Picture this: a sweet lady, one of my dear clients, called me in a complete tizzy last week. Her phone and email were overwhelmed with messages from senior living communities she had no interest in. Rightfully, she was frustrated and initially thought I had inadvertently shared her contact information with these communities. Fortunately, after clarifying, we discovered the true culprit: a classic case of accidental online misdirection.

My client had been researching a senior living option—a community I'd intentionally excluded from my recommended list because it wasn't suitable for her loved one's needs. When she Googled this community, she ended up on a national senior referral website instead. These platforms cleverly advertise above the intended search result using paid ads and search engine optimization, resulting in confusion and unwanted solicitation.

This experience isn't unique to her. Many of us have encountered similar frustrations while searching for hotels, products, or services online. Big companies pay for prominent website placement, making it easy to click on a seemingly relevant site that ultimately leads somewhere else entirely.

Chapters:

1. 0:00 A Stressful Situation Unfolds
2. 01:12 Click with Caution: A Cautionary Tale
3. 02:54 The Google Mishap
4. 06:20 Tips for Safer Searching
5. 10:08 Conclusion and Contact Information

So, how can we avoid these frustrating mishaps in the future, especially when dealing with something as important as senior living? Here are four tips to help you "click with caution":

1. Scrutinize the URL: Always double-check the web address before entering personal information. Ensure the domain includes the name of the community or service you're actually seeking. On your browser, this will appear at the top bar—it's usually gray on my computer.
2. Make a Call Instead of Clicking: When in doubt, call the community directly. Beware of toll-free numbers like 888; these often belong to national services, not local communities.
3. Be Wary About Sharing Personal Information: If a website prompts you to enter your details immediately, pause and confirm you're on the right site. Verify that the URL corresponds to what you expect, for instance, ensuring you're not on a hotel aggregation site when seeking a specific hotel.
4. Work with a Trusted Professional: Having a knowledgeable guide, like me, can ensure your information is shared only with relevant places. We vet communities and tailor our recommendations to your needs—plus, we offer valuable insights, like how a garden could enhance your mom's living experience.

Remember, the online world is a fantastic resource, but it's vital to navigate it carefully. When feeling overwhelmed or unsure, seek guidance from someone you trust. And if you're in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, my team and I are here to help you through this process with confidence and peace of mind.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Have you ever paused to reflect on the idea of the "golden years"?

It's a phrase we encounter often, mapping out an idyllic picture of our later years full of leisure and happiness. But is that glittering image truly reflective of reality? In this week's episode, I invite you to join me to uncover into this concept that has intrigued me—and many others—over time.

Chapters:

• 00:00 Introduction to Aging in Style
• 00:49 The Origin of 'Golden Years'
• 03:48 Challenges in the Golden Years
• 06:08 Making the Most of Your Golden Years
• 10:36 Redefining the Golden Years
• 11:04 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Unpacking the Golden Years

Recently, I found myself in conversation with my friend Teresa, discussing our work in senior living and the term "golden years" came up. My curiosity led me to dig deeper, and I discovered that this term owes its origin to a marketing campaign from the 1950s. Sun City, one of the first large retirement communities in the U.S., used it to sell the idea of retirement as a "golden phase" of life. Yet, for many, these years may not shine as brightly as promised.

A Reality Check

For several individuals I speak with—ranging in age from their 60s to 100s—these years are marred by financial hardships, health challenges, and unforeseen responsibilities. Financial insecurity is an all too common concern, with many struggling to afford retirement or manage unexpected expenses. Health issues and the social dynamics of aging add to the complexity, sometimes making these years feel less than golden.

Making Your Years Golden

Despite the hurdles, it's possible to cultivate a golden era through conscious planning and lifestyle choices. Those who find fulfillment in their later years often took steps early on, ensuring financial security and pursuing active, engaged lives. People like Doug Brown, who at 99 continues to volunteer and maintain vibrant social connections, exemplify this approach.

Redefining the Term

Perhaps the term "golden years" deserves reconsideration. Alternatives like "wisdom years," "freedom years," or "legacy years" may resonate differently. I personally like “legacy years,” as it emphasizes the meaningful footprint we leave behind.

At 60, I'm increasingly aware of my own legacy, driven by experiences with my husband Mark’s stroke. This has fueled my desire to share and help others, perhaps through my writing focused on caregiving.

Closing Thoughts

What are your thoughts on the term "golden years"? Is it due for a change, and did you know its origins? I encourage you to share your insights and experiences. Conversations like these are richer with your perspectives. If this resonates with you or someone you know, please pass it on.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

How can my community become dementia friendly?

We're back with another round of Ask Lori, where I answer questions from my listeners. If you’re curious about some community dementia resources, I have two great options to discuss. One is for businesses, while the other is for caregivers and their loved ones with dementia.

First is Dementia Friendly, a nationwide initiative offering community education on dementia. This nonprofit trains businesses free of charge so they can be more inclusive and look out for the signs of dementia among the public. Dementia Friendly businesses receive a sticker on their window demonstrating their capability and awareness.

Dementia Friendly also emphasizes it’s important to look out for any signs of seniors struggling, confused or agitated, like having trouble paying at the grocery store.

The second resource I discuss is Stepping Stones, a free support group for caregivers that also offers entertainment for those with dementia. Founded by an occupational therapist in Denton, Texas, Stepping Stones offers caregivers a nice break while their loved one is in a nearby room socializing, dancing, singing, crafting and more.

On November 1, 2023 I helped launch a new Stepping Stones in Flower Mound. Turnout exceeded our expectations, and we now meet twice a month. To join, contact the Flower Mound Senior Center to RSVP.

Topics discussed:

- Dementia nonprofits

- Community dementia resources

- Caregiver support

- Dementia Friendly  

- Stepping Stones

- Signs of dementia

Takeaways from this episode:

- Contact Dementia Friendly at one of their chapters across the U.S. for free training, available to small or large business.

- It’s important for caregivers to meet with other caregivers, and Stepping Stones makes it easy by watching loved ones with dementia. Ask about a similar program at your local senior center or church.

- If you see a senior struggling publicly, be kind and calm.

- Know the signs a senior is being scammed, like withdrawing a larger sum of cash than usual.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

What are some tips for the holidays when my loved one has dementia?Be adaptable, flexible and communicate

The holidays are a time for togetherness and making memories, but the reality is it can also bring stress and disappointment. Holiday traditions may need to evolve over time as family dynamics and situations change, including when a loved one has Alzheimer’s or dementia.

Megan Rowe, former Senior Program Manager with the Alzheimer’s Association: Dallas and Northeast Texas chapter has helpful tips if you’re a caregiver or celebrating with someone who needs a little extra help.

Megan recommends planning and making adjustments alongside your loved ones. Come together to discuss where your focus should be and what will bring the most joy to your family member with dementia or Alzheimer’s. Then you can work together to make it a reality.

Set expectations

First, it’s important to have a meeting with your loved ones to make sure they understand the situation. The Alzheimer’s Association website offers a letter template if you need help explaining the reality of your loved one’s state to them. It may have been months or years since your family has seen your loved one, and maybe they’re unprepared for how your loved one has regressed. Be sure to set boundaries and expectations around what you can and cannot do, giving yourself permission to only do what you can manage.

Don’t be afraid of change

While some traditions may not make sense considering your loved one’s situation, try finding a suitable alternative. For example, hosting a holiday with 20 people can be overwhelming with someone who has dementia. Consider having a more intimate holiday – or, set aside a designated quiet space for your loved one to take breaks from the action. If you’re accustomed to making a holiday feast by yourself, you might order food ahead of time or host a potluck-style meal so others can chip in.

Also consider the environment. Those with dementia have sensory differences, so beware of fake food and too many blinking lights. Make the other guests aware of anything that could be dangerous to your loved one as well.

Ask for help

You don’t need to manage everything on your own. It’s better for you (and your loved one with dementia / Alzheimer’s) to have a community on your side. It takes a village, and the more helping hands, the better. With their help, you can allow yourself to indulge in self-care and anything that manages your stress.

Topics discussed:

Alzheimer’s and dementia

The Alzheimer’s Association

Holiday planning with dementia

Tips for caregivers around the holidays

Tips for Alzheimer’s during holidays

How to help caregivers

Takeaways from this episode:

-Always include your loved ones in discussing options as you figure out what your holiday should look like.

- Caregivers tend to mask their loved one’s state, so others won’t worry, but you should familiarize them with the situation, so everyone is on the same page.

-Find safe, enjoyable, and purposeful ways for your loved one to help with the holidays. Maybe it’s as simple as polishing silver or setting the table.

-Those with dementia or Alzheimer’s tend to be more active in the morning. Meeting in the late afternoon or at dinnertime is less ideal and more tiring.

-Think of appropriate gifts for your loved one. Avoid buying them pets (this could be an additional stressor for caregivers). Caregivers can benefit from less traditional gifts such as meal delivery or handyman service.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Understanding Senior Housing and How to Pay for it

As we age, planning for our future living arrangements and associated costs becomes crucial. In this episode, we're going to demystify the options and strategies for covering senior housing and care services, ensuring that you are well-informed as you consider the financial aspects of your loved one's aging.

Often, there's confusion regarding the payment methods for senior housing, and a common misconception is that Medicare covers all expenses. Unfortunately, this is not the case, and understanding the nuances of payment options is crucial.

Private Pay Options

The primary payment method for senior housing is private pay, predominantly funded through:

1. Savings and Investments: This includes accessing retirement accounts, 401(k) plans, stocks, bonds, and personal savings.
2. Social Security Benefits: These monthly payments, based on work history, contribute significantly to covering costs.
3. Pension Plans: Although less common nowadays, pensions can still provide essential support.
4. Proceeds from Home Sales: Many seniors use the equity from selling a long-term home to finance their living arrangements.
5. Reverse Mortgages: This method allows those aged 62 and above to convert home equity into usable funds.
6. Life Insurance: Options include cashing out or borrowing against an existing policy.

Government and Veterans' Programs

In some situations, government assistance can aid in offsetting costs:

1. Veterans' Benefits: Eligible veterans and their spouses may access aid for assisted living or memory care.
2. Medicaid: While state-specific, Medicaid may cover nursing home expenses for qualifying low-income seniors.
3. Medicare: It's important to remember that Medicare does not cover housing but may fund specific health-related services.

Long-term Care Insurance

These policies may cover care related to activities of daily living like bathing and dressing. They vary widely, with typical policies covering costs for a set period, such as three years, after a 90-day qualification period.

Family Contributions and Other Options

Sometimes, family members may contribute financially. Additionally, strategies like taking out bridge loans during home sales or renting out a property could facilitate funding.

Home Care vs. Home Health Care

Understanding the difference between home care and home health care is essential:

1. Home Care: This non-medical support, including assistance with daily tasks, is privately paid.
2. Home Health Care: In contrast, this is medical care provided at home, typically covered by Medicare if eligibility criteria are met.

Hospice Care

This end-of-life care focuses on comfort and quality, funded by Medicare. It's important to note that one cannot access both home health and hospice care simultaneously under Medicare due to funding overlaps.

Takeaways from the episode:

1. Planning how to finance senior living and care is crucial in avoiding unanticipated challenges.
2. By understanding payment options and creating plans, you can ensure smoother transitions for yourself or your loved ones.

Chapters:

• 00:00 Introduction to Senior Living Funding
• 01:06 Importance of Recognizing Red Flags
• 01:43 Understanding Senior Housing Payments
• 02:54 Private Pay Options Explained
• 05:41 Government and Insurance Programs
• 09:42 Home Care vs. Home Health Care
• 14:34 Hospice Care and Medicare
• 17:25 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Resources mentioned in this episode: