Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner: Help With Healing CPTSD

So many childhood trauma survivors carry the same belief: If I explain myself clearly enough, they will finally love me the right way.

In this episode, I break down why this belief keeps you stuck in relationships where you work far harder for safety than the other person ever will. This is not a communication problem. It is a capacity problem. You cannot talk someone into being safe. You cannot use explanation, vulnerability, or emotional labor to create secure attachment in another human being.

We explore the trauma pattern underneath repeated explaining, including:

• A protest from younger Parts longing to be understood • A reenactment of childhood where love was unpredictable • A desire to repair what was missing • A fixation that love is earned through effort, clarity, or emotional performance

You will learn how to read the real signal: If you have to teach someone how to offer basic respect, that is information about the relationship itself. It is not a sign that you need to communicate better.

Inside the episode, we talk through the key Self Leadership move that changes everything:

Stop explaining. Start observing. See who they are without your coaching.

You will also hear what the dream outcome looks like in practice. You choose relationships where you do not need to narrate your worth. You choose people who treat you with care, consistency, and genuine prioritization without being taught how.

This episode will help you interrupt over-explaining, reclaim your power, and recognize when a relationship is not aligned with the safety you require to thrive.

🗓 Join the CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop Live on Zoom.

If you have the time and the money for your healing but no real plan, this workshop is for you. Over four live sessions, I teach "The Map" for a two-year "had CPTSD" journey so you can stop improvising and start following a diagnosis-based plan that actually makes sense. You will leave with clear direction, practical next steps, and the confidence to move forward with purpose.

→ Save your seat at cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Clinginess is not desperation. It is the body's attempt to secure safety in a system that has only ever known insecurity. What many people label as "needy," "too much," or "attached too quickly" is actually a trauma-driven response rooted in one core belief: I do not trust anyone, including myself.

In this episode, I break down the attachment injuries that create clinginess, the developmental history behind it, and why it is not a durable personality trait. You will learn how clinginess forms in environments where attention is inconsistent, affection is unpredictable, words and actions do not align, or reciprocity is missing. When you finally experience genuine safety, clinginess softens naturally. Not because you force yourself to "be less needy," but because your system stops bracing for disappearance.

We also explore how clinginess shows up in adult relationships and in healing spaces like therapy and group programs, including:

• Wanting constant reassurance • Texting excessively between sessions or dates • Panic when you do not hear back • Fear of disappointing others • Fear of being too much • Attaching quickly before assessing trustworthiness • Bracing for abandonment • Leaving before you can be left

These are trust injuries, not personal flaws.

You will leave this episode with clear, practical steps to build the kind of trust that naturally softens clinginess over time, including how to communicate your needs early, how to set realistic expectations, how to avoid give-to-get patterns, and how to identify where you are compromising in ways that create more anxiety.

I also offer reflection prompts to take into therapy or your healing container so you can identify which Parts are using clinginess as a survival strategy and what they need to feel safer.

Your clinginess is not who you are. Your system is still trying to locate safety.

🗓 Join the CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop Live on Zoom.

If you have the time and the money for your healing but no real plan, this workshop is for you. Over four live sessions, I teach "The Map" for a two-year "had CPTSD" journey so you can stop improvising and start following a diagnosis-based plan that actually makes sense. You will leave with clear direction, practical next steps, and the confidence to move forward with purpose.

→ Save your seat at cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop

HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD

Why do relationships hurt so much for me?

If you are asking this question as a childhood trauma survivor who ended up with CPTSD, this episode will help you feel seen and understood. I share how, at both the micro and macro level, complex trauma shapes the way we interpret other peoples behavior, how we respond during interactions, and how repeated stressors and betrayals in our early attachment context alter our development in ways that follow us into adulthood.

I Choose Me: Creating the Capacity for my Two-Year "Had CPTSD" Plan My brand new free, five-week readiness experience for survivors who want to heal but do not yet have the identity, capacity, or internal permission to begin a structured CPTSD Resolution journey. This is the first step for anyone who feels the desire to heal but cannot yet step into a long-term plan. DM me on IG @cptsdmedicine or email me [email protected]

Unresolved CPTSD creates internal pressure that often shows up as pushing people away, even when you desperately want closeness. When your nervous system is running trauma energies, it interprets connection as danger. You flip between caretaking and harsh judgment because your original attachment loop was never closed. The result is confusion, shame, and a sense that you are "too much" or "not enough" in your relationships.

This episode breaks down exactly why this happens and how to interrupt the pattern in real time. You will understand the developmental gap that anxious attachment creates, why you react so intensely to other people's emotions, and what it looks like to regulate before you relate.

Questions you may be asking yourself that are answered in this episode:

Why do I push people away when I want closeness?

Why do I flip between caretaking and resentment?

Why do other people's emotions overwhelm me so quickly?

How can I stay grounded instead of running or attacking?

How do I break the pattern of anxious attachment?

🗓 Join the CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop Live on Zoom.

If you have the time and the money for your healing but no real plan, this workshop is for you. Over four live sessions, I teach "The Map" for a two-year "had CPTSD" journey so you can stop improvising and start following a diagnosis-based plan that actually makes sense. You will leave with clear direction, practical next steps, and the confidence to move forward with purpose.

Unresolved CPTSD shapes what you might believe is your personality. When you are running trauma energies, your nervous system does not yet believe you are safe. That present sense of constant danger drives continued action, but those patterns are not fixed. What appears as a rigid personality is actually survival programming that can be unlearned and reorganized through CPTSD Resolution.

Questions you may be asking yourself that are answered in this episode:

• How can I change my personality?

• Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes in relationships?

• Why do I always attract the same people?

• How can I reprogram my subconscious mind?