Ever felt like the bedroom turned into a stage and you forgot your lines? We sat down with men’s coach Shay Doran to explore why performance anxiety is so common, how it hijacks the body’s physiology and what it really takes to restore ease, desire and connection. Shay’s lived experience brings rare honesty to a topic many couples avoid: erection challenges, premature or delayed ejaculation and the shame-laced stories that grow around them.We trace the roots where they often begin—early pressure to perform, moments of sexual shame, and the dopamine flood of porn that trains the brain to expect instant novelty and zero rejection. Shay explains the science in plain terms: calm parasympathetic tone helps you get and keep an erection, while healthy sympathetic arousal carries you over into orgasm. When anxiety spikes, blood moves to survival systems, not genitals, and everything gets harder, literally and figuratively. Pills can boost firmness, but they don’t create calm but mindset and nervous system skills do the heavy lifting.This conversation is practical and relational. We talk about how partners can respond without blame, why appreciation and non-goal touch rebuild trust, and how communication outside the bedroom fuels desire inside it. We look at the “performance anxiety loop”—a cycle of bad experiences, anxious questions and fixed beliefs—and how to break it with clearer understanding, slower pacing and more presence. Along the way, we unpack why “duty sex” deadens desire and how shifting from proving to feeling turns sex into lovemaking again.If you or your partner are navigating erection anxiety or intimacy that feels stuck, this episode offers relief, language and next steps. Check the show notes for Shay’s YouTube channel and a free 10‑question performance anxiety quiz to map your personal triggers. If this helped, follow the show, share it with a friend and leave a quick review to help more couples find their way back to connection.Find Shay Doran on Youtube: www.youtube.com/@shay-doranTake the quiz: https://shay-doran.com/free-quiz/Here's his website: shay-doran.comThankyou for listening, if you liked it, please remember to subscribe.Join our Private "Thriving relationships - Deepening connection to self and others" community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1107209283451758/Website: https://michaelandamy.com.au/Join our free 7 day relationship challenge: https://michaelandamy.com.au/free-relationship-challengeIf you would like to book in a private discovery call with us, here is the link: https://michaelandamy.com.au/call