No need for Prince Charming

Part 2: 160 Days, and Then Home Trigger warning: This episode discusses premature birth, NICU and neonatal medical procedures. Missed Part 1? Start with S5:E11 — Luce's IVF journey, multiple losses, and the night her membranes ruptured at 22 weeks. Gabe was born at 10:35am on a Wednesday morning, weighing 598 grams. He was 30 centimetres long. He came out flat and silent, and a team of eight people swooped in immediately. Luce didn't know he was a boy for five full minutes. By quarter past twelve, she was in a wheelchair going upstairs to meet him. What followed was 160 days in hospital — first at Mercy Hospital for Women in Melbourne, then a transfer to the Royal Children's Hospital for specialist ventilation and heart surgery, and then back to Mercy, and finally, finally, home. Luce is a critical care nurse. She understood the ventilator settings. She could read the infusion charts. She knew what the numbers meant. And she will tell you, plainly, that none of that made it easier. It just changed how she processed the information. In Part 2, she takes us through all of it — the five brutal first weeks, the patent ductus arteriosus that needed three rounds of Panadol before surgery was the only option left, the jet ventilator that finally stabilised his lungs, the retinopathy checks she couldn't watch, the first skin-to-skin cuddle, the first bath, the first time the whole family came in together. And the day, 160 days after he was born, that she drove him home. Gabe is now a few months old in corrected age. He came home on oxygen. He is nearly off it. He has big cheeks and tape on his face and Luce is planning his autumn photo shoot. She calls him her screaming one. You can hear him in the background near the end of the episode. He made it. In this episode: The birth at 24 weeks — what happened in the room, and the five minutes before Luce knew she'd had a boy Gabe's first hours — intubated, on a ventilator, wrapped in bubble wrap, and brought over to meet his mum The first five weeks — infection, ventilation challenges, blood transfusions, and constant up and down Patent ductus arteriosus — what it is, why it mattered, and the bedside heart surgery that changed everything Transfer to the Royal Children's Hospital for a jet ventilator — and the 2am crisis she'd told them not to call her about unless it was dire The milestones that matter in NICU — extubation, CPAP, high flow, low flow, open cot, first bath, first clothes Retinopathy of prematurity — the eye checks Luce couldn't watch, and why early monitoring matters Pumping, sleep, driving an hour each way, and learning to leave the hospital to protect her own mental health How she managed mental health through IVF and NICU — including low-dose antidepressants and a counsellor she plans to return to The Gabe Gazette — how sharing publicly became both a coping mechanism and a gift for him to read one day Home at 160 days, on overnight oxygen, nearly off it, with a pediatrician and respiratory specialist and the autumn light waiting "While you're alone — you're not alone."   This episode is brought to you by City Fertility If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. nClaim your discount here   Pregnant solo and looking for support? The Expecting Solo course helps you navigate early pregnancy on your own terms — from managing symptoms to setting boundaries and finding the joy in your story. Live group sessions or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Find out more here   Key Takeaways Having medical knowledge changes how you receive information in a NICU setting — it doesn't make it easier emotionally Setting boundaries with hospital staff about when to call is okay — and sometimes essential for your mental health Getting out of the hospital — fresh air, dinners, watching the grand final with your dad — is not abandoning

Trigger warning: This episode discusses perinatal loss, pregnancy after loss, premature birth. Some stories hold grief and joy in the same hands. Gemma's is one of them. Gemma is the youngest of three sisters, from one of those enormous, chaotic, deeply close families — her mum one of eleven, Gemma one of twenty-something first cousins, Christmases that required crowd control. Motherhood was never a question. The path to it just looked nothing like she expected. She started IVF at 40 through City Fertility with Dr David Wilkinson, following a PCOS diagnosis that had been quietly there for years, masked by the pill she'd been on since her teens for her skin. Her first cycle gave her three embryos. Her second transfer was successful. She was pregnant, and everything seemed fine — until the 20-week scan. Her first little boy, Thomas, had severe intrauterine growth restriction. He was measuring below the first percentile. She knew in her gut from that day that it wasn't going to end the way she hoped. A month of additional scans confirmed it — he was no longer going to survive. That weekend, while Gemma was at the beach with her mum and sister, Thomas quietly let go. She was induced at the Monash that Monday, and he was born on the 10th of March 2023. She named him Thomas — her papa's name. She talks about all of it. The grief. The immediate instinct to do another egg collection while her eggs were still viable. A third cycle that produced over thirty eggs and no embryos. A fourth cycle that produced one. And then, in March 2024, the transfer of the very last embryo from that very first cycle — the one that had been frozen alongside Thomas — that became Henry. Henry was born via emergency caesarean at 34 weeks, weighing 1.512 kilograms. He spent 37 days in special care. He came home for Christmas. He is now 15 months old, has just started walking, and recently fell off the climbing equipment at daycare head first. Gemma says she wouldn't change any of it. In this episode: Growing up in a huge close-knit family, always knowing motherhood was part of the plan A PCOS diagnosis at 38 — and how she'd been masking the symptoms with the pill for years Negotiating paid parental leave with her employer — and why it's worth having the conversation IVF at 40 with Dr David Wilkinson: one cycle, three embryos, pregnant on the second transfer The 20-week scan that changed everything — and trusting her gut when her body told her something was wrong Losing Thomas to severe IUGR, the weekend at the beach, and delivering him on the 10th of March Going straight back to Dr Wilkinson — and the third cycle that produced thirty-plus eggs and zero embryos A fourth cycle, one embryo, and then the transfer that became Henry The full-circle moment: Henry and Thomas were from the same egg collection, frozen on the same day The donor who agreed to do a blood test for genetic testing during Thomas's pregnancy — and what that meant to Gemma Pregnancy after loss: weekly scans, a private obstetrician, a perinatal psychiatrist, and monitoring her blood pressure daily The emergency caesarean at 34 weeks — and why the decision took about five seconds 37 days in special care, expressing, the decision to move to formula, and six months living with Mum in the country Henry at 15 months: walking, co-sleeping, an early riser, and absolutely besotted with by everyone who meets him Key Takeaways: PCOS is often masked by the pill — if you have symptoms and are thinking about your fertility, ask your GP for an AMH test It's worth having an honest conversation with your employer about paid parental leave — don't assume what isn't available Trust your gut during pregnancy. Gemma knew before the scans confirmed it. That instinct matters Pregnancy after loss requires its own support team — a private OB, a perinatal psychologist or psychiatrist, and regular monitoring are not luxuries Formula is not failure. It can be the decisi

The Long Road & the Night Everything Changed Trigger warning: this episode discusses pregnancy loss and premature birth. This is a two-part episode. Part 1 ends at the birth. Part 2 — the NICU journey and life now — drops next week. Some stories you have to tell in two parts. Lucia's is one of them. Luce is a nurse based in regional Victoria who froze her eggs at 36, made the decision to go solo shortly after, and then spent the next four years navigating one of the most complex IVF journeys I've heard on this podcast. Four egg collections. Multiple transfers. Multiple losses. A late endometriosis diagnosis that may have changed everything. And finally — on the most chaotic, stressful, nothing-going-right transfer day imaginable — the embryo that stuck. What happened next nobody could have predicted. Luce got to 22 weeks before noticing spotting one evening. She messaged her midwife friend. She messaged her obstetrician. She drove herself to the appointment the next morning, convinced it was nothing. And within hours she was in an ambulance, lights and sirens, being transferred to a tertiary hospital in Melbourne — four centimetres dilated, membranes visible, 22 weeks pregnant with the baby she had spent four years trying to have. What follows — the week-by-week countdown in hospital, the handouts for each gestational age, the conversation about resuscitation at 22 weeks that no one should have to have alone — is one of the most honest, clear-eyed accounts of premature birth I've heard from a solo mum. Luce is a nurse. She asked for the facts. She made the hardest decisions she could with the information she had. And she shares every part of it here, without flinching. In this episode: Growing up in regional Victoria, training as a nurse and paramedic, and spending her 30s building a career while her friends got married Freezing her eggs at 36 after watching friends navigate fertility challenges — and giving a relationship a deadline Making the decision to go solo, finding City Fertility, and choosing a donor Her first transfer — a positive, a heartbeat, and then a missed miscarriage at nine and a half weeks Three subsequent transfers, multiple early losses, and the decision to do a second egg collection Changing specialist to Dr David Wilkinson and trying new protocols — including PRP treatment A third and fourth egg collection, endo discovered via laparoscopy, and her best-ever collection of 47 eggs at 40 Nine embryos, three normal on PGT-A testing — and all three failing to implant The chaotic final transfer — stuck in traffic, blood pressure through the roof — and the embryo that finally stuck Getting to 22 weeks, spotting, and the morning that changed everything Ambulance transfer to Melbourne, four centimetres dilated, and the conversation about resuscitation at 22 weeks Counting the hours each week in hospital — and what it means to get to the next handout Next week: Part 2 — the NICU journey and life now. Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here. TTC or pregnant and looking for your village? The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.   Key Takeaways IVF timelines are unpredictable — building an emotional support system separate from your fertility clinic is not optional, it's essential Endometriosis is vastly underdiagnosed; if you have painful or heavy periods and are struggling with implantation, it's worth asking your specialist about a laparoscopy PGT-A tested embryos do not guarantee success — the science is still evolving and unexplained implantation failure is real Having a medical background doesn't protect you from the emotional weight of this journey — it just changes how you process information Knowing your why befor

Why Making the Decision is the Hardest Part — with Carrie Meckler This is a different kind of episode. No birth story. No IVF timeline. No newborn update. Just a conversation about the stage that doesn't get talked about nearly enough — the one before any of that happens. Carrie Meckler is a licensed therapist based in North Carolina who is also a solo mum by choice to a beautiful two-year-old boy. She runs a six-week group program specifically for women in the considering stage, and she joins me this week to talk about what she sees in her clients — and what she went through herself — when women are first sitting with the idea that this might be their path. Because here's the thing: making this decision is genuinely the hardest part of the entire solo motherhood journey. Harder than the fertility treatment. Harder than the newborn phase. And almost nobody talks about that. We cover a lot of ground in this conversation — the grief that comes with letting go of the life you always thought you'd have, the fear of judgment, the pressure of the biological clock, the question of how long to keep waiting, and what it actually looks like to start taking steps forward without having it all figured out. We also talk about something I think about a lot: why so many women base their assumptions about solo motherhood on single-parent households that came about through very different circumstances. And why finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most important things you can do when you're in the considering stage. This one is for the woman who's been sitting quietly with an idea she hasn't told anyone about yet. In this episode: Why the considering stage is the most underrated — and most emotionally demanding — part of the solo mum journey The grief of letting go of the traditional path, and why it's normal to feel both grief and excitement at the same time Fear of judgment, fear of running out of time, fear of missing the partner who might be just around the corner Why we can't make the decision by the same framework we were raised with — and how to start seeing a different path The difference between solo mum by choice and single motherhood by circumstance — and why it matters for your mindset The power of finding women already living this life and letting their reality replace your assumptions Carrie's three pieces of advice for anyone just starting to sit with the idea Why handwritten journaling is different from typing — and what it unlocks How therapy helps — and why finding a therapist who has actually lived this experience makes all the difference Why all the overthinking you're doing right now is actually making you a better parent Key Takeaways The considering stage is emotionally the hardest part of this journey — and you don't have to rush through it You can feel grief and excitement at the same time. Both are real. Both are valid. You don't have to be ready before you take the first step. You just have to take the first step. Finding women who are already living this life intentionally is one of the most powerful things you can do right now The overthinking you're doing is not a problem — it's evidence of how intentional a parent you're already going to be Solo motherhood by choice is fundamentally different from single parenthood by circumstance — and your frame of reference matters Solo vs single: intention and conception are everything 🏥 This episode is brought to you by City Fertility Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   💛 Still in the considering stage? The Considering Solo Motherhood course will help you make an empowered, informed decision about whether this path is right for you — without spending hours lost in a Google vortex. Live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.

The long wait, the leap & life on the other side Michelle always knew she wanted to be a mum. What she didn't know was that the path to getting there would involve a two and a half year wait just to choose a donor. She made her first appointment at Fertility Associates in New Zealand in 2014 at the age of 34, was told there were five donor profiles to choose from, and was promptly put on a waitlist. She spent the next two and a half years living in parallel — open to meeting someone, but keeping her eye firmly on this path. When the call finally came in 2016, she sat down with her five profiles, eliminated three for minor medical reasons and two for wanting more contact than she was comfortable with, and chose the tallest one. Vayda-Rae was born after four IUI cycles — a chemical pregnancy, a negative, an overstimulated cancelled cycle, and then a successful fourth round at 37 — partly funded by her parents. She's now nearly nine, and this episode is something we don't have enough of on this podcast: a genuinely long view. What does solo motherhood actually look like at year eight? What are the conversations you're still having? What gets easier and what catches you off guard? Michelle is warm, funny, and completely honest — including about the moments that were harder than she expected. Vayda-Rae going through a phase of calling her best friend's husband "dad." The Father's Day questionnaire at school. Being the only family that looks like theirs in a small New Zealand town. The very different thing it is to raise a donor-conceived child when there are no other families like yours within reach. But she also talks about the things nobody tells you going in. The unusually close relationship you build when it's just the two of you. A daughter who is emotionally mature beyond her years. The adventures they've had together. The lotto win that changed things. And the letter she wrote to Vayda-Rae's donor-conceived siblings — still waiting on a reply, but trying anyway. This is a story for anyone at the very beginning, wondering if it's worth it. Michelle's answer is unambiguous. In this episode: Making the decision at 34 and facing a two and a half year donor waitlist in New Zealand How the counselling at Fertility Associates NZ walked her through how a donor-conceived child might relate to their story at different ages — a framework Michelle found genuinely useful Choosing between five donor profiles and the logic (and laughs) behind the decision Four IUI cycles at 37 including a chemical pregnancy, a cancelled cycle and a successful fourth round Gestational diabetes and an emergency caesarean The newborn days — and why having no partner to disappoint made it simpler than she expected Raising Vayda-Rae in a small New Zealand town as the only solo mum family around The Father's Day questionnaire, the school trip questions, and navigating a daughter who sometimes just wants to be the same as everyone else How she's approached the donor-conceived sibling conversation — including the letter she sent Deciding to be one and done — and the donor consent timeline that influenced that decision What she wishes she'd worried less about — and what she'd say to anyone sitting on the fence right now   This episode is brought to you by City Fertility If you're exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia, City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.   Still considering whether this path is right for you? The Considering Solo Motherhood course was made for exactly where you are. Explore donor options, fertility timelines and the emotional side of the decision — live or on demand, from anywhere in the world. Learn more here.   Key Takeaways A long waitlist doesn't mean stop living — keep going in parallel and let the path unfold Good fertility counselling should prepare you for your child's questions at every age, not jus