The Adoptee Next Door

<p>In mid-November, I found myself standing inside a glowing cube in Hollywood.</p><p>Not metaphorically. Literally. Emerson College’s West Coast micro-campus is a futuristic beacon rising from the heart of the entertainment capital, housing the ambitions of 200+ students who are learning to write, produce, act and report on the stories that will shape our culture. And on this particular night, the stories we were making space for were the ones so often pushed to the margins in the realm of entertainment: adoption, identity, belonging. </p><p>Next to me sat <a target="_blank" href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm3643006/">Marissa Jo Cerar</a>. Screenwriter. Storyteller. She’s the force behind Hulu’s <em>Black Cake</em> and ABC’s <em>Women of the Movement</em>, a writer who cut her teeth on <em>The Handmaid’s Tale</em>, <em>The Fosters</em>, and <em>Birthright</em>. Her mantle holds an NAACP Image Award and two Humanitas Prizes—accolades that matter, yes, but what matters more is this: Marissa writes adoption like she knows it. Because she does. Her work doesn’t tiptoe around identity; it bleeds it onto the page, unapologetically, relentlessly.</p><p>Our guide for the evening was <a target="_blank" href="https://www.adopteementorship.org/our-team">Juliet Rubin Ramirez</a>, Emerson alum, CFO of the Adoptee Mentoring Society and fellow transracial adoptee, whose voice carried the quiet authority of someone who’s lived these questions, not just asked them.</p><p>Marissa peeled back the curtain on her <a target="_blank" href="https://scriptmag.com/interviews-features/intentional-storytelling-a-conversation-with-black-cake-creator-and-showrunner-marissa-jo-cerar">adaptation of Charmaine Wilkerson’s novel</a>, Black Cake, revealing how—with Wilkerson’s trust and blessing—she rewrote scenes to honor what adoption <em>actually</em> feels like, not what people want it to feel like. I shared my own small adoptee win: educating the writers of <em>This Is Us</em> about Ghost Kingdom’s, which led to Randall discussing his own in <a target="_blank" href="https://www.imdb.com/video/vi3619537689/?ref_=tt_vids_vi_1">Season 5, Episode 13</a>. We’ve both attempted to hold up a mirror for adoptees who rarely see themselves reflected back.</p><p>We didn’t shy away from the hard parts. We talked about scarcity—the belief that there’s only room for one adoptee story, one adoptee voice, as if our experiences were a zero-sum game. I unpacked Marika Lindholm’s concept of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/more-than-womens-work/201906/a-plea-for-boundary-spanning">Boundary Spanning</a>, the skill adoptees develop when we’re constantly translating between worlds that don’t quite fit us. And we named the impossible burden: the expectation that any one of us could stand in for <em>all</em> of us, that our singular stories should somehow contain the multitudes.</p><p>By the time the evening wound down, the air had softened. Laughter threaded through the crowd. Pens scratched across title pages—Marissa signing her daughter’s book, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.today.com/parents/essay/talking-to-child-about-adoption-rcna178989">Spanky and His Blanky</a>, while I signed copies of <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/you-should-be-grateful-stories-of-race-identity-and-transracial-adoption-angela-tucker/03624d1501da6db9?ean=9780807006511&#38;next=t&#38;aid=90270&#38;listref=adoption-568f9f59-8dd5-40b5-a2eb-1d1d531b9126">You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity and Transracial Adoption</a>.</p><p>It was a lovely gathering centered on truth, artistry, and the adoptee imprint on our cultural imagination. </p> <br/><br/>Get full access to Angela Tucker at <a href="https://angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4">angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe</a>

<p>What started as two women chatting in a nail salon turned into a deep and moving exchange about family, identity, and what it really means to belong. In this heartfelt episode, Angela Tucker—author of <em>You Should Be Grateful</em>—joins Jen Psaki for an honest conversation about transracial adoption, the myths that surround it, and the importance of centering adoptee voices. From laughter and vulnerability to lessons in empathy, this dialogue reminds us that some of the most meaningful connections start in the most ordinary places.</p> <br/><br/>Get full access to Angela Tucker at <a href="https://angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4">angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe</a>

<p>On this episode of <em>The Adoptee Next Door</em>, Patrick opens up about the profound challenges he faced growing up in foster care, from being labeled "unadoptable" to enduring multiple placements. He shares his emotional journey of self-discovery, the moment he faced his case file for the first time, and the painstaking process of reconciling his past. Through his experiences of homelessness, recovery, and his mission to create change for others, Patrick embodies the power of resilience. His story challenges the stereotypes of foster care and offers a powerful message of hope and transformation.</p> <br/><br/>Get full access to Angela Tucker at <a href="https://angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4">angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe</a>

<p>If you’re reading this, I already know something important about you: You care. You’re willing to engage with adoptee perspectives in a way that so many people aren’t. And for that, I’m deeply grateful. </p><p>Because you’re here, I know that you understand that adoption isn’t a simple “happily ever after.” You know that love is important, but it’s not a substitute for racial identity, community, or space to process loss. But, perhaps you haven’t gotten around to reading my book, <em>You Should Be Grateful! </em> I want to invite you to dig deeper with me through a <strong>self-paced book club</strong>—a space designed to challenge old narratives and build something better. I’ve created a guided book club slide deck that includes:</p><p> ✅ Thought-provoking discussion prompts ✅ Action steps to make real, meaningful change ✅ A live Zoom session with me to unpack it all (April 2025)</p><p>And because I love sharing my creative process with you, I’m throwing in some fun extras:</p><p> 🎹 A personal piano performance 🎧 The Spotify playlist that shaped my writing process 📖 A few hilarious behind-the-scenes audiobook moments</p><p><strong>Join Now:</strong></p><p> ✨ <strong>$5</strong> for non-subscribers -<a target="_blank" href="#"> </a><a target="_blank" href="https://link.waveapps.com/7d3bjs-sb2b9j"><strong>Sign up here!</strong></a></p><p> ✨ <strong>FREE</strong> for all paid Substack subscribers (Email me at <strong>[email protected]</strong>, and I’ll send you the deck.)</p> <br/><br/>Get full access to Angela Tucker at <a href="https://angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4">angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe</a>

<p>(Yes, the episode title is derived from Michelle Obama&apos;s famous line; &quot;when they go low, we go high!&quot;)<br/><br/>Television influences public opinion of adoption. It&apos;s easy to see the influence shows like Annie and The Blind Side have had as they highlight the savior tropes and downplay or ignore the adoptees journey of grief and loss.  To my amazement, Long Lost Family seems to buck the trend! This show (which aired on TLC from 2016-2019) focuses on reuniting adoptees with their biological family. In the adoptee-world, shows like this often are termed &apos;reunion porn.&apos; But this was different. Adoptee, Patrice Martin, was cast on Season 6, Episode 8 and to my amazement they resisted the urge to exploit her story. The production team treated her and her story with the humanity and care that we adoptees desire. Stunned and impressed, I just had to speak with the team that put this episode together. <br/><br/>Listen to learn more about how a network television resisted the inevitable ratings gold.<br/><br/>This episode features:<br/>Patrice Martin - Adoptee<br/>Kathryn Takis - Long Lost Family producer<br/>Lisa Joyner - Host of Long Lost Family<br/>Jen Utley - Director of Family Research at <a href="http://ancestry.com" class="linkified" target="_blank">Ancestry.com</a><br/>Leslie Mackinnon - Therapist for Long Lost Family cast and crew<br/>  <br/><br/><br/></p><p>You can reach out to Angela through her <a href="http://www.angelatucker.com">website</a> or on Instagram @angieadoptee.</p> <br/><br/>Get full access to Angela Tucker at <a href="https://angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4">angieadoptee.substack.com/subscribe</a>