DNA Surprises

Intergenerational trauma. It’s something we talk about a lot here. The most common cycles we discuss are the patterns of keeping secrets and the patterns of shame. In this week’s episode, you will hear a story about a cycle of NPEs. 

When Bobbi became pregnant with her third child, she knew that was not in a position to care for another baby. She relinquished her child to a family member, but kept the specific circumstances around the birth a secret - most people thought she was a surrogate.

Just a couple of years later, Bobbi was shocked when, long before consumer DNA testing, she learned that the man she’d believed was her biological father was not, and that both of her parents knew this secret her entire life.

And then there was one more. Years later, when she took a consumer DNA test, Bobbi uncovered that her mother is also an NPE, upending another long believed story.

I want to especially thank Bobbi for being open about her experience as a mother in this situation. She shares a vulnerable, honest, and empathetic perspective for all of us to consider.

Thanks again to Bobbi for sharing her story.

Who would I have become if I had known the truth? How were the interactions I had throughout my life colored by an unknown truth? These are questions so many of us ask ourselves, over and over and over again.

The reality is, we will never know, no more than we would know who we would have become if we’d been born in another country. Part of the DNA surprise experience is coming to terms with this.

In this week’s episode, I’m joined by Guy, who I first interviewed back in Season 3. When we first spoke, Guy had just experienced his surprise, and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do next. One of the things that struck me was how freeing Guy found the revelation to be. 

Guy shares what’s come up for him since we first spoke, including the many ways he’s been analyzing - and reanalyzing his past. In the two years since we spoke, Guy’s come to the realization that the facts of his situation don’t matter much to him, and that all he has is now. 

PS - If you think DNA surprises are all sad all the time, this episode is a good reminder that it’s OK to laugh sometimes.

Thank you, Guy, for sharing your story.

If you’ve had a DNA surprise, you might listen to this podcast from the perspective of someone who just uncovered their results. Or did it happen years ago, when consumer DNA testing became popular? What has changed for you since the day you opened your test results?

In this week’s episode, I’m joined by a guest from Season 1, Crystal. Crystal had her DNA surprise the same month and year that I did. When we first spoke, it had only been a few months since she received her results. So much has happened since then.

Crystal shares what it was like when she finally met her biological father for the first time, as well as how her relationships have evolved over the years. If you’re in the thick of your DNA surprise right now, I hope this episode gives you hope that things will get better, because they will.

Thank you Crystal for sharing your story.

When people uncover DNA surprises, they are often left to unpack the mysteries themselves. From the who, what, when and where around their births to where their newly identified family members are today, we spend hours searching newspapers, online archives, and obituaries.

Many times, we find what we’re looking for. Sometimes, we don’t. 

In this week’s episode, BettyJo shares how any of her questions remain unanswered. Her mother wouldn’t share many details and their relationship, along with her relationship with her raised siblings, and disintegrated after the discovery.

BettyJo believes her father is from Mexico, where endogamy, the custom of marrying only within the limits of a local community, clan, or tribe, is common. This makes locating specific people tricky.

BettyJo shares how she’s managed losing the close relationship she once had with her mother, as well as how she’s coping with so many unknowns.

Thank you for sharing your story, BettyJo.   

Did you know that the DNA Surprises podcast community meets in a virtual support group every month? We started the Third Thursday Meetup in 2023 to serve as an additional resource for NPEs, late-discovery donor-conceived people, and late-discovery adoptees to find community and support. Third Thursdays have quickly become one of my favorite nights of the month, due in no small part to the two people who are sharing updates in this special double update episode.

Liann and Pat uncovered their DNA surprises in very different ways. Liann found out long before consumer DNA tests, while Pat uncovered her surprise more recently. In the first half of this week’s episode, Liann joins me to share her progress as she moves in the advocacy stage of her DNA surprise journey. At around the 27-minute mark, Pat joins me for the second half of this episode and shares how she’s doing nearly a year and a half after her surprise.

Be sure to listen to Liann and Pat’s episodes, and then listen to their updates.

Thanks to Lianna and Pat for joining me again.