The Nope Coach

There's a moment that doesn't get talked about enough. It comes after you start saying no. After you stop over-explaining. After you stop contorting yourself to keep everyone comfortable. At first, it feels powerful. Liberating. Like finally exhaling. Then it gets weird. You feel untethered. Hollow. Disoriented. You start wondering who you even are without being the reliable one, the fixer, the emotional glue. This is the identity hangover. In this episode, I unpack: Why people-pleasing is an identity, not just a habit. The strange emptiness that shows up when old patterns fall away. Why that discomfort means you are doing it right. How to navigate the messy middle without running back to overgiving. If you are in that tender in-between phase, this episode is for you. If this episode hits somewhere tender, you might feel very at home inside The Done Era, my community for recovering people-pleasers who are done abandoning themselves.

Being "easy to be around" is often praised. But for many of us, it's not a personality trait. It's a survival strategy. In this episode, I talk about the quiet, socially acceptable ways self-abandonment shows up in everyday life, how it slowly drains your energy and clarity, and why guilt appears when you start choosing yourself. This is not about fixing yourself. It's about naming what's been happening. If you're tired of putting yourself last to keep the peace, this conversation is for you. If you want to keep exploring this work in a real, human way, The Done Era is where these conversations continue.

This episode came straight out of a moment inside The Done Era community. We played an A to Z game where everyone named something they were completely done with, and the responses turned into a collective manifesto I haven't been able to stop thinking about. It was honest, cathartic, a little spicy, and a full body exhale for so many of us. Inside this episode I share: Our community's unfiltered A to Z of things we are done with. Why naming what you're done with can feel like dropping a backpack you didn't know you were carrying. How letting go of something often opens new kinds of connection. The freedom that comes from choosing yourself without justification. My hope is that hearing these back to back gives you the same permission it gave us. The kind that whispers hey, you're allowed to put that down. You're allowed to change. You're allowed to choose yourself without giving anyone a five point essay. If something inside you nods along or exhales while you listen, take that as your sign. Your done era starts with naming what you're done with, and if you want more of this energy in your corner, here's the link to join The Done Era community. If you'd love to be a guest on The Nope Coach, I'd love to hear from you. The only way I'm currently accepting guest inquiries is through PodMatch, so use this link to send your pitch.

In this episode, I'm talking about the part of growth nobody glamorises online. Not the breakthroughs. Not the wins. The bruise pokes. The moments where stretching into something new lights up the oldest, rawest stories you thought you'd already healed. In this episode I discuss: Why growth often reactivates old abandonment and rejection wounds. How your body confuses present-day expansion with past danger. Why tenderness doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. The myth of "if I were confident enough, this wouldn't bother me." How to meet the bruise without shrinking, spiralling, or fixing. Simple ways to soothe the younger parts of you that panic when things get bigger. This is a grounded, real conversation about the messy emotional underbelly of transformation. If you've ever wondered why getting what you want can still feel wobbly, raw, or "too much," this one's for you. Come tell me in The Done Era where is growth poking your old bruise right now?

We glorify finishing, the neat endings, the polished goodbyes, the stories that wrap up with a bow. But most endings aren't neat. They're quiet, messy, or gut-wrenching. This episode is for the part of you that knows something's done, but keeps hoping you can fix it, revive it, or make it pretty. Whether it's a job, a friendship, a creative project, or a whole identity, there's a moment when you realise: "If it costs me peace, it's already too expensive." In this episode I discuss: The myth of the tidy ending (and why we chase it). The moment you know you're done, not when it's over, but when it's draining you. How to hold the grief tangled up with the relief. Why letting go is the most honest kind of self-respect. You'll leave this one feeling lighter and maybe ready to finally call DONE on something that's been weighing you down. If this hits, join me live for my next workshop "Done Is a Decision" inside The Done Era where we talk about how to spot when something's run its course and how to let it go without guilt.