Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman

What if mentally you want sex, you love your partner, you are attracted to them, but your body just will not respond? Arousal takes forever or does not happen at all. And the more pressure you feel, the harder it becomes. In this Language of Love Session, I respond to Sabrina, who is sitting with a question so many women carry in silence. She loves her partner. She wants sex. But her body is not responding. She misses feeling turned on. She misses that spark. Now sex feels confusing instead of natural. She asks what most women are afraid to say out loud. How do you reconnect with sex and pleasure when your body is not cooperating, without turning intimacy into pressure or performance? The truth is, this is more common than you think. And it is not about trying harder. It is about understanding your hormones, strengthening your pelvic floor, deepening emotional safety, and removing the pressure that shuts desire down in the first place. We dive into:  The hormonal shifts that can start as early as your mid-30s How testosterone, not just estrogen, plays a critical role in desire Why childbirth, perimenopause, and aging change your response How pelvic floor strength, including Kegels, affects arousal and orgasm How hormonal birth control and SSRIs like Zoloft and Prozac can sabotage desire How stress, anxiety, overwhelm, and body image issues shut down desire Why emotional connection is foundational to long-term sexual attraction How to tell if it is a relationship issue or a general stress response Why added stimulation, lubrication, and sexual aids are not cheating, they are smart What changes after 40 and how to work with your body instead of against it How vibrant, connected sex is possible your whole life Remember, you are not meant to navigate your relationship or your sexuality alone. If you would like to be featured on the show or have a question you want me to answer, email me at [email protected]. I would love to hear from you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you really know if a woman is faking it in bed, and what can you do about it? Most women will admit they’ve faked an orgasm at some point. And the truth is, orgasmic behaviors like gasping, moaning, back-arching, dramatic reactions, even rhythmic contractions can all be performed. If all of that can be faked, how are you supposed to know what’s real? In this Language of Love Bite, I break down the signs she may be faking it, why women do it, and how to shift from performative sex to intimacy that feels genuinely connected for both of you. Most men don’t realize that when a woman fakes it, it’s rarely about manipulation. I unpack what’s really behind the “mercy fake.” It’s not about you being bad in bed. It’s about pressure, protection, and not knowing how to say no. But when faking becomes a pattern, real connection starts to erode. I also explain how real arousal is usually responsive and fluid, not scripted. When her reactions don’t shift with what you’re doing, when she rushes you to finish, or when her body feels tense and she seems emotionally distant afterward, those are signals worth paying attention to. I explore: Why 75% of women (and honestly, probably more) have faked it The biggest red flags that her responses are a performance How real arousal sounds and looks compared to going through the motions Body language signals that reveal disconnection Why faking it is emotionally exhausting and what that looks like afterward he one simple question that opens the door to honesty and better sex If this resonates, follow Language of Love on your favorite platform, send your questions or topic ideas to [email protected], and visit my website. Don’t miss 7 Days to Better Sex, a practical, transformative program designed to help you take the driver’s seat in your sex life, actively creating the passion and connection you’ve been craving. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if sexual freedom isn’t something we need to fight for, but something we’re being invited to remember? In this episode of The Language of Love Conversations, I sit down with Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah, one of Africa’s most influential feminist voices and the author of the powerful new book Seeking Sexual Freedom: African Rites, Rituals, and Sankofa in the Bedroom. Nana is also the award-winning writer behind The Sex Lives of African Women, and her work has sparked global conversations about pleasure, liberation, and the deeper truths women share across cultures. In our conversation, we delve into her new book, which is part travel log, part cultural excavation, and part manifesto. Together, we explore African traditions around sexuality and pleasure that existed long before colonization and how those traditions challenge many of the stories women have inherited about desire and shame. What I love most about Nana’s work is that she doesn’t frame sexual liberation as something women must rebel toward. Instead, she invites us to remember. We talk about traditions like the “sex auntie,” communal rituals where women gathered across generations to share wisdom, and the importance of embodiment. Nana also shares how reconnecting with movement and our bodies can help us step out of shame and rediscover sensuality. If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your body, burdened by shame you didn’t ask for, or curious about what pleasure might feel like if you could unlearn everything you were taught, this conversation is for you. We dive into: The meaning of Sankofa and how reclaiming the past can restore sexual freedom How colonialism interrupted natural freedom, leading to modern shame, homophobia, and marginalization The role of sex aunties (Senga) in guiding young women toward body confidence and pleasure without shame Rituals and rites of passage that created safe spaces for learning about sex Embodied practices like dance and movement as pathways to pleasure How sexual confidence influences confidence in the rest of our lives The trauma of female genital mutilation (FGM) and efforts to preserve cultural rites without harm What sexual freedom actually feels like in the body How we can all create new rituals for ourselves, our daughters, and our communities Why intergenerational conversations about sexuality matter Remember, sexual freedom may not be something we need to fight for. It may be something we’re being invited to rediscover. To learn more, check out Nana’s book Seeking Sexual Freedom: African Rites, Rituals, and Sankofa in the Bedroom. You can also connect with her at darkoathewriter.com or on Instagram at @thesexlivesofafricanwomen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever kept quiet just to avoid ruining a good moment? Sometimes keeping the peace actually costs you your own peace. You stay silent to keep things calm, telling yourself it’s not worth bringing up. But the feeling doesn’t go away. It builds quietly, then spills out sideways over something small. In this Language of Love Session, I respond to Naomi, who feels stuck in this exact cycle. She avoids hard conversations because she’s afraid of ruining a good day. But the resentment always comes back. Naomi wants to know: How do I bring things up without it turning into a fight? And how do I stop feeling guilty just for needing to talk about hard things? As a recovering codependent, I know this pattern personally. And after years of working with couples, I can tell you this isn’t about being “too sensitive.” It’s often about a nervous system that learned early on that conflict equals danger. If you grew up around anger, neglect, gaslighting, addiction, or emotional volatility, advocating for yourself can feel terrifying, even when you’re safe. We dive into:  Why growing up in certain environments makes it hard to claim your needs as an adult How to tell if your partner’s annoyance is their trigger or actual mistreatment The three part framework for bringing up anything: Feelings, Story, Solution Why focusing on bodily sensations, not just emotions, changes everything The importance of having a clear ask, not just dumping frustration When the issue is not your delivery but your partner’s capacity for healthy love How to recognize when you need professional support to break patterns that aren’t serving  If you always keep quiet just to avoid rocking the boat… and then find yourself blowing up later over something small, this session is a must-listen. Don’t forget to explore the additional relationship resources on my website, along with the free Quantum Sex course designed to help you deepen emotional intimacy, embodiment, and connection with your partner and yourself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you become the kind of lover she brags about to her best friend? What actually makes someone unforgettable in bed? If you want to drive a woman wild (or you’re a woman who wants to share a guide for doing so with your partner) this episode is for you! In this Language of Love Bite, we explore what women really remember and talk about when sex feels amazing. Because the truth is, being the lover she brags about has far less to do with performance, and everything to do with presence, generosity, and emotional intelligence. This episode breaks down the subtle but powerful ways your energy, attention, and responsiveness shape the entire experience. From how you look at her, to how you listen to her body, to how you stay connected even after sex is over, these are the things that make intimacy linger in her mind and body long after the moment ends. We explore: The top three things women actually brag about after great sex Why presence and eye contact can be more powerful than technique How generosity builds desire and trust The role of emotional intelligence in unforgettable intimacy The 70/30 giving-to-receiving ratio that creates connection How reading her body and adapting in the moment deepens pleasure Why staying present after sex seals the experience emotionally If this resonates, follow Language of Love on your favorite platform, send your questions or topic ideas to [email protected], and visit my website. Don’t miss 7 Days to Better Sex, a practical, transformative program designed to help you take the driver’s seat in your sex life, actively creating the passion and connection you’ve been craving. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices