The Cost of Submissive Behaviour: When Quiet Isn’t Calm
In today’s solo episode, behaviour specialist and author Andy Baker shines a light on one of the most overlooked behavioural patterns in care and education: submissive behaviour.
When someone is compliant, quiet, or “no trouble at all,” we often assume they’re fine. But beneath the surface, they may be masking distress, emotionally shutting down, or building up stress that will eventually erupt elsewhere.
This episode is essential listening for teachers, parents, and caregivers who want to truly understand the people they support—not just by what they do, but what they hide.
Andy explores the cost of emotional suppression, the danger of unseen stress, and how to spot when “quiet” is actually a cry for help. If you support someone who’s “easy,” “shy,” or never says no—this episode could change everything.
💙 Sponsored by: Carers Card UK
We’re proudly supported by Carers Card UK – the UK’s No.1 carers discount and ID service.
For less than the price of a box of chocolates a year, you get:
A trusted carer ID card
Discounts on gyms, glasses, days out, clothing, and tech
Access to a wellbeing hub and carers’ community app
🎁 Claim your Able to Care exclusive offer:👉 carerscarduk.co.uk/promocode/abletocare
🔗 Resources Mentioned:
Andy Baker’s Book – Targeting the Positive
www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
💡 Three Key Messages:
Quietness is not always calm—sometimes it’s a trauma response.People may mask distress by appearing agreeable, passive, or withdrawn. It’s not comfort—it’s survival.
Submissive behaviour is costly—physically and emotionally.When emotions are repressed long-term, it can lead to chronic anxiety, burnout, and even trauma.
Psychological safety allows people to show their true selves.Whether at home, school, or in care, we must create environments where people feel safe to say “no” and express emotion without fear of judgment.
⏱️ Timestamps / Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction: The myth of the “quiet, good one”
02:05 – Sponsor: Carers Card UK
03:00 – Why compliant behaviour often masks distress
05:00 – What is masking, and why does it drain emotional energy?
06:00 – The physiology of freeze and submit
07:00 – The Coke bottle analogy: When pressure builds up
08:00 – Why meltdowns happen at home, not school
10:00 – How quietness can be a trauma response
11:00 – How disassociation shows up in care and education settings
12:00 – Spotting the signs: the cost of never saying “no”
14:00 – Why we must reframe “no” as a healthy boundary
15:00 – Masking exhaustion and emotional burnout
16:00 – A story of hidden pain in a school toilet
17:00 – Practical signs to look out for
18:00 – Supporting safe expression and psychological safety
20:00 – What schools and services can do better
22:00 – Self-erasure vs. authentic self-expression
24:00 – The final message: Notice, name, and nurture the quiet ones
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode:
If you’ve ever worked with or raised someone who “never causes trouble,” this episode might completely shift your perspective.
You’ll learn:
Why submissive behaviour can be more dangerous than defiance
How stress builds when there’s no outlet for emotion
What to watch out for in “easy” children or quiet clients
How to build safe, trusting environments where true feelings can be expressed
This is a must-listen for teachers, parents, support workers, foster carers, and social care staff who want to offer truly person-centred care and connection—not just good behaviour on the surface.
📲 Connect with Able Training:
🎧 Listen to all episodes: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast📘 Andy’s book: Targeting the Positive: With Behaviours That Challenge💳 Carers Card UK Offer: carerscarduk.co.uk/promo-code/abletocare
📱 Follow Able Training:
Instagram – @abletraining
Facebook – Able Training
LinkedIn – Andy Baker
YouTube – Able Training
