Widowed AF: Real stories of love, grief and beyond - With Rosie Moss

Content warning: death, cancer (glioblastoma), end-of-life care, parenting after loss. When Anne Byrne gave birth to her daughter Elizabeth in May 2020, she should have been settling into the beautiful, exhausting chaos of life with a newborn. Thirteen days later, her husband Javi had a seizure at home. A scan revealed a brain tumour. Javi was diagnosed with glioblastoma, an aggressive and incurable brain cancer, and died just 15 months later. In this episode, Anne joins me from Dublin to talk about becoming a first-time mum and a carer almost simultaneously, navigating Javi’s treatment during Covid, and trying to hold onto hope as scan after scan brought more bad news. As Javi became increasingly unwell, Anne found herself caring for both her baby and her husband. In the final month of his life, they moved to Spain so Javi could be close to his family and friends. He died there in September 2021, with Elizabeth still only a baby. We talk about the strange reality of becoming a solo parent when you have barely had the chance to learn how to be a parent at all, and the responsibility of keeping a parent’s memory alive for a child who was too young to really remember them. Anne shares the ways she keeps Javi present for Elizabeth through photographs, videos, stories and pieces of his clothing, as well as the little glimpses of her dad she now sees emerging in her daughter. We also talk about spirituality after death, the signs Anne believes she has received from Javi, and how Reiki became an important part of her own grief. Anne has since trained as a Reiki master and now runs grief support groups, combining sharing, breathwork and Reiki to create the kind of space she struggled to find when she was newly bereaved. There is sadness here, obviously. But there is also humour, gratitude and a really lovely conversation about what can grow around grief. As Anne says, it can be easier to be grateful for the small things than to chase happiness. 🎧 Listen to Widowed AF wherever you get your podcasts. Find Anne on Instagram: @annbyrnecoaching Find Widowed AF:Instagram: @widowed_afFacebook: Widowed AFWebsite: www.widowedaf.com Widow Wednesday is my free weekly online community for widows and widowers. Find details and sign up via Widowed AF. If you enjoy the podcast, please follow, rate and review Widowed AF. It genuinely helps more widowed people find us.

Content warning: cancer, delayed diagnosis, terminal illness, anticipatory grief, death, young children and bereavement. When Ross Cracknell’s wife Steph began experiencing persistent pain in her back and hip, they knew something wasn’t right. Steph was young, fit, healthy and rarely went to the doctor. But as the pain continued and worsened, she repeatedly sought medical help. Again and again, they were reassured that it was muscular. Then Steph started losing the sight in one eye. What followed was devastating. A tumour was discovered in her eye and further scans revealed cancer throughout her body. The primary cancer was in her lung and, by the time it was found, her illness was already incurable. In this episode of Widowed AF, Ross joins Rosie to tell Steph’s story, from meeting at school as teenagers and travelling Australia together, to marriage, moving to the Isle of Man and becoming parents to Ada and Otis. “All she ever wanted was to be a mother,” Ross says. And she was a brilliant one. Ross talks candidly about the anger he still carries over the months Steph spent asking for help, and the questions he now lives with about whether things could have been different. But this is also a conversation about what happens when you are told the person you expected to grow old with is going to die. Ross describes the moment he realised their future had disappeared, supporting Steph through terminal illness while trying to keep life normal for their children, and the strange experience of beginning to grieve someone while they are still beside you. Now, a year after Steph’s death, Ross is navigating life as a widowed dad while keeping her firmly present in the lives of the children she loved so fiercely. This is a conversation about love, anger, anticipatory grief, fatherhood and the enormous adjustment of building a life you never expected to be living.

Content warning: death, sudden bereavement, traumatic injury, ICU, children’s grief and legal proceedings. When Louise Liddell’s husband John cycled off to play five-a-side football one evening, there was no reason to think he wouldn’t be coming home. But later that night, Louise was woken by flashing lights and a knock at the door. John had been hit by a bus while cycling home and had suffered catastrophic brain injuries. In this episode of Widowed AF, Louise joins Rosie to talk about the 18 extraordinary days that followed, the limbo of ICU, being told John had died at the roadside and been brought back, and the impossible reality of trying to prepare their two young boys for the possibility that their dad wasn’t going to survive. But this is also a story about the life that came before. Louise shares how she and John met on a 2:10am train, how a 12-minute journey turned into a life together, and the decade they spent growing up alongside one another before becoming parents. She remembers John as the content one, the hands-on dad who rearranged his working life around school runs, football and family, and the enormous hole his death left behind. Louise and Rosie talk candidly about taking children into ICU, the very different ways children process trauma and grief, withdrawing life support and the days of waiting that followed. And then there is everything that comes after a sudden death like John’s. Louise describes the police investigations, press intrusion, CPS decisions, coroner’s court and civil proceedings that repeatedly pulled her back into the circumstances of John’s death. She also talks about challenging language she felt blamed John, her fight for accountability and how she has channelled some of her anger into campaigning for road safety. This is a conversation about traumatic loss, but also about love, parenting, anger, injustice and what it means to begin living again when the life you knew changed in a single night.

Natalie was just two years old when her mum, Elaine, died by suicide at only 26. She grew up without memories of her mum and, perhaps even harder, without anyone really talking about her. Natalie learned very young that her mum was a subject best avoided. She didn’t even discover how she had died until she was 13. In this incredibly open conversation, Natalie talks to Rosie about what that silence did to her. The anger. The risk-taking. The desperate need to understand where she came from. The years spent searching for someone to blame, including her mum, her dad and eventually herself. Becoming a mother brought much of that buried grief crashing back to the surface. When her own children reached the age she had been when Elaine died, Natalie became terrified that history might somehow repeat itself. Years later, during an extraordinarily dark period in her own life, Natalie attempted to take her own life. Surviving changed something. For the first time, she began to understand how her mum might have reached a place where dying felt like the only option. And with that understanding came forgiveness, not just for Elaine, but eventually for herself. Rosie and Natalie talk candidly about maternal suicide, addiction, shame, motherhood, inherited trauma and the complicated reality of loving someone who died by suicide. They also explore the enormous pressure placed on those left behind to spot the “signs”, the fear many parents have about asking for help when they are struggling, and what happens when the support people desperately need simply isn’t there. They also talk about children. When do you tell a child that their parent died by suicide? What words do you use? How do you give them the truth without making that truth something frightening or shameful? Natalie was raised in silence. She has chosen to raise her own children very differently. And after growing up feeling as though her mum had almost been erased, she made herself a promise: people would know her name. Her name was Elaine. This is a raw, funny, painful and deeply important conversation about what suicide leaves behind, how grief can echo through generations, and what can happen when we finally start talking about the things families have been too frightened to say out loud. TikTok: @therantingmaInstagram: @natalie_rantingma Support CALM Widowed AF is currently fundraising for CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) and its work to prevent suicide and support those affected by it. Rosie’s JustGiving page:https://www.justgiving.com/page/rosie-moss-1 Find out more about CALM and access support:https://www.thecalmzone.net/ Content warning: This episode contains detailed discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts and a suicide attempt, as well as alcohol misuse and difficult childhood experiences. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.

Say the Word: Suicide, Survival & the People Left Behind with CALM’s Michael Jarvis What happens when we stop being afraid to say the word suicide? This week, Rosie is joined by Michael Jarvis from CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) for a conversation about suicide, the people left behind, and why talking openly could help save a life. Michael comes to the conversation from both sides. He works in suicide prevention, but he also knows the devastation of suicide loss personally. In 2016, his close friend Matt died by suicide at just 23. Matt was the loud one, the funny one, the friend who filled a room and grabbed life by the horns. His death landed like a bomb in their friendship group and changed the course of Michael’s life. Rosie and Michael talk about the questions that can haunt those left behind: Were there signs? Should I have known? Could I have done something? They explore the guilt, anger, confusion and isolation that can make suicide bereavement so uniquely complicated, as well as the unexpected ways grief can reshape friendships and futures. They also tackle one of the biggest fears around suicide: if we ask someone directly whether they are suicidal, could we put the idea into their head? Michael explains why asking the question can instead create a safe space for someone to tell the truth, and why you don't need to be a mental health professional to notice that something isn't right, start a conversation and help someone find support. From talking side-by-side rather than face-to-face, to choosing the right moment, creating a safety plan and knowing what to do if somebody says, “Actually, no, I'm not okay,” this is a practical conversation as much as an emotional one. Michael also shares the tools and support available through CALM for people experiencing suicidal thoughts, those worried about someone they love, and those bereaved by suicide. And, because this is still Widowed AF, there is dark humour, marathon chat, an unexpected cat appearance and plenty of swearing along the way. Most importantly, this episode is about bringing suicide out of the darkness and into conversation. Because sometimes asking an uncomfortable question could be the beginning of somebody feeling less alone. Support CALM Throughout September, Widowed AF is taking part in CALM’s Stay Tuned campaign, raising money to support its suicide prevention work. If you’d like to donate, you can support Rosie’s fundraiser here: Rosie’s CALM fundraiser:https://www.justgiving.com/page/rosie-moss-1 For information, practical resources and support from CALM: CALM:https://www.thecalmzone.net/ Content warning: This episode contains frank discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts and suicide bereavement. If you are affected by anything discussed, please seek support. In an immediate emergency, call 999.