No need for Prince Charming

Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part — with Carrie Meckler This is a different kind of episode. No birth story. No IVF timeline. No newborn update. Just a conversation about the stage that doesn't get talked about nearly enough — the one before any of that happens. Carrie Meckler is a licensed therapist based in North Carolina who is also a solo mum by choice to a beautiful two-year-old boy. She runs a six-week group program specifically for women in the considering stage, and she joins me this week to talk about what she sees in her clients — and what she went through herself — when women are first sitting with the idea that this might be their path. Because here's the thing: making this decision is genuinely the hardest part of the entire solo motherhood journey. Harder than the fertility treatment. Harder than the newborn phase. And almost nobody talks about that. We cover a lot of ground in this conversation — the grief that comes with letting go of the life you always thought you'd have, the fear of judgment, the pressure of the biological clock, the question of how long to keep waiting, and what it actually looks like to start taking steps forward without having it all figured out. We also talk about something I think about a lot: why so many women base their assumptions about solo motherhood on single-parent households that came about through very different circumstances. And why finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most important things you can do when you're in the considering stage. This one is for the woman who's been sitting quietly with an idea she hasn't told anyone about yet. In this episode: Why the considering stage is the most underrated — and most emotionally demanding — part of the solo mum journey The grief of letting go of the traditional path, and why it's normal to feel both grief and excitement at the same time Fear of judgment, fear of running out of time, fear of missing the partner who might be just around the corner Why we can't make the decision by the same framework we were raised with — and how to start seeing a different path The difference between solo mum by choice and single motherhood by circumstance — and why it matters for your mindset The power of finding women already living this life and letting their reality replace your assumptions Carrie's three pieces of advice for anyone just starting to sit with the idea Why handwritten journaling is different from typing — and what it unlocks How therapy helps — and why finding a therapist who has actually lived this experience makes all the difference Why all the overthinking you're doing right now is actually making you a better parent Key Takeaways The considering stage is emotionally the hardest part of this journey — and you don't have to rush through it You can feel grief and excitement at the same time. Both are real. Both are valid. You don't have to be ready before you take the first step. You just have to take the first step. Finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most powerful things you can do right now The overthinking you're doing is not a problem — it's evidence of how intentional a parent you're already going to be Solo motherhood by choice is fundamentally different from single parenthood by circumstance — and your frame of reference matters Solo vs single: intention and conception are everything 🏥 This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   💛 Still in the considering stage? The Considering Solo Motherhood course will help you make an empowered, informed decision about whether this path is right for you — without spending hours lost in a Google vortex. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.

The long wait, the leap & life on the other side Michelle always knew she wanted to be a mum. What she didn't know was that the path to getting there would involve a two and a half year wait just to choose a donor. She made her first appointment at Fertility Associates in New Zealand in 2014 at the age of 34, was told there were five donor profiles to choose from, and was promptly put on a waitlist. She spent the next two and a half years living in parallel — open to meeting someone, but keeping her eye firmly on this path. When the call finally came in 2016, she sat down with her five profiles, eliminated three for minor medical reasons and two for wanting more contact than she was comfortable with, and chose the tallest one. Vayda-Rae was born after four IUI cycles — a chemical pregnancy, a negative, an overstimulated cancelled cycle, and then a successful fourth round at 37 — partly funded by her parents. She's now nearly nine, and this episode is something we don't have enough of on this podcast: a genuinely long view. What does solo motherhood actually look like at year eight? What are the conversations you're still having? What gets easier and what catches you off guard? Michelle is warm, funny, and completely honest — including about the moments that were harder than she expected. Vayda-Rae going through a phase of calling her best friend's husband "dad." The Father's Day questionnaire at school. Being the only family that looks like theirs in a small New Zealand town. The very different thing it is to raise a donor-conceived child when there are no other families like yours within reach. But she also talks about the things nobody tells you going in. The unusually close relationship you build when it's just the two of you. A daughter who is emotionally mature beyond her years. The adventures they've had together. The lotto win that changed things. And the letter she wrote to Vayda-Rae's donor-conceived siblings — still waiting on a reply, but trying anyway. This is a story for anyone at the very beginning, wondering if it's worth it. Michelle's answer is unambiguous. In this episode: Making the decision at 34 and facing a two and a half year donor waitlist in New Zealand How the counselling at Fertility Associates NZ walked her through how a donor-conceived child might relate to their story at different ages — a framework Michelle found genuinely useful Choosing between five donor profiles and the logic (and laughs) behind the decision Four IUI cycles at 37 including a chemical pregnancy, a cancelled cycle and a successful fourth round Gestational diabetes and an emergency caesarean The newborn days — and why having no partner to disappoint made it simpler than she expected Raising Vayda-Rae in a small New Zealand town as the only solo mum family around The Father's Day questionnaire, the school trip questions, and navigating a daughter who sometimes just wants to be the same as everyone else How she's approached the donor-conceived sibling conversation — including the letter she sent Deciding to be one and done — and the donor consent timeline that influenced that decision What she wishes she'd worried less about — and what she'd say to anyone sitting on the fence right now   This episode is brought to you by City Fertility If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Still considering whether this path is right for you? The Considering Solo Motherhood course was made for exactly where you are. Explore donor options, fertility timelines and the emotional side of the decision — live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.   Key Takeaways A long waitlist doesn't mean stop living — keep going in parallel and let the path unfold Good fertility counselling should prepare you for your child's questions at every age, not jus

Solo Mum by choice from the start: Nicola & Luca Most women who come to solo motherhood have a moment — a relationship that ended, a birthday that passed, a realisation that waiting wasn't working. Nicola never had that moment. She just always knew. From the time she was young, she never pictured a partner. She pictured kids. Solo motherhood wasn't a plan B for Nicola — it was the only plan. And what makes her story so valuable for this community is that the hard parts she navigated weren't about the decision itself. They were about trusting herself enough to actually go through with it. Nicola is an optometrist, self-described planner, and someone who came to this journey with an unusual degree of self-awareness. She grew up in a home affected by domestic abuse, and she spent time in psychology making sure that her choice to parent alone was coming from a place of strength — not fear of intimacy. That clarity shaped everything that followed. Her wake-up call to start came from watching her sister go through seven IVF transfers. Once she saw how unpredictable fertility could be, she stopped waiting. She started IVF at 33, attempted two IUI cycles first (one was cancelled when she ovulated too early), then moved to IVF. Her stimulation cycle was painful — both ovaries haemorrhaged — but she went to work through all of it, not knowing yet what was normal. She ended up with two embryos. She got pregnant on her first transfer. And then she found out her sister was pregnant at exactly the same time. Two weeks apart. Same obstetrician. Their own private mother's group before their babies were even born. In this episode we cover a lot of ground — the practical and the emotional, the things that went to plan and the things that didn't. Nicola chose an elective caesarean with clear medical reasoning, went back to work at five and a half months on a four-day week structure that she credits as genuinely game-changing, and has built a life with Luca that she describes, simply, as magic. She also talks openly about the harder things. When her donor later withdrew consent, her remaining embryo was destroyed — a consequence of legislation that has since changed, but that caught families off guard at the time. She holds that loss with grace, and talks honestly about where she's landed on the question of a second child. We also talk about donor-conceived sibling connections — why Nicola sought them out early, what they've given Luca, and why she sees them as one of the most meaningful parts of this path. Not because they replace anything, but because they give donor-conceived children a biological anchor that doesn't depend entirely on a donor they may not meet for eighteen years. This is a calm, grounded, deeply reassuring episode. Nicola's advice for anyone sitting on the fence is characteristically direct: "You definitely can, 100%." In this episode: Why Nicola always knew she'd be a solo mum — and what it took to finally start Growing up with domestic abuse and using psychology to trust her own motivations Her sister's seven-transfer IVF journey as the catalyst to stop waiting IVF at 33: ovarian haemorrhaging, two embryos, and a positive first transfer Falling pregnant at the same time as her sister — two weeks apart Choosing an elective caesarean and what informed that decision Returning to work at 5.5 months and the schedule structure that made it work Donor consent withdrawal and the destruction of her remaining embryo Donor-conceived sibling connections — what they mean and how they found each other The financial reality of considering a second child as a solo mum What she wishes she'd worried less about — and what she'd tell you right now   This episode is brought to you by City Fertility If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Looking for your villag

From Chronic Illness to Solo Mum: Nelly’s Long Road to Violet ⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes discussion of miscarriage, fertility challenges, and medical complications during pregnancy. Season 5 continues with Nelly’s story — one of resilience, persistence, and navigating an incredibly complex path to motherhood. Nelly didn’t grow up assuming she would have children. With a history of renal failure, transplants, and years of medical treatment, motherhood didn’t feel like a given. But over time, that quiet desire became impossible to ignore. In this episode, she shares: Living with chronic illness and how that shaped her path to motherhood The unexpected discovery of a rare genetic condition during fertility testing A long IVF journey with multiple cycles, losses, and setbacks The decision to move forward with an egg donor — and how a friend changed everything Navigating complex medical care throughout pregnancy A sudden and traumatic early birth at 30 weeks Life in NICU and the emotional reality of becoming a mum in those circumstances This episode is raw, honest, and deeply human. Key Takeaways The journey to motherhood can be far more complex than expected. Advocating for yourself and asking questions can change everything. Support networks can shape your entire experience. There is no “perfect” path — only your path. Even the hardest journeys can lead to something incredibly meaningful. City Fertility Offer I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here. The best support you could ask for when TTC or pregnant as a solo mum-to-be Trying to conceive or pregnant and want your village? The Bump Membership is your private WhatsApp community + fortnightly Zoom Connection Calls with solo mums-to-be across Australia & New Zealand. Join the Bump here.

Megan’s Solo Mum by Choice Journey: Taking It One Step at a Time Season 5 continues with Megan’s story — and her journey to becoming a solo mum by choice. In this episode, Megan shares how she approached this decision step by step instead of focusing on the end result, and how that made the process feel more manageable. In this episode, she talks about: Listening to other solo mums and how that helped her feel less alone Taking the process step by step instead of focusing on the end result Known donor conversations and why facilitated conversations are important Adjusting her relationship with work after becoming a mum Living with her mum and raising her son together Trusting that you will figure out parenting as you go This conversation is thoughtful, calm, and very reassuring for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the idea of making such a big decision. If the idea of solo motherhood feels too big to think about all at once, this episode is a really comforting reminder that you don’t have to make every decision today — you can just take the next step. Key Takeaways Taking the process step by step can make big decisions feel more manageable. Facilitated conversations can help when making known donor decisions. Motherhood can change your relationship with work and priorities. Support can come from family and different living arrangements. You may not know what you’re doing at first, but you will figure it out. City Fertility Offer I couldn't continue to make this podcast without the help of our fabulous sponsor, City Fertility. If you're looking into fertility treatment on your own, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Learn more here. The best support you could ask for when TTC or pregnant as a solo mum-to-be Trying to conceive or pregnant and want your village? The Bump Membership is your private WhatsApp community + fortnightly Zoom Connection Calls with solo mums-to-be across Australia & New Zealand. Join the Bump here.