SUMMARY: -Dating is harder today due to digital misrepresentation and added life complexities after 40 (widowhood, divorce, family-of-origin issues); real-life community is essential for discernment and support. -Prioritize meeting and observing potential partners in Christian community and everyday life to see a 360-degree picture (church involvement, service, friendships, parenting). -Four non-negotiables for compatibility: 1) a disciple of Jesus (vibrant, fruit-bearing faith), 2) adult readiness for marriage (responsibility, job, ownership), 3) humility and teachability, 4) generally aligned direction/calling. -Avoid “project” dating and rescuer roles; don’t ignore red flags—marry a whole person as you bring your whole self, with ownership and healing underway. -Therapy can be valuable, but vet carefully; seek biblically grounded counseling and community oversight (e.g., Focus on the Family’s vetted counselor network). -Lisa’s book, The Dating Manifesto, urges intentional, biblically honoring dating, debunks rom-com myths, and equips singles to live with purpose and hope while navigating grief and unmet expectations. -Churches often center on families; singles can be part of the solution by serving, leading, and creating community rather than criticizing from the sidelines. -Treat early dates as exploratory conversations (not instant marital auditions); ask your own questions, keep emotional perspective, and ensure you can remain in community, in a healthy way, if it doesn’t work out. -Discuss difficult topics (past relationships, addictions, pornography) as the relationship progresses; look for transparency, accountability, and community verification—humble, teachable responses are key. -Identity in Christ anchors dating and marriage; sexual integrity matters (avoid premarital sex and cohabitation), trust God’s timing, and “wait well” by abiding in Christ, engaging community, and pursuing purpose with open hands.   PODCAST INTRO: Dating today can feel like defusing a minefield—especially after 40, when life experience, grief, divorce, or long seasons of singleness shape how we show up. So my guest today, Lisa Anderson is an author, she is the director of Boundless at Focus on the Family, and hosts The Boundless Show podcast. Our conversation is based on a biblical viewpoint of dating. I know many think it too strict but if we’re honest, God’s ways always bring life, peace, joy, protection and that’s a pretty good return on your investment. Lisa lays out some clear boundaries on dating and even sharing how to reflect on our own personal wholeness (meaning in what mental/emotional condition are we showing up, which can also help us know if we’re even ready to be dating). She talks about how to find a mate who is healthy themselves and what does healthy even mean. Her point being, if you’re dating after 40 then there’s been a lot of life that has happened. That’s a reality that we must fold into the process and so how can we discern between healthy, a hot mess, a fixer upper? I don’t know about you but at my age the thought of a fixer upper is not appealing but Lisa takes the reality of how life takes it toll on us and she breaks down on exactly how to tell if this is someone who has taken responsibility and is moving forward, vs stagnate or a straight up red flag. Oh and then there’s the challenges of digital dating. That seems to raise the bar on deception but in all fairness I’ve had friends who have used digital dating and they had good experiences. So don’t be dismayed, Lisa says there’s some good news. You don’t need perfect conditions to move forward, you need community, clarity, and courage. And that’s what Lisa delivers in this conversation. Real quick, Here are 2 of her dating suggestions that I think are solid: Start with real community One of the safer places is to meet someone in an environment where you spend time. Do you have a hobby, do you volunteer, where do you go to church & do you participate/serve at church? Ideally, you’re looking for like minded people and they’re going to be in the same places you are. Lisa says Community is the safest place to meet people and the wisest place to test new relationships. I thought that smart because you have an environment where people know the both of you. Date with purpose—but keep it simple I personally feel that dating is for marriage so I think that would put a lof of pressure….so Lisa was saying Think “exploratory conversation,” not instant compatibility quiz. It’s just coffee. Ask good questions. Just relax and Lisa reminds us… Until there’s a ring, you’re a brother and sister in Christ—treat each other that way. I’ll wrap up after this quick list. Here’s 4 non-negotiables to begin with. In our conversation Lisa breaks these down even more with great insight, examples and wisdom. A disciple of Jesus: Not just church attendance—active pursuit of Christ, fruit of the Spirit, repentance, and engaged Christian community. In a position to marry: someone who has done or is doing their homework on their personal healing journey, shows responsibility, forgiveness, financial steadiness, follow-through. Humble and teachable: Open to counsel, not playing the blame game, and receptive to wise instruction. Generally headed in the same direction: Lisa looks at personal callings on their life and rhythms that can realistically unite for a stronger bond. So much good stuff, check the show notes for a link to her book, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose with Author, Lisa Anderson and a link to the Focus on the Family’s counseling network. Let’s dive in! Lived Loved and Thrive! Sherrie Pilk Podcast Host   CONNECT WITH LISA: Podcast Host: The Boundless Show: Boundless Website Her Book: The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose - Amazon Link Focus on the Family Website: Focus On The Family