Most of us say we want love. So why do we push it away the moment it arrives? In this episode, Joe and Brett explore the surprisingly complex reasons we sabotage the very thing we say we want most; and why love, more than almost any other emotion, requires a nervous system that can tolerate it. Together, they unpack five core patterns that get in the way of receiving love, and offer concrete practices for expanding your capacity to give and receive it. Together, they explore: The stone-faced baby experiments and how attachment becomes attention-seeking Why "love" in adulthood is often just the attention strategies that worked in childhood Jealousy as the perfect example of pushing love away while demanding it Wired together, fired together: how love gets fused with criticism, abuse, or engulfment Why receiving adoration you don't feel worthy of makes you physically uncomfortable The identity-level confirmation bias that keeps us seeing rejection over love How love can dissolve the sense of self and why that's terrifying Why positive emotions are often harder to feel than negative ones "Love is a light shined into a dark ocean". Why everything unloved surfaces when love arrives Self-compassion as a better predictor of healthy relationships than self-esteem Practical experiments: emotional inquiry, opening your heart in reps, identifying what's wired with love, and noticing care you've been missing Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.