Rewrite the Mother Code with Dr. Gertrude Lyons

Dr. Gertrude talks with Working Mom Balanced Podcast Host Nelly Alba about creating the life you want as a mother. As an ambitious, career-oriented person, Nelly found the typical work-life balance advice ineffective and negative. 

After suffering a breakdown living according to what moms “should do,” she consciously decided to live differently than the blogs suggested. She began her business of blogging, podcasting, and mentoring other working moms while also raising two children and being the director of a non-profit organization. 

Nelly and Dr. Gertrude discuss the importance of self-awareness and self-discovery before making huge life changes. If we don’t know how we want change to look, it's easy to fall into old habits and do what we think other people want, ignoring ourselves. 

Nelly shares her experiences rewriting the mother codes, including establishing healthier family boundaries and supporting her partner, who is a stay-at-home father. Nelly details some of the softer tools she uses to prevent stress and dispel negativity in the long term.

Episode Outline:

(00:48) Dr. Gertrude's life update

(07:08) Nelly Alba’s journey to Working Mom Balanced 

(15:24) Balance is not found its created

(20:41) Biggest mother codes Nelly rewrote

(27:28) Connecting to your vision

(32:36) Deciding to be a stay-at-home dad

(39:33) Tools for stress management

(45:24) What does rewrite the mother code mean for Nelly

(46:35) Dr. Gertrude’s wrap-up

Connect with Nelly Alba:

This special solo episode with Dr. Gertrude welcomes the upcoming winter solstice. Instead of fearing or avoiding the darker months ahead, Dr. Gertrude shares ways to embrace, learn from, and even look forward to this darker part of the year. 

Dr. Gertrude examines the solstice's inherent feminine power. Just as the womb nurtures, so do the dark months. These metaphors add layers of meaning to the winter as a time of deep introspection and an understanding that the lyrical mystery of the darkness is simple to embrace. 

The wisdom of the dark goddess is present across cultures, such as Kali, Morrígan, Persephone, and Ereshkigal, each symbolizing states of life, death, rebirth, and magic. Their archetypal energies are available to tap into at all times. 

Though it is easy to become swept up in the busyness of the holiday season, Dr. Gertrude reminds us to balance rest with activity. The longest night of the year ushers in a time to consider the year’s harvest, what’s worked and what hasn’t, rest, pause, and take stock of all we have accomplished. From this rested state, we can more clearly locate our dreams and consider our metrics for success. 

Dr. Gertrude concludes by encouraging listeners to sit and be still with the darkness. Meditate, let your intentions include excavating the dreams of your unconscious, honor the solstice, journal, listen in, and most importantly, rest.

Episode Outline:

(03:07) The darkness of winter solstice 

(09:31) The Solstice’s Feminine power  

(13:49) Dark goddess: life, death, rebirth

(17:09) Kali, Morrígan, Persephone, and Ereshkigal

(22:12) Working with winter

(28:37) What are my metrics for success?

(32:33) Interplay of light and dark

Resources Referenced:

Dr. Gertrude welcomes back Elizabeth Tuazon for another coaching interview as Elizabeth reaches the three months of life milestone with her baby, Lyla Rose. 

As Lyla grows from newborn to infant, Elizabeth shares her process of marking this important transition with a ritual of her own making. The ritual ceremony unfolded organically one new moon weekend among family and included speeches, visualizations, intentions, a bonfire, and an impactful tarot reading. 

As her baby grows, Elizabeth realizes there are many transitions in her life unfolding at once. Now that she’s working again part time, she considers what going back to work full time will be like. Dr. Gertrude and Elizabeth then have a larger conversation about the American cultural need to be doing something and balancing one’s masculine and feminine sides in negotiating just how much one should be doing. 

They lastly discuss the difference between inviting a child into your life and making a child your whole life. The distinction is incredibly meaningful for a parent’s identity and how they behave around their friends when their children are with them, for example. This more expansive and adventurous perspective allows for more possibility and is exactly what Rewrite the Mother Code is all about!

Episode Outline:

(02:40) Three months of life milestone

(04:56) New moon ritual to mark newborn to infant

(17:28) Masculine and feminine feelings around returning to work

(21:22) Becoming a person who likes babies

(24:41) Inviting a child into your life 

(28:43) Projecting inner child stuff onto our kids

(35:00) Learning through sharing

(38:51) Dr. Gertrude’s conclusion: being with feelings

Resources Referenced:

Dr. Gertrude speaks with Alexandra Ford, a former trafficking victim turned activist, who after 10 years of personal hardships, recognized her experiences were actually human trafficking.

Alexandra tells Dr. Gertrude about the importance of understanding human trafficking whether or not you have children. Hollywood has muddled the public perception of what human trafficking actually is and most people think it is only some version of Taken. 

When it comes to teaching children about consent and trafficking, the work begins early but maybe not as you’d expect. Alexandra advises that a wider understanding and normalization of consent is crucial. Not only does no mean no, but yes also means yes and within very specific situations.

Alexandra also advises closely monitoring a child’s phone usage and how they navigate the digital realm. Having strict rules around phones and actually teaching children phone safety are helpful practices for instilling lasting digital safety habits. These habits will form trust between you and them, which will better equip them to trust themselves in avoiding potentially dangerous online situations in the future.

For Alexandra the early years of motherhood have been complex, more like surviving than thriving, which is something that she accepts and wishes other moms knew they are allowed to feel. Her past traumas returned in unexpected ways. 

Empowered by her own trafficking experience, legal education, and advocacy work, Alexandra brings awareness to the reality of trafficking and how to counter shame and stigma in victims. She co-founded the advocacy group, Uprising, in Wyoming and her personal brand, The Laughing Survivor, in British Columbia. She is passionate about educating mothers on the importance of safety for children.

Episode Outline: 

(04:12) Human trafficking is important to understand whether or not you have children

(06:52) Alexandra shares her addiction and trafficking story

(18:30) Shame, victim blaming, coercion, and consent

(26:08) #1 myth of how trafficking happens

(27:63) Best way to protect yourself and community: talk about consent

(29:01) Children’s online safety and building cell phone trust 

(40:19) 3 practical examples of teaching consent

(48:25) What rewrite the mother code means for Alexandra

(53:50) Conclusion

Connect with Dr. Gertrude 

The work of Ann-Preston Bosher is three-fold: she’s a pediatric physical therapist, medical advocate, and an emergence coach. On top of her practice as a physical therapist, Ann-Preston is uniquely skilled in helping families identity and process trauma. She also strives to transform the medical profession from the inside by advocating for emotional intelligence in the profession and coaches individual clients in her business, Hyphenate Coaching.

In this episode, Ann-Preston shares her journey from working as a pediatric physical therapist inside family’s homes to realizing that in order to gain a deeper ability to help her patients, she needed additional training in emotional responses to trauma. Her work aims to help patients recognize and identify trauma so they can engage with the healing process.

Dr. Gertrude and Ann-Preston explore some of the unexpected places trauma can manifest in young families and how to address it. From these tender experiences, Ann-Preston shares the many ways she sees mothering and motherhood unfold and her own story of being a mother without children. The depth of Ann-Preston’s work reminds us how important it is to disrupt and expand the limiting narratives of mothering.

Episode Outline: 

(05:13) From physical therapist to opening Hyphenate Coaching

(15:33) Family systems and medical trauma

(21:52) Shapes of motherhood and mothering

(25:49) Coming out as a mother without children

(39:36) There can be trauma in healing too

(46:07) What rewriting the mother code means to Ann-Preston

(47:15) Dr. Gertrude wraps up

Resources Referenced: