. [09:27] – What Courts Call Unsafe Understanding how the court views risk and safety in parenting matters. [10:33] – Supervised Time Options Exploring supervised contact as a way to maintain relationships safely. [12:56] – Choosing Contact Centres How supervised contact works and what to consider when selecting a centre. [16:34] – Cutting Contact And Court Optics What happens if time is stopped altogether and how it may be viewed legally. [18:43] – Stepped Parenting Orders Using gradual increases in time to build safety and trust over time. [21:26] – Therapy Conditions And Pitfalls When therapy is suggested, what to watch out for and potential risks. [23:06] – Drug And Alcohol Testing How testing can be used to address concerns and create accountability. [26:25] – Costs And Waitlists The practical realities of supervision services and delays. [26:45] – Paying For Supervision Who pays for supervised time and how this is handled. [27:28] – Preparing For Mediation How to go into mediation feeling clear, confident, and prepared. [28:13] – When They Refuse Supervision What to do if the other parent won't agree to safe options. [28:48] – Best Interests Not 50/50 Why equal time is not automatic and must reflect the child's needs. [30:40] – Court View On Refusal How the court may interpret refusal to compromise or engage. [33:27] – Holding Your Safety Line Practical ways to stay firm without escalating conflict. [35:17] – If Mediation Hits Impasse What happens when no agreement is reached and what comes next. [38:17] – Costs Threats Reality Check Addressing fear around legal costs and pressure tactics. [39:07] – Using Mediation For Property How mediation can still be useful even if parenting isn't resolved. [43:16] – Authenticity And Support Staying grounded, supported, and focused during a difficult process. ⚖️ Family Violence & Legal Disclaimer This episode contains discussion of family violence and may be distressing for some listeners. If you are affected, please consider listening with support or contact: Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14 1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732 This podcast is for educational purposes only and discusses general concepts in Australian family law. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your specific circumstances. 🔗 Helpful Resources 1800 RESPECT – National Domestic Violence Support Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 Relationships Australia (Supervised Contact Services) Parenting communication apps: OurFamilyWizard, AppClose 🎧 Recommended Episodes Mediation: What It Is (and What It Isn't) https://youtu.be/YvcWAYuG4QA?si=hSiXFvVDaFDV4J6v Understanding the Best Interests of the Child (Section 60CC) https://youtu.be/k4-QTbfW8XM?si=SDzN2cIzO4FtlMQu Mediation Series: How to Prepare and What to Expect https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=TqUcJvQzmd2MMNJc

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You are about to negotiate parenting orders or a parenting plan Your coparent is high conflict, manipulative or controlling You're worried they will twist agreements or exploit loopholes You're preparing for mediation or family court for parenting orders You want parenting orders that actually reduce future arguments Family Violence & Legal Disclaimer This episode contains discussion of family conflict and family violence which may be distressing for some listeners.If you are experiencing family violence or feel unsafe, please contact 1800 RESPECT (Australia) or your local domestic violence support service. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Laura and Lynette are discussing general concepts in Australian family law. Every situation is different, and listeners should obtain independent professional guidance about their specific circumstances. Episode Time Stamps: The Parenting Order Loopholes Your Ex Will Exploit (And How to Close Them) 00:00 High Conflict Co Parenting 01:59 Why Orders Need Clarity 05:10 Changing Orders Is Hard 07:03 Loophole 1 Communication Rules 11:53 Loophole 2 Last Minute Changes 14:12 Loophole 3 Handover Boundaries 20:14 Loophole 4 Extracurricular Conflicts 26:30 Loophole 5 Stop Trash Talking 28:04 High School Choice Traps 29:39 Private School Fee Fights 31:14 School Updates and Access 32:07 Kids Phones and Screen Rules 35:50 Passports and Travel Clauses 40:06 Medical Decisions and Info 44:34 Emergency Contact Requirements 46:27 Rosters Holidays and Ambiguity 50:07 Think About What Ifs 51:12 Wrap Up and Disclaimers Helpful Resources Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14 1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732 Family Court of Australia resources on parenting arrangements Parenting communication apps: OurFamilyWizard, AppClose, Talking Parents Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. 12 Agreements to Include in Parenting Plans Referenced when discussing the main structure of parenting agreements before talking about loopholes. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6j325rOj96QvV8spPnYsX5?si=td4XlKQZSr6CXfCSm9H_bA 2. Handover Hell Mentioned during the discussion about pick-up and drop-off conflicts and handover disputes. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Pskjns3vZkLyv9FCefvxm?si=guIkwi1ITJuTOnshvpP9VA 3. Trash Talking Referenced when discussing parents speaking negatively about the other parent around the children.https://open.spotify.com/episode/7bxqn5I6B1HCzO9r0zKnxY?si=nEH3splzQxSTBOUikJJHhA 4. Interstate Travel With Children After Separation Mentioned during the travel and passport boundary discussion. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0auxUUS6QSh0ILcGHXbQgk?si=CmhYz74pSquyhTI2dgRMbQ 5. Tech Facilitated Abuse Referenced during the children's phones, devices and monitoring discussion. COMING SOON 6. Sole Parental Responsibility Suggested for listeners who want to understand decision-making authority around medical or school issues. https://open.spotify.com/episode/2O0VczmgtAPUrvcgJiF8HP?si=BM0nanlwTP6k67SMF8yg4g Summary Many parents believe that once parenting orders are made, the conflict will finally stop. But the reality is court orders don't magically change behaviour. If you are dealing with a high-conflict, manipulative, controlling or avoidant ex, poorly written parenting orders can become a playground for loopholes, misunderstandings and ongoing arguments. In this episode of the Divorce Course Podcast, Laura and Lynette break down the most common loopholes people exploit in parenting orders and the practical boundaries you may want to think about before signing anything. Because while parenting orders can't eliminate conflict entirely, clear boundaries can prevent many of the arguments before they even start. You'll learn how to think about communication, handovers, school decisions, travel rules, technology, medical issues and more all through the lens of preventing future conflict.

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You are separated but still living under the same roof as your ex You feel stuck in the house and don't know how to move forward You want to know what an ouster order is You want to understand sole occupancy Someone told you if you leave the house you will lose your rights to it You want to understand what you can legally do to create space after separation Your ex refuses to move out and you don't know what your options are You're wondering whether you can make your ex leave the house You're dealing with a manipulative, avoidant, high-conflict, or coercive control type ex You want to learn about trial separations, nesting, temporary arrangements, and sole occupancy orders You're worried about how staying under one roof is affecting you or your children You want practical strategies to move forward without damaging your property settlement ⚖️ Legal & Safety Disclaimer This podcast provides general educational information only and is based primarily on Australian family law. It is not legal advice and should not replace advice from a qualified legal professional. Always seek independent legal advice specific to your circumstances. This episode also discusses family violence and coercive control, which may be distressing. If you feel unsafe or need support in Australia, contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline (13 11 14), or call 000 in an emergency. When a relationship breaks down, most people focus on the big things: the kids, the property settlement, and the future. But one of the most suffocating parts of separation is often the very first step — how do you stop living under the same roof as your ex? If you're walking on eggshells at home, wondering whether you can leave, whether you'll lose your rights to the house, or whether you can legally make your ex move out, you're not alone. These questions come up for almost everyone navigating separation. In this episode, Mum and I break down five realistic ways to create space after separation without damaging your property settlement. We talk about what you can legally do, what you absolutely shouldn't do, and the myths that keep so many people stuck living under one roof for far longer than they need to. [00:00] – The Fear of Being Stuck in the House During Separation Why the family home becomes one of the biggest emotional pressure points in divorce, and why living under one roof with your ex can feel suffocating for you and your children. [02:43] – What You Should NEVER Do During Separation Why throwing belongings outside, changing locks, cutting utilities, or intimidating your ex can backfire legally and even be considered family violence. [04:44] – Divorce Myth: Do You Lose Your Rights If You Leave the House? Debunking one of the most damaging divorce myths that keeps people trapped in toxic living situations during property settlement. [06:05] – Five Ways to Create Space After Separation An overview of the five realistic strategies couples use to stop living under one roof during divorce. [07:45] – Option 1: Simply Asking Your Ex to Move Out When a calm, respectful conversation about separation can actually work and how to confirm agreements without escalating conflict. [09:58] – Option 2: Creating a Temporary Living Arrangement How structured temporary agreements can help one partner move out while property settlement negotiations continue. [13:16] – Option 3: Nesting or House Swapping for the Kids What "bird nesting" is, why some divorced parents try it, and the emotional and logistical challenges that often arise. [18:47] – Option 4: The Trial Move-Out Strategy How trial separations can reduce confrontation and why temporary moves often become permanent. [20:23] – Trial Separation Tactics That Reduce Conflict Why trial separations can help avoid high-conflict confrontations, especially with manipulative or controlling partners. [21:06] – Why Many Partners Don't See Divorce Coming Why some people emotionally check out of relationships long before the separation conversation happens. [22:47] – The Risk of Control and Financial Backlash After Separation How manipulative or controlling partners may react when separation becomes real. [24:04] – Coercive Control and the 'Amnesia' Effect How distance from a controlling relationship can help you recognise patterns of manipulation you couldn't see before. [25:40] – Ouster Orders and Sole Occupancy Explained When courts can legally order one spouse to leave the home during separation. [27:59] – The Risks of Applying for Sole Occupancy Orders Why asking the court to decide who stays in the house can sometimes backfire. [29:55] – Domestic Violence Orders Without Leaving the House How protection orders can sometimes be issued even when couples continue living under one roof. [32:54] – Safety Planning and Support Resources Why separation can be a high-risk time and the importance of having a safety plan in place. [34:12] – Common Divorce Myths That Keep People Stuck Debunking misinformation about living under one roof, property rights, and separation timelines. [35:42] – Why Physical Space Makes Divorce Negotiations Easier How creating distance can improve mediation outcomes and reduce emotional conflict. [37:41] – Final Takeaways: Moving Forward After Separation Why creating physical and emotional space is often the first step toward starting your new life after divorce. Episodes Mentioned in This Episode "I Really Want to Keep the House" https://open.spotify.com/episode/6TzW9skKgvO8fjm0gcFPRg?si=t9q2a8TRRS-x7FAWEfBS9g "Five Out-of-the-Box Ideas to Keep the House in Property Settlement"https://open.spotify.com/episode/5RgIsTMGh7EBqqbAgIVQ5Y?si=CRxIPgc-Sm6gRvin285Q_A "The Divorce Personality Types Quiz Episode" https://open.spotify.com/episode/4IPDOWvfPKsSrPaCvf7Se8?si=7LfUwX6OSa-ym_OOujCt5Q "How to Create a Safety Plan" https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hMmTS99LaeUWOXSxKMx1D?si=Oh5NMylQRs2HWuVFDT6szg Support Services (Australia) 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 National domestic, family and sexual violence support service. Lifeline – 13 11 14 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention service. Emergency Services – Call 000 if you are in immediate danger.

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You're unsure whether what you experienced was abuse You've heard the term "coercive control" but don't fully understand it You feel confused, guilty or constantly off balance in your relationship Negotiations during separation feel manipulative rather than constructive You're worried about how coercive control affects children You want clarity and validation around your experience This episode discusses family violence and may be triggering for some listeners. If you need support, please reach out to 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14). This discussion is general education only and not psychological or legal advice. ⏱️ Episode Timeline: When It's Not Just Conflict: How Coercive Control Shows Up in Divorce [00:00] – Is This Normal Conflict or Something More? [01:45] – Safety Disclaimer & Family Violence Support Services [02:35] – Why Naming Coercive Control Matters [03:35] – What Coercive Control Actually Is (Simple Definition) [04:32] – Patterns, Not Incidents: Why Abuse Isn't Always Obvious Why domestic violence is no longer viewed as isolated incidents but as ongoing patterns of behaviour that create harm over time. [05:35] – No Bruises, Still Harm: Emotional & Psychological Abuse Explained How gaslighting, micromanagement, silent treatment and financial control cause real psychological damage without visible injuries. [07:13] – How Do You Explain Coercive Control to Others? [10:03] – The Three D's: Disrespect, Disempowerment & Distortion A practical framework to identify coercive control behaviours in relationships and divorce negotiations. [11:09] – Disempowerment: Fear, Micromanagement & Loss of Autonomy How controlling partners create dependency, intimidation and fear of consequences — even without physical violence. [12:11] – Post-Separation Control: When Abuse Continues After Divorce Why coercive control often escalates during separation, mediation and family court proceedings. [13:59] – Disrespect & Double Standards in Abusive Relationships [16:27] – Distortion & Gaslighting: Rewriting Reality [18:48] – Narcissism vs Coercive Control: What's the Difference? Understanding the overlap between narcissistic traits and coercive control in emotionally abusive relationships. [20:09] – Seeing the Whole Pattern (Not Just One Argument) Why focusing on single incidents hides the broader pattern of domination and manipulation. [21:56] – How Coercive Control Impacts Children Why children are not just witnesses but victims in coercively controlled households — including hypervigilance and emotional harm. [24:22] – Protecting Children in Family Court How concerns about coercive control can be reframed as "alienation" — and why understanding legal narratives matters. [25:34] – One Safe Parent: The Protective Buffer for Kids [26:15] – Why It's So Hard to Leave an Abusive Relationship Financial dependence, fear, threats, trauma bonding and loss of autonomy explained. [27:56] – The Power Myth: Why Abusers Seem So Smart and Untouchable [28:54] – Trauma Bonding Explained The cycle of highs and lows that keeps people emotionally attached in abusive dynamics. [30:01] – Court Fears & Post-Separation Abuse Why people fear family court when coercive control continues through legal processes. [31:03] – Negotiation vs Control: The Simple Test How to tell the difference between genuine divorce negotiation and manipulation disguised as cooperation. [33:05] – The Three D's in Legal Tactics [34:15] – Legal Examples: Silent Treatment, Rigid Demands & Pressure Tactics Recognising micromanagement, unreasonable timelines, and threats dressed up as "legal process." [38:04] – Using Children to Maintain Control After Separation Excessive updates, micromanaging parenting decisions, and control disguised as "concern." [44:25] – Hold Onto Clarity: Documenting Patterns of Abuse Why writing things down helps counter gaslighting and protects your psychological stability during divorce. [46:37] – Legal Narratives & Gatekeeping in Court How coercive control can be minimised or reframed in legal settings — and why showing patterns matters. [48:12] – Hope, Support & Life After Coercive Control side. [49:06] – Workshop Resources & Next Steps 🔗 Resources Mentioned 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14 https://kirovapsychology.com.au/ (Melbourne workshops & resources) Previous episodes on: Mediation vs Manipulation https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=LOOTB_BwYJIQSmn9 Legal Abuse: https://youtu.be/h2Pu2MmbDxw?si=-HiUdJAfdvoMK8fL Alienation Allegations: https://youtu.be/g8ofj-Sp3n4?si=_0tX3XSweEMzYp6o Safety Planning https://youtu.be/R4M8Hr9cbh0?si=0XyklWL2VMwx_cmN