#114: I'm Not Going to Keep Taking From You + A Rubric
In this episode, a continuation of episode #113, Jason shares about what it looked like for him to "not take from me" (from a needs perspective) as well as a rubric he used to help keep him focused on what mattered most when I wasn't able or willing to meet his needs. We banter back and forth about staying up late talking recovery (Jason clearly thinks we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning for YEARS), we talk about Jason wanting physical touch from me while lying in bed at night and we also talk about times when he desperately needed something from me while sharing emotionally and I wasn't able to give it to him. Please note: this had nothing to do with me having a callous heart (although I'm completely capable of that) and more to do with me holding boundaries and also hanging on by a thread and not having anything to pour into the relationship as it was hanging on by said thread. You can download the rubric Jason talks about in this episode by clicking on the podcast freebie link. Jason mentions several caveats: - some women want to know what his needs are, even if both of them know she can't meet the needs. This is more so coming from a place of needing to see him be vulnerable and lean into intimacy. Jason cautioned the guys, in doing this, do not blame her for your needs. - if a wife says she wants to know (his needs, in vulnerability), jason tells the guys - don't give an inch and take a mile. Toward the end of the episode, we discuss how this applies when there is severe intimacy aversion, and he doesn't even share that he has needs. I thought this comment was key that Jason said: "the needs get shrouded in other things and expressed in ways that aren't vulerable - as in, they come out in passive aggressiveness or aggressiveness or in wonky expectations of things that don't make any sense." We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. Shelley mentions Episode #85 when discussing super-sized needs. Here is a link to the episode. Registration is OPEN for the next Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX. The workshop is April 24-26. Click here for all the details and to register. Registration is open for the May RLW Retreat in Rosemary, FL. You can click here for all the details. If you are interested in a couples conference/event, we would love for you to let us know by filling out this quick form. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups - there are three new groups starting in April. You can snag all the details here. Same with 1:1 Coaching - if you are curious about 1:1 coaching - start here. Anchored, led by Kate Jones, is SOLD OUT. It is a fantastic class, and if you are interested in taking this class in the future, join the WaitLIst here. No stress, it WILL come back! We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. Pocast Freebies can be found here. (Please note, you have to email us (see link below) if you need us to send the updated podcast freebies to you. Working on a better way to deliver these, but for now, we need you to let us know if you want the updated list of freebies.) We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites :redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + monthly polls + all the things. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast
