Dating, Relationships, and Disability

Dating with a disability feels impossible until you take action. The impossible becomes possible through perspective shift and meaningful action. Understanding Worthy Failures A worthy failure is an intentional attempt where you take a calculated risk and learn from the outcome. Rejection, awkward conversations, and unsuccessful dates aren't signs you're not good enough—they're data. From a growth mindset, every experience builds confidence and self-understanding. The Psychology of Failure and Disability Rejection stings harder with a disability because we wonder if it's disability-specific. But rejection doesn't mean you're unlovable. It might mean incompatibility, timing, or needing a different approach. The key shift: see failure as a catalyst for growth, not something to avoid. Taking Intentional Action Intentional action means consciously deciding to risk and learn. Update your dating profile authentically, reach out to people, attend social events, have vulnerable conversations. Each action builds evidence that contradicts limiting beliefs about your worth. The 25 Epic Fails Strategy Set a goal for 25 worthy dating attempts per quarter. This removes pressure and shifts focus from outcome to process. Research shows this yields better results because people are more relaxed and authentic. Strategic Byproducts of Dating Action Beyond finding a relationship, intentional dating builds confidence, self-awareness, and sexual power. For people with disabilities, reclaiming desirability directly counters cultural desexualization. Every time you show up authentically, you reclaim your power. Building Your Personal Action Plan Get clear on what you actually want, not what you think you should want. Embrace discomfort in reaching out. Invest energy strategically in dating apps and communities that matter. Plan how you'll handle rejection ahead of time—don't react from hurt; follow through on growth. Your Impossible Goal Starts Now Your impossible goal—finding a partner, going on dates without catastrophizing, being honest about your disability, building a healthy relationship—sits on a pile of worthy failures. You have more power than you've been told. Take those first 25 steps.

If you're listening around the time this publishes, it's the holiday season—and if you're single, loneliness may be hitting hard. You're not alone. I recently asked single people with disabilities about their holiday feelings. Their responses: wondering why they're still single, missing loved ones, wanting someone to cuddle by the fire with. I remember feeling that same loneliness for years, watching family and friends build their own families. These feelings are human and understandable. This episode explores how to cope with them—and how to use them to your advantage. Acknowledge How You Feel When loneliness and longing strike, simply acknowledging them can help enormously. You might resist: "Why admit sadness about being alone?" But facing your feelings creates emotional release. You stop pretending they don't exist, stop pushing them down. Remember: an emotion is part of you, not all of you. Don't fear being overwhelmed—most emotions, when fully felt, last only about 90 seconds. And don't judge yourself for having them. Be gentle with yourself. Self-judgment on top of hard emotions only makes things worse. Use How You Feel for Fuel Looking back at my single years, I did something crucial: I used my loneliness to motivate myself to keep taking risks, keep dating, keep trying to meet someone. I wanted that vision—waking up with my own family, cuddling by the fire. (Reality check: my husband and I barely use our fireplace because it's so much work.) How can you take your struggle this season and channel it toward your own vision? Let that longing propel you forward.

Anil Gupta, known as the Love Doctor, has spoken in 18 countries across 4 continents, sharing practical relationship tools. He emphasizes that awareness is the foundation of everything in relationships and personal growth. Core Qualities for Healthy Relationships When choosing a partner, Anil identifies three essential qualities to look for: integrity (being truthful and reliable), being genuinely loving toward others, and being healthy emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially. These qualities matter regardless of whether someone has a disability. Honesty and Transparency For people with disabilities, being upfront about their situation is crucial. Hiding aspects of yourself creates problems, but when you're honest, potential partners can make informed choices. The issue isn't the disability itself—it's the lack of awareness and communication. The Light Metaphor Instead of trying to remove negativity, focus on being the light. Write down 50 things you're grateful for, list your accomplishments, and recognize your positive qualities. What you focus on expands—focus on what you have left, not what you've lost. The Happiness Formula: G × G × G Anil shares his formula: Happiness equals Give times Gratitude times Grow. When feeling low, identify which G has dropped and work on raising it. He demonstrated this after breaking his wrist, going from a happiness score of 729 to 1, then rebuilding to 125 by practicing gratitude, thanking helpers, and choosing growth over self-criticism. Finding Compatible Partners Go where your ideal partner would naturally be—meetups, associations, charity events, churches, or groups where like-minded people gather who would understand and appreciate you. Powerful Mindset Shift "Be so amazing that you cannot be ignored." Show up as your best self, bringing joy, playfulness, and authenticity. Either you bring energy to a room or take it away—choose to be the person who lights up the space. Connect with Anil

Download My Relationship Vision to help you identify your green flags. Importance of Green Flags While we often focus on red flags in dating, green flags are equally vital—the positive indicators of respect, compatibility, and emotional maturity that signal someone might be a genuinely good match. These are the qualities that make you feel seen, valued, and excited about building something meaningful. Consistent and Respectful Communication A fundamental green flag is someone who listens, asks thoughtful questions, and remembers details about your life. They communicate clearly about intentions and feelings without playing games. For those with disabilities, this means asking appropriate questions and treating you as the expert on your own experience. Emotional Availability and Maturity Look for someone who can discuss feelings, take responsibility, and apologize genuinely. They handle conflict constructively and respond to your needs with empathy rather than defensiveness or unsolicited fixes. Respect for Boundaries and Autonomy A good partner respects your "no," celebrates your "yes," and never pressures you to move faster than comfortable. They understand ongoing consent and respect boundaries around mobility aids, personal care, and autonomy. Genuine Interest in Your Whole Life Watch for genuine curiosity about your work, passions, goals, and interests. They encourage your independence and see you as a complete, complex person with a rich life—not just someone who revolves around them. Consistency Between Words and Actions Actions should match stated values. Do they show up as promised? Do their behaviors align with what they claim to believe? Consistency over time reveals character and builds trust. Determining Your Personal Green Flags Reflect on past relationships when you felt most valued. What qualities did those people possess? Align green flags with your values and non-negotiables. Trusting Your Intuition and Overall Feeling Beyond checklists, pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel safe, energized, and able to be yourself? Your green flags should help you recognize connections with real potential for lasting happiness.

Kalindi Jordan is a sex and intimacy coach with 16 years of experience, specializing in helping people develop primary relationships with themselves before entering partnerships. Her work covers sexual intimacy, relationship dynamics, communication, and dating challenges. Personal Journey with Alopecia Five years ago, Kalindi lost all her hair—including eyebrows and eyelashes—within 10 days due to alopecia. Initially, she feared her partner wouldn't find her attractive, worried clients wouldn't work with her, and questioned if friends would be embarrassed to be seen with her. This challenged her entire professional foundation built on body confidence work. Mirror Work and Self-Reconciliation After three weeks of negative self-talk, Kalindi sat before a mirror daily for at least 30 minutes. She allowed every part of herself to have a voice, letting all feelings emerge. This process became a journey of reconciliation between sadness, pain, and loss—maintaining a relationship with grief rather than resisting it. Redefining Beauty Kalindi discovered that beauty isn't what we see but what we feel. When disconnected from her body through negative thoughts, she stopped feeling beautiful. The key insight: beauty arises from deeply feeling sensations in our bodies, not from visual appearance. Her partner's attraction evolved to emphasize personality, energy, and character over physical appearance alone. Practical Guidance For those struggling with body image or disability, Kalindi recommends: Defying cultural narratives about beauty standards Staying curious and fascinated about your body Developing a relationship with grief (we only grieve what we love) Focusing on sensory experiences rather than visual judgments Remembering that nature wanted you—life said yes to your existence Dating and Worthiness For dating, focus on the feeling and flavor of connection you seek, not on finding the "right" person. Attraction works mutually—focus on what you want to experience in relationship rather than what another person should be like. Connect with Kalindi.