Brilliantly Resilient

“One little tiny action restores A modicum of some control. Then that control begets more control.” Colleen Freeland ~ Founder, Emotional Sobriety Coaching ; Host of It's Not About the Alcohol podcast What happens when the woman who can handle everything discovers that handling everything is part of the problem? On this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, Mary Fran talks with Colleen Freeland, founder of Emotional Sobriety Coaching and host of the It’s Not About the Alcohol podcast, about why high-achieving women often turn to alcohol—or other coping mechanisms—not because they lack discipline, but because they’ve become very good at ignoring their own needs while managing everyone and everything else. Colleen describes her own experience of juggling work, family, a business and a packed life while drinking daily, and the realization that alcohol had become her “off switch.” Colleen explains how to begin resetting with resilience by noticing what is happening now rather than racing ahead to solve tomorrow's problems. Instead of another complicated plan to “do better,” she encourages women to identify what they're feeling, determine what they actually need, and take one small action in the present moment. It's Control the Controllables through imperfect action at its most practical: you may not be able to solve everything today, but you can do something about the next few minutes. And as Colleen says, one small action that restores some control can lead to more control. Most importantly, Colleen challenges the idea that a woman's value is measured by her output--something "responsible women" struggle with daily. She points out that many successful women have learned to override their bodies, emotions and needs in order to keep performing—and then wonder why they need something to help them shut everything down. The alternative--stop demanding more from the “workhorse doer,” recognize that your own needs belong on the list, and trust yourself enough to take the next small step. Resilience isn't about proving how much more you can carry. Sometimes it's recognizing what you need right now and giving yourself permission to respond. Change can be uncomfortable, but telling yourself the truth and moving forward one imperfect action at a time can create forward momentum that changes your life. For more of Colleen's wisdom, tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast. Be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: “The work you have to do is sitting with the discomfort of not doing work right now.” “This is why this is a skill, because you have to learn to train your brain to slow down when it wants to speed up.” “You can't change your brain by listening to this podcast or reading all my fabulous material. It is 1 experience at a time where the outcome is different from what you expected.” “One little tiny action restores A modicum of some control. Then that control begets more control.” “The escape from the story is always to come into the present moment.” “You have to stop wanting more from your workhorse doer. This isn't a sweatshop situation. Your needs are not actually negotiable.” “And if you can make the shift in perspective, the strategies that got you here, successful, high achieving, unplug your brain and run like a chicken with your head cut off for a decade, the strategies that got you here aren't going to take you to the next level.” “The journey is inward, not one more certification and one more promotion and one more zero on your bank account. It is peace.” “And that's how you rewire your brain, through authentic, intrinsic motivation of feeling better, following one little breadcrumb at a time.” Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

“And that is another part of being resilient. You look within yourself for what you can give yourself that no one is giving you.” Vani Kovitch ~ Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach and Host of the podcast Endgame: Mastering the High Conflict Divorce What happens when one of the hardest experiences of your life forces you to discover strengths you didn't know you had? On this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, Mary Fran talks with high-conflict divorce coach Vani Kovitch about surviving what Vani calls “the fight of my life.” While recovering from spinal fusion surgery, Vani entered an extraordinarily difficult divorce that lasted two and a half years. She describes reaching the bottom, making the decision to keep going, becoming strategic rather than reactive, and building what she calls her “dream team.” Eventually, the experience changed not only her life but her direction: she became a high-conflict divorce coach to help others navigate the same kind of challenge. Vani's experience reflects the Brilliantly Resilient framework. As you Reset with Resilience at the beginning of a challenge, you identify the real issues while reducing the emotional spiral and dealing with what you can actually control. For Vani, that meant something as basic as breathing and calming her nervous system before trying to make important decisions. From there, Vani got strategic: gather facts, understand the finances, protect your health, find the right attorney, and build a support system. That's Rise and Thrive in action—you don't have to know how to do everything yourself. You identify what you need, find the people whose strengths complement yours, and take the next step. Perhaps the most Brilliantly Resilient part of Vani's story is what happened after the crisis. The skills she developed didn't disappear when the divorce ended. She learned to recognize when fear and anxiety were taking over, stop the spiral, identify the real problem, determine what she needed, and respond from a calmer place. Those became transferable skills she could carry into the next chapter of her life—and ultimately use in service to other people. While Vani's experience came about through divorce, it parallels a multitude of challenges. Vani's story is a powerful reminder that Resilience doesn't always feel like strength while you're living through the challenge. Sometimes it's simply taking the next moment, the next hour, the next imperfect action—and discovering afterward just how much strength you were building along the way. To hear more of Vani's wisdom, tune into this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast. Learn more about Vani here, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance. “I'm a strong believer in the saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, because it just does.” “It almost broke me, but it did not.” “I just had to make a decision that I needed to keep going and I had to be very rational and I had to have strategies in place and I built what I call my dream team.” “So number one is to breathe. I know it sounds crazy, but it's very simple. You've got to calm down your nervous system. It's almost like a reset button.” “You have to start to create your own system of support and it's all very methodical and strategic.” “They're like building blocks and you literally just have to be very present and just take each moment at a time, sometimes hour by hour, literally.” “You still have a life going on. While you're fighting this fight of your life, you still have a life. You're still living.” “Once we can identify the problem, then we can decide how we're going to address the problem. But first we have to know what the problem is for ourselves.” “Of course, this is terrifying, but you're going to do it anyway. That is the definition of courage. You're scared to death, but you're going to do it anyway.” “And that is another part of being resilient. You look within yourself for what you can give yourself

Heading in any direction is better than heading in no direction. Crispin Thompson ~ Founder, The Leadership Studio, Author: The Human Advantage: Emotional Intelligence in the Age of AI Confidence isn’t about always knowing what to do. According to Crispin Thompson, founder of The Leadership Studio, it begins with knowing yourself well enough to trust what you bring to the moment. Crispin believes strongly in introspection—understanding our strengths, weaknesses, experiences and values—and using that knowledge when circumstances become uncertain. Just as we teach at Brilliantly Resilient, our past challenges aren't merely things we've survived; they're evidence. They remind us of the skills, wisdom and Resilience we've already developed and can call upon again. Crispin also takes direct aim at one of confidence's biggest enemies: perfectionism. Waiting until we're certain of the perfect decision can leave us stuck, while taking imperfect action gives us something to learn from. His philosophy of becoming “better tomorrow than we were today” dovetails beautifully with Brilliantly Resilient's belief in taking one imperfect step, evaluating what happens, and allowing ourselves to evolve. As Crispin says, we cannot remain static in a dynamic world. Resilience isn't about getting everything right; it's about learning, adjusting and continuing to move. And perhaps most importantly, Crispin reminds us that strong leadership isn't about having all the answers or proving that we're the smartest person in the room. It's about empowering others and approaching leadership with humility, gratitude and service--and trusting our emotional intelligence. Crispin believes leaders should focus less on what they can get and more on what they can give—a philosophy that aligns directly with Lead with Heart, Serve with Passion. When we know ourselves, trust our experience, allow others to contribute and use our gifts in service, leadership becomes less about a title and more about how we show up in the world. Learn more about Crispin's methods and wisdom and order your copy of The Human Advantage here. Be sure to listen to this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient Podcast for these additional bits of Brilliance: “I believe very strongly in introspection. We should know ourselves. We should be willing to look inside ourselves.” “We have had missteps or maybe even indeed failures in our past, and we’ve gotten through them.” “I’m a big opponent to the term perfection. I think especially as leaders and communicators, perfection is unachievable. So we should strive for continuous improvement, be better tomorrow than we were today.” “Inaction is so much worse than maybe taking a step forward that at some point in the future we might realize was maybe not the step that we should have taken in that moment.” “We should be willing as leaders to make decisions, to own our decisions, to be accountable for our decisions, whether they are amazing or whether they are slightly less amazing than we would like them to be in hindsight.” “If we cannot evolve in our thinking and our actions, then what are we doing? We cannot be static in a world that is dynamic.” “Something you try today may fail. But it may not fail because it was a bad idea. Maybe the conditions were wrong. Maybe the timing was wrong.” “Heading in any direction is better than heading in no direction.” “We should let our own experience decide whether we need patience or urgency.” “When as leaders, we start to think about serving others and what we can give versus what we can get, I think it becomes so much more internally energizing.” Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

"Healing is not a thunderclap... it's all those tiny moments that build and build and build." Nikki Mammano ~ Author of Breaking Good Nikki Mammano has been lost--over and over again. Her story of abuse and abandonment is a worst-case scenerio--which is exactly what makes her redemption, strength and resilience all the more astonishing. Nikki's journey is a powerful reminder that resilience isn't about avoiding hardship—it's about continuing through it. After years of losing herself to the wost a human can experience, including abuse, drugs (using and dealing), jail and prostitution, Nikki clawed her way back to create a stable life with sheer will--again and again. Nikki shares how healing begins with awareness, whether that's recognizing generational patterns, acknowledging painful truths, or finally seeing ourselves clearly. As we say in Brilliantly Resilient, you can't fight an enemy you refuse to see. The truth is the beginning of the way home. Once we can honestly see where we are, we can begin choosing a different path. With an emphasis on progress over perfection, Nikki reminds us that "healing is not a thunderclap," but a series of small, consistent steps that gradually transform our lives. That's exactly how resilience grows—not in one dramatic breakthrough, but in the everyday decision to keep showing up, to keep learning, and to keep moving forward even when the path feels uncertain. After experiencing enormous lapses in familial support, Nikki still believes that resilience is strengthened in community. While resilience begins within us, she reminds us that sometimes all a person needs is one compassionate hand reaching back into the fire. In true Brilliantly Resilient fashion, we can recognize our own strength while using it to encourage, support, and lift others as they discover theirs. Together, those small acts of courage and kindness create lives—and communities—that are truly Brilliantly Resilient. To learn more about Nikki and get your copy of Breaking Good, visit: https://www.nikkimammano.com/. Be sure to tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast and listen for these additional bits of Nikki's Brilliance: You have to eventually stop and make a conscious decision not to pass those things down. In order to do that, you have to recognize it.... You have to be the cycle breaker...the person doing the hard work. (Regarding generational trauma.) See them...help them and meet them where they are. Because that could be the moment...someone cared. I know what it's like to be surrounded by flames and to think you can't do it, not one more step. But you can and we could do it together. That goes with my biggest healing lesson so far, which is radical acceptance, which was an extremely hard one. Please stay, hang in there, do the work. It is so worth it... The beauty is there. I wish that things had been different, but I also wish they hadn't, because everything that I've been through has gotten me to where I am, No matter how steep the hill was... I've always picked myself up... and kept climbing. You got to keep going. Sometimes... that person might have the resilience but need just that one hand to pick them up. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

“Confidence is the resolution of fear.” Alyssa Dver ~ Founder of the American Confidence Institute and ERG Leadership Alliance and best-selling author of 8 books, including Confidence is a Choice and Kickass Confidence How confident are you? Confidence is a loaded word—we all want it, but we don’t always (or often) feel it, especially when it’s needed for something important to us. Founder and head of both the American Confidence Institute and ERG Leadership Alliance and best-selling author of 8 books, Alyssa Dver is an expert who blends brain science, data and insights to help build confidence while creating lasting personal and cultural change. While most of us think confidence is a personality trait you’re born with or without, Alyssa disagrees. She notes that confidence is actually a skill—one that can be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time. Drawing on brain science, coaching experience, and years of research, Alyssa shows how confidence is built not by eliminating fear, but by understanding it and responding to it intentionally. Alyssa believes that fear often masks deeper concerns about failure, rejection, or belonging, and dealing with the sources of fear can effectively build confidence. One of the most compelling connections in relation to the Brilliantly Resilient mindset is the relationship between confidence and personal values. Alyssa argues that true confidence isn't about pushing through every challenge or saying yes to every opportunity. Instead, confidence comes from understanding what matters most and making decisions that align with those values. She encourages others to look beneath the surface of their fears, identify what is truly important to them, and use those priorities as guideposts. For women who often find themselves carrying responsibilities, meeting expectations, and putting others first, this perspective offers a powerful framework for making more intentional choices. The place of confidence also relates to belonging, self-trust, and the freedom that comes with experience. Alyssa suggests that many of our fears are rooted in concerns about what other people think and how those fears can keep us from showing up authentically. By learning to identify the real fear, challenge it, and take ownership of the decision-making process, individuals can develop greater confidence in themselves and their choices one decision at a time. Click here for more of Alyssa’s wisdom, listen to this week’s episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to check out these additional bits of brilliance: "Confidence is the result of a decision." "You took agency over that fear." "The fear isn't the presentation. There's something underneath there that's really causing it." "What's the worst that could happen? Let me give it a try." "That takes confidence—to admit you screwed up, you're wrong, you failed." "The older we get, the more we realize 99% of what freaked us out when we were young was so trivial." "If it's something that you really feel you need to do for whatever reason, then step into that and say, 'This is important to me.'" "Don't violate your own values and you'll be confident." "Every fear is (grounded in) this fear of not belonging." "The real boundaries, the rule book, is your values." Let’s all be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran