Camp Wild Heart

<p>When parents bring their kids to see us at Wildheart Society, sometimes they show up scared. Scared of what this means for their kid, of what it means for their relationship, and underneath it, really they’re afraid of change.</p><p></p><p>Most people have a hard time with change; so I get it. But what I like to remind parents is that their child has chosen to invite them in as they are living as their most authentic self. They didn’t have to share this with their parents because they are their own autonomous humans, which sometimes we forget as parents.</p><p></p><p>And I also want parents to know that gender affirming care can not only radically change their child’s life in all the best ways, but it can bring parents and families closer.</p><p></p><p>My guests today are parents Jennifer and Jeff, and their story is an amazing illustration of how supporting their son, Ben, in being his authentic self became a bonding experience for their whole family.</p><p></p><p>Check out the full episode to hear about:</p><ul><li>What surprised Jennifer and Jeff as expectations met reality after their son came out as trans</li><li>Why it was key that they held onto a holistic view of their trans, neurodivergent teenager</li><li>How having a trans child forced Jennifer and Jeff to confront their privilege and navigate new fears for Ben’s safety and wellbeing</li><li>How parenting Ben has made Jennifer and Jess more patient, more curious, and better communicators</li><li>Why not having access to gender affirming care would not only have harmed Ben, but taken a toll on their marriage and their whole family</li><li>How gender affirming care gave Ben the confidence to join the rowing team, and what all kids can gain from being able to participate in sports</li><li>Why parents of trans kids need safe spaces of their own to ask questions</li></ul><p></p><p></p><p>Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wildheartsociety.org</a></li><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/downloads" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">wildheartsociety.org/downloads</a></li><li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/wildheartsociety" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Facebook</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/wild.heart.society/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Instagram</a></li></ul><p></p><p>Resources:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/shop" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society Merch!</a></li><li><a href="https://www.queerpnw.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Donate to the Queer Community Network</a></li></ul><p></p>

<p>In today’s episode, we have a parent story from mom, Shannon. </p><p></p><p>Shannon comes from conservative roots and is mom to three boys and a trans daughter. Our conversation follows her journey of doing her own healing work so that she could be the kind of mom she really wanted and needed to be for her daughter.</p><p></p><p>I’m so grateful she agreed to share her story with us about how important it is to be brave and how critical your work as parents is to supporting your kids.</p><p></p><p>Check out the full episode to hear about:</p><ul><li>How Shannon’s daughter challenged her identity as a “boy mom” from an early age</li><li>How accepting that she didn’t need to understand why her daughter was trans, just that she is, changed the game</li><li>How Shannon’s trauma around what it means to be a girl impacted her daughter as she transitioned</li><li>The difficult choices Shannon made to give herself space to heal and how they affected her relationship with her daughter</li><li>Why Shannon needed to learn self-compassion and generosity in order to repair her relationship with her kid</li></ul><p></p><p>Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wildheartsociety.org</a></li><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/downloads" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">wildheartsociety.org/downloads</a></li><li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/wildheartsociety" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Facebook</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/wild.heart.society/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Instagram</a></li></ul><p></p><p>Resources:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/shop" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society Merch!</a></li><li><a href="https://www.queerpnw.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Donate to the Queer Community Network</a></li></ul><p></p>

<p>So many of us are trying so hard to protect our kids from failure of any kind.</p><p></p><p>Getting it wrong and having regrets is scary! Of course we want to protect our kids from that. But really, when we hover over their homework or swoop in with a plan to fix it when they're struggling, we're protecting ourselves from our anxieties about being a good enough parent.</p><p></p><p>There's kind of no better time to fail than when you're a kid. The stakes are still pretty low. When kids learn how to struggle and get it wrong and fail, it strengthens their ability to move through hard things and builds resilience.</p><p></p><p>To talk more about how we can support our kids through failure, I reached out to Jessica Lahey, who wrote a book that I often refer to in my work called The Gift of Failure. Her book has really shaped the way I view failure and how I encourage others to view failure and Jessica also happens to be the parent of a trans kid, so we'll talk about that experience as well.</p><p></p><p>Check out the full episode to hear about:</p><ul><li>Why we need to allow kids to get frustrated with tasks</li><li>Why adults need to model trying new things and making mistakes</li><li>How to give kids opportunities to learn life skills, even when it would be easier for you to just do it</li><li>How Jessica’s natural openness has been challenged around her much more private daughter’s transition</li><li>How Jessica and her family are leaning on their supports and doing work that matters to them in the face of our current climate</li><li>How Jessica weighs sharing her pride of her daughter with concerns for her privacy and safety</li></ul><p></p><p>Find out more about Jessica Lahey:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.jessicalahey.com/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Website</a></li><li><a href="https://jesslahey.substack.com/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Newsletter</a></li><li><a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-gift-of-failure-how-the-best-parents-learn-to-let-go-so-their-children-can-succeed-jessica-lahey/15541542?ean=9780062299253&amp;next=t" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed</a></li></ul><p></p><p>Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wildheartsociety.org</a></li><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/downloads" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">wildheartsociety.org/downloads</a></li><li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/wildheartsociety" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Facebook</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/wild.heart.society/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Instagram</a></li></ul><p></p><p>Resources:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/camp" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Register for Camp</a></li><li><a href="https://www.queerpnw.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Donate to the Queer Community Network</a></li><li><a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/differently-wired-a-parent-s-guide-to-raising-an-atypical-child-with-confidence-and-hope-deborah-reber/6790870?ean=9781523506316&amp;next=t" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Differently Wired: A Parent's Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope, Deborah Reber</a></li><li><a href="https://www.thetrevorproject.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">The Trevor Project</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bemyeyes.com/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Be My Eyes</a></li><li><a href="https://www.standinpride.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Stand In Pride</a></li></ul><p></p>

<p>Recently, a friend invited me to a comedy show and as we watched the set, I was delighted to find that the performer and I had a bunch of similarities.</p><p></p><p>Camp-themed show? Check. Preacher’s kid? Check. Raising money for queer youth? Check. We even look kind of similar, if you don’t count that she’s a foot taller than I am.</p><p></p><p>I had to take a shot at the merch table. Lucky for me, along with being tremendously funny, she’s also incredibly supportive and generous and agreed to come on the show.</p><p></p><p>So today, I’m talking with the one and only Kristin Key. And while Kristin isn’t trans or nonbinary, she does share the all-too-common experience of religious trauma in the queer community and she shares how her family’s faith impacted her coming out and her relationship with them. We also chat about neurodivergent quirks, swap some of our favorite camp memories, and the wild connection between me, Kristin, and Brandi Carlisle.</p><p></p><p>Check out the full episode to hear about:</p><ul><li>How being turned away from church camp and her community there compounded Kristin’s traumatic coming out</li><li>How being around visibly queer adults helped Kristin see what might be possible in her future</li><li>Why every kid deserves to experience the magic of camp where they get to be their whole self</li><li>What Kristin would want her younger self to know about coming out and surviving</li><li>Kristin’s advice for parents of queer kids </li></ul><p></p><p>Find out more about Kristin Key:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.kristinkey.com/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Website</a></li><li>Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thekristinkey" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">@thekristinkey</a></li><li>TikTok: <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@kristinkeycomedy" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">@kristinkeycomedy</a></li><li>Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/kristinkeycomedy" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">@kristinkeycomedy</a></li><li>YouTube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/kristinkeycomedy" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">@kristinkeycomedy</a></li><li><a href="https://pod.link/1535565944" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Kristin Knows Blank Podcast</a></li></ul><p></p><p>Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wildheartsociety.org</a></li><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/downloads" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">wildheartsociety.org/downloads</a></li><li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/wildheartsociety" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Facebook</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/wild.heart.society/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Instagram</a></li><li><a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@realgendertherapist" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Mack on TikTok</a></li></ul><p></p><p>Resources:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/camp" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Register for Camp</a></li><li><a href="https://www.queerpnw.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Donate to the Queer Community Network</a></li><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/shop" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society Merch</a></li><li><a href="https://pod.link/591085268" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">The Brain Candy Podcast</a></li></ul><p></p>

<p>You may be aware that there is a significant overlap between neurodivergence and transness. So today, I’m talking with a guest who is both an expert in neurodivergence–and he’s autistic himself–and a parent of queer and trans children.</p><p></p><p>Sol Smith is a social media creator and author of the book The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery: Flourishing as a Neurodivergent Adult. Much of his work focuses on neurodivergent adults who may have received a diagnosis or self-realized later in life and helping them figure out what it means to be neurodivergent and understand why their lives may have been a lot different than what they were told they should be.</p><p></p><p>Today we’ll be chatting about the overlap of neurodivergence and transness in our kids, and also how–because neurodivergence is genetic–when I tell a parent that I think their kid might be neurodivergent, I might also be telling them, hey, you might be too. </p><p></p><p>So if you’ve got a trans kid and you’ve ever had an inkling that maybe you don’t experience the world the way other people do, this episode might be for you.</p><p></p><p>Check out the full episode to hear about:</p><ul><li>How pandemic shutdowns created space for Sol and his family to make big realizations about their identities</li><li>Why unpacking his history through an autistic lens helped make sense of his past, but not without grief</li><li>How the social environment impacts individual expressions of autism and who gets diagnosed in childhood versus adulthood</li><li>How strong family inheritance of autistic traits can lead to denial and second-guessing</li><li>How neurodivergence, transness, and strength of socialization overlap</li><li>Breaking down some key ways that autistic people differ from their neurotypical peers</li></ul><p></p><p>Find out more about Sol Smith:</p><ul><li><a href="https://neurospicycommunity.com/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Neurospicy Community</a></li><li>Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/theprofessorsol" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">@theprofessorsol</a></li><li>TikTok: <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@better_sol" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">@better_sol</a></li><li><a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/square-peg-how-to-flourish-as-an-autistic-adult/21544584?ean=9781608689989&amp;next=t" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery: Flourishing as a Neurodivergent Adult</a></li></ul><p></p><p>Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wildheartsociety.org</a></li><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/downloads" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">wildheartsociety.org/downloads</a></li><li><a href="https://www.facebook.com/wildheartsociety" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Facebook</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/wild.heart.society/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Wild Heart Society on Instagram</a></li></ul><p></p><p>Resources:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.wildheartsociety.org/camp" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Register for Camp</a></li><li><a href="https://www.queerpnw.org/" style="color:rgb(17,85,204);">Donate to the Queer Community Network</a></li></ul><p></p>