<p>I’ve tried to have this conversation with men over the years, with little reception. It hasn’t exactly been a sexy topic. I tried softening my approach. Yet, the more I tried to make my language ‘palatable’ around the need to look at the structure and mechanics of patriarchy objectively, the more my message got lost and diluted. I started to notice the amount of coddling toward men that was being done by myself and other women on this topic, which is another way of prioritizing male-bias and comfort at the expense of others. So I’m back to addressing the elephant in the room, because women (as a bloc) have reached their limit on feeling unsupported, disbelieved, invalidated, pushed aside. Women are not waiting for men to create a safer and healthier world for ourselves and children anymore, but we hope to not leave them behind. </p><p>These days, I’m finding new ways to invite men into this conversation. Instead of tip-toeing, I’m looking for the ones who have grown their capacity to hold complex feelings, who don’t take criticism of patriarchy as a personal attack, and who have done some level of emotional work on themselves to be able to venture into the wilderness of what is typically very charged and defensive territory. In fact, I won’t have this conversation with men who haven’t done some level of self-reflection and emotional work. Enough to create a safe starting point. </p><p>I recently came across a content creator on Instagram who was speaking so clearly, so cleanly, so eloquently about patriarchy…. from a man’s perspective. His name is Owen Squires and he has been on a ‘deconstruction journey’ over the past several years. While it can be frustrating to feel that men only listen when they are about to lose something of great value (like a relationship) or when another man calls out the same thing women have been saying for years — I welcome this commentary from him and other men. Not only does it create safe space for more people to enter this journey, but hearing these words come from a man is incredibly healing for women on a societal and cultural level. It’s a great start to begin solving bigger problems together. </p><p>As I say in the episode, I don’t want to sit around and deconstruct patriarchy the rest of my life. I want to get onto the fun part! But this step can’t be skipped. In order to get to the good stuff (greater connection, love, and intimacy), we’ve gotta heal old grievances to the extent that it restores wholeness and relationship balance. These things do not happen linearly, but rather in relationship to one another. That’s how relationship repair works. They are parallel paths that have the potential to move us all forward in healthier ways. </p><p>I’d love to know what you thought of the episode, and if you’re a man who wants to have a similar conversation, please reach out. I honor your experience, and talking about it in community is part of how we heal generational cycles together. Thank you for listening. </p> <br/><br/>Get full access to Relationship Health Club ✵ Regenerative Relationships at <a href="https://melissabelongea.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_4">melissabelongea.substack.com/subscribe</a>