Honeydew Me

Painful sex is common, but it’s not normal and it’s definitely not something you just have to live with. In this episode, we’re joined by Kristen Damery, a pelvic health physical therapist and the founder of Lava lube, to break down what’s actually happening in the body when sex hurts. We talk about muscles, nerves, lubrication, stress, and why so many people are dismissed or misunderstood when they bring this up to doctors. We Cover: Why painful sex is so often misunderstood. Kristen explains why pain during sex is frequently minimized, misdiagnosed, or written off as “normal.” What’s actually happening in the pelvic floor. How tension, weakness, and coordination issues can all contribute to pain. The role of the nervous system in sexual pain. Why stress, anxiety, and anticipation can cause the body to brace before penetration even happens. Different types of pain and what they can mean. Burning, stabbing, pressure, dryness, or deep pain and why the type of pain matters. Why lubrication alone isn’t always the solution. How dryness, friction, tissue health, and muscle response all interact. How pelvic PT helps retrain the body. What pelvic health physical therapy actually looks like and how it supports healing, comfort, and confidence. Why pain during sex is not a personal failure. How shame and self-blame make symptoms worse and why pain is a body signal, not a flaw. When to seek support and what to ask for. How to advocate for yourself and find providers who actually understand pelvic pain. Tools to support comfort and pleasure. Kristen shares practical tips for reducing pain, improving lubrication, and making sex feel safer and more enjoyable. Get Lava for 25% off with code DEWME! Follow Lave on Instagram! ⁠Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience.  The Question: "I'm a 35yo woman who’s been married to a really good guy for the last seven years. He never pressures me or anything, but every time I don’t want sex, I instantly feel like i’m being a shitty wife. I know that’s some leftover ‘good girl / keep your man happy’ garbage, but the guilt is still really loud. How do I stop feeling like I’m failing him every time I’m not horny?" What We Cover in This Episode: Why you never owe anyone sex. Why consent and desire are required every single time, even in a loving and committed marriage. Where the guilt comes from. How “good girl conditioning” teaches us to prioritize a partner’s pleasure over our own boundaries. Obligation sex vs wanted sex. Why a supportive partner should only want intimacy you are genuinely excited about, not sex given out of pressure. How guilt impacts pleasure and connection. How anxiety, obligation, and performance mindset shut down arousal and make sex feel high stakes. What happens when you keep overriding your no’s. Why ignoring your boundaries leads to resentment, disconnect, and a shrinking desire for sex. Rewriting what it means to be a good partner. Why your value is not based on a penis ejaculating, and how honoring your needs strengthens intimacy. How to support your own desire and autonomy. Tools and mindset shifts to release pressure, protect your no’s, and show up with real desire when it is there. ⁠Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠ ⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Traditional Chinese medicine looks at your sex life very differently than Western medicine and honestly, it’s VERY refreshing. In this episode, we’re joined by Jaiming Ju, a 2nd-generation Chinese medicine practitioner and founder of Kun Health, to talk about how TCM understands libido, pain during sex, ED, arousal, and overall sexual wellbeing. We get into body patterns, energy balance, lifestyle habits, and what your symptoms are actually trying to tell you. We cover: How Chinese medicine understands sex and pleasure. Jaiming explains why sexual health is seen as a major indicator of overall wellbeing, not an isolated issue. Why pain during sex is never “just in your head”. How TCM views dryness, pelvic pain, tension, and discomfort and why it’s almost always linked to imbalance, depletion, or circulation issues. Understanding libido changes. How arousal, desire, and lubrication map to warmth, energy, and hormonal patterns + how aging, stress, lifestyle, and depletion impact the body. ED from a TCM perspective. Why erections are about circulation, warmth, and “yang energy,” and what it means when interest and performance don’t match. Tongue diagnosis and what it reveals about your sex life. Yes, your tongue really can show dryness, heat, coldness, stress patterns, or issues affecting libido. Why stress and exhaustion shut down desire. How nervous system overload, burnout, and irregular routines drain the body’s resources and impact arousal. Practical pleasure support from a Chinese medicine lens. Food, warmth, routines, habits, and small changes that help your body feel safer, softer, and more responsive during sex. How to support long-term sexual health at every age. Daily practices Jaiming recommends to maintain circulation, lubrication, desire, and overall balance. Connect with Jaiming HERE! Follow her on Instagram HERE! ⁠Learn more about Honeydew Me 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week’s solo episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on our mental health journeys and talking about the parts we’ve never shared publicly. Cass opens up about what postpartum OCD and anxiety really looked like behind the scenes and Emma shares how her lifelong anxiety shaped the patterns she still works through today. From intrusive thoughts and panic spirals to the shame, the turning points, and the actual support that helped us get better, we’re breaking down what healing looked like in real time. It’s messy, honest, sometimes dark, and ultimately a conversation we wish we'd heard when we were in it.  If mental health has ever knocked you on your ass (especially in early motherhood) this one is for you. We dive into: What postpartum OCD and anxiety looked like behind the scenes. Cass opens up about the intrusive thoughts, fear spirals, and emotional numbness that made early motherhood feel nothing like the highlight reel she expected. Emma’s long-term anxiety and the patterns that came with it. Panic cycles, overwhelm, and the instinct to shut down instead of sit with big feelings. Why both of us struggled to admit something was off. The pressure to look fine, the fear of being judged, and the mental gymnastics we used to convince ourselves we could handle it alone. The turning points that pushed us to get help. The honest conversations, therapy breakthroughs, and moments that forced us to stop pretending. The support and tools that actually helped us feel better. OCD treatment programs, medication, grounding routines, and small daily habits that made life feel manageable again. How healing shifted our identities and relationships. Rebuilding confidence, reconnecting with our bodies, and experiencing love and connection in ways that weren’t accessible in survival mode. ⁠Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠ ⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content (including a downloadable that pairs PERFECTLY with this episode) HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most of us don’t realize we’re in a toxic pattern until we’re deep in it — choosing the same partners, having the same fights, or falling into the same role over and over again. In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Joy Berkheimer, psychotherapist and relationship expert, to talk about why these patterns feel so familiar, why they’re so hard to break, and how to finally choose something healthier. If you’ve ever wondered “why does this keep f*cking happening?” this conversation will hit home. We cover: Why toxic patterns feel familiar and why that’s the problem. Joy breaks down why your brain and body are drawn to what they already know, even when it’s not good for you. How to actually recognize a pattern while you’re in it. The subtle signs and behaviors that show you’re repeating an old story. Why your nervous system keeps you stuck. How fear, comfort, and old survival responses pull you back into the same dynamics. What breaking a toxic pattern really takes. The realistic, day-to-day shifts that help you choose differently, even when it’s uncomfortable. How to tell if your intuition is speaking… or if it’s anxiety. Joy explains the difference so you can stop second-guessing yourself. What “not abandoning yourself” looks like in real relationships. How to stop minimizing your needs or shrinking to keep the peace. Why change feels scary, lonely, and messy. And why that discomfort is actually a sign you’re doing the work. How to reconnect with the version of you who knows they deserve better. Joy shares tools for rebuilding self-worth and choosing healthier connections. Connect with Dr. Joy: On her website HERE! On Instagram HERE! ⁠Learn more about Honeydew Me 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠ ⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices