Real Confidence

If I had something on my face, like smeared makeup, or a bit of schmutz on my glasses, would you tell me? Or would you awkwardly smile, hope someone else says something, and let me walk around all day wondering why nobody said a word?  I mean, it’s such a weird social code, right? We freeze, we hem and haw, we sugarcoat or do nothing at all. And the wild part is we’re the same people who get frustrated when no one tells us when we look off! We just talked in an earlier episode about getting criticism— how personal it feels, and how fast our brains spin when someone points something out. So you’d think giving feedback would be easier, right? But nope. Somehow, knowing how much it can hurt makes us even more hesitant to give it. Staying silent doesn’t protect anyone though. It undermines trust, confidence and sometimes even opportunities. Confidence isn’t just about how you take feedback—it’s about having the guts to give it too. And I’m not talking about delivering it like a drill sergeant, but honest, kind, human-to-human honesty. Like: “Hey, just a heads up—your sunscreen isn’t blended well,” or “Your comment in that meeting might have come off differently than you intended.” It’s small, it’s real, and yes, it’s awkward—but that’s the point.  Confidence lives in those moments where you choose courage over comfort. Being willing to say what needs to be said builds trust, strengthens relationships, and, honestly, it’s contagious. People notice when someone can give feedback without ego or judgment—and they respect it. Consider this episode your BFF permission slip: it’s okay to speak up. Your honesty could be the thing that saves someone’s day—or their career.

Let me just say this upfront—if you’ve ever side-eyed anything that sounds even a little “mindset-y,” you’re in good company. I went into this conversation with executive coach and neurolinguistic programming (NLP) practitioner Curtis McCollum curious… but not fully sold. NLP, hypnotherapy, mental emotional release—it’s a lot of language. What pulled me in though, wasn’t the terminology. It was what he was actually getting at underneath it. And that’s that a lot of what’s driving your confidence—or quietly messing with it—isn’t happening in the moment. It’s old. It’s patterned. Running without your permission and how the insta-advice to “just think differently” doesn’t deliver the fix people want it to. What I like about this conversation is that we don’t stay in theory. We talk about what it actually looks like in real time—when something hits, when you feel that surge, when your brain starts telling a very convincing story—and how to respond without either stuffing it down or spiraling out. Because our brains really do run these stories on repeat. Some are valid and some are wildly outdated and unless we know how to catch them—and interrupt them—we’ll keep having the same reactions, the same emotional spikes, the same outcomes. Different day, same loop. And yes, we address the “woo” factor. Because parts of this do sound out there—until you realize how much of your behavior is being driven by things you didn’t consciously choose in the first place. At that point, it’s less about belief and more about whether you’re willing to take a closer look at what’s been running things. This is why you’ll want to listen: A sharper take on “mindset” that doesn’t depend on forcing better thoughts Why certain reactions feel instant and why they’re so stubborn to change A small language shift that quietly changes how you relate to your own thoughts What actually happens when you stop avoiding uncomfortable emotions How to start spotting the patterns that have been making decisions for you Curtis McCullom is a specialist in Subconscious Leadership Alignment, helping leaders identify and release the internal friction that stalls execution. Certified in MER® (Mental and Emotional Release) and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Curtis uses a science-based approach to shift how leaders think, feel, and lead. Learn more about Curtis and his work at bespokehumanpotentialcoaching.com. 

Let me ask you something you probably don’t want to answer out loud: how much of your day is spent managing how you’re perceived? Not just the obvious stuff. I’m talking about the subtle edits. The email you rewrote three times. The comment you didn’t make in the meeting. The laugh you forced because it felt easier than not. It adds up. And most of it has nothing to do with who you actually are. And then what? You feel like a fake or a phony or somehow less than because you’re constantly being pulled in two directions: do you want to be liked or do you want to be real? Because those two don’t always line up—and the moment they don’t, something’s got to give. For a lot of people, it’s themselves. Guess what? Confidence isn’t about getting it “right” for everyone else. And that’s what I’m talking about in this episode. The patterns that look good on the outside but cost us on the inside. Over-giving. Over-accommodating. Being the one everyone can count on… while quietly getting further and further away from what we actually want. And then we look at the flip side—the people who don’t play that game, who feel solid, clear, even a little intimidating.  There’s a reason for that and it comes down to a hard, but powerful decision.  If that hits a little too close, yeah… you’ll want to listen.

If you've ever left a conversation thinking, well, that went sideways faster than I expected, this episode is for you. My guest Jen Mueller has spent years in sports broadcasting. On live TV, in locker rooms full of egos with just seconds to nail the interview. One misstep and the whole thing blows up.  Her first NFL locker room? The Dallas Cowboys in the late 90s. They yelled in her face, made it clear she wasn't welcome and she had to decide every single day if showing up was worth it. I bet most of you, at some point in time have felt something similar, whether in the parking lot outside your office, getting ready to start the Zoom meeting or growing into a new, more prominent role at work. Hell, maybe even when it’s your turn to lead the discussion at Book Club.  So what does confidence look like when plans change mid-sentence and you have to get the job done anyway? Jen shares an approach is precise out of necessity because in broadcasting, conversations are measured in seconds not minutes.  Clarity isn't just helpful, it's an act of respect. And that precision translates directly to business: how you set up your team, how you give feedback that actually lands and how you stop saying "great job" like it actually means something. You really need to listen in yourself, but I will tell you one bit that stuck with me and that’s when Jen talks about athletes saying, "I'm just a football player—what do I have to say?" and how she reassures them that's exactly what she wants them to talk about.  That reminder—that you already have the answers—hits just as hard in a conference room as it does on camera.  What else we get into:  The strategy she uses to prep athletes (and managers) so they walk into conversations ready to win How to give feedback that actually lands instead of handing out false praise Why "great job" is lazy—and what words to use instead How to practice intentionality in low-stakes moments so you're ready when it counts What confident leadership looks like when your nervous system is screaming After 25 years in locker rooms, Jen Mueller knows what it takes to show up, speak up, and lead with confidence. As an Emmy Award–winning producer and veteran sports broadcaster, Jen brings a front-row perspective on effective communication—having spent nearly two decades on the Seattle Mariners broadcast team and entering her 17th season as the Seahawks sideline reporter.  Known for her humor, energy, and practical insights, Jen delivers strategies that help professionals build influence, tackle tough conversations, and lead with clarity. Learn more about and connect with Jen at talksportytome.com.

You know what we don’t talk enough about?  Nasty feedback.  Not constructive feedback. Not “well-meaning suggestions.” I mean the kind that lands sideways, feels personal and makes your stomach drop before your brain can catch up. The kind that instantly puts you on the defense, even if a tiny part of you wonders whether there’s something in there worth paying attention to. This episode came out of years of being on stages, publishing work, putting ideas into the world and inevitably getting feedback that stings. No matter how much praise surrounds it, a sharp comment still finds a way to linger. I wanted to talk honestly about that moment: the internal scramble between wanting to dismiss it completely and secretly replaying it later, wondering if it says something uncomfortable about you. What I explore here isn’t about becoming thicker-skinned or pretending criticism doesn’t matter. It’s about what confidence actually looks like after the feedback hits. The pause. The emotional surge. And how quickly confidence can wobble if we don’t know how to separate who we are from what someone just said about our work, our presence or our performance. There’s also a quieter question underneath all of this: what responsibility do we have once the feedback is in our hands?  This episode is an invitation to rethink how you engage with criticism that feels unfair, clumsy or poorly delivered and how to stay grounded enough to decide what, if anything, deserves your energy.  Because confident people aren’t immune to feedback—they’re just better at not letting it run the show.