Ask Rachel anythingWhile counseling sex offenders, Anna Sonoda, LCSW learned firsthand that grooming, the prelude to child sexual abuse, is intentional, gradual, and observable. Her message to us is, we're not bad parents, we just have a skills gap and she wants to fill it. I grew up in an era of stranger danger, but the truth is the vast majority of abuse happens inside our homes, online and offline, with people our kids know. So how can we spot the signs that a predator is moving in on us and our kids? Anna says there are clear stages of grooming that, once we know about them, we can intercept. She introduces the "4F formula" for grooming: flattery, favoritism, forbidden fruits, and fear, and stresses the importance of recognizing grooming's subtle signs. Anna advises parents to set clear device usage rules, use parental controls, and maintain open communication with their children. She also advocates for delaying social media access until age 16 and emphasizes the role of parents in curating their children's online and offline environments.In this episode we cover:What Is Grooming? (And Why Your Gut Isn’t Enough)Who Is at Risk? Myths About “Safe” CommunitiesOnline vs Offline Grooming: Why Both Matter The 4F Formula: Stages of Grooming Parents Need to KnowRed Flags of Grooming in Digital SpacesDevices, Social Media and Age: What’s Really Appropriate?Practical House Rules That Reduce Grooming RiskBuilding “Predator-Proof” Kids Through ConnectionReclaiming Parental Leadership in a Tech-Driven WorldResources:Anna Sonoda: www.annasonoda.comIWF: https://www.iwf.org.uk/ UK-based for reporting and removing innapropriate imagesCommon Sense Media: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/ For useful and appropriate age guidancePredator’s Playground: AI, Gaming, and the Kids at Riskhttps://annasonoda.com/blog/f/predator%E2%80%99s-playground-ai-gaming-and-the-kids-at-risk?blogcategory=Online+safetyProtecting Families in the Age of AI: 'Take It Down Act' https://annasonoda.com/blog/f/protecting-families-in-the-age-of-ai-take-it-down-act?blogcategory=Online+safetyteenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk