<p>Join me for my strangest episode yet, because it was not intended to be on a podcast. I was giving myself a serious heart-to-heart pep talk while getting ready to take Jebby to the vet for a growth on her eyelid. Call it a come to Jesus moment, an epiphany... an I don't know what. It was intense. When I reached the part about addiction, it shifted unexpectedly from a pep talk for myself to me defending my decision to do another grape fast so soon and the whole addiction vein within my family, like I was on trial. The decision to share this as a podcast episode consciously hit me several hours later. Maybe I just slipped in and out of podcast mode, because I was recording on the same app. I don't really know, and it doesn't really matter. When I listened to it, because I've needed the pep talk a lot today, three things were clear to me. The first was that I should share it for the sake of full transparency. The second was that it could help someone who thinks or feels that they're all alone in their food addiction. The third was that it was going to take an enormous amount of courage for me to actually share it in the podcast. It's hard for me to listen to it, let alone share it with people all over the world. By the way, I am astounded by the number of people who listen to this podcast and all of the places you live. I was thrilled to see I now have a listener in Ireland. I never thought I would. </p><p>From my TikTok post, stating today is Day 1 of my new grape fast: I broke my 40-day grape fast with my raw vegan tomato-basil soup, a cabbage salad with toasted sesame oil and sea salt and zucchini chips. My plan was to try eating 'raw 'til 4,' as many successfully do. It didn't take me long to discover that I'm not someone who does well with this eating plan. No one would say "I'm going to stay clean until 4pm and just do heroin at night." Addiction runs deep in our family. It's taken more than one life. It's taken me 20 years of trial and error, experimenting with raw vegan, repeatedly trying to have my cake and eat it too, to finally make peace with being raw vegan for the rest of my life, so that it's a much longer and happier life. Still filled with delicious food, but also much more energy and health. After just one week of eating cooked food, I'm exhausted, sore, puffy-faced, bloated, achy, stiff, overeating, foggy-headed, low-energy, rash is back across my shoulders, forgetful and three pounds heavier than I was when I started the 40-day grape fast. A 35 lb. weight gain in seven days seems utterly impossible and absurd, but the scale doesn't lie. That's so hard on the heart in more ways than one, but I choose to focus on the positives. My blood sugar remains low. My bloodwork's positive changes cannot be undone in one week, especially not my A1C, which is a three-month average. My hummingbird energy will return in a few days. I have the best raw vegan recipes in the world, thanks to Melissa and Nate Maris of Raw Food Romance. So I can plan my entire first month of raw vegan meals to eat after I finish this current grape fast. I've spent 26 years learning about raw food, and know without a doubt that finishing this grape fast strong by embracing raw food for the rest of my life is how I will ensure that diabetes is behind me forever. I recorded a powerful pep talk for myself this morning that I'm going to gather the courage to share in its entirety on my podcast Raw Vegan Lens. The only way to lose is to quit. I choose to learn from my mistakes and persevere. I choose to listen to my heart instead of the addiction and the worries, fears and criticisms of others. I've done this once. I can do it again, and for even longer. I'm so happy and grateful I read The Grape Cure by Johanna Brandt. She was brave to experiment, persevere, heal herself, and share her findings with the world. Everything is going to be okay. In fact, far better than okay. Just stay the course and be patient with yourself.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p>